人生不設限·選擇A級態(tài)度
Notice that Chuck and Linda both chose attitudes that allowed them to rise above difficult circumstances, but they chose slightly different types of attitudes. Linda chose to be grateful rather than bitter. Chuck chose to take action rather than giving up. There are many attitudes to choose from, but I believe the most powerful are:
1.感恩的態(tài)度;
1. An attitude of gratitude
2.行動的態(tài)度;
2.An attitude of action
3.同理的態(tài)度;
3. An attitude of empathy
4.寬恕的態(tài)度。
4. An attitude of forgiveness
1.感恩的態(tài)度
1. An Attitude of Gratitude
這是琳達在車禍受傷后所采取的態(tài)度。她沒有哀悼自己所失去的，而是對她重新找到的事物與建立起來的生活表達感激。我非常相信感恩的力量。演講時，我常常提到我的小左腳，雖然我總是拿它開點兒玩笑，但我其實對這只小左腳滿懷感激。我用它來控制輪椅的操縱桿，打電腦兩分鐘可以打四十幾個字，在鍵盤樂器和電子鼓上玩音樂，還可以操作手機里所有的應用程式。
This is the attitude that Linda unleashed to deal with her injuries from the auto crash. Instead of mourning what she'd lost, she expressed gratitude for what she'd recovered and the life she'd built. I'm a big believer in the power of gratitude. In my speaking I often refer to my little left foot. I do that to put my audiences at ease because they can see my unusual appendage. I joke about it, but I have learned to be very grateful for it. I use it to control my wheelchair joystick, to type on a computer at more than forty words a minute, to play music on my keyboards and digital drum set, and to operate all the applications on my cell phone.
感恩的態(tài)度也會吸引那些感受到你的熱情、支持你的夢想的人。有時候，這些人能以讓人驚訝的方式鼓舞你，改變你的生命。小時候，媽媽經(jīng)常念書給我聽，《我愛的上帝》是我最喜歡的書之一。媽媽第一次讀這個故事給我聽，是在我6歲時。在那之前，我不認識其他沒手沒腳的人，所以沒有可以學習的典范。而這本由瓊妮·艾瑞克森·塔達(Joni Eareckson Tada)所寫的書鼓勵了我，也幫助我建立了感恩態(tài)度的基礎。
The attitude of gratitude also attracts people who share your enthusiasm and support your dreams. Sometimes these people have the power to inspire you and to change your life in amazing ways. My mum often read to me as a child, and one of my favorite books was The God I Love. I was about six years old when she first read it to me. At that time I didn't know of any other person born without arms and legs. I had no role models who looked like me and had the same challenges. This book, which I still think of often, inspired me and helped build the foundation for an attitude of gratitude because it was written by Joni Eareckson Tada.
瓊妮是個游泳和馬術選手，17歲時，就在她大學第一學期開始的幾個星期前，她在跳水進入湖中時折斷了脖子。那次意外發(fā)生在1967年，她的脖子以下全部癱瘓。瓊妮在書中提到，她曾經(jīng)因為癱瘓而絕望到想自殺，但最后她想通了：“這不是宇宙丟擲的銅板，也不是命運的輪盤，而是上帝對我人生計劃的一部分。”
Joni (pronounced Johnny) was an athletic seventeen-year-old swimmer and equestrian from Maryland who was just a few weeks away from her first semester of college when she broke her neck while diving into a lake. She was paralyzed from the neck down in that 1967 accident. In her book she wrote about her initial despair and thoughts of suicide because of her paralysis, but eventually she came to believe that "it wasn't some flip of the coin in the cosmos, some turn in the universe's roulette wheel. It was part of God's plan for me."
我很愛這本書，后來媽媽又買了瓊妮的歌唱CD給我，這是我第一次聽到“我們都有車”這樣的歌詞。瓊妮的歌里提到在輪椅上有多好玩，還告訴大家“沒有人是完美的”。小時候，我會一次又一次地播放這些歌曲，到今天沒事時還會哼上兩句，因此你可以想象，當我第一次受邀去拜訪瓊妮時，會有多驚訝了。
I loved that book, and then my mum bought a CD of Joni's songs, which were the first I'd ever heard with lyrics about how "we've all got wheels" and how much fun you could have in a wheelchair and how "nobody's perfect." I played those tapes over and over as a child in Australia, and I still catch myself humming them today. You can imagine how amazing it was when I was invited to meet Joni for the first time.
2003年，我應邀到美國加州一所教會演講，結(jié)束之后，一位替瓊妮工作的年輕女性過來自我介紹，并邀請我去瓊妮的慈善基金會——“瓊妮與朋友們”。
I was visiting the United States in 2003 to speak at a church in California. After my talk a young woman who worked for Joni introduced herself and invited me to come to the headquarters for her charitable organization, Joni and Friends, in Agoura Hills.
拜訪時，看到瓊妮進到房間來，我都快暈了。她傾身給我一個擁抱，這真是偉大的時刻。而因為四肢麻痹，瓊妮的身體沒什么力氣，所以向我靠過來之后，她就沒辦法把身體拉回輪椅里。于是，我自覺地用自己的身體輕輕把瓊妮推回去。
During my visit I was star-struck when she came into the room. She leaned in to give me a hug, and we had this great moment. Joni doesn't have much body strength because of her quadriplegia, so when she leaned in to me she had trouble pulling her body back into her wheelchair. Instinctively, I used my body to give her a gentle push backward into her chair.
