孩子們需要聽到的4句話

孩子們需要聽到的4句話

The words we use with our children are powerful. They paint a mental picture of the world, incite fear or instill hope, push them to grow or hold them back. All too often, parents throw out phrases that do more harm than good, such as constantly telling kids to "be careful," instead of teaching them to be aware of their surroundings or solve their own problems.

我們用在孩子身上的詞語是強(qiáng)大的。他們在腦海中描繪了一幅世界的畫面，煽動恐懼或灌輸希望，推動他們成長或阻礙他們。很多時候，父母會說一些弊大于利的話，比如不斷告訴孩子“小心點(diǎn)”，而不是教他們注意周圍的環(huán)境或解決自己的問題。

As a parent, there are a few key phrases that I use with my kids on a regular basis. I like to use these phrases because they're catchy, the kids are more likely to remember them than if I deliver a lecture, and they offer a quick response that packs a lot of meaning into just a few words. (We've discussed them all in greater detail at another point in time, so the kids know what I'm talking about.)

作為父母，我經(jīng)常和孩子們說一些關(guān)鍵的短語。我喜歡用這些短語，因?yàn)樗鼈兒苋菀子涀?，孩子們比我講課時更容易記住它們，而且他們能做出快速反應(yīng)，在幾個詞中蘊(yùn)含了很多意義。(我們已經(jīng)在其他時間更詳細(xì)地討論過了，所以孩子們知道我在說什么。)

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1. "You can do it."

“你能行。”

Some kids are fiercely independent from the start, but many others are quite happy to let mom or dad do everything for them, whether it's cutting up food, getting something to drink, putting on clothes, or tying shoelaces. Parents continue to do these tasks long after the child should've learned, just because it's easier or faster in the moment, but this ends up creating more work for the parents because the kid isn't learning independent skills.

有些孩子從一開始就非常獨(dú)立，但也有很多孩子很樂意讓父母為他們做所有的事情，無論是切食物、買飲料、穿衣服，還是系鞋帶。父母在孩子應(yīng)該學(xué)會的很長一段時間后繼續(xù)做這些事情，只是因?yàn)楝F(xiàn)在做起來更容易更快，但這最終給父母創(chuàng)造了更多的工作，因?yàn)楹⒆記]有學(xué)習(xí)獨(dú)立的技能。

That's why I often tell my kids, "You can do it," "I know you can do it," or the somewhat stronger version, "Do it yourself!" Some parents might think it's harsh, but I see it as active encouragement, an extra push to try something that may have seemed initially intimidating. The look of pride on their faces when they've managed to do it makes it worthwhile.

這就是為什么我經(jīng)常告訴我的孩子，“你能做到”，“我知道你能做到”，或者稍微強(qiáng)硬一點(diǎn)的說法，“你自己做!”一些家長可能會認(rèn)為這樣做很苛刻，但我認(rèn)為這是一種積極的鼓勵，是一種額外的推動，讓他們?nèi)L試一些起初看似令人生畏的東西。當(dāng)他們成功做到這一點(diǎn)時，他們臉上驕傲的表情讓這一切都值得。

2. "We're all out."

“我們都用完了”

This one applies only to children who are currently surrounded by abundance. For these (lucky) ones, there are toys and snacks aplenty, unlimited stimulation with devices and social media and playdates, and a relative life of ease. These are wonderful things to have, but they can lead to a sense of entitlement and lack of appreciation.

這句話只適用于那些現(xiàn)在生活富足的孩子。對于這些(幸運(yùn)的)人來說，這里有大量的玩具和零食，有各種設(shè)備、社交媒體和玩伴的無限刺激，還有相對輕松的生活。擁有這些都是很美妙的事情，但它們會導(dǎo)致一種權(quán)利感和缺乏欣賞能力。

So how does one prevent children from becoming spoiled? There are many possible answers to that question, but I love one proposed by Lenore Skenazy, founder of Let Grow and author of "Free Range Kids." In her book she shares a "simple, brilliant anti-spoiling trick" that someone told her friend: "Every week, run out of one thing. Orange juice, cereal – whatever. It's a way to get kids used to not always having exactly what they want exactly when they want it."

那么如何防止孩子被寵壞呢?這個問題有很多可能的答案，但我喜歡由Let Grow創(chuàng)始人、《放養(yǎng)孩子》一書的作者Lenore Skenazy提出的一個答案。在她的書中，她分享了一個“簡單而聰明的防破壞技巧”，有人告訴她的朋友:“每周用完一件東西。”橙汁，麥片，什么都行。這是一種讓孩子們習(xí)慣于不總是在他們想要的時候確切地得到他們想要的東西的方法。”

Tell them, "We're all out," and don't rush to the store to replace it. Let them experience even the tiniest bit of withdrawal in order to have greater appreciation on the next grocery day.

告訴他們，“我們都用完了”，不要急著去商店買新的。讓他們體驗(yàn)?zāi)呐率亲钗⑿〉娜】?，以便在下一個購物日有更大的感激。

3. "We can't afford that."

“我們負(fù)擔(dān)不起。”

Along the anti-spoiling lines, this is a lesson that will serve children well for the rest of their lives. Just because you want something (and everyone else seems to have it) does not mean you can have it, too. And if you really need or want it, then you'd better start saving until you can afford it.

沿著反溺愛的路線，這是一個將在孩子們的余生中很好的教訓(xùn)。僅僅因?yàn)槟阆胍硺訓(xùn)|西(其他人似乎都有)并不意味著你能擁有它。如果你真的需要或者想要它，那么你最好開始存錢，直到你能負(fù)擔(dān)得起為止。

4. "Don't go off with strangers."

“不要和陌生人走。”

This is what parents should be telling their kids, instead of the usual "Don't talk to strangers," which I despise. This annoying phrase suggests that everyone is a possible bogeyman (statistically unlikely) and gets in the way of children being comfortable asking for help when they actually need it.

這是父母應(yīng)該告訴孩子的，而不是我鄙視的“不要和陌生人說話”。這句惱人的話表明，每個人都可能是妖怪(統(tǒng)計上不太可能)，而且在孩子們真正需要幫助的時候，會妨礙他們自如地尋求幫助。

In her book Skenazy cites police officer Glen Evans, who teaches self-defense to kids and says, "When you tell your children not to talk to a stranger, you are effectively removing hundreds of good people in the area who could be helping them."

斯科納茲在書中引用了教授孩子自衛(wèi)的格倫·埃文斯警官的話說:“當(dāng)你告訴你的孩子不要和陌生人說話時，你實(shí)際上是在趕走該地區(qū)數(shù)百名可能會幫助他們的好人。”

Instead, tell them not to go off with strangers, no matter how nice they seem. The more comfortable a child feels communicating, standing up for their feelings, and asserting themselves, the safer they'll be.

相反，告訴他們不要和陌生人一起出去，不管他們看起來有多好。孩子在交流、維護(hù)自己的感情、維護(hù)自己時感到越舒服，他們就會越安全。