Finn stood in the old room with the yellow document in his hand:
God brought me thus far, that I was able to erect this fair house, which shall stand till distant times, a witness to my might and that of my race. Here shall be upright living and generous dealing; the house shall be faithfully guarded from father to son; good men and women shall sit in the hall and dance to the sound of flutes and violins.
I have placed this room in the most secret part of the house and no one knows of it but the architect who built it and my oldest servant. But I have sealed the architect's tongue with a solemn oath and a heavy fee; and my servant is true to me.
I have decorated the room with gilt and figured leather hangings and costly carpets from the East. I have had two great armchairs made in Milan, whose woodwork is carved into birds and animals which grin strangely in the dark, but cease to do so when the lights are lit.
Then I gave my servant a key of the room and told him to care for it faithfully. Every evening, when it grows dusk, he is to light the candles on the mantelpiece; and he is to do this even if he know that his master is travelling in distant lands. Every morning, he is to adjust the room with his own hands. None but himself is ever to cross the threshold.
For this room shall be for me and my wife and for none other in the world. Therefore I placed it in the most secluded part of the house, far from the counting-house, where we work, from the passages, along which our servants go, and from the drawing-room, where we receive our guests, ay, even from our marriage-bed, where she sleeps by my side.
It shall be the temple of our marriage, hallowed by our love, which is greater than anything that we know. Here we will pray to Him Who gave us to each other. Here we will talk gladly and earnestly, every evening when our hearts impel us to. And, when we come to die, our son shall bring his wife here and they shall do as we did.
This evening, which is the first in my new house, I brought my wife in here and told her my wish. She listened to my words in love and gladness and I have written down in this document how it all happened and we have set our names to it in witness for those who come after us.
Finn read their names and the names of those who had taken possession of the room after the builder and his wife. Last of all stood Cordt's name and Fru Adelheid's, which were struck out again.
Then he put the document back in its place and locked it up andlooked round the room.
The old room stood again as it used to stand, built high over the square, long and deep and silent, like a spot where there is no life.
The balcony was white with snow and the sparrows hopped in the snow. Inside, behind the colored panes, stood many red fowers and longed for the sun. The dust had been removed from the fgured-leather hangings, which shone with a new brightness. The oriental carpet spread over the foor like a lord returning from exile and once more taking possession of his estates.
And all the old glories had found their places again and stood as lawfully and restfully as though it had never been otherwise. The spinet was there and the jar with the man writhing through thorns and the celestial globe whose stars shone and ran: all the furniture which the room's different owners had set there in the course of time, each after his own taste and heart.
Before the freplace stood the two great, strange armchairs.
Finn felt as if he were in a cathedral where every flag was a tombstone over a famous man. His senses drank the odor of the bygone times, his fancy peopled the room with the men and women who had sat there and exchanged strong and gentle words, while the house lay sleeping around them.
With it all, he became lost in thought of those who had sat there last and after whom no others were to come, those two who had given him the life which he knew not what to do with.
He saw them before him in the love and struggle of their youth. He heard their voices in the room, he saw Fru Adelheid's red mouth and Cordt's steady eyes. He saw Cordt bring his wife into the room, which was the soul of the house and its tradition and its secretchamber, and show her the strange things which his ancestors had put there.
He saw him on the day when he stood alone by the freplace…in the empty room…and struck out his own name and Fru Adelheid's from the document and went away and left the door open behind him…
He saw all this as it had happened. But they were not his father and mother. They were two attractive people of whom he had read in a book and grown fond, as a man loves art, palely and with no self-seeking in his desire.
Finn drew one of the big chairs over to the window and sat down and sat there for long.
He was sitting there when Fru Adelheid came.
She stood in the doorway, in her white gown, with her white hair, and nodded to him. Then she turned her face round to the room and looked at it.
And then that happened which was only the shadow of a dream that vanished then and there: everything came to life in the room.
The spinet sang, the queer faces on the old chairs raised themselves on their long necks; there was a whispering and a muttering in every corner…
Fru Adelheid shrank back against the door. She did not see Finn, did not remember that he was there.
But Finn saw her.
He rose from his chair and his eyes beamed:
“You light up the room, mother,”he said,“and the room lights up you.”
He took her hand and kissed it and, with her hand in his, FruAdelheid went through the old room, which had been too narrow for her youthful desires.
The fairy-tale was over and the dread. But the glow still lay over her figure and made her look wonderfully pretty. Her cheeks were as pink as a girl's; her step was light, her eyes moist and shy. She laughed softly and gladly, while she looked at the old things and talked about them and touched them.