“你很強壯。”她說道。
"You're very strong!" she said.
當然，這話讓我很激動。這位女士在我小時候給了我力量、希望與信心，而她現(xiàn)在說我很強壯!瓊妮提到，一開始她也跟我一樣，為身體上的缺陷所苦。她曾經(jīng)考慮要駕著輪椅從一座很高的橋上摔下去，就此結(jié)束生命，但又擔心這樣只會傷了腦子，然后讓人生變得更悲慘。最后，她選擇禱告：“上帝啊，如果我死不了，請讓我知道如何活下去。”
I was thrilled to hear that, of course. This amazing woman who had given me strength and faith and hope as a child was telling me that I was strong. Joni shared that, like me, she struggled with her disability at first. She considered driving her wheelchair off a high bridge but worried that she would only injure her brain and make her life even more miserable. Finally, she prayed, God, if I can't die, show me how to live.
意外發(fā)生后不久，朋友給了瓊妮某節(jié)《圣經(jīng)》經(jīng)文的影本，上面寫著：“凡事謝恩，因為這是神在基督耶穌里向你們所定的旨意。”[16]瓊妮那時還沒有很深的信仰，對癱瘓一事仍懷著憤怒與挫折感，因此對這節(jié)經(jīng)文很不以為然。
Shortly after that accident, a friend gave Joni a copy of a Bible verse that says, "In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God and Christ Jesus concerning you." Joni was not deeply religious at the time. She was still angry and frustrated over her paralysis and she wasn't buying that message.
“你應該是在開玩笑吧?”瓊妮說道，“我怎么可能對此心存感激?不可能。”
"You can't be serious," Joni said. "I don't feel thankful for this. No way."
她的朋友告訴她不必對癱瘓感恩，她只要來個180度的轉(zhuǎn)彎，對即將到來的祝福心懷感激就可以了。
Her friend told her that she didn't have to feel thankful for being paralyzed. All she had to do was to take a leap of faith and give thanks for the blessings to come.
那個時候，要瓊妮認同這一點實在很難。她覺得自己是個受害者，說自己是“一場可怕跳水意外的受害人”。一開始，瓊妮因為自己四肢麻痹而責怪每一個人，除了她自己。她要大家付出代價，她控告、苛求，甚至責怪父母把她生到這個世界來讓她癱瘓。
It was hard for Joni to buy into that concept. At that point she felt like a victim, and that's what she called herself, "a victim of a terrible diving accident." At first she blamed everyone but herself for her quadriplegia, and she wanted everyone to pay. She sued. She demanded. She even blamed her parents for bringing her into a world in which she could become paralyzed.
瓊妮覺得全世界都欠她，因為她無法再使用手和腳。最后她了解到，受害者情結(jié)是個很好的逃避之處，每個人都可以聲稱自己是這個或那個不幸的受害者——有些人因為出身貧寒，有些則是因為父母離婚，或是身體不好、工作不順、不夠瘦、不夠高、不夠美麗，而覺得自己是受害者。
Joni felt the world owed her something because she'd lost the use of her arms and legs. She eventually came to realize that victim-hood is an easy place to hide. We can all claim to be the victims of one misfortune or another. Some people feel like victims because they were born into poverty. Others claim to be victims because their parents are divorced, or they have poor health, or bad jobs, or they aren't as thin or as tall or as beautiful as they want to be.
當我們覺得有權享受生命中的美好時，一旦發(fā)生了讓人覺得不舒服的事，我們會有被剝奪、被傷害的感受，接著就會責怪他人，無論如何就是要他們?yōu)槲覀兊睦Э嘭撠?。在一種以自我為中心的心態(tài)下，我們成了“職業(yè)受害人”。然而，“憐憫大會”是最冗長煩人、沒有生產(chǎn)力又沒有營養(yǎng)的活動，你只能不斷聽到“可憐、可憐、我好可憐”，這會讓你焦躁不已，只想跑去躲起來。
When we feel entitled to the good in life, we feel robbed and outraged when something happens to make us uncomfortable. We then look to blame others and demand that they pay for our discomfort, whatever it might be. In a self-centered state of mind, we become professional victims. Yet pity parties are the most tedious, unproductive, and unrewarding events you could ever attend. You can only listen to "Poor, Poor Pitiful Me" so many times before you want to tear your hair out and run for cover.
你應該像瓊妮一樣，放下受害者的角色，因為這個角色沒有未來。瓊妮認為，受苦將人帶到交叉路口，我們可以選擇向下走到絕望之處，或者采取感恩的態(tài)度，往上走向希望。一開始，你或許覺得心存感激很困難，但只要下定決心不再當受害者，并且一天一天執(zhí)行，力量終究會來到。如果你就是沒辦法找到任何值得感謝的事，那就把焦點放在前方的好日子，提前感恩。這樣做可以幫助你建立樂觀的感受，讓你的心思擺脫過去，展望未來。
Like Joni, you should reject the victim role because there is no future in it. She says that suffering brings us to a fork in the road, and we can choose the downward path to despair or we can take the hopeful path up the hill by adopting an attitude of gratitude. You may find it difficult at first to be grateful, but if you just decide not to be a victim and take it day by day, strength will come. If you can't find any aspect of your situation to be grateful for, then focus on good days ahead and express gratitude in advance. This will help build a sense of optimism while getting your mind off the past and looking toward the future.
