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老友記第七季701 The One With Monica’s Thunder

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嘿,發(fā)生什么事了?嘿!我在門上看見一張便條:“快點來莫尼卡家,帶上香檳和糖果?!睂Γ乙@個到底怎么了?莫尼卡和我訂婚了!噢,天呀!恭喜!她在哪里?我訂婚了!!!我訂婚了!!!!!!!她已經(jīng)在那喊了20分鐘了。你來的時候怎么沒聽見?哦,我還以為是個小孩在喊:“我是同性戀!我是同性戀!”那個小孩搬走了。別,讓她待久點,太溫馨了!我就要結(jié)婚了!!!我要當(dāng)新娘了!!!!我才不要閉嘴!!我就要結(jié)婚了!!!噢,好大聲!你干嘛不過來說?嘿,老兄!我未婚夫會踹你的屁股!來呀!20號公寓!20號公寓!OK,你把她弄進來,你拴門,我得躲一躲!OK! 等等! 噓~~OK, 嗯,我只想說,我愛你們!謝謝你們陪我,在我的特別之夜!我們的特別之夜.如果你們不和我、我們在一起,今晚就不會成為我、我們的特別之夜.該死!沒關(guān)系,我也希望今晚是你的特別之夜致莫尼卡別,等等,別這么說!好吧,致莫尼卡!致莫尼卡!你們決定了婚禮的樂隊沒有?別忘了我是玩音樂的。菲比,寶貝,她幾個小時前才訂婚我想她沒有時間去考慮這個說起來,你記得上次燒了我的公寓嗎?好吧,你愛怎樣就怎樣你們說該去哪里?我們應(yīng)該穿的漂漂亮亮的到Plaza酒吧去喝香檳!但我不能待太晚,明天一早還有一個面試我必須要給人好印象。要扮演一個19歲少年什么?你說"早起"的意思是1986年起床?你們不覺得我像19歲?噢,19歲!我們還以為你說90!好吧,大伙們,馬上行動!嘿,剩下的糖果條在哪?寶貝,你吃光了!我最擔(dān)心的事情發(fā)生了。你知道什么鞋配這只戒指最合適嗎?鉆石鞋!你還沒換衣服?明白我的意思嗎?當(dāng)然,只是我們沒時間了一個婚禮即將舉行,你就是新娘。200人看著你一身的潔白禮服....來吧!鏡子說你是最漂亮的老頭嗎?我想我還是能演19歲,你說呢?是的,但是Joey,你得穿的年輕點,我告訴你,只要你穿的對頭,想年輕到什么歲數(shù)的都行真的?當(dāng)然,我就是干時裝的,時裝講的就是年輕(youth)時裝講的就是我?(他聽成you)年輕!年輕!聽見了嗎,老公公!錢德!這種事很多男人都會碰到!你,你一定是太累了!喝了太多香檳。別擔(dān)心!我不擔(dān)心,我只是,神魂顛倒了。就像,生物學(xué)有趣的是,高中時我生物不及格今天生物報復(fù)我了!!你們聽聽這個,賓客來的時候我要彈這個“我第一次見到錢德,還以為他是同性戀。但現(xiàn)在我在為他的婚禮歌唱”菲比!如果你讓我唱完,后面會說他一定不是同性戀!當(dāng)然,你們這些小人沒有這種問題。你們是木頭做的!嘿!嘿!你看起來很漂亮!謝謝!還好吧?我不知道,只是有點……算了,一會兒就沒事了別擔(dān)心,你一定是太累了,喝了太多香檳每個人都會遇到這種事!嘿!好!哇哦!莫尼卡之夜快樂!謝謝!你也快樂!謝謝!嘿,你相信嗎?他們真的要結(jié)婚了!當(dāng)然了,我也結(jié)了好幾次了……哦你還好吧?嗯,我在想,你覺得我們會有這么一天嗎?你是說,我們?你和我?不不不,我們!你和某人,我和某人!還好,你嚇了我一跳!嚇得發(fā)抖吧?不,只是你和我曾經(jīng)有過一場惡夢。哇~~當(dāng)然也有美好的時刻。不,實際上,你知道,嗯……你當(dāng)然能想出美好的時刻來當(dāng)然,給我點時間!噢,我總算想到一件好事了!什么?你啊,一向?qū)δ羌露己苄校∴??我?dāng)然很行!嗯,嗯,沒錯,我喜歡你那雙手我這雙手?沒錯真的?嗯呵!干得好兄弟們!你知道嗎?你也很行!