She told the story of the woman who used to sing when she was sad and who had brought the old spinet there; and her hands shook as she struck a chord and the slender, beautiful notes sounded through the room. Of the spinning-wheel, which had whirred merrily every evening for many a good year and which stood as it was, with thread upon the spindle. Of the celestial globe, which had been the toy of the man whose intellect was obscured. Of the doll with the vacant face, which stood there in memory of the lady who dreaded the deep silence of the room and never entered it but once; but her son, who loved her, had hidden the doll in the curtain. Of Fru Lykke, whose portrait had hung where the light stain was, but hung there no longer, because her marriage had been dissolved.
Of the jar with the man writhing through thorns, which she herself had brought as her gift, she said nothing. She passed her hand over its bright surface and was silent.
Finn's eyes clung to her.
Never had he seen his beautiful mother so beautiful. He did not know that look, or that smile on her mouth, or that clear ring in her voice.
At times, he added something to what she was telling and spoke with such profound intelligence that she was quite surprised andfrightened. Now he guessed her words before she uttered them. Then he knew something which she had never suspected.
Secretly, her fear increased as to what Cordt could have told him.
But Finn was lost in his delight.
And, fascinated by her beauty and the strange things he had seen and heard and the deep silence of the room, he forgot that the seal of the old room was broken and wished to play the game as vividly as possible.
He drew the second of the two big chairs across to the window and made her sit down and sat himself beside her:
“Now you are not my mother,”he said.“You are my young bride. I have brought you into the sanctuary to-day and now I will initiate you into the mysteries.”
Fru Adelheid turned very pale and Finn took her hand penitently:
“Have I hurt you, mother?”
She shook her head and forced herself to smile.
Then he walked into the room again and rejoiced at all this and talked about it. But she remained sitting with knitted brow.
She was heavy at heart, because it seemed to her, all at once, that she was not his mother, as they sat talking here in the secret chamber of the house. The old days came in their great might; and their strong memories and impressive words drowned the bells which had rung her into another world.
It was the echo here, in the old room, of Cordt's words and of his love…of the strong faith and great happiness of the race which had sprouted in the good mould of tradition and produced flowerafter fower in the times that passed.
Fru Adelheid thought—for a moment—that it would have been well had things happened as Cordt wished.
But, at the same instant, she was seized by a thought that suddenly made her rebellious and young, as when she was here last, many years ago.
She thrust her chair back hard and looked with sparkling eyes round the room where everything and every memory was hostile to her.
She looked at Finn, who was standing by the celestial globe and trying to set it going, but could not, because the spring was rusty and refused to work.
She wondered, when the time came for Finn to take a wife…would he try to revive the tradition and bring her here and sit down with her in the old chairs?
Then Finn's son and his son after him would read her name, which was written on the yellow document and struck out again. She would be like one of those who were branded in that family…Legends would grow about her love of going out and her hunt after happiness which did not exist….
“Come and help me, mother,”said Finn.
She went over and pressed hard on the spring and the clockwork hummed.
“See how you let loose the magic,”he said.
He went on talking, delighted with the stars, which lit up and ran.
“Sit down here by me, Finn.”
She waited till he came and a little longer, as though she couldnot find the words she wanted, and did not look at him while she spoke:
“Finn,”she said and put her hand on his shoulder and drew it away again immediately.“Finn…once…ever so many years ago, I was alone, one evening, in the old room. I had often been here before, you know…with father. And I was under the power of the old room and never happy. I was young, Finn, and it went so terribly hard with my longing and my gladness. I could not understand that and could not mitigate it or get over it. For father belonged to the room and it was his and all the queer things in it and they were all against me. Every time I came to the door, my heart stopped beating…. And once I was inside…it was…it was as if my own words were taken from my tongue and others put in their place for me to speak…beautiful words and good words, Finn, but not mine. But then, when I took courage and said what I wanted to say, it sounded as if I was defying the old room and father and God himself. And then . . .”
Fru Adelheid felt that she was on the point of betraying something great and fne that had been laid in her hands. She looked round as if she were afraid that there was some one in the room or that the room itself would rise up against her in its venerable might.
But there was no one and it was silent.
Then she turned her face to Finn and looked at him and said, gaily:
“But that evening, Finn, I broke the spell of the old room. I tore the veil from the Holy of Holies and saw that there was nothing behind it. For the frst time, I breathed freely in my own home.”
Fru Adelheid did not tell how, at the same moment, she hadbeen overcome by terror and fled from the room. But she did not gain what she thought by her lie. For Finn looked at her sorrowfully and said:
“How could you do that, mother? How could you fnd it in your heart?”
“Are you also under the spell?”she asked.
There was in her tone a scorn which was stronger than she intended and which frightened herself. But Finn simply paid no attention to it:
“The old room no longer exists,”he said.“It is nothing more than an image, a monument…my fancy, which father humored me in.”
