我想問一個(gè)問題你們當(dāng)中有哪一個(gè)人跟你們當(dāng)中的另一個(gè)人睡過?好色的數(shù)學(xué)問題很抱歉,答案是一個(gè)也沒有這幾年下來你們都沒有喝醉做蠢事?那是另外一個(gè)問題想不到一群成天混在一起的人居然沒做過丑事摩妮卡曾經(jīng)和瑞秋在一起什么?很抱歉,沒有那回事那就假設(shè)有會(huì)怎么樣?那就告訴我你們有沒有差一點(diǎn)…?-還有誰要咖啡?-外面有狗狗-太可惜了 -怎么了?可愛裸男越來越胖我馬上回來菲比,抱歉我的口紅印到電話筒了你沒有啊那就是你羅,再見拜拜所以我才要搬走說到這件事你幾時(shí)要告訴我老妹你不住這里了?在某些層面上,她已經(jīng)知道了她并不知道你每天晚上溜出去每天早上溜回來而且已在你奶奶家住了一星期好吧,也許不是這些層面我永遠(yuǎn)也找不到室友沒有好的人選?有個(gè)家伙養(yǎng)了一堆雪貂是一堆喔有一個(gè)愛吐口水還有一個(gè)覺得我的名字很好玩每次說到都要發(fā)出怪聲幸會(huì),錢德賓!好棒的房子,錢德賓!-明天還有幾個(gè)?-兩個(gè)一個(gè)好像很無趣的攝影師和一個(gè)怪怪的演員我拿起電話說“錢德賓”他居然說:哇,好短的留言羅斯,腳放下否則以后不準(zhǔn)來你的梳妝臺都不見了她只注意到這個(gè)我該走了卡洛應(yīng)該回家了,所以…你們兩個(gè)還好嗎?有改善了我終于知道我們?yōu)楹芜@么不順真的?對,你們也知道我有你們她自己沒有要好的朋友不過上星期,她在健身房認(rèn)識一個(gè)叫蘇珊的女人她們一拍即合這樣一來就不一樣了艾瑞克你是哪一種攝影師?大部份是流行時(shí)尚偶爾會(huì)有模特兒過來沒關(guān)系吧沒關(guān)系因?yàn)橛心L貎簛淼臋C(jī)率是零這個(gè)夏天我都到我姐的海邊小屋度周末也歡迎你去玩不過我得告訴你她是演A片的我還要見一個(gè)人不過除非她是你姐姐…你的機(jī)會(huì)應(yīng)該很大好臥房、浴室、客廳這里是廚房,謝謝你來再見你不想問我問題嗎?好……你好嗎?我是演員我很愛干凈我自己有電視你放心,我不排斥同性戀什么同性戀?就是一般的同性戀的事我完全不在意喬伊,謝謝你來好帥!老莫-想聽一件很爛的事嗎?-我聽多了-克里斯要把酒吧收了-不會(huì)吧這里要改成一家咖啡店只賣咖啡?-我們以后要去哪里?-我怎么知道一瓶啤酒室友挑好了嗎?那當(dāng)然是那個(gè)義大利帥哥嗎?怎么可能他好可愛我就是需要一個(gè)超帥室友好被貶下去球臺空了,準(zhǔn)備一下我馬上回來準(zhǔn)備讓我打屁股吧好,不過之后要打球不對,很抱歉我朋友點(diǎn)的是洋蔥不是橄欖我點(diǎn)的是糖蜜酒和健怡這杯不是-對不起 -沒關(guān)系準(zhǔn)備飲料能有多難?我們來敬酒這位女士在一年后的今天就要嫁給…貝利巴柏醫(yī)生,牙科博士應(yīng)該再秀一次戒指了很棒吧?就好像一輩子都有男朋友是啊,我知道怎么了?我不曉得也許只是想到…一輩子要跟貝利在一起我不知道,我覺得…我想來個(gè)最后的放縱好永遠(yuǎn)忘記這種事-瑞秋,別說了 -你好壞我是真的的我真的覺得我需要…毫無意義的性愛就跟下一個(gè)看到的男人抱歉,我的球好像掉了所以呢?我又把它撿起來了天哪,那是我的高中同學(xué)你覺得如何?天哪連鐵達(dá)尼都撞不壞它沒錯(cuò),他叫貝利是一位醫(yī)生這是你的夢想,恭喜你謝謝那你呢?有對象嗎?目前沒有沒關(guān)系我知道我要去找我朋友了好——下次我進(jìn)城,我們一起吃飯?好啊-再見 -再見我打賭這輩子都不會(huì)再見到她真的,沒關(guān)系你就……跟蘇珊去吧真的,我覺得…我覺得女生一起出門很好啊好…好,再見她們要做什么?不曉得,女生做的事你回來早了你拿著那盞燈做什么?拿去換電線別送去修音響那一家他們已經(jīng)修了一星期??怂瓜壬覀儧]有制造噪音你們打擾我練習(xí)雙簧管了-你又不會(huì)吹雙簧管-我可以吹那就請你小聲一點(diǎn)你是誰?-艾瑞克,錢德的新室友-我才是錢德的新室友-不是吧-我可以當(dāng)錢德的新室友但是他打電話告訴我…他是親口告訴我的好奇怪我要回我的新公寓了又見面了謝謝你別謝我,謝那個(gè)沒出現(xiàn)的混蛋我要去上班了需要幫忙嗎?不用了,我可以我不行沒事吧?我起來得太快了,頭有點(diǎn)暈太熱了而且又潮濕加起來……實(shí)在蠻難受的想不想進(jìn)來喝杯檸檬汁?想得不得了你家好漂亮謝謝不要客氣懂了這其實(shí)是我奶奶的房子她搬去佛州,我才能??;否則我根本租不起要是房東問起你就說我是87歲…害怕錄影機(jī)的老太太,你渴嗎渴得不得了好這是你的老二!天哪!