英語美文朗讀 第442期 How can we each live more meaningfully

I used to think the whole purpose of life was pursuing happiness. Everyone said the path to happiness was success, so I searched for that ideal job, that perfect boyfriend, that beautiful apartment. But instead of ever feeling fulfilled, I felt anxious and adrift. And I wasn't alone; my friends -- they struggled with this, too.

 

我曾以為人生的目標(biāo)就是追求快樂。大家都說，成功是通往快樂的路，所以我就去尋找理想的工作、完美的男友、還有漂亮的公寓?？墒?，我不但沒有感到圓滿，反而覺得焦慮、茫然。而且不只是我，我的好朋友們也是一樣。

 

Eventually, I decided to go to graduate school for positive psychology to learn what truly makes people happy. But what I discovered there changed my life. The data showed that chasing happiness can make people unhappy. And what really struck me was this: the suicide rate has been rising around the world, and it recently reached a 30-year high in America. Even though life is getting objectively better by nearly every conceivable standard, more people feel hopeless, depressed and alone. There's an emptiness gnawing away at people, and you don't have to be clinically depressed to feel it. Sooner or later, I think we all wonder: Is this all there is? And according to the research, what predicts this despair is not a lack of happiness. It's a lack of something else, a lack of having meaning in life.

我最后決定去研究生院讀正向心理學(xué)，去尋找能讓人開心的東西是什么。我在那兒的發(fā)現(xiàn)，改變了我的人生。數(shù)據(jù)顯示，追求快樂會(huì)讓人不快樂。真正讓我震驚的是這點(diǎn)：全球的自殺率不斷攀升，最近在美國達(dá)到三十年來的新高。雖然客觀來說，生活變好了，無論用什么標(biāo)準(zhǔn)來衡量，結(jié)果都是一樣的：有更多人感到無助、沮喪、及孤獨(dú)。有一種空虛感在侵蝕人們，并不需被臨床診斷出沮喪也能感覺到這個(gè)現(xiàn)象。我想，遲早我們都會(huì)想要知道：難道就只有這樣而已嗎？根據(jù)研究，絕望的原因并不是缺乏快樂，而是缺乏某樣?xùn)|西，是缺乏人生意義。

 

But that raised some questions for me. Is there more to life than being happy? And what's the difference between being happy and having meaning in life? Many psychologists define happiness as a state of comfort and ease, feeling good in the moment. Meaning, though, is deeper. The renowned psychologist Martin Seligman says meaning comes from belonging to and serving something beyond yourself and from developing the best within you. Our culture is obsessed with happiness, but I came to see that seeking meaning is the more fulfilling path. And the studies show that people who have meaning in life, they're more resilient, they do better in school and at work, and they even live longer.

但這就讓我產(chǎn)生了一些問題。難道人生不只是要快樂嗎？活得快樂和活得有意義之間有什么差別？許多心理學(xué)家把快樂定義為一種舒服自在的狀態(tài)，在當(dāng)下感覺很好。而意義則更深。知名心理學(xué)家馬丁賽里格曼說，意義來自歸屬感、致力于超越自我之外的事物，以及從內(nèi)在發(fā)展出最好的自己。我們的文化對「快樂」相當(dāng)癡迷，但我發(fā)現(xiàn)，尋找意義才是更讓人滿足的道路。且研究指出，有人生意義的人適應(yīng)力也會(huì)比較強(qiáng)，他們在學(xué)校及職場的表現(xiàn)較佳，他們甚至活得比較久。

 

So this all made me wonder: How can we each live more meaningfully? To find out, I spent five years interviewing hundreds of people and reading through thousands of pages of psychology, neuroscience and philosophy. Bringing it all together, I found that there are what I call four pillars of a meaningful life. And we can each create lives of meaning by building some or all of these pillars in our lives.