She turned her face away and listened.
“But had I lived in the days of the old room,”he said,“then it would certainly have captured me and held me captive.”
“Yes…you have been talking to father,”she said, softly.
“Yes.”
Then he lay down before her, with his cheek on her hand, as he so often did:
“Yes,”he repeated.“And…mother…I love you. You are so pretty. But we will not talk about the old room…ever. For I think it is the most wonderful…and the most beautiful and the strongest thing I know of.…But it hurts me that I am not wholly your son…or father's either, that I might devote myself to one of you in sharing your strongest feelings. And I cannot talk to father about it…neither can we two, can we?”
Fru Adelheid did not answer him, but stroked his hair with her hand. Neither of them spoke and it was quite silent in the room.
In the silence she became herself again. The many moulded years came to their own again and the bells rang monotonously and ever more strongly from out of the noise of the world, which had drowned them.
She marvelled at the excitement into which the old room had thrown her. Quenched was the love which had made her its mistress and quenched the red desire which made it too narrow. She thought of Cordt, who had fought, she considered, for what was not worth fighting for. Sorrowfully she looked at her tall, silent boy, whose weary thoughts kept pace so well with her own.
She crossed her hands in her lap and the light faded in her eyes. The glow of the old room withdrew from her face, her words became restful as her thoughts.
Finn looked at her, but did not see this. For him, too, the fairy-tale was over. He was sitting in his chair again with bent head and his hands open on his knees.
And, without their doing anything or thinking of it, they came in their usual way to talk together. It was not any interchange of thoughts and still less a contest of opinions. They said nearly the same thing and, wherever the thoughts of the one roamed, he found the other's. Often their words were solemn, but never powerful. Often the one was silent and agreed with the other. Many times they sat long without saying anything and thought they had told each other everything.
“Look,”said Finn, pointing out of the window.“How hideous!”
A hearse came trotting across the square.
He moved in his chair and said:
“A hearse should always drive at a foot's pace, solemnly andceremoniously…always…as though they were only driving the horses to water. And soldiers should always hold themselves stiff and starched, keeping step and time, even when they are taking their shoes to the cobbler's. Then it would all be easier.”
He was silent for a while. Then he slowly turned his face to her:
“I was talking about it to father the other day,”he said.“I happened to say something of the kind.”
She looked at him in surprise.
“I don't know how it came about. But he laughed and said I ought to write an article about it or form a society for preserving the correct pace of hearses.”
Fru Adelheid smiled and laid her hands in her lap and looked at them.
“Then he suddenly became serious and came up to me and laid his hands on my shoulders:‘Hearses ought to drive fast,’ he said,‘gallop…at a rousing pace. Away with the dead, Finn! Let life grow green and blossom !’”
“Father is so masterful,”said Fru Adelheid.
Finn nodded.
Then they began to talk about Cordt. They often did so. And they were always eager to find good words to praise him in. But under the words there lay the consciousness, like a secret understanding between them, that he was made of a coarser clay than they.
They never said this; but they felt a sort of patronizing pity for him, such as one feels for a person who runs and runs, when it is good to sit still.
But, when they talked together, Fru Adelheid knew that deepin Finn's soul there lay a secret yearning towards just that masterful side in his father which frightened him.
It was so weak, only a pale refection of her own young love, a distant echo of the voice which had stated Cordt's case in her own heart when he was fghting to win her.
But it was enough to hurt her. She thought she only had her son for a time. She traced a certain disdain in the intimacy to which he admitted her. She thought there was something in him which was greater than what he gave her and which was Cordt's or would become so.
And she realized that the fght for Finn would become harder than that which broke the seal on the door of the old room.
Finn was absorbed in what had flled his mind, the whole day, with light and color. He was thinking now of his mother's visit to the room on the evening when she had broken the spell:
“I simply cannot understand how you could have the heart,”he said.
She knew at once what he meant, but said nothing.
“There ought to be some law, like that in the fairy-story, where he who lifted the veil had to die,”he said.“And there ought to be veils upon veils…veils upon veils…Can you bear to look at the sun, mother? Women ought to go in a veil and never…never raise it, except when the occasion was so great that everything grew great.…And one ought not to see the people who play…”
Fru Adelheid half raised herself in her chair.
She wanted to tell him that, on that evening, she was punished for her presumption with the greatest terror which she had ever experienced in her life. But she could not. Then she said, quitequietly and with her eyes looking out over the square:
“And suppose there were some one who could not…suppose the veil stifed one…”
Finn looked out into space like her:
“Veils upon veils.…Veils over the dead,”he said.
Fru Adelheid sighed and said nothing.
