Anson was the eldest of six children who would some day divide a fortune of fifteen million dollars, and he reached the age of reason—is it seven?—at the beginning of the century when daring young women were already gliding along Fifth Avenue in electric“mobiles.” In those days he and his brother had an English governess who spoke the language very clearly and crisply and well, so that the two boys grew to speak as she did—their words and sentences were all crisp and clear and not run together as ours are. They didn't talk exactly like English children but acquired an accent that is peculiar to fashionable people in the city of New York.
In the summer the six children were moved from the house on 71st Street to a big estate in northern Connecticut. It was not a fashionable locality—Anson's father wanted to delay as long as possible his children's knowledge of that side of life. He was a man somewhat superior to his class, which composed New York society, and to his period, which was the snobbish and formalized vulgarity of the Gilded Age, and he wanted his sons to learn habits of concentration and have sound constitutions and grow up into right-living and successful men. He and his wife kept an eye on them as well as they were able until the two older boys went away to school, but in huge establishments this is difficult—it was much simpler in the series of small and medium-sized houses in which my own youth was spent—I was never far out of the reach of my mother's voice, of the sense of her presence, her approval or disapproval.
Anson's first sense of his superiority came to him when he realized the half-grudging American deference that was paid to him in the Connecticut village. The parents of the boys he played with always inquired after his father and mother, and were vaguely excited when their own children were asked to the Hunters' house. He accepted this as the natural state of things, and a sort of impatience with all groups of which he was not the center—in money, in position, in authority—remained with him for the rest of his life. He disdained to struggle with other boys for precedence—he expected it to be given him freely, and when it wasn't he withdrew into his family. His family was sufficient, for in the East money is still a somewhat feudal thing, a clan-forming thing. In the snobbish West, money separates families to form“sets.”
At eighteen, when he went to New Haven, Anson was tall and thick-set, with a clear complexion and a healthy color from the ordered life he had led in school. His hair was yellow and grew in a funny way on his head, his nose was beaked—these two things kept him from being handsome—but he had a confident charm and a certain brusque style, and the upper-class men who passed him on the street knew without being told that he was a rich boy and had gone to one of the best schools. Nevertheless, his very superiority kept him from being a success in college—the independence was mistaken for egotism, and the refusal to accept Yale standards with the proper awe seemed to belittle all those who had. So, long before he graduated, he began to shift the center of his life to New York.
He was at home in New York—there was his own house with“the kind of servants you can't get any more”—and his own family, of which, because of his good humor and a certain ability to make things go, he was rapidly becoming the center, and the débutante parties, and the correct manly world of the men's clubs, and the occasional wild spree with the gallant girls whom New Haven only knew from the fifth row. His aspirations were conventional enough—they included even the irreproachable shadow he would some day marry, but they differed from the aspirations of the majority of young men in that there was no mist over them, none of that quality which is variously known as“idealism”or“illusion.” Anson accepted without reservation the world of high finance and high extravagance, of divorce and dissipation, of snobbery and of privilege. Most of our lives end as a compromise—it was as a compromise that his life began.
He and I first met in the late summer of 1917 when he was just out of Yale, and, like the rest of us, was swept up into the systematized hysteria of the war. In the blue-green uniform of the naval aviation he came down to Pensacola, where the hotel orchestras played“I'm sorry, dear,” and we young officers danced with the girls. Every one liked him, and though he ran with the drinkers and wasn't an especially good pilot, even the instructors treated him with a certain respect. He was always having long talks with them in his confident, logical voice—talks which ended by his getting himself, or, more frequently, another officer, out of some impending trouble. He was convivial, bawdy, robustly avid for pleasure, and we were all surprised when he fell in love with a conservative and rather proper girl.
Her name was Paula Legendre, a dark, serious beauty from somewhere in California. Her family kept a winter residence just outside of town, and in spite of her primness she was enormously popular; there is a large class of men whose egotism can't endure humor in a woman. But Anson wasn't that sort, and I couldn't understand the attraction of her“sincerity”—that was the thing to say about her—for his keen and somewhat sardonic mind.
Nevertheless, they fell in love—and on her terms. He no longer joined the twilight gathering at the De Sota bar, and whenever they were seen together they were engaged in a long, serious dialogue, which must have gone on several weeks. Long afterward he told me that it was not about anything in particular but was composed on both sides of immature and even meaningless statements—the emotional content that gradually came to fill it grew up not out of the words but out of its enormous seriousness. It was a sort of hypnosis. Often it was interrupted, giving way to that emasculated humor we call fun; when they were alone it was resumed again, solemn, low-keyed, and pitched so as to give each other a sense of unity in feeling and thought. They came to resent any interruptions of it, to be unresponsive to facetiousness about life, even to the mild cynicism of their contemporaries. They were only happy when the dialogue was going on, and its seriousness bathed them like the amber glow of an open fire. Toward the end there came an interruption they did not resent—it began to be interrupted by passion.
