真愛教會我們的17堂課

Love. It makes the world go ‘round, right? Well, at least that’s the how the saying goes. But is it true? It should be, but so many people confuse love with things like jealousy or possessiveness. True love isn’t either of those things. But these 17 things are. So here are the lessons that real love teaches us:

有句話叫做“愛讓世界轉(zhuǎn)動”，果真如此么?應(yīng)該是吧?？墒牵芏嗳藚s把嫉妒或占有誤以為是愛。真愛既不是嫉妒也不是占有。但下面這17個蘊意卻能闡釋愛。請看真愛能教會我們什么吧：

1. Love means letting go of expectations

愛意味著拋開期望

Sure, we all want people to behave the way we want them to. We want them to be more affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter. Or more ambitious. All of these things are expectations. Expectations are just your requirements for “acceptability” of loving someone. But true love has no expectations. It simply loves “as is.”

自然，我們都希望別人能成為我們所期望的那樣。我們要求他們更柔情、更陽光、更聰明或更有抱負。所有這些都是期望，而期望就是你“愿意”愛上某人的條件?？墒?，真愛并不盡是期望——真愛是能夠接受對方本來的樣子。

2. Love doesn’t play the victim role or blame others

愛沒有“玻璃心”，也不會苛責(zé)對方

Love works together. It takes responsibility. It forgives and allows other people’s actions to be their journey. Love doesn’t take things personally.

愛是同心協(xié)力，是同舟共濟，是寬容對方并放手讓對方啟程。愛不會狹隘地斤斤計較。

3. Love includes letting go

愛也是放手

Love doesn’t equal possession. Just as the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, then it never was.” There is truth to that. Love allows people their freedom. It doesn’t hold tightly and crush their wings in attempt to keep them. True love doesn’t want to possess. It is willing to set you free if you want to be.

愛不等于占有。常言道：“如果你喜歡它，就請給它自由。它若能再回來，便是你的;若不愿回來，那么它永遠也不會屬于你。” 確實如此呵!愛會給對方自由。愛不應(yīng)緊緊拽著對方，不應(yīng)為了留住對方而折斷他的翅膀。真愛不是占有，而是如你所愿地給你自由。

4. Love doesn’t require you to continue a relationship

愛不勉強維持

You may love someone very much. But you may not be compatible with them. Or they may drive you crazy with their continued disregard for your feelings. You can still love them, but that doesn’t mean you have to be with them. Love doesn’t mean that you have to stay, and stay, and stay. You can leave the relationship and love them anyway.

或許你非常愛他，可你們根本就性格不投;或者他總漠視你的情感，讓你痛苦糾纏。當然，你仍然可以愛著他，但這不表示你必須陪在他身邊。愛不是強作維持無奈停留。你可以選擇離開，但在心里仍然愛著對方。

5. Love has no room for jealousy

愛沒有嫉妒

Like possession, jealousy doesn’t equal love. We think that if we’re not jealous of our loved ones that it means that we don’t love them. True love has confidence in the quality of the relationship. It knows that the other person is happy and content coming back to you, and only you.

和占有欲一樣，嫉妒也不是愛。我們以為要是不嫉妒吃醋，就表示我們根本不愛對方。其實，真愛完全相信彼此關(guān)系多么可靠，確信那個人會很開心地選擇你——而且只有你。

6. Love is the absence of fear

愛沒有恐懼

You can put all emotions on a continuum. On one end, you have love. Then appreciation. After that, it’s joy, happiness, contentment, and satisfaction. On the opposite end of the continuum of love is fear. Other fear-based emotions include, hatred, insecurity, jealousy, or greed.

將所有情緒排列順序，從頭開始是愛、感恩、喜悅、快樂、知足、滿意，而排在最末尾的便是恐懼?？謶诸惽榫w還有憎惡、不安、嫉妒或貪婪。

7. Love is not needing and wanting

愛不是需求和渴望

One of the things we try to teach kids is that there is a clear difference between a want and a need. Needing someone is a feeling based in fear. You fear that you can’t live without them, so you need them. And remember, fear is the opposite of love. Wanting someone in your life gives them the freedom to leave, but still shows them you love them.

我們經(jīng)常教導(dǎo)子女：渴望和需求是不一樣的。你需要某人，那是因為你心藏恐懼：你害怕沒了他你就無法生活，所以你需要他?？墒莿e忘了，恐懼和愛是對立的。如果你渴望生活中出現(xiàn)某個人但又愿意給他離開的自由，那你才是愛他的。

8. Love is an action, not just a feeling

愛不只是感覺，更是行動

Humans tend to be addicted to intense emotion – especially when it feels good. So when we’re in love, we want to feel that way forever. But guess what? That higher than “Cloud 9” feeling goes away after a while. That doesn’t mean you don’t love the other person anymore, it just means that it’s not new anymore. So that’s where the action needs to kick in. Show the person you love them. Don’t just assume they know.

人們總是難以抗拒熱烈的情感——尤其是在感覺良好的時候。所以一旦陷入愛，我們就總希望能一直那樣美好。但實際上呢，那種飄飄欲仙的感覺稍縱即逝。當然，這并不表示你不再愛他，只能說新鮮勁兒過去了而已。這時就得拿出行動來證明你愛他。不要只在心里想當然認為他知道你愛他。

9. Love is unconditional

愛是無條件的

The word ‘unconditional’ means that there are no expectations or limitations set. To love unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most humans aren’t good at that. But true love really does love without trying to change the other person.

