To Mr. Book, the head of the music department at Ryder College, was due all the credit for getting Madame Zilensky on the faculty.The college considered itself fortunate;her reputation was impressive, both as a composer and as a pedagogue.Mr.Brook took on himself the responsibility of finding a house for Madame Zilensky, a comfortable place with a garden, which was convenient to the college and next to the apartment house where he himself lived.
No one in Westbridge had known Madame Zilensky before she came. Mr.Brook had seen her pictures in musical journals, and once he had written to her about the authenticity of a certain Buxtehude manuscript.Also, when it was being settled that she was to join the faculty, they had exchanged a few cables and letters on practical affairs.She wrote in a clear, square hand, and the only thing out of the ordinary in these letters was the fact that they contained an occasional reference to objects and persons altogether unknown to Mr.Brook, such as“the yellow cat in Lisbon”or“poor Heinrich.”These lapses Mr.Brook put down to the confusion of getting herself and her family out of Europe.
Mr. Brook was a somewhat pastel person;years of Mozart minuets, of explanations about diminished sevenths and minor triads, had given him a watchful vocational patience.For the most part, he kept to himself.He loathed academic fddle-faddle and committees.Years before, when the music department had decided to gang together and spend the summer in Salzburg, Mr.Brook sneakedout of the arrangement at the last moment and took a solitary trip to Peru.He had a few eccentricities himself and was tolerant of the peculiarities of others;indeed, he rather relished the ridiculous.Often, when confronted with some grave and incongruous situation, he would feel a little inside tickle, which stiffened his long, mild face and sharpened the light in his gray eyes.
Mr. Brook met Madame Zilensky at the Westbridge station a week before the beginning of the fall semester.He recognized her instantly.She was a tall, straight woman with a pale and haggard face.Her eyes were deeply shadowed and she wore her dark, ragged hair pushed back from her forehead.She had large, delicate hands, which were very grubby.About her person as a whole there was something noble and abstract that made Mr.Brook draw back for a moment and stand nervously undoing his cuff links.In spite of her clothes-a long, black skirt and a broken-down old leather jacket-she made an impression of vague elegance.With Madame Zilensky were three children, boys between the ages of ten and six, all blond, blank-eyed, and beautiful.There was one other person, an old woman who turned out later to be the Finnish servant.
This was the group he found at the station. The only luggage they had with them was two immense boxes of manuscripts, the rest of their paraphernalia having been forgotten in the station at Springfeld when they changed trains.That is the sort of thing that can happen to anyone.When Mr.Brook got them all into a taxi, he thought the worst difficulties were over, but Madame Zilensky suddenly tried to scramble over his knees and get out of the door.
“My God!”she said.“I left my-how do you say?—my tick-tick-tick—”
“Your watch?”asked Mr. Brook.
“Oh no!”she said vehemently.“You know, my tick-tick-tick,”and she waved her forefnger from side to side, pendulum fashion.
“Tick-tick,”said Mr. Brook, putting his hands to his forehead and closing his eyes.“Could you possibly mean a metronome?”
“Yes!Yes!I think I must have lost it there where we changed trains.”
Mr. Brook managed to quiet her.He even said, with a kind of dazed gallantry, that he would get her another one the next day.But at the time he was bound to admit to himself that there was something curious about this panic over a metronome when there was all the rest of the lost luggage to consider.
The Zilensky ménage moved into the house next door, and on the surface everything was all right.The boys were quiet children.Their names were Sigmund, Boris, and Sammy.They were always together and they followed each other around Indian fle, Sigmund usually the frst.Among themselves they spoke a desperate-sounding family Esperanto made up of Russian, French, Finnish, German, and English;when other people were around, they were strangely silent.It was not any one thing that the Zilenskys did or said that made Mr.Brook uneasy.There were just little incidents.For example, something about the Zilensky children subconsciously bothered him when they were in a house, and fnally he realized that what troubled him was the fact that the Zilensky boys never walked on a rug;they skirted it single fle on the bare foor, and if a room was carpeted, they stood in the doorway and did not go inside.Another thing was this:Weeks passed and Madame Zilensky seemed to make no effort to get settled or to furnish the house with anything more than a table and some beds.The front door was left open day and night and soon the house began to take on a queer, bleak look like that of a place abandoned for years.
The college had every reason to be satisfied with Madame Zilensky. She taught with a fierce insistence.She could become deeply indignant if some Mary Owens or Bernadine Smith would not clean up her Scarlatti trills.She got hold of four pianos for her college studio and set four dazed students to playing Bach fugues together.The racket that came from her end of the departmentwas extraordinary, but Madame Zilensky did not seem to have a nerve in her, and if pure will and effort can get over a musical idea, then Ryder College could not have done better.At night Madame Zilensky worked on her twelfth symphony.She seemed never to sleep;no matter what time of night Mr.Brook happened to look out of his sitting-room window, the light in her studio was always on.No, it was not because of any professional consideration that Mr.Brook became so dubious.
