人生不設限·無法控制恐懼，只會讓屁股更痛

小時候我有一種看起來很理所當然的恐懼——我怕打針。每次學校說要接種麻疹或流感疫苗時，我都會瞞著媽媽。有一部分理由是我身上能讓醫(yī)生下針的地方很有限，別的孩子可以打在手臂或屁股上，我這“短版”的身體只有一個選擇。但我的屁股離地面很近，所以就算醫(yī)護人員努力把針打在我屁股比較上面一點的地方，我還是覺得非常痛。打完針之后，我往往一整天都沒法走路。

When I was a kid, I had what seemed like a very natural fear, a fear of doctors with needles. Whenever I had to get my school vaccinations for measles and rubella or the flu, I'd hide from my mum. Part of the problem was that doctors had a limited number of places on my body where they could stick me. With other kids, they could do either arm or the butt. My abbreviated body offered only one target site, and since my bum sits very low to the ground, it was especially painful for me, even when they administered the shot high in my hip. Whenever I received a shot, I couldn't walk for a day.

因為身體狀況的關系，我從小就像醫(yī)生們的靶子，我對打針產(chǎn)生很深的恐懼。我因為光看到針筒就昏倒而出名。

Because of my disability, I'd spent a good part of my youth serving as a pincushion for doctors with needles, and I'd developed a very deep fear. I was known for fainting at the mere sight of a hypodermic and syringe.

小學時有一次，兩個顯然不知道我過去的紀錄，也不太了解人體解剖學的校護一人一邊地把我架在輪椅上，然后在我兩個肩頭各給了一針——我的肩膀可沒有太多肌肉和脂肪呀。那兩針簡直把我痛死了，痛到我得請我的朋友杰瑞幫忙推輪椅，因為我快昏倒了。杰瑞推著推著，然后，我眼前一黑，果然在輪椅上昏了過去?？蓱z的杰瑞不知道該怎么辦，只能飛快地把我推到理科教室，請老師幫忙。

Once in grade school, two school nurses who apparently didn't know either my history or much about human anatomy came up on either side of me, pinned me between them in my wheelchair, and gave me shots in both shoulders—where there is very little muscle or fat. It was excruciating. The pain was so bad, I asked my friend Jerry to walk alongside me and steer my wheelchair because I felt faint. Jerry took control, and sure enough, I blacked out. Poor Jerry didn't know what to do, so he steered my wheelchair into our science class, with me hanging over the side, and asked the teacher for help.

媽媽知道我怕死打針了，所以她事先不會跟我和弟弟、妹妹說我們去找醫(yī)生是為了打預防針。大約在我12歲時，我們有過一次可怕的經(jīng)驗，后來成為我們家的傳奇故事。那天，媽媽說要帶我們去做學校要求的“身體檢查”，坐在等候室時，我就覺得有點不對勁。我們看到一個年紀跟我差不多的小女孩走進檢查區(qū)，接著傳來一陣慘叫，她挨了一針。

Knowing my great fear of needles, my mum didn't tell me or my brother or sister that we were headed to the doctor for our school inoculations. When I was about twelve years old, we had a wild visit that became part of family lore. Mum claimed we were just going in for our school "checkups." My first tip-off was in the waiting room. We'd seen this little girl about my age go into the examining area, and then we heard her screaming as she received her shot.

“你們聽到了嗎?”我問亞倫和蜜雪兒，“他們也會給我們打針了!”

"Did you hear that?" I asked Aaron and Michelle. "They are giving us the needle too!"

恐懼襲來，我陷入恐慌，大哭大叫，跟媽媽吵著說我不要打針，太痛了，我要回家。因為我是那里年紀最大的孩子，于是其他更小的小朋友就學我這英勇又醒目的模樣，全都開始鬼哭狼嚎，哀求著要回家。

My fear kicked in, and I went into a panic. I was crying and yelling, telling my mum that I didn't want to get a shot, that they hurt too much and I wanted to go home. Since I was the oldest child, the younger kids followed my brave and shining example. They too started caterwauling and begging to go home.

我們的護士媽媽當然不為所動，對付這種打針大戰(zhàn)，她可是老手了。她把我們這三個又哭又叫、拳打腳踢的家伙拽進檢查室，就像憲兵把喝醉的大兵抓進禁閉室一樣。

Our mother the nurse had no sympathy, of course. She was a veteran of the hypodermic wars. She hauled her howling and kicking and clawing pack into the examining room like a marine MP dragging drunken soldiers to the brig.

眼看恐慌和哀求完全無濟于事，我試著跟醫(yī)生商量：“你可不可以讓我換成用喝的?”邊講還邊嚎哭。

Seeing that sheer panic and pitiful begging was not working, I tried negotiation with the family physician. "Don't you just have something I can drink instead?" I bawled.

“恐怕不行哦，小朋友。”

"I'm afraid not, my son."

于是我決定采行B計劃，也就是弟弟(Brother)計劃，要老弟亞倫協(xié)助我脫逃。我已經(jīng)想好辦法了：亞倫先假裝從檢驗臺上跌下去，分散醫(yī)生的注意力，同一時間，我奮力蠕動著跳下輪椅逃走。但是我被媽媽從中攔截，而小妹蜜雪兒那個機會主義者則趁亂飛快逃出。一位路過的護士在走廊逮到她，但蜜雪兒用力伸長手腳卡住門口，所以他們沒辦法把她塞進檢查室。她是我的英雄。

Time for Plan B, as in Brother. I turned to Aaron and asked him to help me escape. I had a getaway all planned out. Aaron was to distract the doctors by falling off the examining table so I could squirm out of my wheelchair and make a run for it. But mum intercepted me. Ever the opportunist, my little sister bolted for the door. A passing nurse grabbed her in the hallway, but then Michelle wedged her little arms and legs in the doorway so they couldn't get her into the examining room. She was my hero!

整間診所都聽得到我們歇斯底里般的鬼哭狼嚎。醫(yī)護人員沖了進來，因為那聲音聽起來好像我們正被嚴刑拷打。不幸的是，增援部隊一看到那幅景象，馬上站到我們的敵方去。有兩個人用力夾住我，然后給了我一針，我像個妖怪一樣尖叫。

Our hysterical cries could be heard throughout the clinic. Staff came running because it sounded as though we were being brutally tortured. Unfortunately, the reinforcements quickly took the wrong side. Two of them pinned me down for an injection. I screamed like a banshee.

當他們把針頭擠進我的屁股時，我還是不停地扭來扭去，而因為我一直亂動，所以已經(jīng)插進去的針頭又被擠了出來。結果，醫(yī)生又得再打一次。我的尖叫聲大到讓停車場里的車子警報器都響了起來。

I kept squirming just as they went to jam the needle in my bum. I jerked around and forced the needle to go in and pop out again. So the doctor had to jam it in me again! My screams set off car alarms in the parking lot.

所有人——我們兄弟姊妹、媽媽跟醫(yī)護人員那天到底是怎么撐過去的，我不知道，我只記得我們三個小孩是一路大哭著回家的。

How any of us—my siblings, my mother, or the clinic staff—survived that day, I'll never know. The three of us wailed all the way home.

比起乖乖讓他們打針，我強烈的恐懼反而造成更大的痛苦。事實上，因為沒有控制好自己的恐懼，我的痛楚變成兩倍——那次打完針后，我有兩天不能走路，不止一天呢!

Because I was so afraid, my fears made the pain worse than it would have been if I'd just let them administer the shot. In fact, I doubled my pain because I did not manage my fear. I couldn't walk for two days instead of just one!