噢,我知道。嘿,你知道我們漏了一件事沒干過嗎?不,不是那個,我們從來沒有“回魂夜”什么??回魂夜!就是兩個人分手了,然后又在一起,只是一晚而已!一個晚上,只有性,沒有任何條件?對對,我們從來沒有過對OK, 我們有點瘋了,我是說,這是會很美好,不過,我不覺得這是個好主意。真的,真的不覺得!Sup! Sup, 老兄!想要什么就拿,別傷害我!!你在玩PS機?我呸!PS是個屁!我&#^*&#怎么樣?我像19歲嗎?對,如果從1到10,10是最讓人無話可說的打扮,你肯定是19怎么?到底幾歲?你很年輕!你是一個大孩子行了吧?快去換衣服,所有人都在等你。我的內(nèi)褲送給你好了。哇,謝謝!喬?什么?嗯,你有過很多性關(guān)系對吧?幾時?今天?幾次吧,不是很多。嗯,我問這個是因為,我有點,我不能……我是說我很想,但做不了……出現(xiàn)了,嗯,一個意外別擔(dān)心老兄,常有的事你也碰到過?對!有那么一次。那你怎么辦?我還是做了。菲比!快點!要走了!快!你怎么還沒換衣服?不好意思,我剛剛為你的婚禮寫了一首最棒的舞曲。聽聽看!不,菲比。如果你馬上換衣服,我就讓你在婚禮表演。真的嗎??太棒了??!謝謝!可莫尼卡,要是你再碰我的吉他,我就砸你!好,快點換衣服!我去叫其他人,終于要開始慶祝我的……不好意思,我顯然打開了過去之門OK, 莫尼卡,嗯,你剛才看到的我能問你們一個小問題嗎?為什么是今晚?什么?我一生都在等待結(jié)婚,而且不像某些人,我只打算結(jié)一次!所以,也許這有點自私,但是我希望今晚只有一個主題!噢,寶貝,就只有這個主題……不,不是!不是!現(xiàn)在主題是你和羅斯破鏡重圓!什么?!你搶了我的風(fēng)頭!沒有!我們沒有搶你的風(fēng)頭!因為我們根本沒有復(fù)合!對啊,你知道嗎?沒人看見剛才的事!對!沒錯!我發(fā)誓我們只是接吻了。只是一個吻!你們倆接吻了??這表示什么?!!你們復(fù)合了??我能在你們婚禮演唱嗎?風(fēng)頭被搶了!你干嘛菲比,沒有的事!莫尼卡!我們不要小題大作!只是一次而已,沒什么大不了的!我的天哪,我不能相信你們討論這個!這是夫妻間的問題!知道了嗎?錢德已經(jīng)盡力了?。∥也徽J為他們在說這個喬?。《嗝篮玫囊雇戆?,錢德做不了,這兩人又接吻了!什么?什么?!你們倆接吻了?天哪,這真是大事??!不!不!不!沒什么大不了的還有,你們小題大做,莫尼卡覺得我們搶了她的風(fēng)頭!我們并沒有!原來我們還在討論這個?嗯,沒錯,這個和錢德的問題莫尼卡莫尼卡莫尼卡莫尼卡,聽著-聽著,聽著,我們不談羅斯和瑞秋了,你會好過點嗎?那最好了聽你的。OK, 我看起來像19歲嗎?對,像19歲真的?沒錯!確定?確定?確定的說,不!你只能是31歲!我才30!喬伊,你不是,你已經(jīng)31了!該死!好,去酒吧!OK,我們可以帶點邁泰(雞尾酒)不過你最好別喝了!我現(xiàn)在又不想去了為什么?!莫尼卡,太荒謬了!不不,我不想再談這個問題,我不想!特別是和你!該死!耶?OK, 我要在婚禮演奏這個好,我看他們不會讓你表演的。他們會先告訴你你想聽的話,“你像19歲”,然后改口,“你一點也不像”我想莫尼卡不會改變主意的她不會?她會嗎?她會嗎?你吃了我的糖果條!猜猜是誰?嘿!嘿,我嗅到了火藥味你說莫尼卡那句,她不想再談,特別是和我,是什么意思?我是說,為什么不是你和我?接吻的是我們兩個人??!還在想這個???嚴肅點,她到底是什么意思?特別是你!哦,誰在乎呢?我在乎!我也在乎!你知道嗎?我要去和她談?wù)劊∧阕屛覔Q件衣服好嗎?好的,當(dāng)然。我打算讓你看到我的裸體嗎?不!我真不敢相信!她總是干這種事!莫尼卡,我知道你很沮喪,可別忘了。將會有一個婚禮,你要拋花球,然后會有一個蜜月,也許在巴黎!巴黎?月光下,我們在#@$%街散步!繼續(xù)說。然后我們在鋪滿玫瑰花瓣的床上做愛。不是因為很浪漫,而是因為我有能力!