It was in late October when he felt for the first time that something was unmistakably wrong. He had lunched with Madame Zilensky and had enjoyed himself, as she had given him a very detailed account of an African safari she had made in 1928.Later in the afternoon she stopped in at his offce and stood rather abstractly in the doorway.
Mr. Brook looked up from his desk and asked,“Is there anything you want?”
“No, thank you,”said Madame Zilensky. She had a low, beautiful, sombre voice.“I was only just wondering.You recall the metronome.Do you think perhaps that I might have left it with that French?”
“Who?”asked Mr. Brook.
“Why, that French I was married to,”she answered.
“Frenchman,”Mr. Brook said mildly.He tried to imagine the husband of Madame Zilensky, but his mind refused.He muttered half to himself,“The father of the children.”
“But no,”said Madame Zilensky with decision.“The father of Sammy.”
Mr. Brook had a swift prescience.His deepest instincts warned him to say nothing further.Still, his respect for order, his conscience, demanded that he ask,“And the father of the other two?”
Madame Zilensky put her hand to the back of her head and ruffled up her short, cropped hair. Her face was dreamy, and for several moments she did not answer.Then she said gently,“Boris isof a Pole who played the piccolo.”
“And Sigmund?”he asked. Mr.Brook looked over his orderly desk, with the stack of corrected papers, the three sharpened pencils, the ivory-elephant paperweight.When he glanced up at Madame Zilensky, she was obviously thinking hard.She gazed around at the corners of the room, her brows lowered and her jaw moving from side to side.At last she said,“We were discussing the father of Sigmund?”
“Why, no,”said Mr. Brook.“There is no need to do that.”
Madame Zilensky answered in a voice both dignifed and fnal.“He was a fellow-countryman.”
Mr. Brook really did not care one way or the other.He had no prejudices;people could marry seventeen times and have Chinese children so far as he was concerned.But there was something about this conversation with Madame Zilensky that bothered him.Suddenly he understood.The children didn't look at all like Madame Zilensky, but they looked exactly like each other, and as they all had different fathers, Mr.Brook thought the resemblance astonishing.
But Madame Zilensky had fnished with the subject. She zipped up her leather jacket and turned away.
“That is exactly where I left it,”she said, with a quick nod.“Chez that French.”
Affairs in the music department were running smoothly. Mr.Brook did not have any serious embarrassments to deal with, such as the harp teacher last year who had fnally eloped with a garage mechanic.There was only this nagging apprehension about Madame Zilensky.He could not make out what was wrong in his relations with her or why his feelings were so mixed.To begin with, she was a great globe-trotter, and her conversations were incongruously seasoned with references to far-fetched places.She would go along for days without opening her mouth, prowling through the corridor with her hands in the pockets of her jacket and her face lockedin meditation.Then suddenly she would buttonhole Mr.Brook and launch out on a long, volatile monologue, her eyes reckless and bright and her voice warm with eagerness.She would talk about anything or nothing at all.Yet, without exception, there was something queer, in a slanted sort of way, about every episode she ever mentioned.If she spoke of taking Sammy to the barbershop, the impression she created was just as foreign as if she were telling of an afternoon in Bagdad.Mr.Brook could not make it out.
The truth came to him very suddenly, and the truth made everything perfectly clear, or at least clarified the situation. Mr.Brook had come home early and lighted a fre in the little grate in his sitting-room.He felt comfortable and at peace that evening.He sat before the fre in his stocking feet, with a volume of William Blake on the table by his side, and he had poured himself a half-glass of apricot brandy.At ten o'clock he was drowsing cozily before the fre, his mind full of cloudy phrases of Mahler and foating half-thoughts.Then all at once, out of this delicate stupor, four words came to his mind:“The King of Finland.”The words seemed familiar, but for the first moment he could not place them.Then all at once he tracked them down.He had been walking across the campus that afternoon when Madame Zilensky stopped him and began some preposterous rigamarole, to which he had only half listened;he was thinking about the stack of canons turned in by his counterpoint class.Now the words, the infections of her voice, came back to him with insidious exactitude, Madame Zilensky had started off with the following remark:“One day, when I was standing in front of a patisserie, the King of Finland came by in a sled.”
Mr. Brook jerked himself up straight in his chair and put down his glass of brandy.The woman was a pathological liar.Almost every word she uttered outside of class was an untruth.If she worked all night, she would go out of her way to tell you she spent the evening at the cinema.If she ate lunch at the Old Tavern, she would be sure to mention that she had lunched with her children at home.The woman was simply a pathological liar, and that accounted for everything.