你在干什么?你問我想不想進(jìn)來喝檸檬汁所以呢?-你只是要給我檸檬汁?-是啊趕快遮起來對喔,抱歉我真不敢相信人家請你喝檸檬汁就是想跟你上床?通常是啊,不只檸檬汁啦冰茶啦,果汁啦我很抱歉,我只是…我以為你喜歡我我真混蛋沒關(guān)系任何人都會(huì)碰上這種事我不認(rèn)識這種人,不過…我還是看得到菲比,你的床呢?不在屋里嗎?居然又發(fā)生這種事了什么?好,別拷問我了我…我不住這里了你在說什么? 對不起我不住這里了我不知道該怎么告訴你但是其它人都知道大家都知道?這本來是好事但是我忘了原因我曾經(jīng)一整個(gè)月睡不著就因?yàn)槲以谏嘲l(fā)墊上滴了一滴墨水你可以把它翻面啊我本來會(huì)翻,但另一面沾到意大利面醬汁什么?我就是這個(gè)意思我要住在可以打翻東西的地方你可以打翻東西啊…在水槽里親愛的,不是你不好,你就是這樣我愛你,我要我們是朋友要是我留在這里那是不可能的-我也愛你 -那就好怎么了?什么?我只是很難過才怪,你在想是哪一個(gè)墊子在看什么? “海灘游俠”在演什么?救生員聽起來蠻蠢…她是誰?妮可艾格她超辣的哇,她們在跑她們經(jīng)常在跑你要喝啤酒嗎?我去拿,別起來,冰桶在這里你有啤酒嗎?我們喝完了自己拿你還好嗎?菲比搬走了對我不懂我真的這么難相處?所以才找不到男朋友?不是,你沒有男朋友是因?yàn)椤也恢罏槭裁茨銘?yīng)該要有的我也這么認(rèn)為過來來聽我說你是我最喜歡的人之一還是我在現(xiàn)實(shí)中所認(rèn)識最漂亮的女人人都在哪里?已經(jīng)打烊了,克里斯要我鎖門出了什么事?我想我的婚姻…應(yīng)該是完蛋了不會(huì)吧,為什么?因?yàn)榭迨桥詰俣也皇桥詰俣疫@顯然不是一時(shí)激情天哪我真不敢相信可憐的孩子我是白癡我早該看出來了卡洛和我出門她都會(huì)看漂亮美眉她會(huì)說:羅斯,你看她我還覺得…天哪,我老婆真酷你覺得那個(gè)蘇珊是她的情人嗎?我現(xiàn)在知道了對不起都七年了我們在一起七年了她是唯一愛過我的女人也是我唯一有過…真好我知道,很棒對不對?我是說真的,摸起來好舒服是百分之百純棉嗎?對,而且還是特價(jià)品我該走了有一個(gè)救生員正要拆除核彈我們待會(huì)可以去喝一杯聽起來不錯(cuò)還有,不會(huì)有…我知道謝了搞不好可以避免要是我再有深度一點(diǎn)或是多注意她一點(diǎn)或是我有子宮我真不敢相信你不該受這種折磨,真的-你人這么好 -謝謝而且你很體貼-謝謝 -心腸又好謝謝過來等一下別管了等一下,我的腳卡在球洞里我弄不出來女生可不想聽到這種話你別逗我怎么了?那些爛球好礙事好吧這不是最有建設(shè)性的解決方式你的臉上有粉筆灰你說得對我怎么會(huì)以為這是真的草皮你還好嗎?我老婆是同性戀酷!羅斯,喬伊,喬伊,羅斯你竟然回來了什么都不要說我不想說話,我不想思考我只要你現(xiàn)在就吻我…跟我做愛你錯(cuò)過交流道了對不起真是的,你在想什么?貝利
The One With The Flashback
[Note: Rachel has two friends that are not named, so I referred to them as Friend No. 1 and Friend No. 2.]
[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there including Janice.]
Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the six of you?
Phoebe: Wow, it抯 like a dirty math problem.
Ross: I抦 sorry the answer there would be...none of us.
Janice: Come on over the years none of you ever y'know, got drunk and stupid.
Joey: Well, that抯 really a different question.
Janice: I抦 sorry I find it hard to believe that a group of people who spends as much time together as you guys do has never bumped uglies.
Joey: Well, there was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
Monica and Rachel: What?!!