“無條件”是指沒有期望或設(shè)定限制。無條件去愛不是件容易的事情，大部分人也都做不到這一點。但是，真正的愛確實不需要試圖去改變對方。

10. Love means putting other people’s needs equal to – or before – your own

愛意味著“憂他人之憂”

While people may be inherently selfish for survival purposes, this does not serve us well in relationships. If you don’t put other people’s needs at least equal to your own, they will grow resentful. Real love truly, genuinely cares about other people’s happiness and will go to great lengths to make people feel valued.

為了生存，人性難免自私;但自私卻不利于培養(yǎng)感情。如果你沒能把對方的需求當成自己的事情，那么對方或許會心懷不滿。真正的愛會不容置疑地“樂他人之樂”，并且盡量讓對方感到受重視。

11. Love is the highest vibration emotion that there is

愛是世界上最易波動的感情

Science has proven that emotions like love and fear have very different vibrations. They can actually measure them. Love vibrates very fast, whereas fear-based emotions (think jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, greed, etc.) vibrate very slowly. When you love completely and unconditionally, there is no fear involved. The vibrations of love make you feel good at all times.

科學(xué)表明，愛和恐懼具有截然不同的波動率。這種波動率可以實際測量出來：愛波動得非?？欤謶诸惽榫w(如嫉妒、占有、憎惡、貪婪等)卻波動得極其緩慢。如果你是全身心無條件去愛的話，恐懼是不存在的。起伏的愛會讓你一直心情高昂。

12. Love is focusing on quality, not quantity

愛注重質(zhì)量而非數(shù)量

Love focuses on the quality of your relationship, not its longevity. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?” Just because your relationship lasts a long time doesn’t mean that you have true love. Real love can be very brief. Therefore, quality and quantity of love are not the same things.

愛重在彼此關(guān)系的質(zhì)量，而非相處了多長時間。相信你肯定聽說過這句話——寧愿去愛去迷失，也總比不曾愛過的好。就算你們已經(jīng)相處很長時間，也不表示你們就是真心相愛。真愛可以很短暫。所以說，愛質(zhì)量和愛數(shù)量完全是兩碼事。

13. Love requires attention

愛需要關(guān)注

Love doesn’t ignore. It doesn’t look the other way. It wants to be present and be together. When people are in love, sometimes they think that they don’t have to “do any more work.” But real love actually enjoys giving attention to another person. It feels good, and doesn’t see giving attention to another person as a chore.

愛不可視而不見，不可心有旁騖;愛需要即時即刻在一起。有些人以為相愛時無需“多此一舉”，但真正的愛其實是需要給予對方關(guān)注的。關(guān)心對方會讓你感到開心，而且一點也不覺得瑣碎麻煩。

14. Love understands and accepts differences

愛理解并接受差異

Let’s face it. We’re all different. Even identical twins aren’t exactly the same. They have different experiences and outlooks about the world. Real love doesn’t make other people wrong for being different. When people truly love another person, they accept their differences.

事實上人各有異。即便是長得相似的雙胞胎也并不完全一樣，他們也會有不同的經(jīng)歷和世界觀。真正的愛不會因為對方不同而加以指責(zé)。若是真心相愛，人們會接受各自的差異。

15. Love varies in how it is expressed and accepted

表達與接受方式不同，愛也隨之各異。

What makes us “feel loved” varies. In the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, he explains the different ways people give and receive love: (1) Words (2) Acts of Service, (3) Giving Gifts, (4) Spending Time Together, and (5) Touch. It’s important to discover other people’s love language so you can understand each other and give love in a way that the other person recognizes it.

人們陷入愛的方式各有不同。在《愛的五種語言》一書中，蓋瑞-恰普曼闡釋了人們給予并接受愛的不同方式：(1)言語，(2)提供幫助，(3)贈送禮物，(4)共享時光，(5)肢體接觸。因此，觀察對方的愛語言很重要，這樣你就能了解彼此，并以對方能夠接受的方式表達愛意。

16. Love makes you feel good, not bad

愛讓你情緒愉悅，而非低落

Many people confuse being in a relationship with love. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean there is true love present. If there is jealousy, possessiveness, constant fighting, abuse (verbal, emotional, or physical), that is not love. Refer back to #6. Those are fear-based emotions and actions.

許多人分不清相處和愛。兩人相處并不一定就是真心相愛。如果伴有嫉妒、占有、經(jīng)常性爭吵，甚至口頭、情感或身體上的暴力，那根本就不是愛。正如前面第6條所言，這些都是恐懼類的情緒和行為。

17. Love has empathy

愛能產(chǎn)生同感共鳴

Empathy is the ability to put yourself into another person’s shoes and see a situation from his/her point of view. Love has deep empathy. “When you hurt, I hurt.” People who truly love one another don’t want to hurt them. They want them to feel good. They care about their feelings and try everything they can to make them feel valued and worthy.

同感共鳴就是你要能站在對方立場并從對方角度看待情況。愛能產(chǎn)生強烈的共鳴。“你痛，我也痛。”所以真正相愛的人不忍傷害對方。他們希望看到對方開開心心，他們關(guān)心對方的情緒，愿意做任何事情讓對方感到被重視。

Remember, love is happiness, appreciation, and feeling good. Anything other than that is not love. If we all loved one another as ourselves, the world would be a better place!

請記?。簮凼强鞓?，是感恩，是心情愉悅。除此之外則并非愛。如果我們都能以愛己之心去愛他人，這個世界將會變得更加美好!