瓊妮發(fā)現(xiàn)，扮演受害者只會把她往下拖，而且比癱瘓拖得更深。但是，感激已經(jīng)領受和即將領受的祝福，則會鼓舞你。這樣的態(tài)度可以改變你的生命，就像它曾經(jīng)改變瓊妮和我一樣。我們不再因身體缺陷而憤怒、怨恨，而是建立起喜樂、滿足的人生。
Joni discovered that playing the victim only dragged her down further than her paralysis had taken her, but being thankful for the blessings you have and the blessings to come raises you up. That attitude can change your life just as it has changed Joni's and mine. Instead of being angry and resentful over our disabilities, we've built joyful and fulfi lling lives.
感恩的態(tài)度確實改變了瓊妮的生命，然后她回過頭來幫助我和許多看過她激勵人心的暢銷書和DVD的人，讓我們的生命也改變了。她的基金會推動了一項計劃，在全球102個國家免費分送了六萬多把輪椅以及數(shù)千根拐杖和助步器給身障者。
An attitude of gratitude truly changed her life, and she in turn helped change my life and the lives of so many others who have been helped by her best-selling inspirational books and DVDs. Her Joni and Friends nonprofit organization operates Wheels for the World, a program that has distributed more than sixty thousand free wheelchairs, not to mention thousands of crutches, canes, and walkers, to disabled people in 102 countries.
瓊妮四肢麻痹，我則是沒手沒腳，然而，我們都找到了人生的目的，并且追求它。我們擁抱希望而不是絕望，相信上帝與未來;我們接受自己并不完美，但擁有很棒的祝福;我們選擇以感恩啟動正面態(tài)度，并將正面態(tài)度化為行動，改變自己和別人的生命。
Joni is a quadriplegic. I have no arms and no legs. Yet we each found a purpose and pursued it. We embraced hope over despair. We put our faith in God and the future. We accepted that we are imperfect human beings with blessings of value. We chose positive attitudes fueled with gratitude, and we put them into action to change our lives and the lives of others.
這不是勵志海報，而是事實。借由選擇感恩的態(tài)度，而不是受害者情結(jié)、苦澀或絕望的態(tài)度，你也可以克服任何挑戰(zhàn)。但如果你覺得感恩很難，那還有其他對你或許有效的方法。
That's not a poster—it's the truth. By choosing an attitude of gratitude over one of victimhood or bitterness or despair, you too can overcome whatever challenges you face. But if you find gratitude hard to come by, there are other approaches that might work for you.
2.行動的態(tài)度
2. An Attitude of Action
泰比莎的身障狀況跟我很類似，然而她說：“我一直覺得自己得到很多祝福，因此必須償還宇宙一些。”她的行動派態(tài)度讓她和家人開始制作“禮物包”，分送給重癥和肢障兒童，以及收容所里的孩子。
Tabitha has disabilities similar to mine, yet she wrote, "I've always felt blessed and because of this I needed to give back to the universe." Her attitude of action led her and her family to start their own mission to create "goody bags" for children with major illnesses and disabilities and for those living in homeless shelters.
有時你會發(fā)現(xiàn)，讓自己擺脫陳規(guī)舊習或困境最好的辦法，就是為自己或他人創(chuàng)造更美好的生活。蘇格拉底說：“讓世界動起來之前，先讓自己動起來。”如果你抓不到好運氣，就自己創(chuàng)造一個。當你被巨大的損失或悲劇擊倒時，給自己一段悲傷的時間，然后采取行動，從壞事中創(chuàng)造出好事來。
Sometimes the best method you'll find for moving your life out of a rut or over an obstacle is to make life better for yourself or for others. Socrates said, "Let him that would move the world, move himself first." When it seems like you can't catch a break, try creating your own. When you've been hit and knocked down by an overwhelming loss or tragedy, allow yourself time to grieve, and then act to create some good out of the bad.
行動的態(tài)度會創(chuàng)造正面動能，第一步無疑最難。站起來離開舒適區(qū)，一開始似乎不太可能，然而一旦起身，就能前進，而只要前進，你就走上了脫離過去的路，邁向未來。就這樣一步一步往前吧。如果你失去了某人或某物，就去幫助另一個人或做另一件事，當作紀念和致敬之意。
Adopting an attitude of action creates positive momentum. The first steps are the hardest, no doubt about it. Just getting up out of bed may seem impossible at first, but once you are up, you can move forward, and as long as you are moving forward, you are on a path away from the past and toward the future. Go with that. Move ahead step by step. If you've lost someone or something, help someone else or build something else to serve as a memorial and tribute.