我愛你!你好,先生!(法語)好的,什么都別說了。你會把它嚇跑的!這里是巴黎!誰知道我們在這里??你好菲比,什么事?好的,你們說讓我在婚禮唱歌,我需要一點押金!什么?!只是一點押金免得你們反悔!菲比,我們不會為了婚禮給你押金!哦,我知道了。他們傷透了你的心,對吧?你知道嗎?我的表演并不需要他們的許可!對,如果你想,你就可以在他們的婚禮唱歌。對!如果你想看上去像19歲,你就可以……在眼睛上做些手腳。什么?我的眼睛有什么毛?。克鼈兂鲑u了你!里面有太多的智慧了!只要把茶包敷在上面15分鐘這樣就能去掉我眼里的智慧?也許只需要10分鐘,對你來說。天哪,給她押金!把戒指也給她!我不在乎!是的。莫尼卡,你之前說的你不想和任何人說話,特別是我。這是什么意思?多好的一個道歉啊!你也接受了!OK,再見!不不,我是認真的,那句特別是我到底什么意思?好吧,我告訴你,你搶我的風(fēng)頭不只一次了!什么?!嘿,我有個想法。莫尼卡你在說什么?我美好的16歲,記得嗎?你和我的表哥查理到三樓去了啊,三樓。舞會上的所有人都在談?wù)撨@個莫尼卡,你知道嗎?我做這個的唯一原因是你的舞會實在太無聊了??!我們有表演嘉賓??!噢??!“當(dāng)我結(jié)婚的時候,猜猜誰不準唱歌?一個叫蓋勒,另一個叫賓!”莫尼卡,你美好的16歲是幾百萬年前的事了!對,不過歷史重演了!莫尼卡我才不要搶你愚蠢的風(fēng)頭!算了吧!那你干嘛要和羅斯接吻??我也不懂。得了吧,過去了就不會再發(fā)生!我只是想只要有這么一個晚上就好了我發(fā)誓,我從來不想搶你的莫尼卡之夜!噢,所以你們才在那個沒有任何人會去的秘密通道做這種事嗎?嗯,瑞秋,我在想,我們今晚在一起實在不是個好主意。還是算了吧。真要面子啊老兄莫尼卡?為什么?為什么我非要搶你的風(fēng)頭?我不知道!也許你覺得怨恨。也許你覺得你會先結(jié)婚!也許你受不了以前那個胖妹妹比你先結(jié)婚!噢!你知道嗎?這太不公平了!現(xiàn)在我想搶你的風(fēng)頭了??!來吧,羅斯,我們?nèi)プ鰫?!我真不敢相信你們要在我的訂婚夜做愛!對啊,本來某人?yīng)該這樣!如果我們要做這……我們才不會做這個!只要讓她覺得我們在做就行了!噢,我明白了,雙贏!誰?莫尼卡,開門!羅斯!先停停!等一下嘛!哇噢~耶,你喜歡這樣嗎寶貝?有何貴干?我只是想說,我希望你們今晚做愛,而且復(fù)合!但我要警告你,你訂婚的那天晚上我會宣布我懷孕了!那怎么可能??好吧莫尼卡,你想知道我今晚為什么要和羅斯在一起嗎?我知道!不你不知道!好吧!為什么?因為,因為我很傷心!什么意思?聽著,我衷心為你們感到高興,但是你們的結(jié)婚讓我想起了自己沒有這樣的機會!甚至挨邊也沒有!我不知道,也許這樣會讓我好過點。我知道這很傻,但是羅斯結(jié)婚的時候你不也因為沮喪而和錢德睡覺了嗎?我不在乎,她和我睡覺了。無論如何,寶貝,我對毀掉了你的夜晚感到抱歉!我對差點讓你和羅斯睡覺了感到抱歉!好吧,我要走了。祝賀你老兄。謝謝。還有,瑞秋。什么?我還能說什么呢?你錯過了機會。從現(xiàn)在開始,能享受這些壞小子的人只有我自己了。“我們以為菲比會離開,但她沒有。沒錯,我整晚呆在這里,錢德永遠得不到……“嘿,這里有一美元,當(dāng)作押金。請在我們的婚禮演唱!噢,謝謝!好的?,F(xiàn)在誰會在婚禮表演?誰會在婚禮唱歌?噢,噢……算了,我明天再砸他。
701 The One With Monica’s Thunder
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are standing around the table drinking champagne as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey, what’s going on?