“Then one could live,”said Finn.
芬站在老屋子里,手里拿著泛黃的文件,上面寫(xiě)道:
上帝把我?guī)У竭@里,讓我能蓋起這座漂亮的房子,它將長(zhǎng)久屹立,見(jiàn)證我和我家族的力量。在這里,他們將正直地生活,慷慨地給予。這房子會(huì)被一代一代的父子忠誠(chéng)守護(hù)。善良的男人女人會(huì)坐在那大廳里,伴著笛聲和提琴起舞。
我將這屋子設(shè)置在整個(gè)房子最秘密的部位,除了房子的設(shè)計(jì)師和我最老的仆人外,沒(méi)有人知道它的存在。我給了房子的設(shè)計(jì)師一筆封口費(fèi),讓他發(fā)誓不會(huì)把這秘密泄露出去。而我的老仆人則對(duì)我無(wú)比忠誠(chéng)。
我不僅給屋子鍍了金,還配備了有圖飾的皮簾子和昂貴的東方地毯。我有兩把從米蘭定制的精致的扶手椅,木質(zhì)部分那里被雕刻了鳥(niǎo)和動(dòng)物的圖案,黑暗中,它們好像露出奇怪的笑容,但打開(kāi)燈的時(shí)候笑容就消失了。
我給了仆人一把房間鑰匙,告訴他要誠(chéng)心誠(chéng)意地照料房間。每天傍晚,暮色漸濃時(shí),他就會(huì)點(diǎn)燃壁爐架上的蠟燭,即便他知道他的主人正在遠(yuǎn)方旅行,他也照做不誤。每個(gè)早晨,他會(huì)親自收拾房間。除了他自己,沒(méi)有其他仆人曾進(jìn)入這個(gè)屋子。
因?yàn)檫@個(gè)屋子是為我和我的妻子準(zhǔn)備的。因此我把這屋子設(shè)置在房子最為隱秘的地方,遠(yuǎn)離我們工作的賬房,遠(yuǎn)離仆人們走來(lái)走去的走廊,遠(yuǎn)離我們會(huì)見(jiàn)客人的客廳,甚至遠(yuǎn)離我們的婚房。
這將是我們婚姻的神殿,因?yàn)槲覀兊膼?ài)情使之神圣,而這愛(ài)情比我們所知的任何一切都要偉大。在這兒,我們會(huì)向上帝祈禱,是他把我們帶給彼此。在這兒,每個(gè)我們心靈相交的晚上,我們會(huì)開(kāi)心真誠(chéng)地交談。當(dāng)我們死去后,我們的兒子將帶著他的妻子來(lái)到這里,繼續(xù)做我們做過(guò)的事情。
今晚,是我在這所新房子里度過(guò)的第一個(gè)晚上,我?guī)е业钠拮觼?lái)到這里,告訴了她我的心愿。她充滿愛(ài)意地傾聽(tīng)了我的想法,我在這里記錄下事情的經(jīng)過(guò),并簽上我們的名字,讓后人見(jiàn)證。
芬讀著他們的名字,還有后來(lái)房子主人和他們妻子的名字。最后,科特和阿德?tīng)柡5碌拿指‖F(xiàn)在眼前,但又被劃去了。
然后,芬把這份文件放回了原處,環(huán)顧四周。
老屋子又恢復(fù)了以前的樣子,高高聳立在廣場(chǎng)上,深幽而寂靜,好似一個(gè)沒(méi)有生命存在的地方。
陽(yáng)臺(tái)被雪覆蓋,麻雀在雪里跳來(lái)跳去。屋子里,在那彩色的窗格后面,是紅色的花朵,極度渴望陽(yáng)光。皮革掛簾上的灰塵已被掃去,重新恢復(fù)了以往的亮度。東方地毯在地上鋪展開(kāi)來(lái),好似流放歸來(lái)的貴族重新掌管了他的家園。
所有以前的老家伙事兒都又一次找回了各自的位置,合法安心地站在那里,就好像一切從未改變過(guò)。鋼琴、畫(huà)著在荊棘中扭動(dòng)的男人的罐子、星星不僅發(fā)光還會(huì)移動(dòng)的天球儀,所有這些由不同的主人帶來(lái)的家具都又一次出現(xiàn)在屋子里。
在壁爐前面擺著兩把碩大奇特的扶手椅。
芬覺(jué)得他好像在天主教堂里,每一面飛舞的旗幟都是一位名人的墓志銘。他吸吮著過(guò)去時(shí)光的味道,他想象出來(lái)滿屋子的男男女女坐在那里,或強(qiáng)硬或溫柔地交談,他們周圍的一切已經(jīng)進(jìn)入夢(mèng)鄉(xiāng)。
芬陷入了對(duì)那對(duì)最后在這屋子里坐著的夫婦的沉思,這兩人給予他生命,但他卻不知應(yīng)該做什么。