所以這一切讓我開始想，我們每個(gè)人要如何活得有意義？為了找出答案，我花了五年時(shí)間，訪談了數(shù)百人，閱讀了數(shù)千頁的心理學(xué)、神經(jīng)科學(xué)、及哲學(xué)。把這些匯整起來，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了一件事，我稱之為「人生意義的四大支柱」。我們可以彼此相互建立起這些支柱，在彼此的人生中找到人生的意義。

 

The first pillar is belonging. Belonging comes from being in relationships where you're valued for who you are intrinsically and where you value others as well. But some groups and relationships deliver a cheap form of belonging; you're valued for what you believe, for who you hate, not for who you are. True belonging springs from love. It lives in moments among individuals, and it's a choice -- you can choose to cultivate belonging with others.

第一根支柱是歸屬感。歸屬感來自于一種關(guān)系，一種你與他人在本質(zhì)上彼此是否處在相互珍惜的關(guān)系中。但有些群體或關(guān)系，提供的是廉價(jià)形式的歸屬感；你被重視的原因是因?yàn)槟闼嘈诺氖挛铩⒛銓θ说暮脨?、而不是你的本質(zhì)。真正的歸屬感源自于愛。它存在于個(gè)體間共處的時(shí)光當(dāng)中，且它是一種選擇──你可以選擇與他人培養(yǎng)歸屬感。

 

Here's an example. Each morning, my friend Jonathan buys a newspaper from the same street vendor in New York. They don't just conduct a transaction, though. They take a moment to slow down, talk, and treat each other like humans. But one time, Jonathan didn't have the right change, and the vendor said, "Don't worry about it." But Jonathan insisted on paying, so he went to the store and bought something he didn't need to make change. But when he gave the money to the vendor, the vendor drew back. He was hurt. He was trying to do something kind, but Jonathan had rejected him.

舉例來說，每天早晨，我在紐約的朋友強(qiáng)納森都會(huì)向同一個(gè)街頭小販買一份報(bào)紙。不過，他們并不是只有交易的關(guān)系。他們會(huì)停下來，花點(diǎn)時(shí)間說說話，把彼此當(dāng)朋友對待。但有一次，強(qiáng)納森的零錢不夠，小販說：「沒關(guān)系不用了啦?！沟珡?qiáng)納森堅(jiān)持要付錢，所以他去一家店，買了他不需要的東西，把鈔票找開。但當(dāng)他把錢給小販時(shí)，小販退縮了。他感到受傷。他試著想表現(xiàn)友好，但強(qiáng)納森拒絕了他。

 

I think we all reject people in small ways like this without realizing it. I do. I'll walk by someone I know and barely acknowledge them. I'll check my phone when someone's talking to me. These acts devalue others. They make them feel invisible and unworthy. But when you lead with love, you create a bond that lifts each of you up.

我想，我們都曾像這樣在小地方拒絕別人卻沒有意識到。我就有過。我會(huì)從認(rèn)識的人旁邊走過，卻沒跟他們打招呼。當(dāng)有人在跟我說話時(shí)，我會(huì)看手機(jī)。這類行為是在貶低別人的價(jià)值，讓他們覺得自己是隱形的、不值得的。但若用愛來引導(dǎo)，你就會(huì)創(chuàng)造出一種聯(lián)結(jié)，讓你們彼此都振奮起來。

 

For many people, belonging is the most essential source of meaning, those bonds to family and friends. For others, the key to meaning is the second pillar: purpose. Now, finding your purpose is not the same thing as finding that job that makes you happy. Purpose is less about what you want than about what you give. A hospital custodian told me her purpose is healing sick people. Many parents tell me, "My purpose is raising my children." The key to purpose is using your strengths to serve others. Of course, for many of us, that happens through work. That's how we contribute and feel needed. But that also means that issues like disengagement at work, unemployment, low labor force participation -- these aren't just economic problems, they're existential ones, too. Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder. Of course, you don't have to find purpose at work, but purpose gives you something to live for, some "why" that drives you forward.

