演講MP3+雙語(yǔ)文稿:我們?yōu)槭裁磿?huì)生氣？生氣有什么好處

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聽(tīng)力課堂TED音頻欄目主要包括TED演講的音頻MP3及中英雙語(yǔ)文稿，供各位英語(yǔ)愛(ài)好者學(xué)習(xí)使用。本文主要內(nèi)容為演講MP3+雙語(yǔ)文稿:我們?yōu)槭裁磿?huì)生氣？生氣有什么好處，希望你會(huì)喜歡！

【演講人】Ryan Martin

【演講主題】《生氣有什么好？答案真是千奇百怪》

【演講文稿-中英文】

翻譯者Yi Qin校對(duì)Jingdan Niu

00:13

Alright, so I want you to imagine that you get a text from a friend, and it reads ..."You will NOT believe what just happened. I'm SO MAD right now!"So you do the dutiful thing as a friend, and you ask for details.And they tell you a story about what happened to themat the gym or at work or on their date last night.And you listen and you try to understand why they're so mad.Maybe even secretly judge whether or not they should be so mad.

讓我們一起想象一下， 如果你的朋友發(fā)給你一條短信說(shuō)，“你不會(huì)相信剛剛發(fā)生了什么！ 我現(xiàn)在好生氣！”所以你盡了作為一個(gè)朋友的義務(wù)， 詢問(wèn)具體的細(xì)節(jié)。然后他們告訴了你 他們?cè)诮∩矸浚诠ぷ鲌?chǎng)所或昨晚的約會(huì)上所發(fā)生的事情。你認(rèn)真聆聽(tīng)，并試圖搞清楚 是什么讓他們這么生氣。也許你也在偷偷地評(píng)判 他們應(yīng)不應(yīng)該這么生氣。

00:38

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

00:41

And maybe you even offer some suggestions.Now, in that moment, you are doing essentially what I get to do every day,because I'm an anger researcher,and as an anger researcher, I spend a good part of my professional life --who am I kidding, also my personal life --studying why people get mad.I study the types of thoughts they have when they get mad,and I even study what they do when they get mad,whether it's getting into fights or breaking things,or even yelling at people in all caps on the internet.

也許你甚至?xí)峁┮恍┙ㄗh。在那個(gè)時(shí)刻，你們?cè)谧龅氖虑?基本是我每天都要做的，因?yàn)槲沂且粋€(gè)研究憤怒的人，作為一個(gè)憤怒研究者， 我花費(fèi)了職業(yè)生涯大部分的時(shí)間——開(kāi)什么玩笑， 也是我個(gè)人的大部分時(shí)間——來(lái)研究人們?yōu)槭裁瓷鷼?。我研究了他們生氣時(shí)的所有想法，我甚至還研究了當(dāng)他們生氣時(shí)的行為，不管是開(kāi)始打架或者摔東西，或者是用全部大寫(xiě)的強(qiáng)調(diào)語(yǔ)氣 對(duì)著網(wǎng)友大罵一通。

01:08

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

01:09

And as you can imagine,when people hear I'm an anger researcher,they want to talk to me about their anger,they want to share with me their anger stories.And it's not because they need a therapist,though that does sometimes happen,it's really because anger is universal.It's something we all feel and it's something they can relate to.We've been feeling it since the first few months of life,when we didn't get what we wanted in our cries of protests,things like, "What do you mean you won't pick up the rattle, Dad,I want it!"

所以你可以想象當(dāng)人們知道我是一個(gè)憤怒研究者時(shí)，他們想要跟我聊聊他們的憤怒，他們想要跟我分享他們的憤怒故事。這不是因?yàn)樗麄冃枰粋€(gè)心理醫(yī)師，雖然有時(shí)候的確是這樣，但事實(shí)上是因?yàn)閼嵟瞧毡榈?。這是我們都能感覺(jué)到 而且都能理解的某種東西。我們從出生的前幾個(gè)月 就開(kāi)始感受到憤怒了，就比如當(dāng)我們?cè)跓o(wú)法得到我們 想要的東西時(shí)，我們抗議地哭泣，就像是說(shuō)“你為啥不拿撥浪鼓啊老爸？我要它！”

01:36

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

01:38

We feel it throughout our teenage years, as my mom can certainly attest to with me.Sorry, Mom.We feel it to the very end.In fact, anger has been with us at some of the worst moments of our lives.It's a natural and expected part of our grief.But it's also been with us in some of the best moments of our lives,with those special occasions like weddings and vacationsoften marred by these everyday frustrations --bad weather, travel delays --that feel horrible in the moment,but then are ultimately forgotten when things go OK.

