培養(yǎng)幸福感，學(xué)會(huì)做好這4件事

Relieving stress and anxiety might help you feel better — for a bit. Martin E.P. Seligman, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and a pioneer in the field of positive psychology, does not see alleviating negative emotions as a path to happiness.

消除壓力和焦慮也許有助于你的心情變好一點(diǎn)，但只是一點(diǎn)。賓夕法尼亞大學(xué)(University of Pennsylvania)心理學(xué)教授、積極心理學(xué)領(lǐng)域的先驅(qū)馬丁·E·P·塞利格曼(Martin E.P. Seligman)并不認(rèn)為消除負(fù)面情緒是一條通向幸福的道路。

“Psychology is generally focused on how to relieve depression, anger and worry,” he said. “Freud and Schopenhauer said the most you can ever hope for in life is not to suffer, not to be miserable, and I think that view is empirically false, morally insidious, and a political and educational dead-end.”

“心理學(xué)總的來說關(guān)注的是如何消除沮喪、憤怒和憂慮，”他說。“弗洛伊德和叔本華說，你在生活中最多只能指望不受罪，不痛苦，我認(rèn)為這種觀點(diǎn)就實(shí)證而言是錯(cuò)誤的，從道德上來說是有問題的，在政治和教育上也是一個(gè)死胡同。”

“What makes life worth living,” he said, “is much more than the absence of the negative.”

“讓生命變得有意義的，”他說，“遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)不只是沒有負(fù)面因素。”

To Dr. Seligman, the most effective long-term strategy for happiness is to actively cultivate well-being.

在塞利格曼看來，要獲得幸福，最有效的長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)策略是積極培養(yǎng)幸福感。

In his 2012 book, “Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being,” he explored how well-being consists not merely of feeling happy (an emotion that can be fleeting) but of experiencing a sense of contentment in the knowledge that your life is flourishing and has meaning beyond your own pleasure.

在2012年的著作《持續(xù)的幸?！?Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being)中，他探討了幸福感不僅是由感到幸福(這種情緒可能會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)瞬即逝)組成的，還包括知道自己的生命多姿多彩且意義超出了你自己的快樂后，體會(huì)到的一種滿足感。

To cultivate the components of well-being, which include engagement, good relationships, accomplishment and purpose, Dr. Seligman suggests these four exercises based on research at the Penn Positive Psychology Center, which he directs, and at other universities.

要培養(yǎng)幸福感的組成要素，包括投身于外界、良好的人際關(guān)系、成就和目的，塞利格曼根據(jù)在他擔(dān)任主任的賓夕法尼亞大學(xué)積極心理學(xué)中心(Penn Positive Psychology Center)和其他大學(xué)進(jìn)行的研究，建議進(jìn)行下面四種練習(xí)。

Identify Signature Strengths

找出標(biāo)志性的優(yōu)勢(shì)

Write down a story about a time when you were at your best. It doesn’t need to be a life-changing event but should have a clear beginning, middle and end. Reread it every day for a week, and each time ask yourself: “What personal strengths did I display when I was at my best?” Did you show a lot of creativity? Good judgment? Were you kind to other people? Loyal? Brave? Passionate? Forgiving? Honest?

就你狀態(tài)最好的一段時(shí)間寫一個(gè)故事。不一定是一件改變你人生的事情，但應(yīng)該有清楚的開始、過渡和結(jié)尾。找一周時(shí)間每天都重新看一遍，每次都問自己：“我狀態(tài)最好的時(shí)候表現(xiàn)出了什么個(gè)人優(yōu)勢(shì)?”你表現(xiàn)出了豐富的創(chuàng)意嗎?良好的判斷力?你是不是對(duì)他人友善?忠誠(chéng)?勇敢?熱情?寬容?誠(chéng)實(shí)?

Writing down your answers “puts you in touch with what you’re good at,” Dr. Seligman explained. The next step is to contemplate how to use these strengths to your advantage, intentionally organizing and structuring your life around them.

寫下你的答案“會(huì)讓你接近自己擅長(zhǎng)的領(lǐng)域，”塞利格曼解釋說。下一步是思考如何利用這些優(yōu)勢(shì)，有意地圍繞它們來組織和安排你的生活。

In a study by Dr. Seligman and colleagues published in American Psychologist, participants looked for an opportunity to deploy one of their signature strengths “in a new and different way” every day for one week.

