《柯南脫口秀》第86期:家里鬧負鼠

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God,is it nice to be here.I'm with a possum problem at the house. 老天 很高興來到這里 我家最近鬧負鼠

Just moved into a new house,me and my wife,we like to go in the yard at night 我和老婆剛剛搬進新家 我們喜歡晚上坐在院子里

and have a little wine and these possums are comfortable. 喝點小酒 那群負鼠把自己當外人

If they could talk,they would be like what the hell are you doing here? 如果他們會說話 他們會說 他們倆在這兒干什么呢

Now growing up,I grew up in an immigrant family 成熟點吧 我在移民家庭長大

and how we handled possums,raccoons,my father would be like,we're going to murder the . 我們要處理負鼠 浣熊 我爸會說 我們要滅掉那幫混蛋

we're going to pour anti-freeze on bologna.What? 我們會在大紅腸上倒防凍劑 啥

Woke up in the morning,birds,squirrels raccoons just murdered all over our property. 早上一起床 鳥啊 松鼠啊 浣熊啊 死了一地

Neighbors coming by,have you seen our cat?No,we haven't seen it.Check the yard. 鄰居過來問 你看見我們家的貓了嗎 沒 我們沒看到 去院子里找找

My wife,she didn't grow up this way.We got to call the possum police. 我老婆從小不是這么長大的 我們得找負鼠警察

It's a human service.they come over,150 dollars traps, 這是一種人道服務 他們過來 設上150美元的陷阱

Guy tells me,it's 35 dollars extra for the bait. 他們告訴我 誘餌要額外交35美元

I said,what are you useing? he said peanut butter. 我問 你們用什么當誘餌 他說花生醬