我們?cè)谇嗌倌隁q月中一直 在感受它，老媽可以給我作證。對(duì)不住啦，老媽。我們一直到生命的盡頭 都一直在感受它。事實(shí)上，憤怒在我們?nèi)松?一些最糟糕的時(shí)刻都如影隨形。這是在我們?nèi)松幸环N 自然且可預(yù)見(jiàn)的部分。但是，它在我們?nèi)松心承?最好的時(shí)刻也同樣如影隨形，比如在婚禮或者假期等特殊場(chǎng)合中通常會(huì)被一些時(shí)常發(fā)生的 意外壞了興致——比如壞天氣，旅途中的延誤——在這些時(shí)候我們都感覺(jué)很糟糕，但是這些不愉快的事情 最終總會(huì)在事情好轉(zhuǎn)后被忘記。

02:09

I have a lot of conversations with people about their angerand it's through those conversations that I've learned that many people,and I bet many people in this room right now,you see anger as a problem.You see the way it interferes in your life,the way it damages relationships, maybe even the ways it's scary.And while I get all of that, I see anger a little differently,and today, I want to tell you something really importantabout your anger, and it's this:anger is a powerful and healthy force in your life.It's good that you feel it.You need to feel it.

我和許多人進(jìn)行了很多 關(guān)于他們的憤怒的談話，在這些談話之中我認(rèn)識(shí)到， 在很多人心里，我可以打賭，就現(xiàn)在 這個(gè)房間中的很多人，憤怒被你們看做是一個(gè)問(wèn)題。你們認(rèn)為憤怒干擾了你們的生活，它破壞了人際關(guān)系， 甚至可能你們認(rèn)為它很?chē)樔恕Ｔ谖依斫饽銈冞@些觀點(diǎn)的同時(shí)， 我對(duì)憤怒的看法有一點(diǎn)不同，今天，我要告訴你們 一些真的很重要的關(guān)乎你們的憤怒的事情，是這樣的：憤怒是我們生活中 一種強(qiáng)大而又健康的力量。你能感覺(jué)到它，這很好。你需要去感受它。

02:39

But to understand all that, we actually have to back upand talk about why we get mad in the first place.A lot of this goes back to the work of an anger researchernamed Dr. Jerry Deffenbacher, who wrote about this back in 1996in a book chapter on how to deal with problematic anger.Now, for most of us, and I bet most of you,it feels as simple as this:I get mad when I'm provoked.You hear it in the language people use.They say things like,"It makes me so mad when people drive this slow,"or, "I got mad because she left the milk out again."Or my favorite,"I don't have an anger problem -- people just need to stop messing with me."

但是，若想要完全理解它， 我們需要退一步，先來(lái)談一談為什么我們會(huì)生氣。這個(gè)話題的很大一部分要 追溯到一位憤怒研究者的著作。Jerry Deffenbacher博士 在1996年寫(xiě)了這本關(guān)于憤怒這方面的書(shū)，在該書(shū)的一個(gè)章節(jié)里面他提到了 如何處理有問(wèn)題的憤怒。對(duì)于我們中的大部分來(lái)說(shuō)，， 我敢打賭你們中的大部分人對(duì)于憤怒的感覺(jué)是這樣：當(dāng)我被激怒時(shí)，我會(huì)變得很生氣。你會(huì)在人們所用的語(yǔ)言中感受到它。他們會(huì)說(shuō)這樣的話，“那些人開(kāi)車(chē)開(kāi)得這么慢， 讓我好生氣！”或者說(shuō)，“我這么生氣 是因?yàn)樗滞税雅Ｄ谭呕乇?！”我最?ài)這種說(shuō)法，“我沒(méi)有憤怒的問(wèn)題——只希望其他人不要再干預(yù)我的事了?！?/p>

03:14

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

03:16

Now, in the spirit of better understanding those types of provocations,I ask a lot of people, including my friends and colleagues and even family,"What are the things that really get to you?What makes you mad?"By the way, now is a good time to point out one of the advantagesof being an anger researcheris that I've spent more than a decade generating a comprehensive listof all the things that really irritate my colleagues.Just in case I need it.