Oddly enough, Anson was as engrossed in the dialogue as she was and as profoundly affected by it, yet at the same time aware that on his side much was insincere, and on hers much was merely simple. At first, too, he despised her emotional simplicity as well, but with his love her nature deepened and blossomed, and he could despise it no longer. He felt that if he could enter into Paula's warm safe life he would be happy. The long preparation of the dialogue removed any constraint—he taught her some of what he had learned from more adventurous women, and she responded with a rapt holy intensity. One evening after a dance they agreed to marry, and he wrote a long letter about her to his mother. The next day Paula told him that she was rich, that she had a personal fortune of nearly a million dollars.
安森兄弟姐妹六人,他是老大,有一天他們會分配價值一千五百萬美元的家產(chǎn)。在二十世紀初,當女人們不再羞答答地乘著電動“汽車”在第五大街上招搖過市的時候——安森已經(jīng)到了懂事的年齡——有七歲了吧?那個時候,他和弟弟有一個英國女家庭教師,她的英語說得非常清晰、利落、優(yōu)雅,因此,這兩個男孩子的說話方式漸漸地變得和她一模一樣了——他們的遣詞造句都很清晰、利落,不像我們說起話來一氣呵成,沒個停頓。他們講話時帶有一種紐約市有頭有臉的人們所特有的那種腔調(diào),這一點和英國孩子也不完全相同。
夏天,這六個孩子從第七十一大街上的一座房子里搬到康涅狄格州北部的一幢大莊園里。那里不是個時髦的地方——安森的父親是想盡量延遲孩子們對時尚生活的了解。和構(gòu)成紐約社交圈的他那些同階層的人們以及與他所處的那個勢利、庸俗觀念已經(jīng)固化了的鍍金時代(1)的人們相比,他多少都有些出類拔萃。他希望兒子們養(yǎng)成專一的習慣,身體健康,長大后走上正當?shù)纳畹缆罚蔀槌晒θ耸?。他和妻子盡可能地密切關(guān)注著孩子們的成長,直到兩個大點的孩子上學為止。然而在這么一個深宅大院里,做到這一點實屬不易——要是在我小時候住過的小房子里和不大不小的房子里,就簡單多了——我一直都在母親的眼皮子底下活動,隨時都能聽到她的聲音,感覺到她的存在,聽她說行或是不行。
當安森在康涅狄格州的村莊里受到村民們勉強給予他的美國式的敬重時,他最初的優(yōu)越感便開始形成了。和他一起玩耍的男孩們的父母總是追著他的父母問東問西,而且當他們的孩子受到邀請到亨特家玩耍時,他們就會流露出隱隱約約的興奮之情。他把這些都當成是自然而然的事情。他對所有在金錢、地位、權(quán)威諸方面不把他當成中心人物的群體都懷恨在心,而且終生不忘。他不屑與其他男孩子爭奪領(lǐng)導權(quán)——他覺得他們應該將領(lǐng)導權(quán)無條件地拱手讓給他,如若不然,他就縮到家里去。他家很有錢,因為在東部,金錢依然有一定的封建力量,是一個家族賴以形成的基礎(chǔ)。而在勢利的西部,金錢反倒使一個家族分崩離析,變成各種“小幫派”。
