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雙語·老屋子 第七章

所屬教程:譯林版·老屋子

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2022年06月02日

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Chapter 7

Fru Adelheid laid her hands over Cordt's book:

“May I talk to you a little? May I tell you something? May I tell you that what you are doing is madness?”

He moved her hands from his book and looked up:

“Sit down, Adelheid,”he said wearily.“Sit down in that chair.”

But she took the book from him and threw it on the foor:

“You are ill, Cordt. You have become ill up here in this dreadful room.”

“Have you a household remedy?”he asked.

“How can you have the heart to make a jest of it?”

“It would be a bitter jest, if it were one,”he said.“But it was not a jest. I believe in the old household remedies.”

Fru Adelheid sat down in her chair and stared helplessly before her:

“Of course you do,”she said.“And in old books and in everything that has ceased to exist.”

He said nothing, but yawned wearily.

“And God shall be set on His throne again and I shall sit at the spinning-wheel and we shall enjoy a blessed married life and be happy ever after.”

Cordt crossed his legs and looked at his nails:

“Yes…that is my programme,”he said quietly.“Something likethat. And you have stated it in your usual affectionate manner.”

“Cordt, how can you have the heart?”

She swung her body to and fro; her hands lay folded in her lap, her eyes were moist. She wanted to say something, but could not, because the tears prevented her. She could not understand that he did not help her. Then she said:

“Things are going badly with us, Cordt.”

And, as he was still silent, she pulled herself together with an effort and spoke with closed eyes, constantly rocking to and fro:

“We must obey the law under which we were born…must we not, Cordt? After all, we are modern people…both of us. Tired, empty people, if you like. But we do think and feel otherwise than people did when…when they were the sort of people whom you like. And we cannot alter ourselves. But we can be as happy as it is possible to be…nowadays, being what we are. Why should we not be happy, Cordt ?”

“I am not happy.”

“Oh, Cordt!”

She pressed her hands together and wrung them and bent over them so that her tears fell upon them. Then she turned her wet face to him and asked, softly:

“Then am I no longer pretty, Cordt?”

He stood up and kissed her white forehead:

“That you are,”he said.“But that won't help us any longer.”

He began to walk up and down. Fru Adelheid wept hard and silently. A little later, she said:

“You are driving me away from you, Cordt. I do so want to tell you this, while there is still time, if only I could fnd the right words.Won't you sit down a little, Cordt? My head aches so.”

He sat down in the chair. Then she rose and put some wood on the fre and sat down again:

“I am so afraid of myself when we talk together, Cordt,”she said.“It is not only that I am wicked and say what I do not mean. I do that, too. But you are so good. And you show me thoughts in my mind which are not there before you utter them. But then they come and I think that you are right and that they have been there always. That is so terrible, Cordt.”

They sat silent. Fru Adelheid closed her eyes; Cordt moved restlessly in his chair:

“Adelheid,”he said…“You told me that evening…”

“You must not say that…you must not.”

“Do you remember, you said…about the wild, red love…that it was not the love which you have?”

She shook his hand and pressed it:

“That is just it,”she said.“I am grateful to you because you were so good. And because you did not take it ill. But that was not in me, Cordt. I did not know it. But then you said it…and made me say…what I said. But then, at that very moment, I understood that it was so. And that made me feel so terribly bad…as I did. But then I felt a sort of secret joy…a secret treasure. It seemed to me that I was richer than before. I was no longer afraid of what may come…for women sometimes think of that, Cordt, while they are young, how empty everything will be, when that is past.”

He listened, with his face turned to the fre.

“I am sure that there is not a man who can understand that,”she said.

And then she lay down on the floor, with her chin on the fender…and her eyes shone:

“A woman is young for so short a time,”she said.“And she is always dreading that it will pass. Can't you understand, when she suddenly suspects that there is something greater than the greatest…and then, when she is sad and afraid…that then it may suddenly dawn upon her that all is not over yet?”