他看到他們年輕時(shí)的愛(ài)和掙扎。他聽(tīng)到他們的聲音,他看到阿德?tīng)柡5碌募t唇和科特那沉穩(wěn)的眼神。他看到科特帶著自己的妻子來(lái)到這里,這里是房子的靈魂、傳統(tǒng)和密室,向她展示他祖先留在這里的稀奇古怪的物件。
他看到那天科特獨(dú)自站在壁爐旁,在空蕩蕩的房間里,將他和阿德?tīng)柡5碌拿謴哪欠菸募蟿澋?,然后門也不關(guān)地離去。
他看到所發(fā)生的一切。但他們并不是他的父親和母親。他們是兩個(gè)他從書(shū)本上讀來(lái)的、并逐漸喜歡上的惹人喜愛(ài)的人,他對(duì)他們的喜愛(ài)就如同對(duì)藝術(shù)的喜愛(ài)一樣,是蒼白的,沒(méi)有任何探尋的欲望。
芬將其中一把大椅子拉到窗戶邊上,長(zhǎng)久地坐在那里。
當(dāng)他坐在那里時(shí),阿德?tīng)柡5伦吡诉^(guò)來(lái)。
她站在門廊處,穿著白色的裙袍,滿頭銀發(fā)的她向他點(diǎn)頭。然后,阿德?tīng)柡5罗D(zhuǎn)頭看了看屋子四周。
然后,一切就好像夢(mèng)的影子一樣發(fā)生又隨即消失:屋子里的一切都恢復(fù)了生機(jī)。
鋼琴開(kāi)始歌唱,古董椅子上的怪臉伸出了長(zhǎng)脖子,屋內(nèi)的每個(gè)角落都有低語(yǔ)聲。
阿德?tīng)柡5驴s了回去。她沒(méi)有看到芬,忘記了他還在那里。
但是芬看到了她。
他從椅子上站起來(lái),他的眼睛泛著光芒,“你點(diǎn)亮了這屋子,母親,這屋子也點(diǎn)亮了你?!?/p>
芬握起阿德?tīng)柡5碌氖钟H吻了一下,阿德?tīng)柡5卤环覡恐哌M(jìn)了這個(gè)容不下她年輕欲望的屋子。
童話故事結(jié)束了,連同對(duì)這屋子的恐懼一起。但那光芒仍舊在阿德?tīng)柡5律砩巷@現(xiàn),她看上去美極了。她的臉如同小姑娘那般粉嫩,她的步伐輕盈,她的眼睛濕潤(rùn)而羞澀。她輕輕地、開(kāi)心地笑著,一邊觀看這些老家具,一邊講關(guān)于它們的故事,不時(shí)撫摸著它們。
她講了那個(gè)每當(dāng)悲傷時(shí)便唱歌的女人的故事,是她帶來(lái)了這架老鋼琴。當(dāng)她在鋼琴上彈出和聲時(shí),她的手都在發(fā)顫,那輕柔美妙的旋律響徹房間。她還講了老紡車的故事,這老紡車曾夜夜不停地呼啦呼啦地轉(zhuǎn)了一整年。她還講到了天球儀,那曾是那個(gè)智力衰退的人的玩具。還有那帶著一張空洞的臉的布娃娃,讓人想起那個(gè)害怕這屋子的寂靜而從來(lái)不敢踏入這里的女主人。但她的兒子,因?yàn)榉浅?ài)她,把布娃娃藏在了窗簾后面。還有萊克,她的畫(huà)像曾掛在墻上露出污漬的地方,但是后來(lái)被取下來(lái)了,因?yàn)樗幕橐鼋怏w了。
還有那個(gè)畫(huà)著在荊棘里扭動(dòng)的男人的壇罐,這是她帶給這房間的禮物。阿德?tīng)柡5螺p輕拂過(guò)這壇罐,沉默不語(yǔ)。
芬的眼睛緊追著阿德?tīng)柡5隆?/p>
他從未看過(guò)他的母親如此美麗。他不認(rèn)識(shí)那樣的眼神,那樣的笑容,那樣清澈的聲音。
有時(shí),芬會(huì)在她講的基礎(chǔ)上加一點(diǎn)兒東西,他說(shuō)話內(nèi)涵豐富,讓她感到驚訝和害怕?,F(xiàn)在,他可以在阿德?tīng)柡5抡f(shuō)話前就猜到她要說(shuō)的事情。然后,她從未懷疑過(guò)他會(huì)知道這些事情。
阿德?tīng)柡5聝?nèi)心的恐懼與日俱增,因?yàn)椴粫缘每铺貙?duì)他都說(shuō)了什么。
但芬已沉浸在自己的歡樂(lè)中。
陶醉于阿德?tīng)柡5碌拿利悾V迷于屋子里這些奇怪的東西,還有那深深的寂靜中,他想讓這游戲進(jìn)行得更加生動(dòng),卻忘記了老屋子的封印已被打破。
芬將另一把椅子也拉到窗戶那里,讓阿德?tīng)柡5伦?,然后他自己坐到另外一把椅子里,說(shuō)道:
“現(xiàn)在,你不是我的母親,你是我年輕的新娘。我?guī)銇?lái)到這個(gè)神圣的地方,我現(xiàn)在要告訴你它的秘密?!?/p>
聽(tīng)到芬的話,阿德?tīng)柡5峦蝗荒樕n白,芬內(nèi)疚地握起她的手,說(shuō):
“我傷害到你了嗎,母親?”