Mr. Brook cracked his knuckles and got up from his chair.His frst reaction was one of exasperation.That day after day Madame Zilensky would have the gall to sit there in his offce and deluge him with her outrageous falsehoods!Mr.Brook was intensely provoked.He walked up and down the room, then he went into his kitchenette and made himself a sardine sandwich.
An hour later, as he sat before the fre, his irritation had changed to a scholarly and thoughtful wonder. What he must do, he told himself, was to regard the whole situation impersonally and look on Madame Zilensky as a doctor looks on a sick patient.Her lies were of the guileless sort.She did not dissimulate with any intention to deceive, and the untruths she told were never used to any possible advantage.That was the maddening thing;there was simply no motive behind it all.
Mr. Brook fnished off the rest of the brandy.And slowly, when it was almost midnight, a further understanding came to him.The reason for the lies of Madame Zilensky was painful and plain.All her life long Madame Zilensky had worked-at the piano, teaching, and writing those beautiful and immense twelve symphonies.Day and night she had drudged and struggled and thrown her soul into her work, and there was not much of her left over for anything else.Being human, she suffered from this lack and did what she could to make up for it.If she passed the evening bent over a table in the library and later declared that she had spent that time playing cards, it was as though she had managed to do both those things.Through the lies, she lived vicariously.The lies doubled the little of her existence that was left over from work and augmented the little rag-end of her personal life.
Mr. Brook looked into the fire, and the face of Madame Zilensky was in his mind-a severe face, with dark, weary eyes and delicately disciplined mouth.He was conscious of a warmthin his chest, and a feeling of pity, protectiveness, and dreadful understanding.For a while he was in a state of lovely confusion.
Later on he brushed his teeth and got into his pajamas. He must be practical.What did this clear up?That French, the Pole with the piccolo, Bagdad?And the children, Sigmund, Boris, and Sammy-who were they?Were they really her children after all, or had she simply rounded them up from somewhere?Mr.Brook polished his spectacles and put them on the table by his bed.He must come to an immediate understanding with her.Otherwise, there would exist in the department a situation which could become most problematical.It was two o'clock.He glanced out of his window and saw that the light in Madame Zilensky's workroom was still on.Mr.Brook got into bed, made terrible faces in the dark, and tried to plan what he would say next day.
Mr. Brook was in his offce by eight o'clock.He sat hunched up behind his desk, ready to trap Madame Zilensky as she passed down the corridor.He did not have to wait long, and as soon as he heard her footsteps he called out her name.
Madame Zilensky stood in the doorway. She looked vague and jaded.“How are you?I had such a fne night's rest,”she said.
“Pray be seated, if you please,”said Mr. Brook.“I would like a word with you.”
Madame Zilensky put aside her portfolio and leaned back wearily in the armchair across from him.“Yes?”she asked.
“Yesterday you spoke to me as I was walking across the campus,”he said slowly.“And if I am not mistaken, I believe you said something about a pastry shop and the King of Finland. Is that correct?”
Madame Zilensky turned her head to one side and stared retrospectively at a corner of the window sill.
“Something about a pastry shop,”he repeated.
Her tired face brightened.“But of course,”she said eagerly.“I told you about the time I was standing in front of this shop and theKing of Finland—”
“Madame Zilensky!”Mr. Brook cried.“There is no King of Finland.”
Madame Zilensky looked absolutely blank. Then, after an instant, she started off again.“I was standing in front of Bjarne's patisserie when I turned away from the cakes and suddenly saw the King of Finland—”
“Madame Zilensky, I just told you that there is no King of Finland.”
“In Helsingfors,”she started off again desperately, and again he let her get as far as the King, and then no further.
“Finland is a democracy,”he said.“You could not possibly have seen the King of Finland. Therefore, what you have just said is an untruth.A pure untruth.”
Never afterward could Mr. Brook forget the face of Madame Zilensky at that moment.In her eyes there was astonishment, dismay, and a sort of cornered horror.She had the look of one who watches his whole interior world split open and disintegrate.
“It is a pity,”said Mr. Brook with real sympathy.
But Madame Zilensky pulled herself together. She raised her chin and said coldly,“I am a Finn.”
“That I do not question,”answered Mr. Brook.On second thought, he did question it a little.
“I was born in Finland and I am a Finnish citizen.”
“That may very well be,”said Mr. Brook in a rising voice.
“In the war,”she continued passionately,“I rode a motor-cycle and was a messenger.”
“Your patriotism does not enter into it.”
“Just because I am getting out the frst papers—”
“Madame Zilensky!”said Mr. Brook.His hands grasped the edge of the desk.“That is only an irrelevant issue.The point is that you maintained and testified that you saw-that you saw—”But he could not fnish.Her face stopped him.She was deadly pale andthere were shadows around her mouth.Her eyes were wide open, doomed, and proud.And Mr.Brook felt suddenly like a murderer.A great commotion of feelings-understanding, remorse, and unreasonable love-made him cover his face with his hands.He could not speak until this agitation in his insides quieted down, and then he said very faintly,“Yes.Of course.The King of Finland.And was he nice?”