最具毀滅性的經(jīng)歷之一是失去所愛。失去家人、摯友所引發(fā)的悲慟，會讓我們陷入癱瘓。除了可能因為愛過他們、認識他們、與他們相處過而感到欣慰之外，這樣的狀況沒有可以感謝的地方。失去摯愛的痛讓人無法忍受，甚至陷入癱瘓。這種痛不可能事先打預防針，然而也有人將哀痛化為行動，讓失去變成善的力量。
One of the most devastating experiences is the loss of a loved one. Losing a family member or a friend triggers grief that can cripple us. Other than perhaps being glad for having loved them and known them and had time with them, there is little to be grateful for in such situations. Nothing prepares us for the grief that can overwhelm and even paralyze us. Still, some take action so that their terrible loss becomes a force for good.
凱蒂·萊納(Candy Lightner)是個知名的例子。在13歲的女兒死于一場酒駕車禍之后，凱蒂將自己的憤怒和痛苦轉(zhuǎn)為行動，成立了“反酒后駕車媽媽”組織，這個組織通過積極行動與教育計劃，拯救了許多人的生命。
A well-known example is Candy Lightner, who channeled her anger and anguish into action after her thirteen-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver. She founded Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), which undoubtedly has saved many lives through its activism and education programs.
當悲劇襲來，我們會想要逃到某個地方大哭，希望心碎的感覺終有一天會減輕。然而有許多像泰比莎、瓊妮和凱蒂這樣的人，她們采取的是行動的態(tài)度，相信即使人生最慘烈的悲劇也能提供做好事的機會?？柹?middot;萊斯利(Carson Leslie)就是這樣一個不可思議的人。我遇見他時，他16歲，但已經(jīng)和癌癥搏斗了兩年。這位年輕的運動新秀擁有明亮的笑容，他的夢想是擔任紐約洋基隊的游擊手。14歲時，他被診斷得了腦瘤，并且已經(jīng)擴散到脊椎，所以接受了手術、放療和化療。治療過后，他的癌癥進入緩解期，然后又復發(fā)了。
When tragedies strike us or those we love, the temptation is to go off somewhere and cry, hoping that eventually the heartbreak will ease one day. Yet many people like Tabitha, Joni Eareckson Tada, and Candy Lightner have taken attitudes of action. They believe that even the worst tragedy in their lives can provide opportunities for good deeds. An incredible example of this sort of person is Carson Leslie in Dallas. He was sixteen years old when I met him, but he had been battling cancer for two years already. This young star athlete with a brilliant smile, whose dream had been to play shortstop for the New York Yankees, was just fourteen when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor that had spread to his spine. He underwent surgeries, radiation, and chemotherapy. His cancer went into remission. Then it came back.
盡管經(jīng)歷了這一切，卡爾森還是盡力做個正常的孩子，過正常的生活。他經(jīng)常提到他最愛的一節(jié)《圣經(jīng)》經(jīng)文，那是《約書亞記》第2章第9節(jié)：“我豈沒有吩咐你嗎?你當剛強壯膽!不要懼怕，也不要驚惶，因為你無論往哪里去，耶和華——你的上帝必與你同在。”
Through it all Carson did his best to be a normal kid, living a normal life. He often spoke of his favorite Bible verse, which someone had given him just after he was diagnosed. It's Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
卡爾森說這不是他的“癌癥經(jīng)文”，而是他的“生命經(jīng)文”。
Carson was quick to say that this Bible verse was not his "cancer verse" but his "life verse."
“無論我能活多久，我都希望這節(jié)經(jīng)文出現(xiàn)在我的墓碑上。當人們經(jīng)過我的墳墓時，我要他們讀到這節(jié)經(jīng)文，想想它如何幫助我度過生命中的種種掙扎，也希望大家知道這節(jié)經(jīng)文可以給他們安慰，就像我所得到的一樣。”卡爾森在他的書《扶持我》里面這樣寫道。
"No matter how long I live, I want this verse on my tombstone. And when people visit my grave, I want them to read the verse and think about how it got me through my struggles in life, and I hope others will see that this verse can offer them the same kind of comfort it gives me," Carson wrote in his book, Carry Me.
這位不可思議的勇敢少年和他的英文老師一起完成這本書，為的是“替那些罹患癌癥，卻無法表達這樣的疾病如何影響他們的青少年與兒童發(fā)聲”。書剛出版，卡爾森就過世了，書的版稅被用來成立卡爾森·萊斯利基金會，支持兒童癌癥的研究。
This incredibly brave boy wrote the book with his English teacher to "give a voice to the teenagers and children who have cancer but are unable to express how such an illness affects their personal, social, physical and emotional life." Carson died on January 12, 2010, just as his book was being released. Proceeds go to the Carson Leslie Foundation in support of pediatric cancer research.
這個年輕人多么無私啊。縱使病重又疲倦，他還是把人生最后的日子用來寫書，以鼓勵和幫助別人。我很喜歡他在書末寫的一段文字：“沒有人知道生命為我們預備了些什么……但如果你知道勇氣來自上帝，就很容易有勇氣。”
How unselfish this young man was. Though he was sick and weary, he spent his final days working on a book to encourage and benefit others. I love too that the final words in his book are these: "None of us know what life has in store . . . but it's easy to have courage when you know the courage comes from God."