在塞利格曼和同事發(fā)表在《美國(guó)心理學(xué)家》(American Psychologist)上的一項(xiàng)研究中，參與者一周中每天都在找機(jī)會(huì)“以一種新的、不同的方式”利用自己的其中一項(xiàng)標(biāo)志性優(yōu)勢(shì)。

“A week later, a month later, six months later, people had on average lower rates of depression and higher life satisfaction,” Dr. Seligman said. “Possible mechanisms could be more positive emotions. People like you more, relationships go better, life goes better.”

“一周后，一個(gè)月后，半年后，人們患抑郁癥的平均比例下降，生活滿意度增加，”塞利格曼說。“可能存在的機(jī)制也許意味著更多積極情緒。人們會(huì)更喜歡你，人際關(guān)系會(huì)得到改善，生活會(huì)變得更好。”

Find the Good

尋找生活中好的一面

Set aside 10 minutes before you go to bed each night to write down three things that went really well that day. Next to each event answer the question, “Why did this good thing happen?”

每天晚上睡覺之前留出十分鐘時(shí)間，寫下一天中真的很順利的三件事。在每件事的旁邊回答這個(gè)問題，“這件事為什么會(huì)這么順利?”

Instead of focusing on life’s lows, which can increase the likelihood of depression, the exercise “turns your attention to the good things in life, so it changes what you attend to,” Dr. Seligman said. “Consciousness is like your tongue: It swirls around in the mouth looking for a cavity, and when it finds it, you focus on it. Imagine if your tongue went looking for a beautiful, healthy tooth.” Polish it.

不要把注意力集中在生活中不好的事情上，它們可能會(huì)增加你患抑郁癥的可能性。這項(xiàng)練習(xí)“會(huì)把你的注意力轉(zhuǎn)移到生活中美好的事情上，這樣才能改變你要做的事情”，塞利格曼說。“意識(shí)就像你的舌頭一樣：它在嘴巴里打著轉(zhuǎn)地尋找一個(gè)齲洞，找到了，你就會(huì)關(guān)注它。想象你的舌頭是在尋找一顆美麗、健康的牙齒。”那就把它刷得又白又亮。

Make a Gratitude Visit

表達(dá)感激

Think of someone who has been especially kind to you but you have not properly thanked. Write a letter describing what he or she did and how it affected your life, and how you often remember the effort. Then arrange a meeting and read the letter aloud, in person.

回想一個(gè)對(duì)你特別好，但你還沒有恰當(dāng)?shù)乇硎具^感謝的人。寫信描述他或她做了什么，那件事如何影響了你的生活，以及你如何經(jīng)常想起這件事。然后安排和這個(gè)人見面，并當(dāng)面大聲念出這封信。

“It’s common that when people do the gratitude visit both people weep out of joy,” Dr. Seligman said. Why is the experience so powerful? “It puts you in better touch with other people, with your place in the world.”

“常見的情況是，當(dāng)人們表達(dá)感激時(shí)，雙方都高興得直落淚，”塞利格曼說。這種經(jīng)歷為什么有這么強(qiáng)大的力量?“它會(huì)讓你和他人的關(guān)系變得更好，讓你找到自己在這個(gè)世界上的位置。”

Respond Constructively

做出有建設(shè)性的回應(yīng)

This exercise was inspired by the work of Shelly Gable, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who has extensively studied marriages and other close relationships. The next time someone you care about shares good news, give what Dr. Gable calls an “active constructive response.”

這項(xiàng)練習(xí)是受了加州大學(xué)圣芭芭拉分校(University of California, Santa Barbara)社會(huì)心理學(xué)家謝利·蓋布爾(Shelly Gable)的工作的啟發(fā)。蓋布爾對(duì)婚姻和其他親密關(guān)系進(jìn)行了大量研究。下次你在乎的人和你分享好消息時(shí)，要做出蓋布爾所說的“積極的、有建設(shè)性的回應(yīng)”。

That is, instead of saying something passive like, “Oh, that’s nice” or being dismissive, express genuine excitement. Prolong the discussion by, say, encouraging them to tell others or suggest a celebratory activity.

這是指不要說些被動(dòng)的話，比如“哦，不錯(cuò)啊”，或是表現(xiàn)得不屑一顧，而是要表現(xiàn)出真正的激動(dòng)。比如，通過鼓勵(lì)他們告訴其他人或建議舉行一個(gè)慶?；顒?dòng)，來延長(zhǎng)相關(guān)討論。

“Love goes better, commitment increases, and from the literature, even sex gets better after that.”

“這么做以后，愛情變得更加美好，責(zé)任感有所增加，并且從文獻(xiàn)資料來看，就連性生活都會(huì)變得更好。”