對很多人來說，歸屬感是人生意義的重要來源，就是與家人及朋友之間的聯(lián)結(jié)。對其他人來說，第二根人生意義的支柱是目的。找到你的目的并不是指找到讓你快樂的工作。目的的重點(diǎn)是你能給予什么，而不是你想要什么。一位醫(yī)院管理員告訴我，她的目的是治愈生病的人。很多家長告訴我：「我的目的是扶養(yǎng)我的孩子。」目標(biāo)的關(guān)鍵在于用你的力量去服務(wù)他人。當(dāng)然，對很多人而言，這是透過工作來達(dá)成的。那是我們做出貢獻(xiàn)和感到被需要的方式。但這也意味著，像是無心工作、失業(yè)、低勞動(dòng)參與率等等議題──這些不僅是經(jīng)濟(jì)問題，也是存在主義問題。人們?nèi)魶]有值得去做的事，就會(huì)掙扎折騰。當(dāng)然，你不需要從工作中找到目的，但目的能讓你有活下去的意義，有驅(qū)使你向前行的「理由」。

 

The third pillar of meaning is also about stepping beyond yourself, but in a completely different way: transcendence. Transcendent states are those rare moments when you're lifted above the hustle and bustle of daily life, your sense of self fades away, and you feel connected to a higher reality. For one person I talked to, transcendence came from seeing art. For another person, it was at church. For me, I'm a writer, and it happens through writing. Sometimes I get so in the zone that I lose all sense of time and place. These transcendent experiences can change you. One study had students look up at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees for one minute. But afterwards they felt less self-centered, and they even behaved more generously when given the chance to help someone.

第三根人生意義的支柱，也和走出自我有關(guān)，但用的方式完全不同：超然。超然的狀態(tài)是很少見的時(shí)刻，在這個(gè)時(shí)刻中，你超脫了日常生活的喧囂擾攘，自我感正在漸漸消褪，你會(huì)感覺到和更高的現(xiàn)實(shí)產(chǎn)生連結(jié)。跟我談過的其中一個(gè)人說，超然來自于欣賞藝術(shù)。另一個(gè)人則認(rèn)為，超然是在教堂中。對我來說，我是作家，而超然是透過寫作發(fā)生的。有時(shí)候我太投入會(huì)有一種忘我的境界。這些超然的經(jīng)驗(yàn)?zāi)芨淖兡?。有一?xiàng)研究是讓學(xué)生去看200英呎高的尤加利樹，看一分鐘，之后他們會(huì)比較不自我中心，若給他們機(jī)會(huì)去幫助別人，他們連行為都會(huì)變得更慷慨。

 

Belonging, purpose, transcendence. Now, the fourth pillar of meaning, I've found, tends to surprise people. The fourth pillar is storytelling, the story you tell yourself about yourself. Creating a narrative from the events of your life brings clarity. It helps you understand how you became you. But we don't always realize that we're the authors of our stories and can change the way we're telling them. Your life isn't just a list of events. You can edit, interpret and retell your story, even as you're constrained by the facts.

歸屬感、目的、超然。接著談?wù)勎野l(fā)現(xiàn)的第四根支柱，它常會(huì)令人感到驚訝。第四根支柱就是說故事，你告訴你自己關(guān)于你自己的故事。用你人生中的事件來創(chuàng)造一個(gè)故事，能讓你看得更清楚。它能協(xié)助你了解你是怎么變成你的。但我們通常沒發(fā)現(xiàn)，我們故事的作者就是自己，且我們可以改變說故事的方式。你的生命并不只一連串的事件。即便你被事實(shí)給限制住，你仍可以編輯、詮釋、再重新述說你的故事。

 

I met a young man named Emeka, who'd been paralyzed playing football. After his injury, Emeka told himself, "My life was great playing football, but now look at me." People who tell stories like this -- "My life was good. Now it's bad." -- tend to be more anxious and depressed. And that was Emeka for a while. But with time, he started to weave a different story. His new story was, "Before my injury, my life was purposeless. I partied a lot and was a pretty selfish guy. But my injury made me realize I could be a better man." That edit to his story changed Emeka's life. After telling the new story to himself, Emeka started mentoring kids, and he discovered what his purpose was: serving others. The psychologist Dan McAdams calls this a "redemptive story," where the bad is redeemed by the good. People leading meaningful lives, he's found, tend to tell stories about their lives defined by redemption, growth and love.