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: I found a note on my door, "Come to Monica’s quick, bring champagne and a Three Musketeers bar."
Joey: (grabbing the candy bar) Yeah I’ll take that.
Ross: What’s up?
Chandler: Monica and I are engaged.
Ross: Oh my God. (Hugs Chandler.) Congratulations.
Chandler: Thanks.
Ross: Where is she?
[Cut to Monica out on the balcony.]
Monica: (yelling at the top of her lungs) I’m engaged!!!!!! I’m engaged!!!!
[Cut back inside.]
Joey: Yeah, she’s been out there for twenty minutes, I’m surprised you didn’t hear her on the way over.
Ross: Oh, I thought it was just a kid yelling, "I’m gay! I’m gay!" Can I bring her in?
Phoebe: Oh no, let her stay out there. It’s sweet.
[Cut to Monica.]
Monica: I’m getting married!!!! I’m gonna be a bride!!!! (Someone else yells at her.) No, I will not shut up because I’m engaged! (He yells again.) Ohh, big talk! Huh, why don’t you come over here and say that to me?! Huh, buddy?! Yeah, my fiancee will kick your ass! (Chandler starts to look worried.) Come on, apartment 20! Apartment 20!
[Cut back inside.]
Chandler: (To Ross) Okay, you get her in here. (To Joey) You bolt the door. I’ll be in the closet.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from earlier, everyone is now in the living room drinking champagne.]
Monica: Okay! Wait-wait-wait! Shhh! (Bangs on her class with a spoon to make a toast.) Okay, umm, I just wanna say that…I love you guys so-so much and-and thank you for being here on my special night. (Chandler clears his throat.) Our special night. I mean it just wouldn’t be my—our-our night, if you all weren’t here to celebrate with me—us—Damnit!
Chandler: It’s okay, I want this to be your night too. (Raises his class.) To Monica.
Monica: Awww, come on—wait—stop it. Okay, to Monica.
Chandler: To Monica!
(They all say to Monica, clink their glasses, and drink.)
Phoebe: So have you decided on a band for the wedding? Because, y’know, I’m kinda musical.
Rachel: Yeah Pheebs, honey, she just got engaged a couple of hours ago. I doubt she’s even had time to…
Phoebe: Well speaking of chiming in, remember the time you burned down my apartment?
Rachel: (To Monica) Yeah, you’re on your own.
Monica: Y’know what we should do? We should all get dressed up and go to have champagne at The Plaza.
(They all agree and start to go and get ready.)
Joey: But I-I-I can’t stay too long, I gotta get up early for a commercial audition tomorrow and I gotta look good. I’m supposed to be playing a 19-year-old. (Everyone stops in their tracks upon hearing this.) What?
Chandler: So when you said, "Get up early," did you mean 1986?
Joey: You guys don’t think I look 19?
(A brief silence ensues.)
Phoebe: Oh, 19! We thought you said 90!
(They all politely laugh and stop just as quickly.)
Monica: Okay everybody, let’s go! Let’s go!
Rachel: Okay.
Chandler: Okay.
(They all leave and Joey comes back in quickly.)
Joey: (To Phoebe) Hey, is uh the rest of my candy bar around here?
Phoebe: Oh honey no, you ate it all.
Joey: I was afraid of that.
(Walks out and after he closes the door Phoebe turns around and takes a bite out of what is left of his candy bar.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s bedroom, they’re getting ready.]
Monica: (looking at her hand) Y’know what shoes would look great with this ring? Diamond shoes! (Sees Chandler sitting on the bed.) You’re not getting dressed. (Chandler quietly folds over the comforter on the bed making a spot for her.)
Chandler: Know what I mean?
Monica: Yeah, but I don’t think we have time.
