獨生子女致父母的一封信

　　I am writing to you to let you know that I FORBID you to ever have a child that isn't me. Under no circumstances will I allow you to reproduce ever again. Everything is currently all about me, and it better stay that way. I do not want to share my toys, my clothes, my bedroom, or the perks of being the only non-working person to benefit from your hard-earned income.

　　With warm regards and all my selfish love.

　　p.s. The only thing I would possibly consider accepting would be an identical twin.

　　獨生子女的特權(quán)

　　我寫這封信是想讓你們知道我禁止你們再生一個小孩!我要成為你們唯一的孩子。無論如何，我都不會同意你們在生養(yǎng)第二個孩子?，F(xiàn)在任何事都是以我為中心，而且這種現(xiàn)狀最好不要改變。我不想分享我的玩具、衣服、房間，以及你們辛苦掙來的工資。作為家中唯一一個不用工作的人，我要獨自享用這一切特權(quán)。

　　這封信致以誠摯的問候和我自私的愛。

　　又及：也許我是雙胞胎的話，我還是勉強可以接受的!

　　Okay, but for realzies, I am an only child, and have loved every second of it. I get personally offended when people tell parents it’s “unfair” to only have one child or that being the only kid in a home necessarily means a boring childhood. Granted, I grew up in the most exciting city in the universe (New York), so I didn't an excuse to be "bored", but ultimately, being an only child has truly shaped who I am and I am grateful for it. Here's why...

　　看完了這封有趣的信，我有一些想法要說：我是獨生子女，并且我享受著作為獨生子女的每一分每一秒。如果有人和我爸媽說只有一個孩子或者作為在家的唯一的孩子意味著乏味的童年，我一定會覺得很惱火。我在全世界最嗨的城市紐約長大，我并不覺得會無聊。而且，因為是獨生子女，我成為了現(xiàn)在的我，并且我對此心懷感激。原因如下……

　　Only Children Are Totally Cool with Being Alone

　　Having spent a good deal of time by myself in my room as a child, I am used to those moments when there’s no one around and there’s no cell-phone service, because…are we ever really alone anymore? I always found ways to entertain myself from reading to playing my Gameboy to thinking about how I would booby trap my apartment if it ever got burgled, Home Alone 2 style. I spent hours writing, drawing, day-dreaming about Robert Pattinson*—I generated hours of wholesome* entertainment, all inside my head. As a Grown, I’m not afraid to go to the bathroom without my girlfriends (I never understood the need for a chaperone) or even go out for lunch by myself, and I think I’m better for it.

　　獨生子女不孤單

　　從小到大，大部分時間我都是一個人在房間里度過。我早就習慣了獨身一人，甚至手機用不了也沒關(guān)系。因為，像我這樣的人從不孤獨。我喜歡自己找樂子。不論是閱讀還是玩游戲機，甚至是設(shè)想如果家里被盜該怎么辦，就像小鬼當家2里那樣。我花大部分的時間寫作、畫畫，或是在腦海里幻想著羅伯特帕丁森，并找到無窮的快樂。我長大后，我也不會害怕一人去衛(wèi)生間(我從來不懂為什么女性在上廁所需要同伴)，更不害怕一個人外出就餐，而且我認為這樣更好。

　　Only Children Have the Ability to Speak to Adults

　　Of course I did all the normal kid-things like go to school, play in the playground, and take gymnastics class, but most of my time growing up was spent around adults. This has helped me throughout my life.

　　獨生子女易與成人溝通

　　當然，像普通的小孩一樣，我也會上學，在操場嬉鬧，上體育課，但是大部分的成長時光我都與成年人人相伴。我認為這使我終身受益。

　　Only Children Are Not Afraid to Ask for Things They Want

　　Look, I’m not gonna lie, I was definitely spoiled, and I’m very used to getting what I want.

　　It would never occur to me not to ask for a spot in someone’s comedy show, a raise at work, or my friend’s leftover french fries. Because, what do I have to lose by asking?

　　獨生子女不怕索取

　　看，我又準備撒謊了。我真是被寵壞了，我已經(jīng)習慣想要什么就要得到什么。

　　去要一場戲劇的一個座位，漲工資，或者是我朋友吃剩的薯條是常有的事情。因為，去索取了對我來說又有什么損失?

　　Only Children Obviously Don't Have Any Sibling Rivalry

　　I mean I’m sure the love between siblings is something I’ve missed out on and will never understand, but I’ve also seen some intense fights between my friends and their brothers and sisters, *geeze*… that’s some scary stuff, there.

　　獨生子女沒有手足之爭

　　我想我確信兄弟姐妹之間的愛是我失去的，也是我永遠無法理解的。但是，我曾經(jīng)目睹朋友和他們的兄弟或是姐妹之間的爭吵。天啊，真是嚇人……