我是通過一位珠寶商比爾·諾寶跟卡爾森碰面的。比爾有虔誠的信仰，常常邀請我到他的教會和其他團體演講。比爾的孩子跟卡爾森念同一所學校，他把我們湊在一起，稱我和卡爾森是“天國的兩位將軍”，不過已經(jīng)被解除武裝了[17]。
I met Carson through Dallas jeweler Bill Noble, a man of deep faith who has often invited me to speak to his church congregation and other groups. Bill's children went to school with Carson, and he brought us together. He called us both "generals in the Kingdom of God."
除了消遣我之外，比爾經(jīng)常強調(diào)要讓活著的每一秒都有意義，并且留給世人一些東西，就像卡爾森所做的一樣——即使他還那么年輕。比爾常說：“上帝并沒有依照一個人在世的樣子來定義他，就像《約翰福音》第6章第63節(jié)所說的：‘叫人活著的乃是靈，肉體是無益的。我對你們所說的話就是靈，就是生命。’”
Aside from teasing me about being "disarming," Bill often stresses the importance of leaving a legacy and making every second count just as Carson did, even at such a young age. Bill used to tell Carson something he'd also told me many times. "God does not define man by his earthly body. As it says in John 6:63: ‘The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.' "
3.同理的態(tài)度
3. An Attitude of Empathy
如果行動的態(tài)度超出你的能力，你還有另一個選擇，一個來自內(nèi)心的選擇。
If an attitude of action seems beyond your ability, there is yet another option, one that comes from the heart.
年紀愈大、人生經(jīng)驗愈豐富之后，我了解到當年我之所以會有自殺的念頭，其中一個關鍵因素就是我經(jīng)常以自我為中心。我認為沒有人承受過像我一樣的身心痛苦與挫折。那時，我的注意力全放在自己的境況上。
As I grew more mature and my range of experience expanded, I realized that one of the key factors leading to my thoughts of suicide as a boy was the fact that I was terribly self-centered. I actually believed that no one suffered the emotional pain and physical frustration that I did. My focus was entirely on my own circumstances.
長大一些之后，我的心態(tài)有了很明顯的改進，了解到其實世界上還有許多人的遭遇跟我一樣，甚至面臨比我更大的挑戰(zhàn)。于是，我開始以更大的同理心去鼓勵別人。2009年我去澳大利亞訪問時，有位兩歲半的小女孩就展現(xiàn)了令人動容的同理心。小女孩是我朋友的女兒，我之前從來沒見過。她跟著父母親來參加我們的聚會，有好一陣子，她一直對我保持距離，在遠處仔細研究我，就像一般小孩常有的舉動。當她的父母準備離開時，我問這個小可愛能不能給我個擁抱。
My attitude improved considerably when I grew up a little and realized that many have challenges equal to and greater than my own. When I acknowledged that, I began to reach out to offer encouragement to others with far more empathy. The young daughter of a family friend provided me with a very moving display of empathy on a visit to Australia in 2009. I'd never met the girl, who was only two and a half years old. They'd brought her to a party, and for the longest time she kept her distance, studying me from afar as small children often do. Then, as her parents were preparing to leave, I asked this beautiful child if she wanted to give me a hug.
她笑了，小心地靠近我。當走得夠近時，她停下來，看著我的雙眼，然后把雙手往背后折，仿佛表示她跟沒有四肢的我是同一國的。接著她又靠得更近一些，并把頭放在我的肩膀上，用脖子擁抱我，如同她之前看到我做的那樣。在場的每個人都被小女孩對我展現(xiàn)的同理心打動了。我有很多擁抱的經(jīng)驗，但我必須說，這一次的擁抱我永遠忘不掉，這個小女孩真是有認同他人感覺的驚人天賦啊。
She smiled and cautiously stepped toward me. Just as she came close enough, she stopped, looked me in the eye, and slowly folded her arms behind her back as if to show solidarity with my lack of limbs. Then she inched forward a little more and placed her head on my shoulder, hugging me with her neck just as she'd seen me hug others. Everyone in the room was struck by this little girl's incredible display of empathy for me. I've been hugged many times, but I can honestly say I'll never forget that hug, because this tiny child obviously has an amazing gift for relating to the feelings of others.
同理心是很棒的天賦，我鼓勵你把握每一次機會練習并分享，因為它會讓施與受雙方同樣得到治療。遇到困難、悲劇或挑戰(zhàn)時，與其往內(nèi)縮到自己的世界里，不如向外看看四周;與其帶著受傷的心尋求同情，不如去找一個傷得更深、更重的人，然后幫助他治愈傷痛。你當然可以悲傷、痛苦，但你要知道人皆受苦，如果你愿意在這個時候向他人伸出援手，幫助別人，也是一種自我治療。
Empathy is a great gift. I encourage you to practice and share it at every opportunity because it heals those who give, as well as those who receive. When you are confronted with hard times, tragedies, or challenges, instead of looking inward, look to those around you. Instead of feeling wounded and seeking pity, find someone with greater wounds and help them heal. Understand that your grief or pain is legitimate, but suffering is part of the human condition, and reaching out to someone else is a way of healing yourself while helping others heal too.