安森十八歲的時候去了紐黑文,由于學校里的規(guī)律生活,他高大魁梧,皮膚明亮潤澤,氣色健康。他長著一頭奇怪的黃頭發(fā)和鷹鉤鼻子——這兩樣東西沒能讓他進入相貌堂堂的美男子行列——但是他十分自信,這使他魅力不俗,另有一種霸氣的風度。上層社會的人們?nèi)绻隈R路上與他擦肩而過,不用誰說他們就知道他是富家子弟,而且在最好的學校受過教育。不過,也正是他給人的這種高高在上的感覺反而使他的大學生活過得不盡如人意——他的獨立個性被誤認為是妄自尊大,他拒絕以應有的敬意接受耶魯大學的標準似乎是對那些畢恭畢敬的遵從者的藐視。因此,遠還沒有畢業(yè),他就開始將生活的重心轉(zhuǎn)移到了紐約。
在紐約,他倒是過得悠游自在——他有屬于自己的房子,家里還有“你再也找不到的那種用人”——還有他自己的家人。由于他脾氣好,又有一定的處事能力,所以他很快就成為家人的主心骨。他去參加初涉社交圈的名流派對,加入正規(guī)的男人俱樂部里那個血氣方剛的男人世界,有時也會和那些連紐黑文的主流社會都進不去的輕浮姑娘們盡情狂歡。他的抱負很平凡——其中包括一個無可指責、在他心中秘而不宣的計劃:有一天他會結(jié)婚。但是他的抱負和大多數(shù)年輕人的抱負又有所不同,因為他的抱負不會給人一種霧里看花的感覺,一點都不具有所謂的“理想主義”或“幻想”的成分。安森毫無保留地接受了那個富豪云集、紙醉金迷、離婚成風、放蕩不羈、唯利是圖、大搞特權(quán)的世界。我們大多數(shù)人的生活都以妥協(xié)而告終——而他的生活則是以妥協(xié)而開始。
我和他初次見面是在一九一七年的夏末,當時,他剛好從耶魯大學畢業(yè)。和我們所有人一樣,他很快就被卷入了那場大規(guī)模的瘋狂戰(zhàn)爭。他穿著海軍航空部隊藍綠相間的軍裝去了彭薩科拉,旅店里的管弦樂隊在演奏《對不起,親愛的》,我們這些年輕軍官和姑娘們隨著音樂跳舞。盡管他和酒徒們到處跑去喝酒,并不是個特別稱職的飛行員,卻偏偏人人都喜歡他,連指導員們都敬他幾分。他常常自信滿滿、邏輯清晰地和他們進行長談——這么一談,就讓他自己,或者更多的時候是讓另一個軍官擺脫了即將到來的麻煩。他善于交際、愛講粗話、貪圖享樂,當他愛上一個思想保守、中規(guī)中矩的姑娘時,我們都感到非常意外。
她叫寶拉·勒讓德,是個皮膚黝黑、態(tài)度認真的美人,來自加利福尼亞的某個地方。她家在城外有一幢避寒別墅,盡管她循規(guī)蹈矩,卻非常受人追捧。有一大幫自以為是的男人受不了女人們的脾氣,但是安森不是那種人,而我也理解不了她的“真誠”——用這個詞來評價她真是恰如其分——對他那種思維敏捷而又有點玩世不恭的人來說究竟有多大的魅力。
盡管如此,他們還是相愛了——而且是他主動追求的她。他不再參加迪索托酒吧的黃昏派對了,只要有人看到他們在一起,他們都在一本正經(jīng)、沒完沒了地談話,好像要幾個禮拜才能談完似的。很久之后,他告訴我,他們的談話內(nèi)容沒有任何特殊之處,他們兩個人的談話都很幼稚,甚至毫無意義——他們逐漸產(chǎn)生情愫并不是因為說了什么話,而是因為他們在說話時所表現(xiàn)出的極其嚴肅認真的態(tài)度。那是一種催眠劑。他們的這種一本正經(jīng)勁兒常常被我們所謂的玩笑所攪擾;當他們單獨相處的時候,就會重新恢復常態(tài),認真低調(diào),分寸掌握得剛剛好,使彼此在情感和思想上都產(chǎn)生共鳴。他們開始討厭任何人的打擾,對那種拿生活當兒戲的行為,甚至對當代人的那種輕微的玩世不恭的態(tài)度都不理不睬。只要不停地交談,他們就會感到快樂,那股子認真勁兒使他們沐浴在琥珀色的篝火般的烈焰中。終于,他們發(fā)展到被一種他們并不討厭的東西所攪擾的程度——他們的談話開始被彼此的激情所打斷。
非常奇怪的是,安森和她一樣沉浸于談話中,并和她一樣被深深地打動。然而,他同時也意識到,他這方面存在著很大程度的虛情假意,而她那方面很大程度上只是由于太單純。起初,他也看不上她在感情方面的天真無知,但是有了他的愛,她的性格也變得深刻并充滿魅力了,令他再也不敢小覷了。他覺得,如果他能走進寶拉溫暖而安穩(wěn)的生活,他會很幸福的。有了兩人漫長的談話做鋪墊,他們之間不再拘謹——他向她傳授了一些從更大膽的女人那里學來的東西,她則以一種如癡如醉的圣潔的強烈感情回應他。一天晚上跳完舞后,他們都同意結(jié)婚,他寫了一封長信把她的情況向母親做了介紹。第二天,寶拉告訴他,她很有錢,擁有將近一百萬美元的個人財產(chǎn)。