An hour later, Mr. Brook sat looking out of the window of his offce.The trees along the quiet Westbridge street were almost bare, and the gray buildings of the college had a calm, sad look.As he idly took in the familiar scene, he noticed the Drakes'old Airedale waddling along down the street.It was a thing he had watched a hundred times before, so what was it that struck him as strange?Then he realized with a kind of cold surprise that the old dog was running along backward.Mr.Brook watched the Airedale until he was out of sight, then resumed his work on the canons which had been turned in by the class in counterpoint
賴德學(xué)院音樂系能聘到席林斯基夫人全靠系頭兒布洛克先生辦事有方。學(xué)院認(rèn)為自己還是夠幸運(yùn)的,不管作為一位作曲家還是作為一位教師,夫人都是聲名遠(yuǎn)揚(yáng)。布洛克先生還真賣力氣,親自幫席林斯基夫人尋摸到一處帶花園的小樓,那地方上學(xué)院很近便,而且就在他自己住的公寓的隔壁。
在席林斯基夫人來到之前,整個(gè)西橋沒有一個(gè)人認(rèn)識她。布洛克先生在音樂刊物上見到過她的照片,有一回還就布克斯特胡德[16]手稿真實(shí)性的問題與她通過信。另外,在她來音樂系工作的事情定下來之后,他們之間就實(shí)際問題交換過幾封電報(bào)與書信。她的書法清晰工整,信里唯一異乎尋常之處,是偶爾會不經(jīng)意地提到布洛克先生全無所知的一些人與事,比如“里斯本的那只黃貓”或是“可憐的海因利希”。這樣的疏忽,布洛克尋思,必定是與她和家人想盡方法離開歐洲時(shí)所遇到的種種混亂有關(guān)吧。
布洛克先生是個(gè)性格比較溫和的人,多年講授莫扎特小步舞曲,解釋何為減七度何為小三和弦,已經(jīng)賦予他一種事事留意的職業(yè)性的耐心。大多數(shù)的事情,他都獨(dú)自悄悄處理掉。他厭惡學(xué)院式的廢話和各式各樣的委員會。多年前,音樂系決定同仁們集體去薩爾茨堡[17]過暑假,布洛克先生在最后一刻溜開獨(dú)自一人去了秘魯。他自己也是有幾樣怪癖的,所以很能容忍別人的特立獨(dú)行。的確,他還挺珍愛那些可笑可樂的人與事的呢。在面臨某些嚴(yán)肅與僵持的局面時(shí),他時(shí)常會在心里覺得癢癢的卻又不敢笑,這就使得他那張溫順的長臉板得更僵了,也使得他的灰眼睛變得更亮了。
秋季開學(xué)前的一個(gè)星期,布洛克先生上西橋火車站去迎接席林斯基夫人。他一下子就認(rèn)出她來了。她是個(gè)高高的、身板很直的婦人,臉色蒼白,有些憔悴。她的眼睛暗淡無光,那頭亂蓬蓬的黑發(fā)從額上直直地往后梳。那雙大手倒是長得挺細(xì)巧,只是臟兮兮的??偟膩碚f,她身上有某種高貴、捉摸不定的氣質(zhì),這使布洛克先生往后退了片刻,不安地站立著,無意間解開了自己的襯衫袖扣。盡管她穿的衣服不倫不類——下面是條黑色長裙,上面是件破舊的皮夾克——她卻朦朦朧朧給人一種優(yōu)雅的感覺。和席林斯基夫人在一起的是三個(gè)孩子,六歲到十歲的男孩,全都是金黃頭發(fā),黑眼睛,十分漂亮。另外還有一位婦女,是個(gè)老太太,后來才知道這是他們的芬蘭女傭。
這就是他在車站見到的那群人。他們唯一的行李是兩大紙箱手稿,其他的隨身物品在斯普林菲爾德?lián)Q車時(shí)留在車站上忘記拿了。這樣的事是會發(fā)生在任何一個(gè)人身上的。在布洛克先生把他們?nèi)M(jìn)一輛出租汽車時(shí),他以為最困難的一步總算走完了,可是席林斯基夫人卻突然想擠過他的膝蓋爬到車門外面去。
“我的上帝!”她說,“我沒拿我的——你們是怎么說來著的?——我的嘀?—嘀?—嘀?——”
“你的表?”布洛克先生問道。
“哦,不是的!”她強(qiáng)烈地否認(rèn),“你知道吧,我的嘀?—嘀?—嘀?——”她揮動起她的食指,從一邊移到另一邊,像只鐘擺那樣。
“嘀?—嘀?,”布洛克先生說,將雙手摁在自己的腦門上,還閉上眼睛,“你的意思會不會是指一只節(jié)拍器?”