回到現(xiàn)在，為了更好地理解 這些讓人惱怒的類型，我問(wèn)了很多人，包括 我的朋友，同事，甚至是家人，“什么事情能真的惹到你？什么能讓你特別生氣？”順便說(shuō)一下，現(xiàn)在是一個(gè)很好的時(shí)機(jī)來(lái)指出作為一名 憤怒研究人員的一個(gè)優(yōu)勢(shì)，那就是我花了十多年的時(shí)間，列出了所有真正讓 我的同事感到憤怒的事情。以防萬(wàn)一我要用到。

03:40

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

03:44

But their answers are fascinating,because they say things like,"when my sports team loses,""people who chew too loudly."That is surprisingly common, by the way."People who walk too slowly," that one's mine.And of course, "roundabouts."Roundabouts --

但他們所給出的答案十分有趣，因?yàn)樗麄兘o出的答案是：“當(dāng)我喜歡的隊(duì)伍輸了我生氣，”“那些人吃飯吧唧嘴讓我生氣。”順帶一提，這是十分普遍的答案?！澳切┤俗呗诽屛疑鷼狻?， 這是我的答案。還有，“說(shuō)話拐彎抹角讓我生氣”。拐彎抹角——

04:03

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:05

I can tell you honestly, there is no rage like roundabout rage.

我可以坦誠(chéng)的說(shuō)，世界上沒(méi)有一種憤怒 比得上對(duì)說(shuō)話拐彎抹角的怒氣！

04:08

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:11

Sometimes their answers aren't minor at all.Sometimes they talk about racism and sexism and bullyingand environmental destruction -- big, global problems we all face.But sometimes,their answers are very specific, maybe even oddly specific."That wet line you get across your shirtwhen you accidentally lean against the counter of a public bathroom."

有的時(shí)候他們的答案非常重要。有時(shí)候他們的答案涉及到 種族歧視，性別歧視和霸凌，還有環(huán)境破壞——這些都是我們 所要共同面對(duì)的全球性重要問(wèn)題。但有時(shí)候，他們的答案十分詳細(xì)， 甚至詳細(xì)得不同尋常?！爱?dāng)你一不小心靠在了 公共浴室的柜臺(tái)上 ，那條留在你衣服上的水漬 令人十分惱火?！?/p>

04:32

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:33

Super gross, right?

超級(jí)惡心，對(duì)不對(duì)？

04:35

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:37

Or "Flash drives: there's only two ways to plug them in,so why does it always take me three tries?"

或者說(shuō)“ U盤(pán)這東西， 只有兩種方式插進(jìn)去，為什么它老是要我試三次 才能插進(jìn)去呢？”

04:42

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

04:47

Now whether it's minor or major, whether it's general or specific,we can look at these examplesand we can tease out some common themes.We get angry in situations that are unpleasant,that feel unfair, where our goals are blocked,that could have been avoided, and that leave us feeling powerless.This is a recipe for anger.But you can also tellthat anger is probably not the only thing we're feeling in these situations.Anger doesn't happen in a vacuum.We can feel angry at the same time that we're scared or sad,or feeling a host of other emotions.

無(wú)論這些問(wèn)題重要與否， 不管它詳細(xì)與否，我們都可以通過(guò)研究這些樣本挖掘出一些共同的主題。我們?cè)诹钊瞬挥淇斓那闆r下會(huì)生氣，在感到不公時(shí)，在無(wú)法 達(dá)到目標(biāo)的情況下會(huì)生氣，尤其是當(dāng)這些都可以避免， 讓我們感覺(jué)到無(wú)力時(shí)我們會(huì)生氣。這就是憤怒的組成。但是你也可以分辨出憤怒也許不是我們?cè)谶@些場(chǎng)景中 所感受到的唯一東西。憤怒不會(huì)憑空而來(lái)。我們?cè)诟械胶ε禄蛘?傷心的同時(shí)會(huì)感到憤怒，或者當(dāng)感受到一大堆其他情緒的同時(shí)。

05:19

But here's the thing:these provocations -- they aren't making us mad.At least not on their own,and we know that, because if they were,we'd all get angry over the same things, and we don't.The reasons I get angry are different than the reasons you get angry,so there's got to be something else going on.What is that something else?Well, we know what we're doing and feeling at the moment of that provocation matters.We call this the pre-anger state -- are you hungry, are you tired,are you anxious about something else, are you running late for something?When you're feeling those things,those provocations feel that much worse.But what matters most is not the provocation,it's not the pre-anger state, it's this:it's how we interpret that provocation,it's how we make sense of it in our lives.