Cordt laughed:

“It is a poor pleasure to be the greatest when there is something greater still,”he said.

But Fru Adelheid shook her head:

“It's not like that, Cordt,”she said.

He pushed back his chair and walked up and down many times and it was silent in the room. Then he sat down again beside her and said:

“What you say is true. But it was in you and I am glad I showed it to you. I could not do differently, when I once saw it. I cannot go and wait until another man knocks at the secret door of your heart and offers you the greatest of all.”

She laid her cheek against the fender and looked at him:

“No, Cordt,”she said.“If it is like that, then what I said was not true.”

He waved his hand and shook his head impatiently:

“Not to-day or to-morrow,”he said.“But in a year, or two years, or ten. And, if it does not happen, then it is only an accident.”

Then she moved nearer to him and laid her head on his knee. She looked up to see if he minded. But he was far away in his thoughts and did not notice it.

She suddenly felt peaceful and contented. She was glad that she had got it said. She felt as if it was removed to a distance…perhaps it was quite gone…she could not understand why he continued to speak of it.

And what he said about another man seemed so far to her and so impossible. She thought about it as though it concerned somebody else:

“I love you, Cordt,”she said.“And, if, one day, another man came and I loved him…could I help it?”

He sprang up so suddenly that she had to seize the arm of the chair lest she should fall:

“No,”he said, scornfully.“You could not.”

He rushed through the room and repeated his words three or four times. Fru Adelheid rose from the floor and sat down in her chair and closed her eyes.

“The man who hit upon that excuse did a fne day's work,”said Cordt.“He drove out of the world a great portion of men's strength to live their lives.”

He threw himself so violently into his chair that Fru Adelheid started. Then he sat long quiet and she was glad that he was silent.

“Why should one not be able to control one's heart?”he said, at last.“Suppose I have a wife and child; and my wife is she whom I myself chose. Then, one day, I meet another woman, who rouses my desires. I meet her at a party, where there are lights and wine and music…we are not ourselves, she and I…we are in another mood than usual…everything is done to lead us from the way by which we go on ordinary days. But why should I not be able to step aside, in loyal gratitude for that which I possess?”

She opened her eyes at intervals and closed them again. She heard what he said, but did not realize that he was speaking to her.

“Who is it that placed love outside the laws? If I take it into my head to kill a fellow-creature, there is no doubt but that I am indulging a most criminal fancy. If I have given my word and think of breaking it, I am no gentleman. But my heart may do as it pleases.”

“Yes,”said Fru Adelheid.

She was thinking of nothing when she spoke and he did not hear her.

“There are people, we know, who have the right to send thousands to their death,”he said.“There are people whose passion rises skywards in red fames and devours the poor chattels that stand in its way and lights up all the land. Poets sing about it and a wax taper burns before its image in every human heart. But, if a man plays the Napoleon in the Store Br?ndstr?de, we hang him…Why should every second woman be entitled to look upon herself as an Hélo?se?”

He sank into his chair and stared before him:

“I am not sure either whether the radiance of the one great fame makes up for the thousand tiny lights that are put out. Does any one know, I wonder? Can any one measure it?”

Fru Adelheid moved and Cordt turned his face to her and looked at her attentively. Her eyes were soft and dreamy; she smiled faintly, like a drowsy child.

“And if that be so,”he said, in a subdued voice,“if it be the case that I am not able to control my heart…”He let his head fall heavily on the arm of the chair.“If it be the case that love makes mehappy and confdent, so that I build my life and the life of my family upon it…if it can then expire, without my knowing how or why, and I have to look for the mother of my children in a strange man's bed, then why do I let my wife go out in the street unveiled? Why do I not lock her up, as the Turk does? Or why do we not kill the mother when the child is born?”

He rose and walked round the room and grew calmer as he walked:

“But it is not so,”he said.“Let the great keep their greatness…let the poets celebrate them and the puny moderns ape them in their wretched way. And may there always be women who cannot give themselves more than once and men who love them.”