“對呀!對呀!我想我準(zhǔn)是在換乘火車時(shí)將它丟失了。”
布洛克先生費(fèi)盡力氣地安撫她。他甚至一沖動豪俠氣十足地說,他明天就去弄一架來給她。不過與此同時(shí)他無法不暗自承認(rèn),她全部行李全都丟個(gè)精光,卻單單為一個(gè)節(jié)拍器如此激動,這里頭未免有些蹊蹺。
席林斯基一大家子搬進(jìn)了隔壁的那座房子,從表面上看一切都很正常。那幾個(gè)男孩也的確孩子氣十足。他們的名字是西格蒙德、鮑里斯和薩米。他們總是黏在一起,走起路來總是排成單行魚貫而行,領(lǐng)頭的一般都是西格蒙德。他們自己人之間說話時(shí)讓人聽起來像是在用一種由俄語、法語、芬蘭語、德語和英語混合而成的發(fā)音極其怪異的家庭世界語。遇到有外人在場時(shí),他們便很奇怪地保持沉默。使得布洛克先生感到不安的并不是席林斯基家人所做的或是說的單獨(dú)的哪一件事,而僅僅是一些芝麻綠豆大的瑣事。最后他明白了,他下意識受到干擾的是席林斯基家的孩子們在屋子里的一些做法,比方說吧,他們走動時(shí)永遠(yuǎn)也不會去踩地毯;他們排著縱隊(duì)在光禿禿的地板上走,如果房間里鋪有地毯,他們就站在門口不進(jìn)來。另外的一件事情是,都過去好幾個(gè)星期了,而席林斯基夫人卻似乎一點(diǎn)也沒有安頓下來的意思,連一張桌子幾張床都不想往房子里添加。不管是白天還是黑夜,大門都是敞開著的,很快,這座房子便有了一種廢棄多年的老房子的奇特、荒涼的模樣。
學(xué)院倒是大可因?yàn)閾碛辛讼炙够蛉硕械叫臐M意足的。她在教學(xué)上有那么一股子狠勁。倘若有某個(gè)瑪麗·歐文斯或是伯納丁·史密斯沒能完成她布置的斯卡拉蒂[18]的顫音作業(yè),那是會引起她的深深憤慨的。她讓學(xué)院里她的工作室掌握有四架鋼琴,讓四個(gè)暈頭轉(zhuǎn)向的學(xué)生聯(lián)手彈奏巴赫的賦格曲。系里她那一頭所發(fā)出的喧囂聲真是夠大的,可是席林斯基夫人頭腦里似乎沒有一根神經(jīng),如果音樂理想確實(shí)是僅僅靠了意志與努力便能完成的話,那么賴德學(xué)院便沒有什么好發(fā)愁了。晚上的時(shí)間席林斯基夫人總是用來寫她的第十二交響曲。她像是永遠(yuǎn)都不睡覺的,布洛克先生不論何時(shí)從他的起居室朝外張望,總能看到她工作室的燈光永遠(yuǎn)都是亮著的。不,并非因?yàn)槿魏螌I(yè)上的考慮才使布洛克先生如此疑團(tuán)重重的。
到了十月下旬,他才第一次覺察到有什么地方肯定不對頭。那天,他和席林斯基夫人一起吃了午餐,心情不錯,因?yàn)樗浅T敿?xì)地給他描述了一九二八年她參加的一次非洲野外觀獸旅行的全過程。下午晚一些時(shí)候,她路過他的辦公室,在門口那兒神情有些恍惚地停了下來。
布洛克先生從辦公桌上抬起頭,問道:“你有什么需要嗎?”
“不,謝謝你?!毕炙够蛉苏f。她的聲音低沉,很美,也很憂郁,“我只不過是在琢磨。你記得那架節(jié)拍器的吧。你說我會不會沒準(zhǔn)留給那法國人了?”
“誰?”布洛克先生問。
“哦,我跟他結(jié)過婚的那個(gè)法國人呀?!彼卮鸬馈?/p>
“法國人呀。”布洛克先生如釋重負(fù)。他努力去想象席林斯基夫人的丈夫是怎樣的一個(gè)人,可是他的腦子不聽使喚。他自言自語地說:“孩子們的父親?!?/p>
“哦,不是的,”席林斯基夫人斬釘截鐵地說,“是薩米的父親?!?/p>
布洛克先生有一種迅速產(chǎn)生的預(yù)感。他最深沉的本能警告他千萬別再說什么了。可是,他對秩序的尊重、他的良心,迫使他提出了問題,“那么另外兩個(gè)的父親呢?”