Rachel: Excuse me, there was no time!
Joey: Okay, but let抯 say there was. How might that go?
Janice: Okay, okay, well then answer me this. Has any of you ever.... almost?
Rachel: Does anybody need more coffee?
Ross: Yeah, I抣l take some.
Joey: Hey, there抯 a dog out there!
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe抯, three years earlier, Phoebe, Monica, and Ross are there]
Phoebe: Oh, that is so unfortunate.
Ross: What?
Phoebe: Cute naked guy is really starting to put on weight.
Monica: (entering from bedroom) Okay, I抣l be back in just a minute. Oh, Phoebe I抦 sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
Phoebe: You didn抰 leave lipstick marks on the phone.
Monica: Oh, then it must抳e been you. Bye. (leaves)
Phoebe: (angrily) Bye-bye! (to Ross) That抯 why I moved out.
Ross: Hey, y'know while we抮e on that, when are you gonna tell my sister that you don抰 live here anymore.
Phoebe: I think on some levels she already knows.
Ross: Phoebe, she doesn抰 know that you sneak out every night, she doesn抰 know that you sneak back every morning, and she doesn抰 know that you抳e been living with your Grandmother抯 for a week now.
Phoebe: Okay, well maybe not on those levels.
Chandler: (entering, with a goatee) Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Chandler: I抦 never gonna find a roommate, ever.
Phoebe: Why, nobody good?
Chandler: Well let抯 see, there was the guy with the ferrets, that抯 plural. The spitter. Oh-ho, and yes, the guy that enjoyed my name so much he felt the need to make a little noise every time he said it. Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing Bing! Great apartment Chandler Bing, Bing!
Ross: So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Chandler: Two. This photographer, who seemed really dull. And this actor guy, who I抦 not sure about, because when he called and I answered the phone 慍handler Bing,?he said 慦hoa-whoa, short message.?br>
Monica: (entering) Ross (who has his foot on the coffee table), foot on the floor or come over no more!
