演講MP3+雙語(yǔ)文稿:《陰道獨(dú)白》劇作者：真誠(chéng)道歉的巨大影響力

聽(tīng)力課堂TED音頻欄目主要包括TED演講的音頻MP3及中英雙語(yǔ)文稿，供各位英語(yǔ)愛(ài)好者學(xué)習(xí)使用。本文主要內(nèi)容為演講MP3+雙語(yǔ)文稿:《陰道獨(dú)白》劇作者：真誠(chéng)道歉的巨大影響力，希望你會(huì)喜歡！

【演講人】夏娃·恩斯勒（Eve Ensler）創(chuàng)造了開(kāi)創(chuàng)性的“陰道獨(dú)白”，其成功促使她創(chuàng)立了“ V-Day”運(yùn)動(dòng)，該運(yùn)動(dòng)旨在終結(jié)對(duì)世界各地對(duì)婦女和女孩的暴力行為。

【演講簡(jiǎn)介】真正的道歉不只是后悔。在這場(chǎng)坦率而痛苦的演講中，她分享了如何將自己的虐待經(jīng)歷轉(zhuǎn)變成對(duì)不法者可以做什么并說(shuō)出真正悔改的智慧-并提供了四個(gè)步驟的路線(xiàn)圖來(lái)幫助開(kāi)始這一過(guò)程。

【演講文稿-中英文】

翻譯者 Jiasi Hao 校對(duì)：Chen

00:13

在過(guò)去幾年， 我們不斷在揭發(fā)男人們的惡行。我們必須做這件事。

e past few years, we've been callingmen out. It had to be done

00:20

（掌聲）

（Applause）

00:22

但最近，我一直在思考我們需要做一項(xiàng)更艱巨的事情。就像我朋友托尼·波特說(shuō)的那樣，我們需要找到一個(gè)方法，讓男性參與到這項(xiàng)事業(yè)。

But lately, I've been thinking we need todo something even harder. We need, as my good friend Tony Porter says, to finda way to call men in.

00:37

我父親在我5歲的時(shí)候，開(kāi)始對(duì)我進(jìn)行性虐待。他會(huì)在半夜進(jìn)到我的房間，看起來(lái)神情恍惚。虐待持續(xù)到了我 10歲的時(shí)候。當(dāng)我嘗試拒絕他，當(dāng)我終于能夠說(shuō)“不”，他開(kāi)始?xì)蛭?。他辱罵我愚蠢，稱(chēng)我是個(gè)撒謊者。

My father began to sexually abuse me when Iwas five years old. He would come into my room in the middle of the night. Heappeared to be in a trance. The abuse continued until I was 10. When I tried toresist him, when I was finally able to say no, he began to beat me. He calledme stupid. He said I was a liar.

01:02

父親對(duì)我的性虐待在我10歲的時(shí)候停止了，但實(shí)際上，從未停止。改變了我。我曾總是滿(mǎn)懷焦慮、愧疚和羞恥的情緒，我也不知道為什么。我討厭自己的身體，我討厭我自己，我病得很重，無(wú)法思考，記性也很差。我被危險(xiǎn)的男女所吸引，我自愿的——實(shí)際上，我很樂(lè)意——被糟糕地對(duì)待，因?yàn)檫@是我父親教我的，對(duì)愛(ài)的理解。

The sexual abuse ended when I was 10, butactually, it never ended. It changed who I was. I was filled with anxiety andguilt and shame all the time, and I didn't know why. I hated my body, I hatedmyself, I got sick a lot, I couldn't think, I couldn't remember things. I wasdrawn to dangerous men and women who I allowed -- actually, I invited -- totreat me badly, because that is what my father taught me love was.

01:38

我等待了一生，等著我父親向我道歉。他沒(méi)有，也不會(huì)這樣做。最近一些男性公眾人物的丑聞 一個(gè)個(gè)被揭露，我意識(shí)到一件事： 我從未聽(tīng)到過(guò)一個(gè)犯下強(qiáng)暴或肢體暴力罪名的男性曾向其受害者公開(kāi)道歉。我開(kāi)始思考，一個(gè)真誠(chéng)的道歉會(huì)是怎樣的？

I waited my whole life for my father toapologize to me. He didn't. He wouldn't. And then, with the recent scandals offamous men, as one after another was exposed, I realized something: I havenever heard a man who has committed rape or physical violence ever publiclyapologize to his victim. I began to wonder, what would an authentic, deepapology be like?