席林斯基夫人把一只手放到腦袋后面去,把她那剪得短短的頭發(fā)往上托了托。她臉上出現(xiàn)了一種迷惘的神情,有幾分鐘她并沒有回答。接著她輕聲說道:“鮑里斯的是個(gè)吹短笛的波蘭人?!?/p>
“那么西格蒙德呢?”他問。布洛克先生的眼光越過他自己那張井然有序的辦公桌,上面有一疊改好的作業(yè)、三支削尖的鉛筆和一只雕刻成大象形狀的象牙鎮(zhèn)紙。當(dāng)他把眼光抬起來看席林斯基夫人時(shí),只見她顯然是在苦苦思索。她目光掃過房間的幾個(gè)角落,眼眉下垂,下巴在左右移動。她終于說道:“我們這是在討論西格蒙德的父親?”
“哦,不,”布洛克先生說,“沒有這樣做的必要。”
席林斯基夫人用一種既有尊嚴(yán)也很決斷的聲音說:“他是我同一個(gè)國家的人。”
其實(shí)是什么國家的人對布洛克先生來說根本是無所謂的。他可沒有什么偏見,誰想結(jié)上十七次婚生出個(gè)中國孩子來那也不干他什么事。可是和席林斯基夫人的這次談話里卻有點(diǎn)兒什么讓他感到不安。突然之間他明白了。那幾個(gè)孩子一點(diǎn)兒也不像席林斯基夫人,可是哥仨呢卻長得一模一樣,既然他們各自有不同的父親,布洛克先生不由得覺得這樣的相似未免有點(diǎn)奇怪。
可是席林斯基夫人認(rèn)為這個(gè)話題已經(jīng)結(jié)束了。她拉上她那件皮夾克的拉鏈,轉(zhuǎn)身走了。
“那正是我丟失的地方,”她說,迅速地點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭,“落在[19]那個(gè)法國人那里了。”
在音樂系,一切都進(jìn)行得很順利。布洛克先生不需要處理什么太撓頭的事情,例如去年那位豎琴教師的事件,她最后竟跟一個(gè)汽車修理工人私奔了?,F(xiàn)在只有一個(gè)問題讓他有點(diǎn)兒心煩,那就是怎么去理解席林斯基夫人。他說不好自己跟她的關(guān)系里有什么不對頭的地方,為什么自己的感情如此混亂不清。首先,整個(gè)世界她很少有地方不曾去過,她一開口便怪不自然地顯露出自己經(jīng)歷豐富,哪怕是地角天邊都能跟她扯得上一點(diǎn)關(guān)系。她會一連好幾天連嘴都不張,雙手插在夾克口袋里在過道上游走,臉上一副莫測高深的樣子??墒峭蝗恢g又會揪住布洛克先生上衣的紐扣眼,發(fā)表起情緒激昂的長篇獨(dú)白來,眼睛里充滿感情、炯炯發(fā)光,聲音因?yàn)榭释兊脽崆槌渑?。她要不就是什么事兒都跟你講,要不就是連一個(gè)字都不講。不過,沒有例外的,凡是她提到的每一個(gè)片段,都有點(diǎn)怪異,似乎是經(jīng)過了折射。如果她說帶薩米去理發(fā)店了,她給你的印象是出了國,仿佛她告訴你某天下午她在巴格達(dá)。布洛克先生簡直都有點(diǎn)丈二和尚摸不到頭腦的感覺。
他是非常突然地知道真相的,這真相使一切都變得非常清晰,至少是使局勢顯得很明朗。布洛克先生早早兒便回到家中,在他起居室小小的爐架上生起了火。他覺得很舒服,心想今天晚上一定會過得不錯。他光穿著襪子坐在爐火前,一本威廉·布萊克的集子已經(jīng)放在了身邊桌子上,他給自己斟了半玻璃杯的杏仁白蘭地。十點(diǎn)鐘,他正在爐火前很愜意地打瞌睡,腦子里滿是馬勒云山霧罩的樂句和虛無縹緲?biāo)季w的半成品。這時(shí)候,突然之間,從這樣微妙的恍惚狀態(tài)里,四個(gè)字浮現(xiàn)在他腦子里:“芬蘭國王?!边@幾個(gè)字他似乎很熟悉,但頭幾分鐘他還無法確定它們來自何方。但緊接著他一下子就把線索摸清了。那天下午他正步行穿過校園,席林斯基夫人叫住了他,開始不知所云地胡扯起來,對那些話他也就是這耳朵進(jìn)那耳朵出罷了。他心里在想的是他的對位課[20]班上同學(xué)交上來的那摞卡農(nóng)作業(yè)?,F(xiàn)在,那幾個(gè)字,她聲調(diào)上的抑揚(yáng)頓挫,異常清晰地重新出現(xiàn)在他的腦海里。席林斯基夫人是這樣開始她的講述的:“有一天,就在我站在一家點(diǎn)心店[21]前面的時(shí)候,芬蘭國王正好乘了一輛雪橇經(jīng)過?!?/p>