Ross: (to Phoebe) Sure, your dresser is missing but this she notices.
Monica: What?
Ross: I have to go. Yeah, Carol should be home by now, soo...
Chandler: Umm, how抯 it going with you guys?
Ross: Oh, better, actually. Y'know I-I-I think I finally figured out why we were having so much trouble lately.
Phoebe: Oh, really?
Ross: Yeah, y'know how I have you guys, well she doesn抰 really have any close friends that are just hers, but last week she meet this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I-I-I think it抯 gonna make a difference
[Scene: Chandler抯, Chandler is interviewing a potential roommate.]
Chandler: Soo, ah, Eric, what kind of photography do ya do?
Eric: Oh, mostly fashion, so there may be models here from time to time, I hope that抯 cool.
Chandler: Yes, that is cool. Because I have models here y'know......never.
Eric: Oh, yeah, during the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister抯 beach house, which you are welcome to use by the way. Although, I should probably tell you, she抯 a porn star. (Chandler breaks his pencil in half)
Chandler: Well, listen I ah, still have one more person to ah meet, but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think you抮e chances are pretty good. (Eric offers to shake hands) All right. (Chandler hugs him.)
[Scene: Chandler抯, Chandler is interviewing Joey.]
Chandler: (running around the apartment pointing out things) Bedroom. Bathroom. Living room. This right here is the kitchen, and thanks for coming by, (opens door) Bye-bye.
Joey: Don抰 you ah, don抰 you wanna ask me any questions?
Chandler: Sure. Ummm. What抯 up?
Joey: Well, ah, I抦 an actor. I抦 fairly neat. I ah, I got my own TV. Oh, and don抰 worry I抦 totally okay with the gay thing.
Chandler: What gay thing?
Joey: Ah, y'know just in general people being gay, thing. I抦 totally cool with that.
[Scene: the hallway, Monica is coming up the stairs.]
Chandler: Well okay Jerry, thanks for stopping by.
(Joey is leaving and notices Monica, as Monica notices him)
Monica: Hi.
Joey: Hey!
(Joey leaves and Monica mouths to Chandler 慜h my God!?
[Scene: A bar, Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Hey, Mon.
Monica: Hey-hey-hey. You wanna hear something that sucks.
Chandler: Do I ever.
Monica: Chris says they抮e closing down the bar.
Chandler: No way!
Monica: Yeah, apparently they抮e turning it into some kinda coffee place.
Chandler: Just coffee! Where are we gonna hang out now?
Monica: Got me.
Chandler: (to bartender) Can I get a beer.
Monica: Hey, did you pick a roommate?
Chandler: You betcha!
Monica: Is it the Italian guy?
Chandler: Um-mm, yeah right!
Monica: He抯 so cute.
Chandler: Oh yes, and that抯 what I want a roommate that I can walk around with and be referred to as the funny one.
Monica: Oh look, the pool table抯 free. Rack 慹m up. I抣l be back in just a minute. Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Chandler: Okay, but after that, we抮e shootin?some pool.
Rachel: (sitting at a table with some of her friends) (to waitress) Oh, um, no, no, no, no excuse me, hello. Hi. My friend ordered an onion, not an olive, and uh I ordered a rum and Diet Coke, which I don抰 think this is.
Waitress: I am so sorry.
Rachel: That抯 all right. (to her friends) I mean hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?
Friend No. 1: Well, I would like to propose a toast to the woman, who in one year from today, become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber DDS
Rachel: Ummm, I think it抯 time to see the ring again. (holds her hand out and they all scream)
Friend No. 2: Oh, isn抰 it exciting, I mean it抯 like having a boyfriend for life.
Rachel: Yeah, I know.
Friend No. 1: What?
Rachel: Oh, I don抰 know. Well maybe it抯 just the idea of Barry for the rest of my life. I don抰 know I think I feel like I need to have one last fling, y'know, just to sorta get it out of my system. (Chandler is listening in very intensely)
Friend No. 1: Rachel stop!