我遇到一位叫做埃梅卡的年輕人，他因?yàn)榇蛎朗阶闱蚨c瘓。埃梅卡在受傷后，內(nèi)心的對話是這樣的：「我打美式足球的人生是非常棒的，但看看現(xiàn)在的我?！瓜襁@樣說故事的人──「我的人生曾經(jīng)很棒，現(xiàn)在卻很糟?！供ぉふf這種故事的人比較容易焦慮和沮喪。埃梅卡有好一陣子就是這樣。但隨時(shí)間過去，他開始編造一個(gè)不同的故事。他的新故事是：「在我受傷前，我的人生沒有目的。我常去派對，且我是個(gè)很自私的人。但受傷讓我明白，我可以成為更好的人。」埃梅卡把他的故事進(jìn)行改造，從而改變了他的一生。在對自己說完這個(gè)新故事之后，埃梅卡開始開導(dǎo)孩童，他找到了他的目的：服務(wù)他人。心理學(xué)家丹麥亞當(dāng)斯稱這現(xiàn)象為「救贖的故事」，用好的來救贖不好的。他發(fā)現(xiàn)，過著有意義人生的人，他們說的故事內(nèi)容通常都是他們的人生由救贖、成長、愛來定義。

 

But what makes people change their stories? Some people get help from a therapist, but you can do it on your own, too, just by reflecting on your life thoughtfully, how your defining experiences shaped you, what you lost, what you gained. That's what Emeka did. You won't change your story overnight; it could take years and be painful. After all, we've all suffered, and we all struggle. But embracing those painful memories can lead to new insights and wisdom, to finding that good that sustains you.

但，是什么讓人們改變了他們的故事？有些人向治療師尋求協(xié)助，但你也可以靠自己做到，只要完整地反思你的人生、你的關(guān)鍵經(jīng)驗(yàn)如何造就了你、你失去了什么、獲得了什么。那就是埃梅卡所做的。你不可能一夜就改變你的故事；過程可能要花好幾年，且很痛苦。畢竟，我們都曾受過苦，也都在掙扎。但擁抱那些痛苦的記憶，能帶來新的洞見與智慧，讓你能找到那支撐著你的「善」。

 

Belonging, purpose, transcendence, storytelling: those are the four pillars of meaning. When I was younger, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by all of the pillars. My parents ran a Sufi meetinghouse from our home in Montreal. Sufism is a spiritual practice associated with the whirling dervishes and the poet Rumi. Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home to meditate, drink Persian tea, and share stories. Their practice also involved serving all of creation through small acts of love, which meant being kind even when people wronged you. But it gave them a purpose: to rein in the ego.

歸屬感、目的、超然、說故事；這些就是意義的四大支柱。在我小時(shí)候，我很幸運(yùn)能夠被這四根支柱給圍繞著。我父母在蒙特婁的家附近開一間蘇菲派的聚會(huì)所。蘇菲教派是一種和旋轉(zhuǎn)苦行僧及詩人魯米有關(guān)的靈修。每周兩次，蘇菲教徒會(huì)到我們家里，來冥想、喝波斯茶、分享故事。他們的修行也涉及了要透過愛的小舉動(dòng)，來為萬物服務(wù)，也就是說，即使別人冤枉你，也要仁慈以對。但那給了他們一個(gè)目的：去駕馭自我。

 

Eventually, I left home for college and without the daily grounding of Sufism in my life, I felt unmoored. And I started searching for those things that make life worth living. That's what set me on this journey. Looking back, I now realize that the Sufi house had a real culture of meaning. The pillars were part of the architecture, and the presence of the pillars helped us all live more deeply.