我的朋友蓋比·墨菲特也深知這一點。蓋比天生手腳畸形，只有七八厘米長，他的指頭沒有骨頭，而且聽力受損。不過，他棒球、籃球、曲棍球、跳繩和打鼓樣樣行，日子過得積極而活躍。
My friend Gabe Murfitt understands this as well as anybody I know. We met when I spoke at the Gather4Him fundraising dinner in Richland, Washington, in 2009. Gabe was born with malformed legs and arms that are just three inches long. His thumbs have no bones in them, and he has a hearing impairment. Somehow, he still manages to be extremely active, playing baseball, basketball, and hockey, jumping rope, and banging away on the drums, among other things.
蓋比在西雅圖附近長大，擁有不屈不撓的精神和巨大的同理心。他6歲開始打少棒聯(lián)盟，目前是華盛頓大學的學生，曾經(jīng)在朋友和家人的支援下，攀登華盛頓州第二高峰——雷尼爾山。盡管有自己的難題要面對，高中時蓋比就開始演講，以激勵其他學生。他演講的主題是“無阻礙”(CLEAR)，所謂“無阻礙”指的是勇氣(courage)、領導(leadership)、卓越(excellence)、態(tài)度(attitude)和尊敬(respect)，這五種特質(zhì)的英文第一個字母加在一起，便成了“無阻礙”這個詞。他和家人還創(chuàng)立了“希望基金會”(http：//www.GabesHope.org)，提供獎學金和各種資助方案給身障者。這就是蓋比出于同理心所做的事。
Gabe, who grew up near Seattle, has an indomitable spirit as well as great empathy. Now a college student at Washington State University, he began playing Little League baseball at the age of six. He once climbed Mount Rainier with a group of friends and family members supporting him. Though he had his own challenges in high school, he began reaching out to other students to inspire them by giving his "CLEAR" speeches on courage, leadership, excellence, attitude, and respect. He and his family created a nonprofit organization to help others with disabilities. Gabriel's Foundation of HOPE (https://www.GabesHope.org) provides scholarships and grants as well as encouragement as a result of Gabe's amazing empathy.
你是否看到蓋比的同理心態(tài)度所擁有的力量?他把焦點從自己的困難中移開，去幫助別人;他將自己肢體障礙所帶來的挑戰(zhàn)轉(zhuǎn)變成由同理心出發(fā)的使命，豐富了自己和無數(shù)人的人生。
Do you see the power in Gabe's attitude of empathy? He took the focus off his challenge and reached out to others. He transformed the challenge of his disabilities into a mission of empathy, enriching his life and those of countless others.
當我前往一些極度貧困和承受巨大苦難的地方時，常常發(fā)現(xiàn)那里的人無論男女老少，憐憫心總是大到不可思議。不久前我去柬埔寨，在潮濕、悶熱的天氣中開了一個很長的會?？煲璧沟奈壹敝仫埖?，想要趕快沖個澡，然后在有空調(diào)的房間里睡個一兩天。
I often am amazed at the way people react to me when I journey into regions of stark poverty and great suffering. I always find men, women, and children who have incredible compassion. Not long ago I was in Cambodia, rushing to get back to my hotel after a long meeting in stifling heat and humidity that made me feel faint. I just wanted to take a shower and sleep for a day or two in an air-conditioned room.
“力克，你可以在離開之前跟這個小朋友講幾句話嗎?”主辦單位說道，“他在外面等了你一整天了。”
"Nick, before we go, would you mind speaking with this child?" my host said. "He has been waiting outside for you all day."
那個男孩比我還矮小，一個人坐在泥地上等著。他身邊的蒼蠅多到形成一塊黑云，頭上不知道是深裂的傷口還是瘡，一只眼睛看起來好像要凸出來，身上則發(fā)出腐壞、骯臟的氣味。
The boy, smaller than me, was alone, sitting in the dirt. Flies swarmed about him in such numbers that they formed a dark cloud. He had a gaping and deep wound or sore on his head. One of his eyes appeared to be popping out. He smelled of decay and filth.
然而，他的眼神卻流露出深深的憐憫。這個孩子對我有那么多的愛與同情，讓我放下急著離開的心情。
Yet there was such compassion in his eyes, so much love and sympathy—for me—that this child put me completely at ease.
他走向我的小輪椅，然后輕輕地把他的頭頂上我的臉頰，試著安撫我。這孩子看起來好像幾天沒吃東西了，似乎是個受過很多苦的孤兒，但他想要向我表達同情，因為他想象我一定吃了很多苦。我感動得眼淚直流。
He walked up close to me in my stroller chair and gently put his head against my cheek, trying to soothe me. This boy looked as though he hadn't eaten for days. He appeared to be an orphan who'd suffered greatly. Yet he wanted to express his empathy for what he imagined was my suffering. I was so touched by him that tears flowed.