Friend No. 2: You抮e so bad!
Rachel: I抦 serious, I really, I think I need just to have some...meaningless, sex y'know, with the next guy that I see.
(Chandler throws the cue ball under there table.)
Chandler: Excuse, I seem to have dropped my ball.
Rachel: Yeah, so?
Chandler: (picks it up) And now I抳e picked it up again. (walks over to Monica.)
Monica: Oh my God, I went to high school with her. (to Rachel) Rachel! Hi!
Rachel: Monica! Look! Hi! What do ya think? (shows her, her ring)
Monica: Oh my God, you can抰 even see where the Titanic hit it.
Rachel: Yes, his name is Barry, he抯 a doctor, thank you very much.
Monica: Awww, just like you always wanted. Congratulations
Rachel: Thank you. So how-how 慴out you, are-are you seeing anybody?
Monica: Aww, not right now.
Rachel: Oh, but that抯 okay.
Monica: I know.
Rachel: Yeah.
(An awkward silence)
Monica: So, I抣l get-get back to my friend.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. (points at Chandler, who holds up the cue ball as a 慠emember me??thing) Listen, can we please have lunch the next time I抦 in the city?
Monica: Oh, that抎 be great.
Rachel: Okay!
Monica: Thanks.
Rachel: Bye!
Monica: Bye! (to Chandler) Ten bucks says, I never see that woman again in my life.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe抯, Ross is on the phone, as Phoebe is walking by carrying a lamp.]
Ross: No real-, honey, really it抯 fine, just g-go with Susan. Really, I, no, I think girls night out is a great idea. Okay, okay, bye
Phoebe: So what are they doing?
Ross: I don抰 know, something girlie.
Phoebe: (to Monica, who抯 entering) Hey, you抮e early.
Monica: What are you doing with the lamp?
Phoebe: I抦 just taking it to be re-wired.
Monica: Oh, well don抰 take it to the same place you took the stereo, 慶ause they抳e had that thing for over a week.
(There is a knock on the door, Phoebe answers it, its Mr. Heckles)
Phoebe: No, no, Mr. Heckles no one is making any noise up here.
Mr. Heckles: You抮e disturbing my oboe practice.
Phoebe: You don抰 play the oboe!
Mr. Heckles: I could play the oboe!
Phoebe: Then I抦 gonna have to ask you to keep it down. (slams the door in his face.)
(in the hallway, Eric is moving in)
Mr. Heckles: (to Eric) Who are you?
Eric: Hi, I抦 Eric, I抦 gonna be Chandler抯 new roommate.
Mr. Heckles: I抦 Chandler抯 new roommate.
Eric: I-I-I don抰 think so.
Mr. Heckles: I could be Chandler抯 new roommate.
Eric: But, he told me over the phone.
Mr. Heckles: He told me in person.
Eric: That抯 weird.
Mr. Heckles: Well, I抦 going to go into my new apartment now. (goes over to the door and opens it) Ehh! (Eric leaves)
(inside Chandler抯 apartment, Chandler is coming in from his bedroom, sees Mr. Heckles, and screams.)
[Scene: the hallway, Joey is moving in, Monica is leaving.]
Monica: Hi, again.
Joey: Hey! (goes into the apartment)
Chandler: (leaving to go to work) Hey!
Monica: Thank you soo, much.
Chandler: Oh, don抰 thank me, thank the jerk that never showed up. Okay, I gotta get to get to work.
(Joey comes back into the hallway and starts to pick up a heavy box)
Monica: You want some help with that?
Joey: Oh, no thanks, I got it. (picks it up) No I don抰!
Monica: Whoa! Are you okay?
Joey: Whew! Stood up to fast, got a little head rush.
Monica: It抯 the heat. (has her hand on his chest, and then pulls it away) And-and the humidity.
Joey: That抯 a uh, that抯 a tough combination.
Monica: Do you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Joey: Like you wouldn抰 believe. (they go into the apartment) Wow! This is a great place.
Monica: Thank you. Just make yourself comfortable.
Joey: Gotcha.