He stood by the fre and looked through the room. It was still on every side; the church-clock struck two.

“See, Adelheid,”he said,“how life passes more and more into law's domain. Every day, the liberty of the one is taken for an encroachment upon the rights of the other. Every day, land, hitherto free of law, is regulated by law. Flowers beget no fowers without the gardener's consent; animals no longer select their own mates. But no one can control his heart; and human beings pair like dogs in the street.”

The fre had burnt out when Cordt woke from his musings.

He saw that Fru Adelheid was asleep. He stood before her a long time, sick with compassion for her and for himself.

Then he stroked her gently on the hair:

“It is late…Adelheid.”

第七章

阿德爾海德伸手放在科特的書上,說道:

“我能和你談?wù)剢??我能告訴你一件事嗎?我能跟你說,你現(xiàn)在所做的是愚蠢的行為嗎?”

科特挪開阿德爾海德的手,抬起了頭。

“坐下,阿德爾海德,”他疲倦地說,“坐在那椅子里?!?/p>

阿德爾海德從科特手里奪過書,扔到了地板上,“你病了,科特。你在這間可怕的屋子里得了病?!?/p>

“那你有家庭良方嗎?”科特問。

“你怎么還有心情說笑?”

“如果是笑話,也是個冷笑話,”他說道,“但這并不是笑話。我相信傳統(tǒng)的治療方法?!?/p>

阿德爾海德坐在她的椅子里,無助地看著前方。

“你當(dāng)然會信,”她說,“你還信老書本,以及所有死去的東西?!?/p>

科特沒有回應(yīng),疲倦地打著哈欠。

“上帝會回到他的寶座上,我呢,會坐到紡車上,然后我們會有幸福的婚姻,從此過上美好的生活?!?/p>

科特雙腿交疊,看著他的指甲。

“是的,這是我的計劃,”他靜靜說道,“差不多就是那樣。你剛剛真摯動人地表述了這個計劃。”

“科特,你怎么還有這樣的心情?”

阿德爾海德晃來晃去,她的手放在膝蓋上,她的眼睛濕潤了。她想再說些什么,但又說不出來,淚水讓她哽咽。她無法理解他為什么不幫她。然后她說道:

“科特,我們的關(guān)系很糟糕?!?/p>

科特依舊沉默。阿德爾海德努力讓自己鎮(zhèn)定,她閉上轉(zhuǎn)來轉(zhuǎn)去的眼睛,說道:

“我們必須遵循我們所處的這個時代的規(guī)律,不是嗎,科特?畢竟,我們是現(xiàn)代人,我們倆都是?;蛟S你覺得現(xiàn)代人是疲倦的、空虛的,但我們的感受和想法畢竟與你喜歡的那些人不一樣。并且,我們無法改變自己。但像我們這樣的人,就是現(xiàn)在,我們可以盡可能地快樂……我們有什么不開心的呢,科特?”

“我不開心?!?/p>

“哦,科特!”

阿德爾海德雙手合十,十指交叉,緊緊握著,她低下頭,眼淚滴在手上。然后她淚流滿面地轉(zhuǎn)向科特,問道:

“那么,我是不是不再漂亮了,科特?”

科特站起身來,親吻了她那雪白的額頭。

“你依舊非常漂亮,”他說道,“但這對于我們糟糕的關(guān)系已沒什么作用了。”

科特開始來回踱步。阿德爾海德默默地、狠狠地哭泣著。一會兒后,她說:

“你在逼我離開你,科特。我想趁著還有時間,告訴你這些話,如果我能找到合適的言語。你能坐下來嗎,科特?我的頭疼得很?!?/p>

科特坐在椅子里,然后阿德爾海德站起來,往壁爐里添了些木頭,繼而又坐下,說道:

“每當(dāng)我們一起說話的時候,科特,我就很害怕我自己,這不僅僅是因為我有點兒邪惡,總是說一些不是我本意的話。是的,我也總是口是心非。但你那么好,你讓我看到我腦子里的想法,這些想法在你沒有說出來的時候并不存在。但當(dāng)你說出來的時候,我會意識到你是對的,并且這正是我所想的??铺?,這可真糟糕?!?/p>

沉默再一次降臨。阿德爾海德閉上眼睛,科特不安地在椅子里挪動。

“阿德爾海德,”科特說道,“那晚你告訴我……”

“你不要說那個,你不要說出來?!?/p>

“你還記得嗎,你說……關(guān)于那狂野、激情的愛情,你說我們所擁有的不是這樣的愛?”