最后，我離開家去讀大學(xué)，我的人生中少了蘇菲教徒每天的基礎(chǔ)練習(xí)，感覺像是船的纜繩被解開。我開始尋找有什么能讓我的人生值得活。就是這個(gè)原因讓我踩上這段旅程?，F(xiàn)在回頭看，我發(fā)現(xiàn)那間蘇菲房舍有著一種有意義的真實(shí)文化。那些支柱是建筑的一部份，而支柱的出現(xiàn)，讓我們都能過更有深度的生活。

 

Of course, the same principle applies in other strong communities as well -- good ones and bad ones. Gangs, cults: these are cultures of meaning that use the pillars and give people something to live and die for. But that's exactly why we as a society must offer better alternatives. We need to build these pillars within our families and our institutions to help people become their best selves. But living a meaningful life takes work. It's an ongoing process. As each day goes by, we're constantly creating our lives, adding to our story. And sometimes we can get off track.

當(dāng)然，同樣的原則也適用于其他強(qiáng)大的社群──好的和壞的都包含在內(nèi)。幫派、邪教：這些也是有意義的文化，它們利用這些支柱，給予人們活著和犧牲的意義。但那就是為什么，我們身為一個(gè)社會(huì)，必須要提供更好的替代方案。我們需要在我們的家庭及習(xí)俗制度當(dāng)中建立這些支柱，來協(xié)助人們變成最好的自己。但一定要花心力，才能讓人生過得有意義。它是一個(gè)持續(xù)的過程。隨著每一天過去，我們不斷地創(chuàng)造我們的人生，擴(kuò)增我們的故事。有時(shí)，我們可能會(huì)誤入歧途。

 

Whenever that happens to me, I remember a powerful experience I had with my father. Several months after I graduated from college, my dad had a massive heart attack that should have killed him. He survived, and when I asked him what was going through his mind as he faced death, he said all he could think about was needing to live so he could be there for my brother and me, and this gave him the will to fight for life. When he went under anesthesia for emergency surgery, instead of counting backwards from 10, he repeated our names like a mantra. He wanted our names to be the last words he spoke on earth if he died.

每當(dāng)我遇到這狀況時(shí)，我會(huì)想起我與父親的一段經(jīng)歷，很有影響力的經(jīng)歷。我從大學(xué)畢業(yè)后幾個(gè)月，我父親罹患了嚴(yán)重的心臟病，本來他應(yīng)該性命難保。他活下來了，我問他，當(dāng)他在面對死亡時(shí)，腦中想著的是什么，他說，他唯一能想的，就是必須活下來，這樣他才能陪伴我弟弟和我，這點(diǎn)讓他有意志力能拼命活下來。當(dāng)他被麻醉準(zhǔn)備接受緊急手術(shù)時(shí)，他做的不是從10開始倒數(shù)，他把我們的名字像祈禱文般地覆頌。如果他會(huì)死，他希望他在世上說的最后幾個(gè)字是我們的名字。

 

My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi. It's a humble life, but a good life. Lying there facing death, he had a reason to live: love. His sense of belonging within his family, his purpose as a dad, his transcendent meditation, repeating our names -- these, he says, are the reasons why he survived. That's the story he tells himself.

我的父親是個(gè)木匠也是個(gè)蘇菲教徒。他的人生是謙恭的人生，但很美好的人生。躺在那里，面對死亡，他有一個(gè)活下去的理由：愛。他在他的家庭中的歸屬感、他身為一名父親的目的、他超然的冥想，不斷覆頌我們的名字──他說，這些是他活下來的原因。那是他告訴他自己的故事。

 

That's the power of meaning. Happiness comes and goes. But when life is really good and when things are really bad, having meaning gives you something to hold on to.

那就是意義的力量?？鞓穪韥砣ト?。但當(dāng)人生真的很美好時(shí)，當(dāng)事情真的很糟糕時(shí)，若人生有意義，你就會(huì)有可以緊緊抓住的東西。

 

Thank you.

謝謝。