02:20

所以有些奇怪的事情開(kāi)始發(fā)生。我開(kāi)始寫(xiě)作，之后我父親的聲音開(kāi)始重現(xiàn)。他開(kāi)始告訴我他之前到底做了什么錯(cuò)事，以及為什么他會(huì)這么做。他開(kāi)始道歉。我父親已經(jīng)去世了將近 31 年，但是，在這封我替他寫(xiě)的道歉信中，我發(fā)現(xiàn)了道歉的力量，這實(shí)際上可能是一種能讓所有施暴男性和受暴女性度過(guò)眼前危難的方法。

So, something strange began to happen. Ibegan to write, and my father's voice began to come through me. He began totell me what he had done and why. He began to apologize. My father is deadalmost 31 years, and yet, in this apology, the one I had to write for him, Idiscovered the power of an apology and how it actually might be the way to moveforward in the crisis we now face with men and all the women they abuse.

02:57

道歉是一種至高無(wú)上的承諾。它要求絕對(duì)的誠(chéng)實(shí)。它需要深層的自我拷問(wèn)和時(shí)間。不能著急。 我發(fā)現(xiàn)，道歉通常有 4 個(gè)步驟，如果你要道歉，我很樂(lè)意和你們分享這4個(gè)步驟。

Apology is a sacred commitment. It requirescomplete honesty. It demands deep self-interrogation and time. It cannot berushed. I discovered an apology has four steps, and, if you would, I'd like totake you through them.

03:16

第一，你必須要詳細(xì)陳述你做了什么。你的描述不能模棱兩可。“如果我傷到你了，對(duì)不起。” 或“如果我性虐待你了，對(duì)不起。”這樣的話(huà)并沒(méi)有任何幫助。你必須要說(shuō)清真正發(fā)生了什么。“我在半夜跑到你的房間，脫下你的內(nèi)褲。”“我貶低了你，因?yàn)槲壹刀誓?，我想要讓你感到自己一文不值?rdquo;解脫在于細(xì)節(jié)。道歉是一場(chǎng)追憶。它聯(lián)系著過(guò)去和現(xiàn)在。它訴說(shuō)著過(guò)去真實(shí)發(fā)生的事情。

The first is you have to say what, indetail, you did. Your accounting cannot be vague. "I'm sorry if I hurtyou" or "I'm sorry if I sexually abused you" doesn't cut it. Youhave to say what actually happened. "I came into the room in the middle ofthe night, and I pulled your underpants down." "I belittled youbecause I was jealous of you and I wanted you to feel less." Theliberation is in the details. An apology is a remembering. It connects the pastwith the present. It says that what occurred actually did occur.

03:55

第二步，你需要詢(xún)問(wèn)自己為什么。幸存者始終會(huì)被“為什么”所煩擾。為什么？為什么我的父親想要性虐待自己的大女兒？為什么他會(huì)抓著我的頭并用力往墻上撞？以我父親為例， 他比其他兄弟姐妹小很多。他的出生是一個(gè)“奇跡般的”意外。他一直都是個(gè)被家人愛(ài)慕寵溺著的男孩。但是“愛(ài)慕”，實(shí)際上與“愛(ài)”不同。愛(ài)慕是一種其他人將所有期望寄托于你， 想要你變得完美的情感。 我的父親必須承擔(dān)起這些 難以實(shí)現(xiàn)的期望，所以他從來(lái)不被允許做自己。他從來(lái)不被允許表達(dá)自己的溫柔 或是脆弱、好奇和疑問(wèn)。他從來(lái)不被允許流淚。 因此他被迫將所有的 這些感情和情緒隱藏起來(lái)，以至于最終它們都被轉(zhuǎn)移了。這些壓抑的情緒后來(lái)變成了他內(nèi)心深處的人影，使他失控了，最后他把那些激動(dòng)情緒都發(fā)泄在了我的身上。

The second step is you have to ask yourselfwhy. Survivors are haunted by the why. Why? Why would my father want tosexually abuse his eldest daughter? Why would he take my head and smash itagainst a wall? In my father's case, he was a child born long after the otherchildren. He was an accident that became "the miracle." He was adoredand treated as the golden boy. But adoration, it turns out, is not love.Adoration is a projection of someone's need for you to be perfect onto you. Myfather had to live up to this impossible ideal, and so he was never allowed tobe himself. He was never allowed to express tenderness or vulnerability,curiosity, doubt. He was never allowed to cry. And so he was forced to push allthose feelings underground, and they eventually metastasized. Those suppressedfeelings later became Shadowman, and he was out of control, and he eventuallyunleashed his torrent on me.