阿德爾海德?lián)u了搖科特的手,然后緊緊握住。

“就是這樣的,”她說,“我感激你,因為你這么好,還因為你不會生我的氣。但是,一開始我并沒有意識到我內(nèi)心的想法,科特。我當(dāng)時不知道。但你說了那些話,然后使得我說了我所說的。但是就在那一刻,我明白,我說的是真的。這讓我感到很難過,我從未那么難過過。但同時我也覺得我似乎比以前更加富有。我不再害怕未來,因為女人在她們還年輕的時候有時會想到那種愛情,科特。而當(dāng)這一切都已成過去,一切將變得空虛?!?/p>

科特面向壁爐,靜靜地聽著。

“我敢肯定,世界上沒有一個男人能夠理解我剛才說的話?!彼f道。

然后,阿德爾海德平躺在地板上,頭靠在壁爐的圍欄上,眼睛里充滿光芒。

“女人年輕的時光太短,”她說,“而且女人總是在擔(dān)心時光會匆匆流逝。當(dāng)她突然懷疑:還有比她本以為是最好的愛情更好的。然后,她或許會突然意識到這一切還沒有結(jié)束,難道你不能理解那時她所經(jīng)歷的悲傷害怕嗎?”

科特大笑,“本以為已經(jīng)擁有最好的了,結(jié)果卻發(fā)現(xiàn)還有更好的,這實在不是什么愉快的事情?!笨铺卣f。

但阿德爾海德?lián)u搖頭,說道:

“不是那樣的,科特?!?/p>

科特向后推了推椅子,站了起來,開始在屋里踱步,沉默又一次籠罩了這間屋子。然后他在她身邊坐了下來,“你所說的是真的。但它的確在你的骨子里,我很高興是我讓你看清了它。當(dāng)我意識到這一點時,我就無法再做別的選擇。我無法靜靜等待另外的男人打開你的心扉,給你那最偉大的愛情?!?/p>

阿德爾海德臉靠著圍欄看著科特,“不,科特。如果是那樣的話,我所說的就是錯的?!?/p>

他擺擺手,不耐煩地搖搖頭,“或許不是今天或者明天。但可能會是一年、兩年后,或是十年后。如果沒有發(fā)生,那也只是因為意外?!?/p>

阿德爾海德向科特靠近,將自己的頭放在科特的膝蓋上。她抬頭看了看科特是否介意自己這樣。但科特迷失在自己的思緒中,并沒有注意到。

阿德爾海德突然感到內(nèi)心平靜且滿足。她很開心說出了自己想要說的話。她感到似乎這件事情已被遠遠地移開,甚至消失了,她不能明白為什么科特還要繼續(xù)談?wù)撍?/p>

科特所說的另外一個男人,在阿德爾海德看來如此遙遠,毫無可能。她像思考別人的事情一樣想著此事,說道:

“我愛你,科特。如果有一天,有另外一個男人出現(xiàn)了,并且我愛上了他,難道我能控制住嗎?”