我請主辦單位看看能不能幫幫這個孩子，他們答應我會讓他有吃的，有人照顧，還會替他找個睡覺的地方。謝過小男孩、回到車子里之后，我依然無法停止哭泣。那天接下來的時間里，我完全無法好好思考，總是忍不住想，這個小男孩的狀況讓我覺得他很可憐，但他并沒有把注意力放在自己的痛苦上，反而對我表達出深切的同情。
I asked our hosts if there was anything we could do for this boy, and they promised me that they would see that he was fed, cared for, and given a place to sleep, but after thanking him and returning to our vehicle, I honestly could not stop crying. I could not think straight for the rest of the day. I could not get over the fact that here was this boy whom I'd felt sorry for, but he wasn't focused on his suffering. Instead, he had compassion for me.
我不知道這孩子經(jīng)歷了些什么，也不知道他的生活有多艱苦，但我可以告訴你，他的態(tài)度讓人驚奇，因為盡管自己也面臨許多問題，他依然有能力伸出手給人安慰。這種同理心與憐憫心是多么棒的天賦啊。
I don't know what that child had gone through or how difficult his life was. But I can tell you this: his attitude was amazing because despite all his problems, he still had the ability to reach out and comfort others. What a gift to have such empathy and compassion!
當你有受害者情結(jié)，或是覺得自己很可憐時，建議你將態(tài)度調(diào)整為同理心的態(tài)度。你可以伸出援手給有需要的人、助人一臂之力、在收容所擔任義工，或是做別人的良師益友，利用你所承受的痛苦、憤怒或傷害，來幫助你更加理解并減輕別人的苦楚。
When you feel victimized or self-pitying, I encourage you to adjust your attitude to one of empathy. Reach out to someone else in need. Offer a hand. Volunteer at a shelter. Serve as a guide or a mentor. Use your grief or anger or hurt to help you better understand and ease the pain of someone else.
4.寬恕的態(tài)度
4. An Attitude of Forgiveness
想要增加生命的高度，你可以選擇的第四種態(tài)度是寬恕。這可能是最棒，但也是最難學習的態(tài)度，相信我，我真的知道。就像我跟你提過的，小時候有段時間，我無法原諒上帝，因為他犯了一個嚴重的錯：沒有給我四肢。我非常生氣，也陷入責怪他人的行為習慣，寬恕不是我的風格。
The fourth attitude you should consider when looking to increase your altitude is an attitude of forgiveness. This may be the best of all, yet it is also the most difficult to learn. Believe me, I know. As I've told you, for a time in my childhood I could not forgive God for what seemed a gross mistake, my lack of limbs. I was angry and in full blame mode. Forgiveness was not on my screen.
跟我一樣，你也必須經(jīng)歷憤怒和怨恨的階段，然后才能寬恕。這是很自然的反應，但你不會想要緊抓住那些情緒太長的時間，因為不久之后你就會發(fā)現(xiàn)，一直讓憤恨在心中翻滾，只會讓自己受傷。
Like me, you will have to go through a period of anger and resentment to get to forgiveness. That's natural, but you don't want to hang on to those emotions too long because after a while you only hurt yourself by allowing them to boil within your heart.
憤怒沒辦法日夜持續(xù)，就好像如果你一直讓引擎發(fā)動著，車子會壞掉，你的身體也是如此。醫(yī)學研究顯示，一直心懷怒氣和怨恨，會對身心造成壓力，導致免疫力下降，并破壞身體的重要器官。責怪別人還有另一個問題，如果我沒手沒腳是別人的錯，那我就不必為自己的未來負責了。而一旦我下定決心原諒上帝和醫(yī)生，然后讓生命繼續(xù)前進，我在身體和情緒上都感覺更好，并且認為該是我為自己接下來的人生負責的時候了。
Anger was not designed to be an around-the-clock emotion. Like your car, your body breaks down if you keep the engine racing too long. Medical research has shown that harboring anger and resentment for long periods causes physical and psychological stress that weakens your immune system and breaks down your vital organs. And there's another problem with the blame game. As long as my lack of arms and legs was someone else's fault, I didn't have to take responsibility for my own future. Once I made a conscious decision to forgive God and my doctors and move on with my life, I felt better physically and emotionally, and I felt my time had come to take responsibility for the rest of my life.
寬恕的態(tài)度讓我自由。你知道的，緊緊抓著舊傷痛不放，你就只是給那些傷害你的人力量，讓他們控制你?？墒钱斈阍徦麄?，你就切斷了跟這些人的聯(lián)結(jié)，他們就再也不能打擊你。千萬不要以為寬恕他們是放他們一馬，你這樣做不為別的，是為了你自己。
An attitude of forgiveness set me free. You see, when you hold on to old hurts, you only give power and control to those who hurt you, but when you forgive them, you cut the ties to them. They can no longer yank on your chain. Don't get hung up on thinking that by forgiving them you are doing them a favor; if nothing else, do it for yourself.
我原諒了所有嘲笑我、欺負我的孩子。我寬恕他們并不是在赦免他們的錯，而是為了放下憤怒和怨恨的包袱。我愛我自己，我要讓自己自由。
I forgave all of those kids who mocked and teased me. I didn't forgive them to absolve them of guilt. I forgave them to unburden myself of anger and resentment. I like myself. I wanted me to be free.