布洛克先生在椅子里猛地坐直身子,放下他手中的那杯白蘭地。那個(gè)女人是個(gè)病態(tài)說謊者嘛。她在教室之外所講的幾乎每一個(gè)字都是假的。倘若她通宵工作,她會遠(yuǎn)兜遠(yuǎn)轉(zhuǎn)地設(shè)法告訴你昨天晚上她去看電影了。如果她是在“老酒店”吃的午餐,她肯定會提到她午飯是在家里跟孩子們一起吃的。這個(gè)女人根本就是一個(gè)病態(tài)說謊者,這便是一切疑竇的真正答案。
布洛克先生壓響了他一個(gè)個(gè)手指關(guān)節(jié),從椅子里站立起來。他的頭一個(gè)反應(yīng)是火冒三丈。日復(fù)一日,席林斯基夫人竟然如此厚顏無恥地坐在他的辦公室里,把她那些彌天大謊往他頭上堆積!布洛克先生真是氣不打一處來。他在房間里踱過來走過去,接著又進(jìn)入他的簡便廚房給自己弄了一份沙丁魚三明治。
一個(gè)小時(shí)之后,他在爐火前坐下來時(shí),他的氣憤已經(jīng)轉(zhuǎn)化成了一種學(xué)者式和思辨式的質(zhì)疑。他告訴自己,他必須不從個(gè)人意氣出發(fā)對待整個(gè)事件,而是應(yīng)該像一位醫(yī)生審察一個(gè)病人那樣地看待席林斯基夫人。她的謊言倒并沒有什么欺詐性。她并沒有蓄意要騙取什么,她也從未用所說的那些不真實(shí)故事獲取什么好處。讓人惱火的正是這一點(diǎn)。事情的后面說不定根本就沒有什么動機(jī)。
布洛克先生把剩下的白蘭地全都喝了。慢慢地,快到午夜時(shí),他腦子里出現(xiàn)了更進(jìn)一步的想法。席林斯基夫人說謊的原因既很痛苦也很平凡。她一生都在工作——彈鋼琴、教課、創(chuàng)作那些美麗而卷帙浩繁的十二部交響樂。白天黑夜,她都在嘔心瀝血地投入工作,根本就剩不下什么精力來對付別的事情。她也是一個(gè)人,這個(gè)方面有所缺失,她只好盡力設(shè)法來加以彌補(bǔ)。如果她在圖書館桌子上辛勤工作了一個(gè)通宵,以后她宣稱這段時(shí)間她都用在打牌上了,那就好像她是兩件事情都做了似的。通過這些謊言,她覺得自己生活得很充實(shí)。謊言使得她工作之余剩下的渺小的生存狀態(tài)整整豐富了一倍,而且還使她個(gè)人生活里的那些小塊的破布頭變成了五色斑斕的絲綢。
布洛克先生凝視著爐火,他心目中出現(xiàn)了席林斯基夫人的那張臉——一張嚴(yán)峻的臉,上面的眼睛暗暗的,顯得很疲憊,那張嘴細(xì)細(xì)巧巧,顯得訓(xùn)練有素。他意識到自己胸膛里升起了一絲溫暖的感覺,并且還有一種憐憫、保護(hù)感和異常理解的情懷。一時(shí)之間,他竟陷入在一種可愛的思想混亂的狀態(tài)之中。
這以后他刷了牙,穿上他的睡褲。他必須從實(shí)際出發(fā)。這又能說明什么問題呢?那個(gè)法國人、那個(gè)吹短笛的波蘭人、巴格達(dá)?還有那些孩子,西格蒙德、鮑里斯和薩米——他們是誰?他們果真是她的孩子嗎,或者僅僅是她從什么地方撿來的呢?布洛克先生把他的眼鏡擦干凈,放在床頭柜上。他必須和她達(dá)成一個(gè)清晰明白的認(rèn)識。否則,系里會出現(xiàn)一種局面,那肯定會惹出問題來的?,F(xiàn)在是兩點(diǎn)鐘。他朝自己窗外瞥了一眼,看到席林斯基夫人工作室的燈光仍然亮著。布洛克先生上了床,在黑暗里扭出了幾個(gè)鬼臉,肚子里還不大清楚自己第二天會對她怎么說。
八點(diǎn)鐘,布洛克先生就來到了自己的辦公室。他傴起了背在辦公桌后面坐下,等待捕捉從走廊上走過來的席林斯基夫人。他不用等候多久,一聽到她的腳步聲他便喊出了她的名字。
席林斯基夫人在門口站停了下來。她看上去有些迷惘和疲倦,“你好嗎?我昨天晚上休息得可好了?!?/p>
“能不能請你坐下,”布洛克先生說,“我有幾句話想跟你談?wù)劇!?/p>
席林斯基夫人把皮包往邊上一放,倦怠地倚靠在他對面的圈手椅里?!霸趺蠢??”她問道。
“昨天我穿過校園的時(shí)候你跟我說話了,”他慢吞吞地說道,“如果我沒有記錯的話,我相信你說的是一家點(diǎn)心店和芬蘭國王這樣的事兒。對不對?”