科特猛地站起來,靠在他膝蓋上的阿德爾海德趕緊抓住椅子的扶手以免摔倒。

“不,”科特諷刺地說,“你當(dāng)然控制不住?!?/p>

他在屋子里疾速穿行,將自己的話重復(fù)了三四遍。阿德爾海德從地板上站起來,坐到了她的椅子里,閉上眼睛。

“想到這個借口的人真是個天才,把人生活下去的一大部分力量都驅(qū)散了?!?/p>

科特一頭扎進他的椅子,然后靜靜地坐了很久。看到科特安靜下來,阿德爾海德很欣慰。

“為什么一個人控制不了他的心?”科特最終說道,“假設(shè)我有一個妻子和一個孩子,我的妻子是我自己選擇的伴侶。有一天,我遇到另外一個女人,她勾起我的欲望。我與她在舞會上相識,那里有燈光、美酒和音樂,我們并非真實的自己,她與我,我們有著與平常不一樣的心情,所做的一切都是為了讓我們從日常的煩瑣中脫離。但我難道不應(yīng)該跳出這個游戲,衷心地感謝我所擁有的一切嗎?”

在科特說話的時候,阿德爾海德睜開了雙眼,然后又閉上。她聽到了科特所說的,但卻沒有意識到這話是對她講的。

“是誰把愛情置于法律之外?如果我腦子里想著為了愛情殺死同類,毫無疑問我在進行犯罪幻想。如果我說出了我的誓詞,然后想著將來可以不履行,我就不是一個紳士。但我的心可以肆意而為?!?/p>

“是的?!卑⒌聽柡5赂胶偷馈?/p>

她說這話的時候腦子一片空白,科特也沒有聽到她的話。

“我們知道,有些人,他們有權(quán)利讓成百上千的人去死;有些人,他們的激情像赤紅的火焰一樣直沖天空并照亮大地,吞噬一切擋路之物。詩人歌頌這樣的激情,每個人心中都供奉著這樣一座神龕。但,如果有人在市政廳廣場大街上扮演拿破侖,我們會絞死他。那為什么每兩個女人中就有一個會把自己視為海洛薇姿(1)?”

科特陷入自己的椅子里,盯著眼前,“我不知道,是否一次偉大的焰火抵得上成千的微小燈光。我在想,有人知道答案嗎?有人能夠測量出來嗎?”

阿德爾海德挪了挪位置,科特轉(zhuǎn)頭看著她,專注地看著她。她的眼睛溫柔夢幻,她淡淡地笑了下,好似一個昏昏欲睡的孩子。

“如果真是那樣,”科特聲音壓抑地說,“如果我真的無法控制我的心,”科特讓自己的頭重重地抵向椅子扶手,“如果愛情真的讓我開心、自信,讓我將自己和自己家庭的生活都建立在此基礎(chǔ)上;如果我的愛情會在我不知不覺的情況下終止,我不得不在另外一個男人的床上尋找我孩子的母親,那我為什么還要我的妻子出去見人?為什么我不把她鎖起來,就像土耳其人那樣?或者,在她生下小孩后,我就殺了她?”

科特站起來,開始在屋子里走來走去,漸漸地,他平靜下來,“但不是這樣的,讓那偉大的愛情保持它們的偉大,讓詩人歌頌它們,讓那微不足道的現(xiàn)代人卑微地模仿它們。希望還是有女人一生只奉獻于一個男人,而這些男人也會永久愛著她們。”

他站在壁爐邊,看過整個屋子。四下都很安靜,教堂的鐘敲了兩下。

“你看,阿德爾海德,生活會越來越多地進入法律的管轄內(nèi)。每一天,一方的自由都是以侵犯另一方的權(quán)利為代價。國家,與法律無關(guān),但卻受法律的制約。沒有園丁的同意,花兒不會開花。家畜不能隨便選擇它們的伴侶。但沒有人能控制自己的心,然后人類就像狗一樣在大街上交配?!?/p>

當(dāng)科特從他的沉思中醒來,壁爐里的火已幾近熄滅。

他看到阿德爾海德已經(jīng)睡著了。他在她身前站了很久,充滿了對她和自己的同情。

然后,科特輕輕撫摸了阿德爾海德的頭發(fā),說:

“太晚了,阿德爾海德?!?/p>

————————————————————

(1) 法國國王路易十六的王后,生活奢靡,艷名遠播。

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