父母需立刻停做的六件事
We parents get lots of advice. Lots. But instead of the experts telling us what we should do, perhaps it’s time they tell us to just stop it.
So here we have it: Six things parents need to stop doing right now.
1. “Exercising”
You must set the example and be physically active, says Katherine Tallmadge, nutritionist and author of “Diet Simple. But don’t push kids to “exercise,” which sounds (and feels) like a chore. Instead, play with them. Make it fun: hit the basketball court, play tag or hide and seek. Join them at the playground. Organize a game with neighborhood kids. Dance. Do the Wii together.
They get exercise, you get exercise. But it’s fun for them and for you.
2. Relying on a screen
You’ve heard it a million times. Screen time “is just not a good way for kids to learn and develop intellectually and socially,” says Lee Beers, a general pediatrician at Children’s National Medical Center. “A little bit is fine. It’s part of our world. But when it becomes what you spend the majority of your time doing” you know that’s too much.
The more screen time a child has, the less time youallare spending outdoors, running, playing or reading. Too much TV or iPhone action “displaces your time so that you’re not able to...do more positive things,” she says.
And of course, it’s important for a child to know how to entertain themselves without screens and to behave well without screens.
What to start doing? Eat dinner together every day or as many days as you can, she says. “It’s a family habit that is closely tied to good outcomes for kids. It has less to do with the actual act of eating and more to do with sitting down with the family.”
3. Hiding the treats
Sounds counterproductive, right? But if you hide treats, kids will find them. When they do, goodbye, complete package of Oreos. So instead of hiding the bad stuff until your children find them and gorge, replace the processed, fatty junk with better treats — and put them in a place where kids can help themselves.
“Control the environment,” says Tallmadge. “Stock your home with really delicious healthy food.” That could include chocolate dipped strawberries placed on a low shelf in the fridge. Or any chocolate dipped fruit. Try apples dipped in peanut butter, then rolled in granola. “Make healthy but tasty foods that are grabable for children,” she says. They might not even miss the Oreos. Yes, that’s a good thing for you, too.
4. Ordering, directing, correcting
Every time we order, correct, and direct our kids with phrases like “It’s time to clean your room,” “Get your elbows off the table!” or “Just try one bite of asparagus,” we set ourselves up for a power struggle, says Amy McCready, founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com and author of “If I Have to Tell You One More Time.”
“Like anyone else, kids dislike being bossed around, and they tell us so with eye-rolling, back talk, negotiating, or ignoring us completely,” she says.
Instead of barking orders at our children, try to get them to cooperate. Try “I’m slammed with work tonight. Anything you can do to help with the dinner dishes would really make a difference for me.”
Or, McCready says, shift the focus to problem solving: “I’ve noticed we’ve had difficulty getting out the door in time for the bus. Let’s brainstorm ways we can improve our morning routine.”
Sure they’re kids and you’re the parent. Some ordering, correcting and directing will always be necessary. But try to make that only about 30 percent of your communication and that “will go a long way towards engaging cooperation and a more peaceful home in 2014.”
5. Skipping breakfast yourself
It’s easy to put their breakfast in front of them as you get ready in the morning and just throw something in your mouth on the way to work. But children model what they see. Will they be getting the right nutrition if they eat how or what you eat? Didn’t think so. Set an example by eating breakfast every morning, Tallmadge says. It will help all of you if you keep it interesting: a peanut butter sandwich with yogurt and fruit. Whole grain pancakes. Cereal and yogurt. Oatmeal with nuts and fruit. Or even a slice of leftover pizza (yes, that’s Tallmadge approved). Your good eating habits will feed their good eating habits, just like your good exercising (um, “playing”) will encourage their good health.
6. Just sending them on their way
We’ve all had quite a few days together. So don’t just send the kids out the door as vacation ends, as you would if they had been in school yesterday.