但是要注意一點(diǎn)：這些刺激其實(shí)并不會(huì)讓我們生氣。至少不是唯一的原因，因?yàn)槲覀冎溃?如果它們是生氣的原因，我們會(huì)一直因?yàn)橥患?事情而生氣，但是我們并沒(méi)有。我生氣的理由和你的不同，所以一定有其它因素在起作用。這些因素是什么呢？在受到刺激的時(shí)候， 我們知道自己的行為和想法。我們將這種狀態(tài)稱作“預(yù)生氣狀態(tài)”——你餓嗎？你累嗎？你對(duì)其他事物感到焦慮嗎？ 你快要遲到了嗎？當(dāng)你感受到了這些事情的時(shí)候，你會(huì)對(duì)這些刺激因素感覺(jué)更糟糕。但是最重要的不是這些挑因素，也不是“預(yù)生氣狀態(tài)”，而是這個(gè)：是我們?nèi)绾稳ダ斫膺@些挑釁，是我們?cè)谏钪腥绾稳ダ斫馑?/p>

06:04

When something happens to us,we first decide, is this good or bad?Is it fair or unfair, is it blameworthy, is it punishable?That's primary appraisal, it's when you evaluate the event itself.We decide what it means in the context of our livesand once we've done that, we decide how bad it is.That's secondary appraisal.We say, "Is this the worst thing that's ever happened,or can I cope with this?

當(dāng)我們?cè)庥隽艘恍┦虑榈臅r(shí)候，我們首先會(huì)思考，這是好事還是壞事？這是公平的嗎？ 是應(yīng)該受到譴責(zé)和懲罰的嗎？當(dāng)你對(duì)這件事本身進(jìn)行評(píng)估時(shí)， 這就是最原始的評(píng)估。我們基于人生的經(jīng)歷 去理解這件事情的意義，并且只要我們完成這個(gè)過(guò)程， 就可以定義這件事情糟糕的程度。這是第二級(jí)的評(píng)估。我們?cè)诳紤]，“這是 有史以來(lái)最糟糕的事情嗎？我可以應(yīng)付得了嗎？”

06:28

Now, to illustrate that, I want you to imagine you are driving somewhere.And before I go any further, I should tell you,if I were an evil geniusand I wanted to create a situation that was going to make you mad,that situation would look a lot like driving.

為了說(shuō)明這一點(diǎn)，我想讓大家 想象一下你正在開(kāi)車(chē)去某個(gè)地方。我要先提醒你，如果我是一個(gè)邪惡的天才，而且我想創(chuàng)造一個(gè) 能讓你惱怒的情境，這個(gè)情境看起來(lái)會(huì)和開(kāi)車(chē)很像。

06:43

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

06:44

It's true.You are, by definition, on your way somewhere,so everything that happens -- traffic, other drivers, road construction --it feels like it's blocking your goals.There are all these written and unwritten rules of the road,and those rules are routinely violated right in front of you,usually without consequence.And who's violating those rules?Anonymous others, people you will never see again,making them a very easy target for your wrath.

這是真的。按照假設(shè)，你在去某個(gè)地方的路上，所以在途中所發(fā)生的一切——堵車(chē)，其他司機(jī)，道路施工——都像是在阻礙你去往目的地。在路上也有很多明文規(guī)定的 或者約定俗成的規(guī)矩，但這些規(guī)則都經(jīng)常 在你面前被其他人違反，違規(guī)后通常是沒(méi)有后果的。誰(shuí)在違反規(guī)則呢？不知名的其他人， 你永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)再見(jiàn)第二次的人，很容易就讓他們變成了 你怒氣發(fā)泄的目標(biāo)。

07:10

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

07:11

So you're driving somewhere, thus teed up to be angry,and the person in front of you is driving well below the speed limit.And it's frustratingbecause you can't really see why they're driving so slow.That's primary appraisal.You've looked at this and you've said it's bad and it's blameworthy.But maybe you also decide it's not that big a deal.You're not in a hurry, doesn't matter.That's secondary appraisal -- you don't get angry.

所以，如果你正在開(kāi)車(chē) 去某個(gè)地方，你會(huì)準(zhǔn)備變得生氣，并且在你前面的那個(gè)人的 速度遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)低于限速。這很讓人不滿，因?yàn)槟阏娴牟焕斫?他們?yōu)槭裁撮_(kāi)得這么慢。這就是初始的評(píng)估。你關(guān)注到了這一件事，并且你已經(jīng) 判斷出了這是件壞事，值得被責(zé)備。但你也可能判斷這不是那么嚴(yán)重。你不急，沒(méi)關(guān)系。這是第二級(jí)的評(píng)估——你不會(huì)生氣。

07:37

But now imagine you're on your way to a job interview.What that person is doing, it hasn't changed, right?So primary appraisal doesn't change; still bad, still blameworthy.But your ability to cope with it sure does.Because all of a sudden,you're going to be late to that job interview.All of a sudden,you are not going to get your dream job,the one that was going to give you piles and piles of money.

