對(duì)于我們很多人而言,私密關(guān)系貌似是我們最重視的事??赡苣阋恢痹趯ふ艺鎼?。去尋找愛并不一定會(huì)讓你遇見對(duì)的人,因?yàn)槟阆胍獝鄣脑虿⒉磺宄?。我們?huì)想,啊,如果有人愛我的話,我的生活會(huì)變得好很多。但這并不能算原因。需要愛,和缺愛,是完全不一樣的。當(dāng)你缺愛的時(shí)候,沒有人愛你,于你而言最重要的人沒有給你肯定,而這個(gè)人就是你自己。
You may become involved in relationships that are codependent and ineffectual for both partners. You can never create love in your life by talking or thinking about being lonely. Feeling lonely and needy just pushes people away. You cannot heal a relationship in your life by talking or thinking about how awful it is now. This only puts the attention on the problem not the solution. You want to turn your thoughts away from the problem and create new thoughts. That will produce a solution. Arguing for your limitations is just resistance. And resistance is only a delay tactic. It's another way of saying I'm not good enough to have what I'm asking for.
你可能身陷那種相互依賴的、對(duì)于雙方而言都是名存實(shí)亡的感情。如果你一直在想、一直在說自己很孤單,那你永遠(yuǎn)無法在生活中創(chuàng)造愛。如果你很孤獨(dú)、很缺愛,那么沒有人愿意接近你。如果你一直埋怨、一直糾結(jié)于你現(xiàn)在的親密關(guān)系有多糟糕,這是無法讓這段關(guān)系變好的。這只會(huì)讓你把注意力全都放在問題、而不是解決辦法上。畢竟你還是想扭轉(zhuǎn)自己的想法,不要一直糾結(jié)于這個(gè)問題,并且換種思維方式。這才會(huì)讓你找到解決辦法。一直聲稱自己不夠強(qiáng)大,這只是你對(duì)現(xiàn)實(shí)的逃避罷了。逃避是一種拖延的手段而已。這就等于你在說,我不夠好,我配不上我想要的東西。
The first relationship to improve is the one you have with yourself. When you are happy with yourself then all your other relationships improve too. A happy person is very attractive to others. If you are looking for more love then you need to love yourself more. This means no criticism, no complaining, no blaming, no whining, and no choosing to feel lonely. It means being very content with yourself in the present moment and choosing to think thoughts that make you feel good now.
你首先要改善的關(guān)系就是你和自己的關(guān)系。當(dāng)你自我感覺很棒的時(shí)候,你的其他關(guān)系也會(huì)變好。一個(gè)快樂的人是很有魅力的。如果你想要得到更多的愛,那就從更愛自己開始。這意味著你不要對(duì)自己吹毛求疵,不要抱怨,不要求全責(zé)備,不要發(fā)牢騷,不要讓自己感到孤獨(dú)。這意味著對(duì)當(dāng)下的自己感到滿意,并且去想那些讓你愉悅的事。
There is no one way to experience love for we all experience love in different ways. For some of us to really experience love we need to feel loved through being hugged and touched. For others to really feel loved we need to hear the words I love you. For others we need to see a demonstration of love like a gift of flowers. Our preferred way of experiencing love is often the way we feel most comfortable demonstrating love.
感受愛的途徑不是唯一的,因?yàn)槲覀兛傇谝圆煌姆绞浇?jīng)歷愛、感受愛。對(duì)于一些人來說,只有通過擁抱這樣的肢體接觸才能讓他們真正感受到愛。對(duì)于其他人來說,只有通過親耳聽見“我愛你”這樣的話才能讓他們感受到愛。對(duì)于另一些人來說,他們需要看到愛的證明,比如收到別人送的花。我們喜歡的感受愛的方式,往往是最能令我們自己舒適的示愛方式。
I suggest that you work on loving yourself non-stop. Demonstrate to yourself the growing love that you have for yourself. Treat yourself to romance and love. Show yourself how special you are. Pamper yourself. Buy yourself flowers. Surround yourself with colors, textures, and scents that please you. Life always mirrors back to us the feelings we have inside. As you grow in an inner sense of love and romance, the right person to share your growing sense of intimacy will be attracted to you like a magnet.
我建議你要保持對(duì)自己的愛。向自己展示你對(duì)自己那越來越濃的愛。為自己帶來浪漫,帶來愛。讓自己知道你有多獨(dú)特。寵愛你自己。為自己買花。讓自己的生活充滿讓你愉悅的各種顏色、各種質(zhì)地、各種芳香。生活總是折射出我們自己的心境。當(dāng)你越來越愛自己,為自己帶來浪漫的時(shí)候,那個(gè)和你志趣相投的人就會(huì)被你吸引,就像磁鐵相吸一樣。
If you want to go from loneliness thinking to fulfillment thinking, then you need to think in terms of creating a loving mental atmosphere within you and around you. Do let all those negative thoughts about love and romance just fade away and fill your mind with thoughts of love. Think of sharing love and approval and acceptance with everyone you meet. When you are able to contribute to the fulfillment of your own needs, then you will not be so needy, so codependent. It has to do with how much you love yourself.