Chandler: There’s gonna be a wedding. You’re gonna be the bride. Two hundred people are going to be looking at you in a clean white dress.
Monica: (lustily) Let’s do it! (She kisses him and they fall back onto the bed.)
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, time lapse, Chandler is fully dressed and slowly walking out of the bedroom with a distressed look on his face.]
Monica: (chasing after him) Chandler! It happens to lots of guys! You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don’t worry about it!
Chandler: (motioning with his hands) I’m not worried, I’m uh, I’m fascinated. Y’know it’s like uh, Biology! Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me. (Exits as Phoebe enters from her room with her guitar.)
Phoebe: Check it out. Okay, I can play this when the guests are coming in. Okay. (Singing)
"First time I met Chandler, I thought he was gay.
But here I am singing on his wedding day!"
Monica: Phoebe!
Phoebe: If you would’ve let me finish, it goes on to say that he’s probably not gay.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is looking at the foosball table.]
Chandler: Sure, you guys don’t have this problem, you’re made of wood. (Rachel comes out of the bathroom) Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Chandler: You look great!
Rachel: (quietly) Oh, thanks.
Chandler: You okay over there?
Rachel: I don’t know, y’know? I feel a little umm… No, y’know what? Nevermind, I’m gonna be fine.
Chandler: Oh, don’t worry about it I mean you probably were tired, you had a lot of champagne, it happens to everybody.
[Rachel exits into the hallway just as Ross is coming up the stairs.]
Ross: Hey!
Rachel: Hi!
Ross: Wow! Happy Monica’s night!
Rachel: Well thank you, you too.
Ross: Thanks.
Rachel: Hey, do you believe this? Do you believe they are actually getting married?
Ross: Well sure. But I get married all the time so…
Rachel: Ohh…
Ross: You okay?
Rachel: Yeah, I guess. I-I… I mean, do-do you think we’re ever gonna have that?
Ross: You mean, we—you and me?
Rachel: Oh no-no-no-no-no, no, no! We, you with someone and me with someone.
Ross: Oh good, you scared me for a minute.
Rachel: Shake it off.
Ross: I mean—no, it’s just ‘cause, it’s just ’cause you and I were like a nightmare. (Screams.) No, but there was some good times.
Rachel: No, absolutely. Y’know like it was umm…
Ross: Surely you can think of something good.
Rachel: Yeah, just give me a minute! (Thinking) Oh well, yes, I can think of one good thing.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Well you uh, you were always really good at the uh, at the uh the stuff.
Ross: Yeah? I was good at the stuff huh?
Rachel: Uh-hmm, uh-hmm, yeah, yeah, I really liked your hands.
Ross: My hands?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Yeah?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Ross: (to his hands) Way to go guys. Y’know, you-you were really good at the stuff too.
Rachel: Oh, I know. Hey, y’know what we never did? (Ross looks at her.) Oh no, not that. (Ross nods okay.) We uh, we never had bonus night!
Ross: A what?
Rachel: Y’know, bonus night. Y’know, when two people break up but they get back together for just one night.
Ross: One night, just-just sex. No strings attached?
Rachel: Yeah-yeah, we never had that,
Ross: No.
[Silence.]
Ross: Okay, this is getting a little crazy. I mean, I’m-I’m sure it would be amazing but I…gotta say I really-really don’t think it would be a good idea. Y’know? I really, really…don’t.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is playing Playstation, Crash Team Racing to be exact (he’s in last on Hot Air Skyway to be more exact) as Joey enters from his room desperately trying to look like a 19-year-old. He’s got the wool cap, he’s got the cut-off Knicks jersey over the faded T-shirt, and he’s got the whole pants-around-the-knees-showing-off-the-boxers thing that rich, white, suburban kids have adopted in a desperate and extremely futile attempt to try to look like they’re from the inner-city.]
Joey: ‘Sup? ‘Sup dude?
Chandler: (putting his hands up) Take whatever you want, just please don’t hurt me.
Joey: So you’re playing a little Playstation, huh? That’s whack! Playstation is whack! ‘Sup with the whack Playstation, ‘sup?! Huh? Come on, am I 19 or what?!
Chandler: Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19.
Joey: Come on man, really how old?!
Chandler: Young! You’re a man-child okay?! Now go get changed because everybody’s ready and please, oh please, keep my underwear!
Joey: Wow thanks! (He goes into his bedroom and closes the door.)
Chandler: Joe?