“As a goodbye on the first day back to school or work, be sure to smile and tell your child that even though you won’t be together (or you’ll miss each other) today, you’ll still be thinking about him and you know he’ll be thinking about you,” says Beth Griffith, a D.C. -based child and adult psychotherapist.
After a long break from school, one that included lots of overstimulation, fun and major changes in routines, children who tend to be anxious may have a tough time transitioning back and separating from their parents.
Think about it: It’s hard even for many of us adults to return to our early wakeups, deadlines, jobs and schedules.
“When one’s parent isn’t beside her, a child has to find a place in her mind where she can recall a picture of mom or dad,” Griffith says. “Simply verbalizing that can help both parent and child manage the missing and can reassure your child that you’ll be internally there even if not physically present.”
Helping your child to internalize loved ones and to use language to help think about and understand those feelings “are two of the most crucial developmental coping skills you can help your child gain,” she says. “Plus you’ll be sending the message that you’re confident in his ability to use those coping skills.”
假如你想讓孩子好好吃飯，那你自己就不要不吃早餐啦!(是的，我們正盯著你呢。)
我們做父母的，得到過很多忠告。很多很多。然而現(xiàn)在不是讓專家告訴我們什么該做，而是什么不該做了。
所以下面有幾點(diǎn)：父母需立刻停止做的六件事。
1.“鍛煉”
你必須樹立榜樣，積極活動身體，凱瑟琳•塔爾梅奇說，她是營養(yǎng)學(xué)家和《簡單飲食》的作者。但不要逼迫孩子去“鍛煉”，聽起來(感覺)像是做零工。相反，和他們一起玩。賦予它樂趣：打籃球，捉迷藏或躲貓貓。在操場加入他們的隊(duì)伍。和鄰居的孩子一起設(shè)計一個游戲。跳起來。一起打游戲。
他們鍛煉了，你也鍛煉了。但是他們和你都得到了樂趣。
2.依賴屏幕
你肯定聽了一萬遍了。屏幕時間“對孩子的智力及社交能力的學(xué)習(xí)和成長不是個好方式”，全國兒童醫(yī)療中心的一名兒科醫(yī)師李•比爾斯說，“稍微看一些是好的。那是我們世界的一部分。但是當(dāng)看屏幕占據(jù)生活的大部分時間時”，你應(yīng)該意識到有點(diǎn)太多了。
孩子的屏幕時間越多，你們在戶外跑步、玩耍或閱讀的時間就越少?？措娨暬蛲媸謾C(jī)的時間太長，將“占用你的時間，那你就沒辦法做更多積極的事情了，”她說。