Monica: This place is really my Grandmother抯. (Joey starts to take off all of his clothes, while Monica gets the glasses and pours the lemonade.) I got it from her when she moved to Florida, otherwise I could never afford a place like this. So if the landlord ever asks, I抦 87 year old woman, who抯 afraid of her VCR. So are you thirsty?
Joey: Oh, you bet I am!
Monica: (turning around) Okay, here抯 your penis!
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: continued from earlier.]
Monica: Oh my God!!! What are you doing?!!
Joey: You said, you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Monica: So?!
Joey: Whoa, ah!! We抮e you just gonna give me some lemonade?
Monica: Yeah huh!! Cover yourself up!
Joey: Oh right, right.
Monica: I don抰 believe this! When someone asks you in for lemonade, and to you that means they wanna have sex?
Joey: Well usually...yeah! Well, not just lemonade, iced tea, sometimes juice. Well, sorry, I just, I thought you liked me. I抦 such a jerk.
Monica: It抯 okay. I suppose it could happen to anyone, not anyone I know, but... By the way I can still see it.
[Scene: Monica and Phoebe抯, Monica is vacuuming.]
Monica: Pheebs?
Phoebe: Huh?
Monica: Where抯 your bed?
Phoebe: It抯 not in the apartment? (Monica gives a 慍ome on?look) Oh no. I can抰 believe this is happening again.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Okay, enough with the third degree! I-I抳e, I don抰 live here anymore.
Monica: What are you talking about?
Phoebe: I抦 sorry, I-I-I-I don抰 live here anymore. I-I didn抰 know how to tell you, but y'know everybody else knows!
Monica: Everybody knows!
Phoebe: That was supposed to be a good thing, I forget why. Just listen, Monica, I, do you know, okay, do you know, I couldn抰 sleep for like a month because I got like a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions.
Monica: Well, you-you coulda just turned the cushion over.
Phoebe: Yeah, I would抳e except I had a big spaghetti stain on the other side.
Monica: What?!?!
Phoebe: Okay, this is what I抦 talking about, this. I-I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Monica: You can spill. In the sink.
Phoebe: Aw, honey it抯 not your fault, y'know this is who you are, and I love you, and I want us to be friends, and if I keep living here I don抰 see that happening.
Monica: I love you, too.
Phoebe: Aww, good. (they hug) What?
Monica: What? I抦 just said.
Phoebe: No you抮e not, you抮e wondering which cushion it is.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, (now) Joey is watching Baywatch, as Chandler enters from his bedroom.]
Chandler: So ah, whatcha watching?
Joey: Baywatch.
Chandler: What抯 it about?
Joey: Lifeguards.
Chandler: Well, it sounds kinda stupid... (looks at the TV) Who抯 she?
Joey: Nicole Eggert. You'll like her.
(Baywatch goes into one of those running scenes.)
Chandler: Wow! Look at them run.
Joey: They do that a lot. Hey, you want a beer?
Chandler: Yeah, I抣l go get one.
Joey: No, no, no, don抰 get up, I got a cooler right here.
[Scene: Monica抯, Monica is coming out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, as Chandler is entering.]
Chandler: Well, hello!
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Do you have any beers? We抮e out of beers.
Monica: (all depressed) Help yourself.
Chandler: You okay?
Monica: Phoebe moved out.
Chandler: Right.
Monica: I don抰 understand, I mean am I so hard to live, is this why I don抰 have a boyfriend?
Chandler: Noo!! You don抰 have a boyfriend because....I don抰, I don抰 know why you don抰 have a boyfriend. You should have a boyfriend.
Monica: Well, I think so.
Chandler: Oh-ho, come here. (goes and hugs her) Listen, you are one of my favourite people and the most beautiful woman I抳e ever known in real life.
[Scene: the bar, Ross is entering, Phoebe is at the bar, they are the only two in the place.]
Ross: (all depressed) Hi. Where is everybody?
Phoebe: Oh, it抯 already closed, Chris gave me the keys to lock up-what is wrong?
Ross: My marriage, I think my marriage is um, is kinda over.