05:10

第三步，就是你需要敞開(kāi)心扉，對(duì)你的受害者在被你虐待時(shí)所承受的痛苦感同身受。你必須讓自己感到撕心裂肺。你必須讓自己感到恐懼、背叛，以及你的虐待行為對(duì)受害者造成的長(zhǎng)期影響。你必須與自己招致的煎熬共處。

The third step is you have to open yourheart and feel what your victim felt as you were abusing her. You have to letyour heart break. You have to feel the horror and betrayal and the long-termimpacts of your abuse on your victim. You have to sit with the suffering youhave caused.

05:31

當(dāng)然，第四步，就是承擔(dān)你過(guò)去行為的責(zé)任，并改正。

And, of course, the fourth step is takingresponsibility for what you have done and making amends.

05:38

為什么有人會(huì)想經(jīng)歷這樣一個(gè)磨人且屈辱的過(guò)程？為什么你想要揭開(kāi)自己的舊痂？因?yàn)檫@是唯一一個(gè)你能解放自己的方法。這是唯一一個(gè)你能解放你的受害者的方法。你不僅只是摧毀了你的受害者，你也摧毀了自己。沒(méi)有人能對(duì)自己施于他人的暴力行為的影響無(wú)動(dòng)于衷，他們因自己的行為飽受折磨。這能在你的整個(gè)余生中，創(chuàng)造出一個(gè)令人難以置信的黑暗且被玷污的靈魂。

So, why would anyone want to go throughsuch a grueling and humbling process? Why would you want to rip yourself open?Because it is the only thing that will set yourself free. It is the only thingthat will set your victim free. You didn't just destroy your victim. Youdestroyed yourself. There is no one who enacts violence on another person whodoesn't suffer from the effects themselves. It creates an incredibly dark and contaminatingspirit, and it spreads throughout your entire life.

06:19

我寫(xiě)下的道歉——我從中學(xué)會(huì)了一件事：我們需要從不同角度來(lái)了解男性的暴力問(wèn)題，這個(gè)曾一直困擾 我與其他十億女性的問(wèn)題。 我們總是首先尋求懲罰。 這是我們的本能直覺(jué)， 但實(shí)際上，盡管有時(shí)懲罰本身是有效的， 但僅靠它，還遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)不夠。我的父親懲罰了我。我變得渺小無(wú)力，我變得支離破碎。我認(rèn)為懲罰只會(huì)讓我們變得更加強(qiáng)硬，而非反思教育。羞辱某人并沒(méi)有任何啟發(fā)性作用。我們實(shí)際上需要建立一個(gè)可能包含但不僅局限于懲罰的流程。我們可以為那些施暴者打開(kāi)一扇門(mén)，給他們一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)去改過(guò)自新。

The apology I wrote -- I learned somethingabout a different lens we have to look through to understand the problem ofmen's violence that I and one billion other women have survived. We often turnto punishment first. It's our first instinct, but actually, although punishmentsometimes is effective, on its own, it is not enough. My father punished me. Iwas shut down, and I was broken. I think punishment hardens us, but it doesn'tteach us. Humiliation is not revelation. We actually need to create a processthat may involve punishment, whereby we open a doorway where men can actuallybecome something and someone else.

07:09

那么多年來(lái)，我一直痛恨我的父親。我想他死，我想要他進(jìn)監(jiān)獄。但其實(shí)這一憤怒情緒一直讓我父親的故事與我牽絆在一起。我真正想要的不只是阻止我父親的行為，而是他本身的改變。我希望他能道歉。這是我想要的。我們不想要施暴者們被摧毀，我們不想要施暴者們僅僅被懲罰。我們想讓他們正視我們，我們這些他們?cè)?jīng)傷害的受害者們，我們也想讓他們感到悔恨，并且做出改變。我相信這是可能的，我也相信這是我們前行的道路。但我們需要男人加入我們。我們需要男人鼓起勇氣，成為這一轉(zhuǎn)變的一部分。我用了大半生致力于揭發(fā)男人們的惡行。今天，我站在這里，就在此時(shí)此刻，我想邀請(qǐng)你們加入我。

For so many years, I hated my father. Iwanted him dead. I wanted him in prison. But actually, that rage kept meconnected to my father's story. What I really wanted wasn't just for my fatherto be stopped. I wanted him to change. I wanted him to apologize. That's whatwe want. We don't want men to be destroyed, we don't want them to only bepunished. We want them to see us, the victims that they have harmed, and wewant them to repent and change. And I actually believe this is possible. And Ireally believe it's our way forward. But we need men to join us. We need mennow to be brave and be part of this transformation. I have spent most of mylife calling men out, and I am here now, right now, to call you in.

08:13

謝謝。

Thank you.

08:14

（掌聲）

（Applause） Thank you.

08:17

（掌聲）

（Applause）

08:00

謝謝，謝謝。

Thank you, thank you.

08:20

（掌聲）

（Applause）