阿德?tīng)柡5聯(lián)u搖頭,強(qiáng)擠出一點(diǎn)兒笑容。
然后芬再次走進(jìn)屋子里,開(kāi)心地?fù)肀н@屋子的一切,但阿德?tīng)柡5乱琅f坐在那里,眉頭緊鎖。
她心情沉重,因?yàn)樵谒磥?lái),當(dāng)他們坐在這房子的密室里聊天時(shí),她突然就不是他的母親了。舊時(shí)光強(qiáng)有力地沖擊著她的大腦,把她帶到另外一個(gè)世界里去了。
老房子充滿了回音,科特的言語(yǔ),科特的愛(ài)……那堅(jiān)定的信念,還有這在優(yōu)良的傳統(tǒng)之下發(fā)芽且在過(guò)往時(shí)日里不斷壯大的家族的巨大幸福,都融為一體。
有那么一刻,阿德?tīng)柡5略谙?,如果一切按照科特所想的那樣發(fā)生應(yīng)該會(huì)很好。
但同時(shí),又有一個(gè)想法抓住了她,讓她變得叛逆而年輕,就如同很多年前她最后一次站在這屋子里一樣。
她狠狠地將自己的椅子向后推了推,環(huán)視著充滿敵意的屋子,眼里滿含淚水。
阿德?tīng)柡5驴聪蚍?,他站在天球儀旁,試圖將其啟動(dòng),但卻因?yàn)殚_(kāi)關(guān)生銹而卡住了。
阿德?tīng)柡5孪?,?dāng)芬到了娶妻的年紀(jì),他會(huì)想要恢復(fù)傳統(tǒng),將他的妻子也帶到這里,和她坐在這對(duì)古董椅子里嗎?
之后是芬的兒子,以及兒子的兒子,他們都會(huì)讀到那泛黃文件上被劃掉的她的名字。她會(huì)像其他那些在這個(gè)家族里被標(biāo)上標(biāo)簽的人一樣,關(guān)于她愛(ài)出去玩和獵尋根本不存在的快樂(lè)的流言蜚語(yǔ)會(huì)越來(lái)越多。
“來(lái)幫幫我,母親?!狈艺f(shuō)道。
阿德?tīng)柡5伦吡诉^(guò)去,用力地按下了開(kāi)關(guān),天球儀又開(kāi)始轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)起來(lái)。
“瞧,你泄露了魔法的秘密?!狈艺f(shuō)道。
他自顧自地說(shuō)著話,看到天球儀能發(fā)亮、能轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)的星星非常高興。
“芬,來(lái)我身邊坐?!?/p>
等芬坐了過(guò)來(lái),阿德?tīng)柡5掠诸D了一會(huì)兒,就好像她在找她想要說(shuō)的話,而且,她說(shuō)話時(shí)并沒(méi)有看著芬。
“芬,”阿德?tīng)柡5掳咽址旁谒珙^,然后又立刻抽開(kāi),“芬,有一次,很多年以前,有一天晚上,我獨(dú)自待在老屋子里。你知道,我以前經(jīng)常會(huì)和你的父親來(lái)這里,我被老屋子的權(quán)威控制,從來(lái)沒(méi)有在這里真正開(kāi)心過(guò)。我當(dāng)時(shí)還很年輕,芬,這一切和我的憧憬和快樂(lè)都格格不入。我當(dāng)時(shí)無(wú)法理解這些,也無(wú)法減輕或者克服這屋子帶給我的不適感。因?yàn)槟愕母赣H是屬于這屋子的,而這屋子還有屋里的古怪東西都是屬于他的,而且它們都在抗拒著我。每次我來(lái)到門前,我的心臟都停止跳動(dòng)。而一旦我在這里面,就好像……就好像我不能再訴說(shuō)我的想法,而是說(shuō)著別人安排好的話。哦,都是些好話,但不是我的。但當(dāng)我鼓起勇氣,說(shuō)出我自己想說(shuō)的,我的話聽(tīng)起來(lái)又好像我在詆毀老屋子還有你父親以及上帝。之后……”
