讓孩子掌握事情的主動(dòng)權(quán)，他們會(huì)獲得更多

讓孩子掌握事情的主動(dòng)權(quán)，他們會(huì)獲得更多

Ask my son whether he needs another toy, and he will tell you, without hesitation, "yes." Ask my husband and me whether our son needs another toy, and we will emit a groan familiar to any parents who are sick not only of organizing toys but of organizing the various baskets, boxes and other vessels they've purchased to store the nevertheless-uncontainable toys.

問(wèn)我兒子是否需要另一個(gè)玩具，他會(huì)毫不猶豫地告訴你:“需要。”如果你問(wèn)我丈夫和我，我們兒子是否需要另一個(gè)玩具，我們會(huì)發(fā)出一種任何家長(zhǎng)都熟悉的呻吟，他們不僅厭倦了整理玩具，而且厭倦了整理各種各樣的籃子、盒子和其他容器，這些東西都是他們買(mǎi)來(lái)用來(lái)存放那些永遠(yuǎn)裝不下的玩具的。

As such, for his birthday this year, we ignored his gift list and gave him the only non-stuff substitute we thought would pass muster with a 5-year-old: power. Specifically, we gave him a "Yes Day," a 24-hour period during which we couldn't say no.

因此，在他今年的生日禮物上，我們忽略了他的禮物清單，只給了他一件我們認(rèn)為能符合5歲孩子要求的非物質(zhì)替代品:權(quán)力。具體來(lái)說(shuō)，我們給了他一個(gè)“同意”的日子，在這24小時(shí)里我們不能說(shuō)“不”。

The appeal of the day lies not just in the liberation it gives our child but, somewhat unexpectedly, in the liberation for us parents.

這一天的吸引力不僅在于它解放了我們的孩子，而且出乎意料的是，它還解放了我們父母。

What happened when we said 'yes'？

當(dāng)我們說(shuō)“同意”的時(shí)候會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢?

The morning of my son's birthday, we watched as he tore through presents from three sets of grandparents and five aunts and uncles. (When I was a child, the only gift I received from a relative was a $15 check from my maternal grandmother that my parents never allowed me to cash.) When that was over and he had the physical evidence that this was his birthday, we gave him, verbally, our gift.

我兒子生日的那天早上，我們看著他從三對(duì)祖父母和五個(gè)叔叔阿姨那里撕開(kāi)禮物。(當(dāng)我還是個(gè)孩子的時(shí)候，親戚給我的唯一禮物是我外祖母給我的一張15美元的支票，我父母從來(lái)不讓我把它兌換成現(xiàn)金。)當(dāng)這一切結(jié)束后，他有了實(shí)際得東西證明這是他的生日，我們口頭上給了他禮物。

His eyebrow peaked in part confusion, part skepticism. We threw some examples at him. "Can I watch another cartoon? Can I have another cookie? Can we go see otters at the zoo?" He nodded, eyebrows descending.

他的眉毛上挑，一半是困惑，一半是懷疑。我們給他舉了一些例子。“我能再看一部卡通片嗎?”我能再吃一塊餅干嗎?我們能去動(dòng)物園看水獺嗎?”他點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭，眉毛垂了下來(lái)。

Though most parents know they should leave some space, temporal and psychological, for their kids to be themselves, many of us appear to be struggling with it. In recent decades, anxiety has spiked among children and teens. Mental health experts attribute this spike to a rise in external pressures and feeling as though someone else is calling all the shots.

盡管大多數(shù)父母都知道，他們應(yīng)該給孩子留下一些空間、時(shí)間和心理上的空間，讓他們做自己，但我們中的許多人似乎都在與之斗爭(zhēng)。近幾十年來(lái)，兒童和青少年的焦慮情緒激增。心理健康專家將這種激增歸因于外部壓力的增加，以及感覺(jué)好像是其他人在發(fā)號(hào)施令。

"People need a sense of competency," or learning a skill, "but also autonomy," Johnson explained. "Parents today are spending all kinds of time, energy and money trying to increase competency but often do it at the expense of kids' autonomy. So kids feel like things are done to them, instead of for them."

“人們需要一種能力感，”或者學(xué)習(xí)一項(xiàng)技能，“但也需要自主性，”約翰遜解釋說(shuō)。“如今的父母花費(fèi)各種時(shí)間、精力和金錢(qián)試圖提高孩子的能力，但往往是以犧牲孩子的自主權(quán)為代價(jià)的。所以孩子們覺(jué)得事情是對(duì)他們做的，而不是為了他們自己做的。

Without a sense of autonomy, children and teenagers feel helpless and are thus less resilient to challenges or setbacks. "They not only need to learn that they can make good choices but also that they can screw up and it would be OK," Johnson said.

沒(méi)有自主性，兒童和青少年會(huì)感到無(wú)助，因此對(duì)挑戰(zhàn)或挫折的適應(yīng)能力較差。約翰遜說(shuō):“他們不僅要知道，他們可以做出正確的選擇，而且他們也可以把事情搞砸，一切都會(huì)好起來(lái)的。”

Ultimately, we were reminded that, when it comes to our kids, sometimes we can give more by doing less. So less we will do, incorporating a little bit of Yes Day into every day, granting him the freedom to be an otter, a ninja or whoever else he wants to be.

最終，我們被提醒，當(dāng)涉及到我們的孩子時(shí)，有時(shí)候我們可以通過(guò)做得更少來(lái)給予更多。所以我們要做的少一些，每天都說(shuō)一點(diǎn)“同意”，給他成為水獺、忍者或任何他想成為的人的自由。