Joey: Yeah!
Chandler: Uhh, you’ve had a lot of sex right?
Joey: When? Today? Some, not a lot.
Chandler: Well, it’s just the reason that I’m asking is because I kind of eh, uh, I was unable to—I mean I really wanted too, but I couldn’t…. There huh—hmm, there-there was an incident.
Joey: Don’t worry about that man, that happens.
Chandler: It’s happened to you?
Joey: Yeah! Once.
Chandler: Well, what’d you do?
Joey: I did it anyway.
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is in the living room and Phoebe is in her room.]
Monica: Phoebe! Come on! Let’s go! (Knocks on her door.) Come on! (Phoebe enters with guitar and not ready to go.) Why aren’t you dressed yet?!
Phoebe: I’m sorry, but I just wrote the best dance song for your wedding. Check this out. (Gets ready to play.)
Monica: (grabs the guitar away from her) No, Phoebe, I’ll tell you what, if you get ready now I’ll let you play it at the wedding.
Phoebe: Really?! Oh that’s so exciting! Thank you! Thanks Mon! Oh but Mon, if you touch my guitar again I’ll have to pound on you for a little bit.
Monica: Fair enough, now go get ready!
Phoebe: Okay. (She goes to get ready.)
Monica: I’ll get everybody else (Does so), finally we can start celebrating my—(She gasps and is stopped by the sight of Ross and Rachel making out in the hall.) I’m sorry, uh apparently I’ve opened the door to the past.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, continued from before the commercial break. Monica is walking into the apartment followed by Ross and Rachel.]
Ross: Okay, Monica. Mon, uh what-what you just saw…
Monica: (interrupting) Can I ask you just a little question, huh? Why tonight?
Rachel: What?
Monica: See, I’ve been waiting my whole life to be engaged, and unlike some people I’m only planning on doing this once. So, uh y’know, maybe this is selfish and I’m sorry about it, but I was kinda hoping tonight could just be about that.
Rachel: Oh honey, but it is just about…
Ross: It is! It is!
Monica: No it’s not! No! No! Now it’s about you and Ross getting back together!
Rachel: What?!
Monica: See yeah umm, you kinda stole my thunder!
Ross: Okay! Ho-ho! We did not steal your thunder because we are not getting back together!
Rachel: Yeah. No. And you know what? Nobody even saw!
Ross: Yeah!
Monica: That’s true.
Rachel: Honey I swear it we just kissed.
Ross: It was just a kiss. (Phoebe enters and overhears this.)
Phoebe: You guys kissed!!!!! What does this mean?!! Are you, are you getting back together?! Can I sing at your wedding?
Monica: Thunder being stolen!!
Rachel: Okay come on Phoebe, it’s nothing! Monica, come on!
Ross: Look let’s not make a big deal out of this! It was a one time thing. It doesn’t even matter!
(Chandler and Joey enter and overhear that.)
Joey: Oh my God! I cannot believe you guys are talking about this! The problems in the bedroom are between the man and the woman!!! All right?!! Now Chandler is doing the best he can!!
Chandler: (angrily) I don’t think that’s what they were talking about Joe!!
Phoebe: What a great night, Chandler can’t do it, these guys kissed… (Points to Ross and Rachel.)
Joey: What?
Chandler: What?!
Joey: You guys kissed! Oh my—this is huge!
Rachel: No!
Ross: Oh no!
Rachel: No-no, it’s really not huge.
Ross: And; people thinking it’s huge has led Monica to believe that we are stealing her thunder. (To Monica) Which we are not!
Monica: Well, we’re still talking about it, aren’t we?
Phoebe: Well yeah, that and Chandler’s problem.
Joey: Monica-Monica-Monica-Monica, listen-listen, listen, listen, would-would it make you feel better if we all stop talking about Ross and Rachel.
Monica: Yes that would be lovely.
Joey: You got it. Okay. Now, I can pass for 19 right?!
Chandler: Yes, you can pass for 19.
Joey: Really?
Chandler: Yes!
Joey: Seriously?
Chandler: Seriously? Seriously, no! You can play your own age which is 31!
Joey: (gasps) I’m 30!
Rachel: Joey, you are not! You’re 31.
Joey: (realizes) Aww crap!
Phoebe: Okay, so The Plaza! Okay, we’ll get us some Mai Thai’s, (To Chandler) maybe no more for you though.
Monica: Y’know what? I-I think that umm, I don’t feel like going to The Plaza.