阿德?tīng)柡5赂械?,她正在背叛放在她手上的一些偉大而美好的事物。她看看周圍,似乎在害怕屋子里還有其他人,或者整個(gè)屋子會(huì)跳起來(lái)用它根深蒂固的力量反對(duì)她。
但屋里沒(méi)有其他人,也沒(méi)有聲音。
然后,她轉(zhuǎn)頭看著芬,高興地說(shuō)道:
“但是那一晚,芬,我解除了老屋子的咒語(yǔ)。我把神龕上的那塊薄紗扯了下來(lái),薄紗后面什么都沒(méi)有。第一次,我感到我可以在我的家里自由呼吸。”
阿德?tīng)柡5虏](méi)有說(shuō)明后來(lái)她如何又被恐懼籠罩,繼而狼狽地逃離了這屋子。但是,她沒(méi)有達(dá)到她撒謊想要達(dá)到的目的。芬悲傷地看著她,說(shuō)道:
“你怎么能那么做,母親?你怎么能那么想它?”
“你也受了咒語(yǔ)的控制嗎?”阿德?tīng)柡5聠?wèn)道。
她的語(yǔ)氣中透露出嘲笑的意味,比她預(yù)期的要濃烈許多,這讓她驚嚇不已。但芬并沒(méi)有注意到。
“那老屋子已經(jīng)不存在了,僅僅是一個(gè)意象,一個(gè)紀(jì)念碑,是我依據(jù)父親所說(shuō)編造的幻象?!狈艺f(shuō)。
阿德?tīng)柡5屡み^(guò)頭去,繼續(xù)聽(tīng)著。
“但若我也經(jīng)歷過(guò)老屋子還存在的那段時(shí)光,它肯定也會(huì)控制住我?!?/p>
“是的,你一直都在跟你父親談話。”阿德?tīng)柡5螺p輕地說(shuō)。
“是的。”
然后,芬在阿德?tīng)柡5旅媲疤闪讼聛?lái),如以往那般將臉?lè)旁谒氖掷铩?/p>
“是的,”芬重復(fù)道,“還有,母親,我愛(ài)你。你如此美麗。但我們?cè)僖膊粫?huì)討論那老屋子了……因?yàn)槲艺J(rèn)為那老屋子是我所知道的最精彩、最美麗、最強(qiáng)大的事物??墒牵幌氲轿覜](méi)有完全隨了你,或繼承了父親的所有,我無(wú)法專一地分享你們倆任何一人最強(qiáng)烈的感情,我就會(huì)心痛。我無(wú)法跟父親討論這一點(diǎn),也沒(méi)法跟你討論,對(duì)嗎?”
阿德?tīng)柡5聸](méi)有回答他,而是溫柔地?fù)崦念^發(fā)。兩人都沒(méi)有再說(shuō)話,屋子里靜極了。
沉默中,阿德?tīng)柡5掠肿龌亓俗约?。許多已定型的時(shí)光回到了本來(lái)的狀態(tài),鐘聲單調(diào)又激烈地響著,從外界曾淹沒(méi)它們的噪音中脫離出來(lái)。
她驚嘆老屋子在她心里所引起的興奮。熄滅的,是讓她成為老屋子女主人的愛(ài),同時(shí)也是讓屋子無(wú)法承載的赤紅欲望。她想到科特,想到科特曾為在她看來(lái)不值得拼搏的事情而拼搏。她哀傷地看著她高挑沉靜的兒子,他那疲倦的思緒和她如出一轍。
阿德?tīng)柡5码p手疊放在膝蓋處,她眼神里的光芒退去,老屋子的光輝也從她臉上消失,她的話語(yǔ)變得如同她的思緒一般平靜。
芬看著她,但是卻沒(méi)有看到這些變化。而對(duì)于芬而言,這童話故事也已經(jīng)結(jié)束。他低著頭坐在古董椅子里,手在膝蓋處攤開(kāi)。
無(wú)意識(shí)地,兩人又恢復(fù)到日常的交流方式,沒(méi)有思想上的交匯,更算不上是觀點(diǎn)的碰撞。他們說(shuō)著幾乎同樣的事情,不論其中一個(gè)人的思緒如何漂游,另外一個(gè)總是能找得到。他們的話語(yǔ)總是很鄭重,卻并沒(méi)有威脅感。很多次,他們坐在那里,雖然什么都沒(méi)說(shuō),卻以為已經(jīng)跟對(duì)方說(shuō)了一切。
“看,”芬指向窗外,“多可怕!”