Phoebe: Oh no! Why?
Ross: 慍ause Carol抯 a lesbian. (Phoebe is shocked) And, and I抦 not one. And apparently it抯 not a mix and match situation.
Phoebe: Oh my God! I don抰 believe it! Oh, you poor bunny.
Ross: (sets out a bunch of shot glasses and starts to poor himself a drink, many drinks) I抦 an idiot. I mean shoulda seen it, I mean Carol and I抎 be out and she抎, she抎 see some beautiful woman, and, and she抎 be Ross y'know look at her, and I抎 think, God, my wife is cool!
Phoebe: Aw! Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?
Ross: Well, now I do!!
Phoebe: I抦 sorry.
Ross: Seven years. I mean we抳e been together seven years, she抯 the only woman who抯 ever loved me, and the only woman I抳e-I抳e ever....
Phoebe: Aw, God Ross. Oh.(goes over and hugs him)
[Scene: Monica抯, Chandler and Monica are still hugging each other.]
Chandler: Umm, this is nice.
Monica: I know, it is isn抰 it?
Chandler: No, I mean it, this feels really good. Is it a hundred percent cotton?
Monica: Yeah! And I got it on sale, too.
Chandler: Anyway, I should go, one of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle a nuclear device.
Monica: Well, if you wanna get a drink later we can.
Chandler: Oh yeah, that sounds great. (starts to leave) Oh, and listen, it抯, it抯 gonna be....
Monica: I know. Thanks. (Chandler leaves)
[Scene: the bar, Phoebe is still hugging Ross.]
Ross: Maybe this would抳e happened if I抎 been more nurturing, or I抎 paid more attention, or I... had a uterus. I can抰 believe this!
Phoebe: I know no, no, y'know you don抰 deserve this, you don抰 Ross. You抮e, you抮e really, you抮e so good. (kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: And you抮e so sweet. (kisses him on the other cheek) And you抮e kind (kisses him on the lips)
Ross: Thanks. (kisses her on the lips)
(They pause, and they the start kissing passionately, and taking off each others clothes, and they start to lie down on the pool table.)
Ross: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Phoebe: Huh?
(Ross tries to clear off the pool table by knocking the balls to the other end of the table, but they all bounce back, and he frantically starts to throw them into the pockets.)
Phoebe: Okay, it抯 okay.
(Phoebe jumps on to the table and lays down, Ross follows her and hits his head on the light hanging over the pool table.)
Phoebe: Oh. (they start kissing again)
Ross: Wait, wait, wait.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: My foot is stuck in the pocket.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: No, I can抰 get it out.
Phoebe: Well, that抯 not something a girl wants to hear.
Ross: No, come on don抰 start. (they start kissing again) Ouch!
Phoebe: What?
Ross: Stupid balls are in the way. (holds up two balls)
(They both look at each other and start laughing (Lisa almost lost it there), and sit up. Ross hits his head on the lamp again.)
Ross: Oh well. It probably would抳e been the most constructive solution.
Phoebe: You have chalk on your face.
Ross: Huh? (the rest of the gang enters)
Phoebe: Oh, Ross you抮e right, I don抰 know why I always thought this was real grass.
Monica: Hey, are you okay?
Ross: My wife抯 a lesbian.
Joey: Cool!!
Chandler: Ross-Joey, Joey-Ross. (they shake hands)
Ross: Hi.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: the bar, Chandler is playing pool, as Rachel enters.]
Chandler: I can抰 believe you came back.
br> Rachel: Don抰 say anything. I don抰 wanna speak, I don抰 wanna think. I just want you to take me and kiss me and make love to me right here, right now.
(She hits the jukebox Fonzy style, and It抯 That Time of Season starts to play, as they start to kiss.)
Friend No. 2: Rachel! Rachel! (stirs Rachel from her dream, she抯 in her car driving back from the city)
Rachel: What?
Friend No. 2: You missed the exit!
Rachel: Oh, sorry.
Friend No. 1: My God, what were you thinking about?
Rachel: Um, (shyly) Barry.
Her Friends: Awwww!!
END