席林斯基夫人把頭扭向一側(cè),似在追憶什么,眼睛盯看著窗框的一角。
“關(guān)于一家點(diǎn)心店的什么事兒。”他重復(fù)了一遍。
她那張疲憊的臉變得容光煥發(fā)了。“哦,當(dāng)然對的,”她起勁地說道,“我告訴了你,那回我怎樣站在這家店鋪的門前,正好芬蘭國王——”
“席林斯基夫人!”布洛克先生喊出聲來,“芬蘭是根本沒有國王的?!?/p>
席林斯基夫人看上去一副茫然不知所措的樣子。然后,過了半刻,她才開口重新說話,“那時(shí)我正站在布扎尼點(diǎn)心店的櫥窗前,我看完蛋糕轉(zhuǎn)過身子,突然看到芬蘭國王——”
“席林斯基夫人,我剛跟你說過,世界上是沒有芬蘭國王的?!?/p>
“在赫爾辛福爾斯[22]。”她又一次不顧一切地說道,他再一次讓她講到國王,但是再往下便打斷她不讓她說了。
“芬蘭是一個(gè)民主國家,”他說,“你是不可能見到芬蘭國王的。因此,你方才說的不是真的,是全然不真實(shí)的?!?/p>
席林斯基夫人當(dāng)時(shí)臉上的表情是布洛克先生今后再也忘不掉的。在她的眼睛里,有驚訝、沮喪以及一種被逼入死角的恐懼。她那神情,就跟一個(gè)人親眼見到自己的整個(gè)內(nèi)心世界分崩離析變得粉碎時(shí)一樣。
“這很糟糕。”布洛克說,心中感覺到真正的同情。
可是席林斯基夫人振作起來了。她抬起下巴,冷冷地說:“我可是一個(gè)芬蘭人喲?!?/p>
“這個(gè)問題我并未觸及?!辈悸蹇讼壬卮鸬馈T谥匦孪肓艘幌胫?,他承認(rèn),這個(gè)問題他方才也不是完全沒有涉及。
“我出生在芬蘭,我是一個(gè)芬蘭公民。”
“這當(dāng)然非??赡堋!辈悸蹇讼壬穆曇粢惨稽c(diǎn)點(diǎn)在提高。
“戰(zhàn)爭時(shí)期,”她激昂慷慨地往下說,“我騎了一輛摩托車,擔(dān)任通信員。”
“你的愛國熱情跟這件事沒有什么關(guān)系。”
“就因?yàn)槲艺〕龅谝环菸募?/p>
“席林斯基夫人!”布洛克先生說。他雙手緊緊抓住辦公桌的邊緣,“那件事跟別的沒有什么關(guān)系。問題是在于,你認(rèn)為,你堅(jiān)持說,你見到了——你說你見到了——”不過他說不下去了。她那張臉阻止了他。她的臉變得死一般的蒼白,嘴巴周圍都已經(jīng)發(fā)暗了。她的眼睛睜得非常大,既絕望,卻又很驕傲。布洛克先生突然覺得自己是個(gè)殺人犯。亂成一團(tuán)的混合感情——理解、后悔、不可理喻的愛——使得他用雙手去遮住自己的臉。他無法說話,一直到他心中激動的情緒逐漸安定下來,這時(shí)候,他用非常微弱的聲音說道:“是的。自然是的。芬蘭國王。他當(dāng)時(shí)好嗎?”
一個(gè)小時(shí)之后,布洛克先生坐著,朝他辦公室窗子外面看去。沿著西橋路的街,樹幾乎都是光禿禿的了,學(xué)院的一幢幢灰色建筑有一種安詳、憂郁的神態(tài)。在他懶洋洋地打量著熟悉的景色時(shí),他注意到德雷克家的那條老阿萊德爾種犬在街上蹣蹣跚跚地行走。這景象他過去看到都有一百遍了,為什么他還會覺得奇怪呢?接著他不無驚悚地發(fā)現(xiàn),那條老狗是在倒退著跑。布洛克盯看著那條阿萊德爾犬直到它越出了視線,接著便回到他的工作上來,對位課剛交上來的卡農(nóng)作業(yè)還有待他來批改呢。
瘋狂英語 英語語法 新概念英語 走遍美國 四級聽力 英語音標(biāo) 英語入門 發(fā)音 美語 四級 新東方 七年級 賴世雄 zero是什么意思宜昌市沁園大廈英語學(xué)習(xí)交流群