Phoebe: Why?!
Rachel: Honey, Monica, this is ridiculous! Look…
Monica: No-no, I-I really don’t want to talk about it! I don’t! (To Rachel) Especially with you. (Goes into her room.)
Joey: Psss, that is whack!
[Time lapse, Phoebe is playing the guitar for Joey.]
Phoebe: (she’s strumming something) Yeah? (Joey nods yes.) Okay, I think I’ll play it at the wedding.
Joey: Yeah! Well, I think we’ll see if they actually let you play. Huh? I mean they tell you anything you want to hear like-like, "You look 19," and then they just take it away like-like, "No you don’t."
Phoebe: Well, I don’t think Monica is gonna take this away.
Joey: Wouldn’t she?
Phoebe: Would she?
Joey: Would she? (He smells something and gasps as he realizes what it is.) You ate my candy bar!
[Scene: Rachel’s bedroom, she’s pacing as Ross knocks on her door and opens it a little to stick his hands in.]
Ross: Guess who? (Enters fully.)
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: Hey, I just realized we kinda let some stuff up in the air…
Rachel: What do you think Monica mean when she said she didn’t want to talk, especially with me? I mean, why not especially you and me? We were both out there kissing.
Ross: Still thinking about it huh?
Rachel: Come on! Serious-ser-ser-seriously, what did she mean by that? (Mimicking Monica.) Especially you!
Ross: (loosening his tie) Oh, who cares?
Rachel: I care!
Ross: (tightening his tie) And so do I.
Rachel: Y’know what, I-I have to go talk to her, would you let me just get changed?
Ross: Okay. Sure. (Sits down on her bed.)
Rachel: Am I going to let you watch me undress?
Ross: (sitting up) No! (Exits.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s bedroom, they are both getting undressed.]
Monica: I can’t believe her, y’know it’s just—it’s so typical.
Chandler: Now Monica, I know you’re upset, but don’t forget. There is going to be a wedding, you are going to throw the bouquet, and then there’s going to be a honeymoon, maybe in Paris.
Monica: Paris?
Chandler: We will take a moonlit walk on the Rue de la (mumbles something).
Monica: Keep talking.
Chandler: Then we will sprinkle rose pedals on the bed and make love. Not just because it’s romantic, but because I can!
Monica: I love you!
(They start making out and both start to feel something growing below the belt line.)
Monica: (in a French accent) Bonjour, monsieur.
Chandler: Okay, don’t say anything, you might scare it away.
(There is a knock on the door.)
Chandler: It’s Paris, who knows we’re here!
Monica: (opening the door) Hi Pheebs, what’s up? (She enters.)
Phoebe: Okay, you said I could sing at your wedding so, I’m just gonna need a small deposit.
Monica: What?!
Phoebe: Y’know, just some good faith money to hold the date.
Chandler: Pheebs, we’re not giving you a deposit for our wedding!
Phoebe: Oh, I see. (Exits angrily.)
[Cut to the living room, Joey is eating a sandwich.)
Joey: They break your heart, don’t they?
Phoebe: Y’know, I don’t really their permission.
Joey: Yeah! If you wanna sing at their wedding, well you sing at their wedding!
Phoebe: Yeah! And if you wanna look 19, then you… You gotta do something about your eyes.
Joey: What?! What’s wrong with my eyes.
Phoebe: They give you away! There’s just-there’s just too much wisdom in there. (Joey nods in agreement.) Just put some tea bags on there for like 15 minutes.
Joey: And that’ll get rid of my wisdom?
Phoebe: Maybe just 10 minutes for you.
[Cut back to Monica and Chandler’s room, they are making out again as there’s another knock on the door.]
Chandler: Oh, give her the deposit! Give her the ring! I don’t care!
(Monica opens the door to Ross and Rachel.)
Monica: Yes.
Rachel: Monica, what did you mean before when you said you didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially me?
Chandler: What a great apology! (To Monica) And you accept! Okay, bye-bye!
Rachel: No-no, seriously-seriously, what was the especially me part about?
Monica: Well, let’s just say it’s not the first time you’ve stolen my thunder.
Rachel: What?!
Ross: (To Rachel) Hey, here’s a thought.
(Rachel ignores him and follows Monica into the kitchen.)
Rachel: Monica, what are you talking about?
Monica: My Sweet Sixteen! Remember, you went to third base with my cousin Charlie.