但現(xiàn)在想象一下你在 去一個(gè)工作面試的路上。那個(gè)人行為并沒(méi)有發(fā)生變化，對(duì)嗎？所以初級(jí)評(píng)估并沒(méi)有變化， 還是壞的，還是值得責(zé)備的。但是你去應(yīng)對(duì)它的能力一定發(fā)生了變化。因?yàn)橥蝗恢g，你就要在工作面試中遲到了。突然之間，你可能得不到自己夢(mèng)想的工作了，那個(gè)能夠給你一沓又一沓錢(qián)的工作啊。

08:00

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

08:01

Somebody else is going to get your dream joband you're going to be broke.You're going to be destitute.Might as well stop now, turn around, move in with your parents.

其他人將要拿到這份工作了，然后你就要破產(chǎn)了。你就要成為窮苦人家了。也許要現(xiàn)在停下來(lái)，轉(zhuǎn)身回去， 和你的爸媽一起住。

08:10

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

08:12

Why?"Because of this person in front of me.This is not a person, this is a monster."

為什么呢？“因?yàn)檫@個(gè)在我前面慢慢開(kāi)的人。他不是人啊，是個(gè)魔鬼?。　?/p>

08:17

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

08:18

And this monster is here just to ruin your life.

而且這個(gè)怪獸的出現(xiàn) 就是為了毀掉你的生活。

08:22

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

08:23

Now that thought process,it's called catastrophizing, the one where we make the worst of things.And it's one of the primary types of thoughts that we knowis associated with chronic anger.But there's a couple of others.Misattributing causation.Angry people tend to put blame where it doesn't belong.Not just on people,but actually inanimate objects as well.And if you think that sound ridiculous,think about the last time you lost your car keys and you said,"Where did those car keys go?"Because you know they ran off on their own.

這個(gè)思考的過(guò)程叫做災(zāi)難化，它是我們把事情 做到最糟糕的情況。并且它是我們所知道的 與長(zhǎng)期憤怒聯(lián)系在一起的主要思考方式之一。但還有其他幾種類型。比如，錯(cuò)誤歸因：憤怒的人們常常責(zé)備毫不相關(guān)的事情。不僅僅是針對(duì)人，也針對(duì)無(wú)生命的物體上。如果你覺(jué)得這聽(tīng)起來(lái)很可笑，想想上次你丟了 車(chē)鑰匙的時(shí)候，你說(shuō)“車(chē)鑰匙滾哪去了？”因?yàn)槟阒浪鼈兪亲约鹤邅G的。

08:53

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

08:56

They tend to overgeneralize, they use words like "always,""never," "every," "this always happens to me,""I never get what I want"or "I hit every stoplight on the way here today."Demandingness: they put their own needs ahead of the needs of others:"I don't care why this person is driving so slow,they need to speed up or move over so I can get to this job interview."And finally, inflammatory labeling.They call people fools, idiots, monsters,or a whole bunch of things I've been told I'm not allowed to sayduring this TED Talk.

憤怒的人們傾向于過(guò)度歸納， 他們用一些像“經(jīng)?！薄皬牟弧保懊恳淮味肌?，“這永遠(yuǎn)都發(fā)生在我身上”，“我從來(lái)得不到我要的”或者“我今天遇到了路上 所有的紅燈！”之類的話。又比如，過(guò)度苛責(zé)：憤怒的人將他們 自己的需求放在他人需求之前：“我不關(guān)心這個(gè)人為什么開(kāi)得這么慢，他需要加速或者挪開(kāi)， 這樣我就可以按時(shí)參加面試！”最后一個(gè)，給人貼使人激怒的標(biāo)簽。他們叫其他人傻子，蠢貨，怪獸，或者一大堆今天在演講中我不能公開(kāi)說(shuō)的東西。

09:26

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

09:27

So for a long time,psychologists have referred to these as cognitive distortionsor even irrational beliefs.And yeah, sometimes they are irrational.Maybe even most of the time.But sometimes, these thoughts are totally rational.There is unfairness in the world.There are cruel, selfish people,and it's not only OK to be angry when we're treated poorly,it's right to be angry when we're treated poorly.

所以，在很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間里，心理學(xué)家把這些稱為認(rèn)知扭曲，或者甚至是不合邏輯的信念。的確是啊，他們本身 有時(shí)候就是不合邏輯的。也許甚至是大多數(shù)時(shí)候。但是有時(shí)候，他們的想法 又是完全符合邏輯的。世界上的確有不公平。的確有殘忍的，自私的人，當(dāng)我們被惡劣地對(duì)待時(shí)， 變得生氣不僅僅是可以接受的，更是正確的。