一架靈車正穿過(guò)廣場(chǎng)。
芬一邊挪動(dòng)自己的椅子,一邊說(shuō):
“靈車應(yīng)該用步行的速度行駛,莊重地,有儀式感地,就好像他們只是要趕馬去飲水一樣。戰(zhàn)士應(yīng)該保持身姿筆挺,走路的步伐、節(jié)拍都一致,即便他們鞋子該去修鞋匠那兒修了也要保持一致。這樣的話,一切就簡(jiǎn)單了?!?/p>
芬安靜了一陣。然后他轉(zhuǎn)過(guò)頭,看著阿德?tīng)柡5拢澳翘煳以诟赣H聊天,我正好說(shuō)了類似的話。”
阿德?tīng)柡5麦@訝地看著芬。
“我不知道為什么突然講起了這個(gè)。但父親大笑,說(shuō)我應(yīng)該寫(xiě)一篇關(guān)于這事兒的文章或者組織一個(gè)社團(tuán),專門維持正確的靈車速度。”
阿德?tīng)柡5挛⑿?,低頭看著放在腿上的雙手。
“然后,他突然變得嚴(yán)肅,走到我身邊,手搭在我肩膀,說(shuō):‘靈車應(yīng)該被開(kāi)得再快些,用眨眼的工夫?qū)⑺廊藥ё?,讓生命成長(zhǎng)開(kāi)花!’”
“父親是權(quán)威。”阿德?tīng)柡5抡f(shuō)。
芬點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭。
然后他們開(kāi)始討論科特。他們總是這樣做。他們總是急于尋找漂亮的詞匯來(lái)贊美他。但內(nèi)心里,他們都知道,科特比起他倆,顯得更粗糙一些。
他們從來(lái)不這么講,但他們都可憐科特,那感覺(jué)就好像看著一個(gè)明明靜靜坐著就可以,卻偏要不斷奔跑的人一樣。
但是,當(dāng)他們一起交談時(shí),阿德?tīng)柡5轮溃诜业撵`魂深處,他崇拜也害怕父親那威嚴(yán)的一面。
雖然這種感情如此弱小,不過(guò)只是一個(gè)蒼白的映象,映出她年少時(shí)的愛(ài)情,一個(gè)遙遠(yuǎn)的回音,回響著當(dāng)科特追求她時(shí),她心中為科特辯護(hù)的聲音。
但這足以讓她受傷。她想,她僅僅短暫地?fù)碛羞^(guò)她兒子。她在他給予她的親密中察覺(jué)到一絲不屑。她想,在芬身上,有一些比芬所給予她的更加強(qiáng)大的東西,這些東西來(lái)自科特或?qū)⒁兂扇绱恕?/p>
而且,阿德?tīng)柡5乱庾R(shí)到,爭(zhēng)奪芬的斗爭(zhēng)將要比重新打開(kāi)老屋子還要艱難。
一整天,芬都專注于他腦子里的那些事情?,F(xiàn)在,他在想象他母親打破屋子咒語(yǔ)的那一晚。
“我就是不能理解,你怎么忍心?!彼f(shuō)道。
阿德?tīng)柡5铝⒖讨浪囊馑迹鞘裁炊紱](méi)有說(shuō)。
“應(yīng)該有一些法則,就好像童話故事里的,那個(gè)掀起面紗的人就必須死掉,”芬說(shuō),“而且,應(yīng)該有一層又一層的面紗,面紗疊面紗,母親,你能忍受直視太陽(yáng)嗎?女人應(yīng)該戴著面紗且從不……從不掀起它,除非是非常重大的場(chǎng)合,大到一切都變得偉大,而且人不應(yīng)該去看那玩耍的人群。”
阿德?tīng)柡5略谒囊巫永镏逼鹆松习肷怼?/p>
她想告訴芬,在那個(gè)晚上,因?yàn)樗聂斆В馐芰巳松顝?qiáng)烈的恐懼。但是她說(shuō)不出口。一會(huì)兒后,她望向廣場(chǎng),極其平靜地說(shuō)道:
“假設(shè)有人無(wú)法戴上面紗,假設(shè)那紗會(huì)讓人窒息?!?/p>
此刻,芬也望向遠(yuǎn)處,說(shuō)道:
“紗疊著紗,紗蓋著死人?!?/p>
阿德?tīng)柡5聡@了口氣,什么都沒(méi)有說(shuō)。
“那樣,人就可以生活了?!狈艺f(shuō)。
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