雙語·《西爾維婭·普拉斯詩集》 獄卒

The Jailor
獄卒

My night sweats grease his breakfast plate.
我的睡衣給他早餐的盤子抹上油。

The same placard of blue fog is wheeled into position
藍(lán)色霧般的相同布告牌滾動(dòng)到位

With the same trees and headstones.
纏繞著相同的樹木和墓碑。

Is that all he can come up with,
他可以拿出的只是

The rattle of keys?
那串叮當(dāng)響的鑰匙？

I have been drugged and raped.
我被用了麻醉藥，被強(qiáng)奸。

Seven hours knocked out of my right mind
我被擊昏，神志不清七個(gè)小時(shí)

Into a black sack
被塞進(jìn)一只黑色的麻袋

Where I relax, foetus or cat,
可以放松的地方，胎兒或是貓，

Lever of his wet dreams.
他多次夢遺的操縱桿。

Something is gone.
某樣?xùn)|西不見了。

My sleeping capsule, my red and blue zeppelin
我的安眠膠囊，紅藍(lán)相間似飛艇

Drops me from a terrible altitude.
從可怕的海拔將我拋下。

Carapace smashed,
外殼摔得粉碎，

I spread to the beaks of birds.
我飛散成眾鳥之食。

O little gimlets—
唉，小小的螺絲錐——

What holes this papery day is already full of!
薄紙似的日子早已布滿了空洞！

He has been burning me with cigarettes,
他一直用他的煙在燙我，

Pretending I am a negress with pink paws.
佯稱我是黑女人長著粉色的手爪。

I am myself. That is not enough.
我是我自己。但這不夠。

The fever trickles and stiffens in my hair.
高燒似水滴落，我的頭發(fā)僵硬。

My ribs show. What have I eaten?
我露出肋骨。我吃了什么？

Lies and smiles.
各種謊言和微笑。

Surely the sky is not that color,
想必天空不是那顏色，

Surely the grass should be rippling.
想必青草正隨風(fēng)搖曳。

All day, gluing my church of burnt matchsticks,
整天，我用燃燒過的火柴桿黏合我的教堂，

I dream of someone else entirely.
我整個(gè)兒夢想另一個(gè)人。

And he, for this subversion,
而他，為了顛覆這夢想，

Hurts me, he
傷害我，他

With his armor of fakery,
帶著假意之盔甲，

His high cold masks of amnesia.
極其冷酷，遺忘的面罩。

How did I get here?
我如何抵達(dá)此地？

Indeterminate criminal,
不確定的罪犯，

I die with variety—
我會(huì)有各種死法——

Hung, starved, burned, hooked.
被絞死，被餓死，被燒死，被鉤死。

I imagine him
我想象他

Impotent as distant thunder,
仿佛遠(yuǎn)處的雷聲一樣虛弱，

In whose shadow I have eaten my ghost ration.
在他的陰影中我吃了小份口糧。

I wish him dead or away.
我希望他已死或遠(yuǎn)離。

That, it seems, is the impossibility.
那，似乎，是不可能之事。

That being free. What should the dark
那會(huì)是自由。沒有高燒可吞食

Do without fevers to eat?
黑暗會(huì)做什么？

What should the light
沒有眼睛似刀穿透

Do without eyes to knife, what would he
光明會(huì)做什么？沒有我

Do, do, do without me?
他會(huì)做，做，做什么？

(1962/10/17. pp.226—227. No. 185)
* * *