如果你想改變自己的想法,從孤獨(dú)的惆悵變成滿足的愉悅,那么你就要思考如何為自己營造一個(gè)充滿愛的氛圍,這個(gè)氛圍既要是外在的,也要是內(nèi)在的。讓那些消極看待愛情和浪漫的想法隨風(fēng)而去,讓你的思緒充滿愛。你要想著去向每一個(gè)你遇到的人分享愛、支持和接納。當(dāng)你能夠滿足自己的需求時(shí),你就不會(huì)那么缺愛、那么依賴他人了。這跟你愛自己的程度有關(guān)。
When you truly love who you are, you stay centered, calm and secure and your relationships at home as well as at work are wonderful. You will find yourself reacting to various situations and people differently. Matters that once may have been desperately important won't be quite as important anymore. New people will enter your life and perhaps some old one will disappear, which can be scary at first and also wonderful, refreshing and exciting.
當(dāng)真正愛自己的時(shí)候,你就能保持專注、冷靜,你會(huì)感到安心,你的家庭關(guān)系、職場關(guān)系都會(huì)非常和諧。你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn),自己能用不同的方式應(yīng)對(duì)不同的情況。那些曾經(jīng)讓你感到天都要塌下來的問題已經(jīng)不那么重要了。會(huì)有新的人走進(jìn)你的生活,同時(shí)一些曾經(jīng)在你生活中停留的人會(huì)消失不見,這一開始可能會(huì)讓你感到恐慌,但你會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn),這是一種美妙的、新奇的、令人興奮的經(jīng)歷。
Once you have all this clear in your mind and you know what you want in a relationship, you must go out and be with people. No one is going to suddenly appear at your doorstep. A good way to meet people is in a support group or a night class. It enables you to connect with people who are like-minded or who are involved in the same interests. It's amazing how quickly you can meet new friends. Be open and receptive and the universe will respond to you for your highest good. Think happy thoughts and you will be a happy person and everyone will want to be with you. And all your current relationships will improve.
一旦你把這些想清楚,并且明白在一段關(guān)系中自己想要的是什么,你就必須敞開心扉,去和他人相處。沒有人會(huì)突然出現(xiàn)在你的生命里。去參加一個(gè)互助團(tuán)體,或者去上夜校,這是很好的與他人相識(shí)的途徑。這讓你與他人產(chǎn)生聯(lián)系,他們是與你志同道合的人。你能以驚人的速度結(jié)識(shí)新朋友。只要你保持開放、包容的心態(tài),這個(gè)世界就會(huì)以最有利于你的方式對(duì)你做出回應(yīng)。讓自己開心起來,你就會(huì)成為一個(gè)快樂的人,那樣所有人都會(huì)想和你在一起,你現(xiàn)有的全部關(guān)系都會(huì)得到改善。
Positive affirmations for love: I will allow these affirmations to fill my consciousness, knowing they will become true for me and I will practice them often and with joy. From time to time I
ask those I love how can I love you more. I choose to see clearly with eyes of love. I love what I see. I draw love and romance into my life and I accept it now. Love is around every corner and joy fills my entire world. I rejoice in the love I encounter every day. I am comfortable looking in the mirror saying I love you. I really really love you. I now deserve love romance and joy and all the good that life has to offer me.
關(guān)于愛的積極話語:我會(huì)讓這些積極的話語進(jìn)入我的心靈,我知道它們會(huì)實(shí)現(xiàn),而且我會(huì)常常開心地對(duì)自己說這些話。我一次又一次地問那些我愛的人:怎樣我才能更愛你多一點(diǎn)?我選擇用充滿愛意的眼神觀察這世界。我愛我所見。我把愛和浪漫帶進(jìn)自己的生活,我現(xiàn)在學(xué)會(huì)接受了。愛無處不在,我的世界充滿快樂。我為我每天遇到的愛而感到愉悅。當(dāng)我看著鏡子里的自己說“我愛你,我非常非常愛你”的時(shí)候,我感到輕松自如。我值得擁有愛,我值得擁有浪漫,我值得擁有快樂,我值得擁有生命中所有的美好。
I am surrounded by love. All is well. I am in a joyous intimate relationship with a person who truly loves me. I am beautiful and everybody loves me. I am greeted by love wherever I go. I attract only healthy relationships. I am always treated well. I am very thankful for all the love in my life. I find it everywhere.
愛將我環(huán)繞。一切都很美好。我和一個(gè)真正愛我的人處在一段令人愉悅的親密關(guān)系中。我很美,大家都愛我。無論我去到那里,都能獲得愛意。我的關(guān)系都是健康的。他人對(duì)我很好。我對(duì)生命中所有愛都感到感激。愛無處不在。