當(dāng)然，孩子知道在沒有屏幕的情況下怎樣自娛自樂、好好表現(xiàn)是非常重要的。
怎樣開始呢?每天或者盡可能多抽出日子一起吃晚飯，她說。“這是個家庭習(xí)慣，與孩子的健康成長密切相關(guān)。更有作用的不是吃飯這一行為，而是與家人坐在一起的氛圍。”
3.藏起好東西
聽起來會產(chǎn)生不良結(jié)果，對嗎?但是如果你把好東西藏起來，孩子們會找到的。等他們找到了，一會工夫，一包奧利奧就被消滅了。所以，不要藏一些不健康的食品，孩子找到了會狼吞虎咽的。用一些健康食品代替那些加工過的容易發(fā)胖的垃圾，放在一個孩子可以好好享用的地方。
“控制環(huán)境”，塔爾梅奇說，“在家里備好真正美味而健康的事物。”包括在冰箱里的矮架子上放些蘸草莓巧克力，或是蘸任何水果的巧克力。嘗試用蘋果蘸點(diǎn)花生醬，然后卷到燕麥卷里。“做點(diǎn)吸引孩子的健康且美味的食物。”她說。他們可能甚至連奧利奧都不會錯過了。是的，那對你也是件好事。
4.命令、指導(dǎo)、糾正
每一次我們用一些諸如“你該打掃房間了，”“把胳膊肘移開桌子!”或者“吃點(diǎn)蘆筍，”等等的話來命令、糾正和指導(dǎo)孩子時，我們會把自己設(shè)定到一種權(quán)力競爭的情境中，艾米•麥克里迪說，她是“積極的教養(yǎng)方法”網(wǎng)站的創(chuàng)立者，是《如果我必須再告訴你一遍》的作者。
“像其他人一樣，孩子也不喜歡被頤指氣使，他們用翻白眼、頂嘴、討價還價或者直接完全忽略我們的方式來告訴我們這一點(diǎn)，”她說。
不要對孩子們厲聲命令，試著讓他們跟我們合作。嘗試說出“今晚我被工作忙得喘不過來氣，你要是能幫我分擔(dān)點(diǎn)家務(wù)，真的能產(chǎn)生很大的不同。”
或者，麥克里迪說，把焦點(diǎn)轉(zhuǎn)移到解決問題上去：“我發(fā)現(xiàn)咱們很難及時出門趕上公交車。我們討論一下，想辦法完善早晨的時間表。”
當(dāng)然他們是孩子，你是父母。一些命令、糾正和指導(dǎo)是很必要的。但是盡量讓那些只占你們交流方式的30%，“2014年，父母和孩子相互合作，實(shí)現(xiàn)更加和睦的家庭，還有很長的路要走。”
5.自己不吃早飯
早晨，你很容易就會把準(zhǔn)備好的早餐放在孩子面前，自己呢，就隨便往嘴里塞些東西，邊吃邊去上班。但是孩子們會模仿他們看到的事物。如果孩子像你那樣吃早餐，他們會得到該有的營養(yǎng)嗎?我覺得不會。樹立榜樣，每天早晨吃早餐，塔爾梅奇說。假如你把早餐變得有樂趣，對你和孩子都好：夾奶酪和水果的花生醬三明治，全麥煎餅，麥片和酸奶，搭配堅(jiān)果和水果的燕麥粥，或者即使一小片吃剩的披薩(是的，那是塔爾梅奇認(rèn)可的)。你良好的飲食習(xí)慣會培養(yǎng)出孩子們好的飲食習(xí)慣，正如你好好鍛煉(呃，“玩”)會鼓勵他們好好鍛煉一樣。
6.只是讓他們自己離開
我們一起度過了一段不短的時間。所以當(dāng)假期結(jié)束孩子返校時，不要像他們平時上學(xué)時那樣，只是把孩子打發(fā)出門。
“第一天返?；蛘吖ぷ鲿r，告別要確保面帶微笑，告訴孩子即使你們不在一起(或者你們互相想念)，你仍然會一直想著他，而且你知道他也會一直想著你，”貝絲•格里菲斯說，她是華盛頓特區(qū)兒童和成人心理治療師。
學(xué)校放假長時間的休息后，日常生活里會有一些非常刺激、有趣和重大的變化，這時孩子有焦慮情緒，他們要經(jīng)歷一段艱難的回歸正常和與父母分別的過渡期。
思考一下：即使對我們很多成年人來說，回到每天早早起床、做事有截止期、忙于工作以及有日程安排的生活中也很困難。
“父母不在身邊時，孩子不得不在內(nèi)心尋找一塊地方，來回想媽媽或爸爸的畫面，”格里菲斯說，“簡單地用語言表達(dá)出來，就會幫助父母和孩子克服心中的想念，而且還會讓孩子相信，即使你人不在，內(nèi)心還陪伴著他。”
幫助孩子把心愛的人放在心里，并且使用有助于思考和理解那些感覺的語言“是你能幫助孩子學(xué)會的兩種最重要的啟發(fā)式應(yīng)對技能”，她說。“另外，你要發(fā)出一些信號，暗示你對孩子使用那些應(yīng)對技能的能力非常有信心。”