Chandler: (entering) Ahh, third base.
Monica: It’s all everybody at the party could talk about!
Rachel: Monica, y’know what? The only reason I did that was because your party was so boring!
Monica: (gasps) We had a characturist!
Rachel: Oh!!
Phoebe: (singing, angrily)
"Whenever I get married, guess who won’t get to sing?
Somebody named Geller! And somebody else named Bing!"
(Exits.)
Rachel: Monica, your Sweet Sixteen was like a million years ago.
Monica: And yet, here we are doing it again.
Rachel: Ugh, Monica I don’t want to steal your stupid thunder!
Monica: Oh please! Why else would you have made out with Ross?!
Ross: Got me. (He shows of his hands.)
Rachel: All right, easy mimey, the moment has passed, it ain’t gonna happen!
Monica: I just thought it would be nice if I could have just this one night!
Rachel: I swear, I never wanted any part of your night!
Monica: Oh, is that why you did it the secret hallway where nobody ever goes?!
Ross: Uh, Rachel, I’ve been thinking. I don’t think us getting together tonight is such a good idea. I’m calling it off.
Chandler: (To Ross) Why to save your dignity my man.
Rachel: (ignoring them) Monica, why? Why would I ever want to take away from your night?
Monica: I don’t know! I don’t—maybe you’re feeling a little resentful. Maybe ah, maybe you thought you’d get married first! Maybe you can’t stand the fact that your formally fat friend is getting married before you!
Rachel: Oh wow. That—y’know what? That is so unfair. Y’know what? Now I want to steal your thunder! Come on Ross, let’s go have sex!
(Ross tries to dismiss it by making that sound, but decides to go for it and follows Rachel.)
Monica: (yelling after them) I can’t believe you’re gonna have sex on my engagement night!!
Chandler: Well, somebody should. (Monica glares at him.)
[Cut to Rachel’s bedroom.]
Ross: Look uh, if we’re gonna do this…
Rachel: We’re not gonna do this, all right? She’s just gonna think that we’re doin’ it.
Ross: Oh, I see, so everybody wins.
(There’s a knock on the door.)
Rachel: Who is it?
Monica: (outside the door) It’s Monica, open up!
Rachel: Okay well Ross! Stop it please! Wait a minute! (Motions for him to follow her lead, but he angrily shakes his head no. So she pokes him.)
Ross: Oww!
Rachel: Yeah, you like that baby? (Monica bursts in followed by Chandler.) May we help you?
Monica: I just wanted to say that I hope you do have sex tonight and I hope that you guys get back together, but I must warn you, the night that you announce your engagement I’m going to announce that I’m pregnant!
Chandler: How is that ever going to happen?!
Rachel: All right Monica, do you want to know why I was with Ross tonight?!
Monica: I know why!
Rachel: No you don’t know why!
Monica: Okay! Why?!
Rachel: Because! Because I was sad.
Monica: What do you mean?
Rachel: Look, I am so…so happy for you guys, but you getting married just reminds me of the fact that I’m not. I’m not even close. And I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to make myself feel better. And I know that that’s dumb, but oh my God you were so depressed when Ross got married that you slept with Chandler!
(Ross looks at Chandler.)
Chandler: (To Ross) I don’t care, she slept with me.
Rachel: Anyway sweetie, I am, I’m so sorry I ruined your night.
Monica: (starting to cry) I’m sorry I almost made you sleep with Ross. (They hug.)
Ross: (deadpan) Well, I’m going to take off. (To Chandler) Congratulations man.
Chandler: Thanks.
Ross: (at the door) And uh, Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: What can I say, you missed your chance. From now on the only person who’s going to enjoy these bad boys (holds up his hands) is me. (Quickly realizes what he said and exits disgustedly.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Phoebe is singing outside Monica and Chandler’s door.]
Phoebe: (singing)
"We thought Phoebe would leave, but she just stayed and stayed.
That’s right, I’m here all night, and Chandler will never get l…"
Chandler: (interrupting her just in time) Hey! Here’s a dollar, consider it a deposit. Please sing at our wedding.
Phoebe: Oh thank you.
Chandler: Okay. (Goes back to bed.)
Phoebe: Now… (Starts singing again) "Who will perform the ceremony! Who will perform the cer—(Chandler enters and grabs her guitar and closes the door behind him)—Oh—oh! All right, I’ll pound on him in the morning.

End
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