所以，不必擔心寬恕會讓以往那些對你懷有敵意、傷害你的人好過。享受寬恕帶來的好處吧!一旦采取這個態(tài)度，你的負擔會減輕，如此一來，你就可以去追求自己的夢想，而不會被過去的包袱拖累。
So don't worry about what your forgiveness does for the antagonizers and hurtful people in your past. Just enjoy what forgiving them does for you. Once you've adopted an attitude of forgiveness, you'll lighten your load so that you can chase your dreams without being weighed down by baggage from the past.
寬恕的力量不止可以治療你自己一個人，當南非前總統(tǒng)曼德拉原諒那些讓他坐了27年牢的人時，這個寬恕的態(tài)度所帶來的力量改變了整個國家，并在全世界掀起一陣漣漪。
The power in forgiveness goes beyond healing yourself. When Nelson Mandela forgave those who imprisoned him for twenty-seven years, the power of his attitude changed an entire nation and had a ripple effect around the world.
我在烏克蘭認識一位牧師，他先前舉家遷至俄羅斯一個暴力頻發(fā)的地區(qū)設立教會。當時他計劃開設教會的消息傳出后，幫派分子威脅要對他和他的五個兒子不利，所以牧師就禱告。“上帝告訴我，如果我到那里開設教會，將付出嚴峻的代價，但同時也會有驚人的成果。”他說。
"God told me that I would pay a steep cost for planting my church there, but that something amazing would result too," he said.
盡管遭到恐嚇，牧師還是去設立了教會，但一開始根本沒什么人來。就在牧師打開大門的一個星期后，他的一個兒子當街被殺害。悲慟的牧師再次禱告，尋求上帝的指引，上帝告訴他要繼續(xù)待下來。結(jié)果他兒子死后三個月，牧師在街上被一個長相兇惡的人攔下來，問他：“你想不想見見殺你兒子的那個人?”
Despite the threats, the pastor established his church. At first few people came to his services. Then, just a week after the pastor opened the doors, one of his sons was murdered on the street. The grieving pastor prayed again, asking for God's guidance. God told him to stay with his church. Three months after his son's death, the pastor himself was stopped on the street by a scary-looking guy who said, "Would you like to meet the person who killed your son?"
“不想。”牧師回答。
"No," said the pastor.
“你確定?”那個人說，“如果他是要尋求你的原諒呢?”
"Are you sure?" the man said. "What if he asked your forgiveness?"
“我已經(jīng)原諒他了。”牧師答道。
"I've already forgiven him," the pastor said.
那個人崩潰了，告訴牧師：“我射殺了你的兒子，而我想要加入你的教會。”
"I shot your son," the man said, breaking down. "And I want to join your church."
接下來的幾個星期，這個俄羅斯幫派的許多成員都走進牧師的教會，犯罪活動就從這個地區(qū)消失了。這就是寬恕的力量。當你抱持寬恕的態(tài)度時，會讓各種驚人的能量動起來，而且請記住，這個態(tài)度會讓你也原諒自己。身為基督徒，我知道上帝會寬恕那些尋求他恩惠的人，但人們卻常常不愿意饒恕自己以往所犯的過錯、失誤和放棄的夢想。
In the weeks that followed, so many other members of the Russian mob joined the pastor's church that crime all but disappeared in the area. That is the power of forgiveness. When you have a forgiving attitude, you put into motion all sorts of amazing energy. And remember, this attitude allows you also to forgive yourself. As a Christian, I know that God forgives those who seek his favor, but too often we refuse to forgive ourselves for past mistakes, wrong turns, and abandoned dreams.
自我寬恕跟原諒他人一樣重要。我曾犯過錯，你也是。我們都曾經(jīng)對別人不好，不公平地評論人，也都曾把事情搞砸過。重要的是必須后退一步，承認自己不足、不夠好，向自己傷害過的人道歉，并承諾會改進。然后，就原諒自己，繼續(xù)前進。
Self-forgiveness is just as important as forgiving others. I've made mistakes. So have you. We've treated people badly. We've judged them unfairly. We all mess up. The key is to step back, admit you've fallen short, apologize to the injured parties, make a promise to do better, forgive yourself, and move forward.
這是個你可以依循的態(tài)度。
Now that's an attitude you can live with!
《圣經(jīng)》說，我們種什么就收什么。如果你心里滿是痛苦、憤怒、自憐，而且不愿寬恕，你覺得這些態(tài)度會給你帶來什么?這樣的人生又有什么意思?所以，請拒絕憂郁、悲觀的心情，大量儲存樂觀，為感恩的態(tài)度、行動的態(tài)度、同理心的態(tài)度或?qū)捤〉膽B(tài)度充電。
The Bible tells us that we reap what we sow. If you are bitter, angry, self-pitying, and unforgiving, what do you think those attitudes will get you? What joy is there in a life like that? So reject those dark and pessimistic moods, load up on optimism, and charge up an attitude of gratitude, an attitude of action, an attitude of empathy, or an attitude of forgiveness.
我體驗過改變態(tài)度所產(chǎn)生的力量。我可以告訴你，那種力量改變了我的生命，帶我到達我從未想象過的高度。而它也能帶給你同樣的體驗。
I have experienced the power of changing my attitude, and I can tell you that it changed my life, taking me to heights I never imagined. It can do the same for you!
