Section C
What Life Is like When Out of Work
(Fortunately, Jan Halvorsen was unemployed only four months. She is now assistant editor of the Twin Cities Courier(《雙城信使報(bào)》)in St. Paul, Minnesota. The following essay appeared as Newsweek's(《新聞周刊》)"My Turn" article in September of 1980.)
Being laid off from work, job loss and recession(衰退)have always affected Walter Cronkite's tone of voice and the editor's page. And maybe they affected a neighborhood business or a friend's uncle. But these terms have always been just words, affecting someone else's world, like a passing ambulance. At least they were until a few weeks ago, when the ambulance came for me.
Even as I sat staring blankly(茫然地)at my boss, hearing, "I've got bad news: we're going to have to let you go," it still seemed no more related to my daily life than a "60 Minutes" program. I kept waiting for the alternative — "but you can come back after a couple of months," or "you could take a salary cut, a different position," or even, "April fool." But none of these came. This was final. There was no mistake and no alternative.
How it all echoes through your evenings and wakes you up in the morning. The mornings are probably the worst — waking up with the shock, for the first two weeks, thinking, "I'm late!" Late for what? The dull ache in your lower stomach reminds you: late for nothing.
Again, you face the terms: "Loss of self-worth and security, fear of the future, stress, depression(抑郁)." You wonder if eating a dozen chocolate-chip(碎片)cookies, wearing a house coat until 4, combing your hair at 5, cleaning behind the stove (twice) and crying in a job-agency parking lot qualify as symptoms of stress or maybe loss of self-worth. Fighting with your spouse/boyfriend? Aha — tension in personal relationships.
The loss of a job is rejection, resulting in the same hurt feelings as if a friend had told you to "bug off". Only this "friend" filled up 40 to 60 (or more) hours of your week. Repeated references(提到)to the staff as "family" only emphasize the feeling of being left alone and having been told a lie. You picture yourself going home to your parents or spouse and being informed, "Your services as our daughter/my wife are no longer required. Pick up your baby pictures as you leave."
Each new act that confirms your job loss starts the pain again: the first trip to the employment agency, the first friend you tell, the first interview and, most fearful of all, the first trip to the unemployment(失業(yè))office.
You do eventually become accustomed to being unemployed, in the way you might accept a bad limp. And you eventually quit beating yourself for not having been somehow indispensable — or for not having become an accountant. You tire of straining(盡力使用)your memory for possible mistakes. You recover some of the confidence that always told you how good you were at your job and accept what the boss said: "This doesn't reflect on your job performance; sales are down 30 per cent this month."
But each time you recover that valued self-worth, you renew(重新開(kāi)始)a fight to keep it. Each time you go to a job interview and give them your best and they hire someone else, you go another round with yourself and your self-worth. Your unemployment seems to drag on beyond all reason. You start to see a stranger in your rearview mirror. The stranger suddenly looks like a bum(無(wú)業(yè)游民). You look at her with clinical curiosity. Hmmm. Obviously into the worst stages. Definitely not possible to be employed.
We unemployed share a social prejudice similar to that of the rape(強(qiáng)奸)victim. Whether consciously or subconsciously(下意識(shí)地), much of the public driven by work ethics(倫理)feels that you've somehow "asked for it", secretly wanted to lose your job and "flirted(輕率對(duì)待)" with unemployment through your attitude — probably dressed in a way to invite it.
Almost everyone has heard about the need to be a useful member of society. What you didn't know about was the loneliness. You've spent your life almost always surrounded by people, in classes, in residences and at work. Suddenly to find yourself with only your cat to talk to all day alters your sense of reality.
But you always were, and still are, stronger than that. You maintain(保持)balance and perspective, mainly through relying frequently on sarcasm(諷刺)and irreverence(不敬). Although something going wrong in any aspect(方面)of your life now seems to push you into temporary despair much more easily than before, you have some very important things to hang on to — people who care, your sense of humor, your talents, your cat and your hopes.
And beyond that, you've gained something — a little more knowledge and a lot more understanding. You've learned the value of the routine you hated and the importance of the job you took for granted. But most of all, you've learned what a "7.6 per cent unemployment rate" really means.
Words: 798
失業(yè)之后的人生含義是什么
(簡(jiǎn)·霍爾沃森很幸運(yùn), 只失業(yè)了4個(gè)月。 她現(xiàn)在是明尼蘇達(dá)州圣保羅《雙城信使報(bào)》的助理編輯。 下面這篇文章發(fā)表在《新聞周刊》1980年9月號(hào)上名為"輪到我了"的專欄里。
下崗、失業(yè)和經(jīng)濟(jì)不景氣一直影響著沃爾特·克朗凱特的情緒和報(bào)紙的社論版。 也許它們還影響到了附近的一家商店或一位朋友的叔叔。 但是這些字眼一直只不過(guò)是些字眼而已,就像一輛駛過(guò)的救護(hù)車,影響的只是別人的世界, 至少在幾星期前這輛救護(hù)車朝我駛來(lái)之前,就一直是這么回事。
甚至當(dāng)我坐在那里,茫然地看著老板,聽(tīng)著他說(shuō):"我有個(gè)壞消息要告訴你:我們將不得不讓你走了"時(shí), 這件事還好像是一檔"60分鐘"的節(jié)目一樣與我的日常生活沒(méi)有任何關(guān)系。 我繼續(xù)等待著他所可能提出的供我選擇的各種解決辦法--"但是你可以在1、2個(gè)月后再回來(lái),"或"你可以選擇減薪,去干另一件工作,"或者甚至"這是愚人節(jié),給你開(kāi)個(gè)玩笑。" 但是這些選擇一個(gè)也沒(méi)來(lái)。 這是最終的結(jié)果。 一點(diǎn)也沒(méi)搞錯(cuò),而且也沒(méi)有回旋的余地。
一連好幾個(gè)晚上這一切都在你的耳邊回響,并在早晨把你弄醒。 早晨很可能是最糟的--在開(kāi)始的兩個(gè)星期里,你會(huì)被驚醒, 腦子里還在想: "我遲到了!" 遲到什么呀? 胃下部的隱痛在提醒你:已沒(méi)有什么讓你去為之遲到的了。
你又一次面對(duì)這些字眼: "失去了自尊和保障、害怕未來(lái)、精神緊張、沮喪消沉。" 你不知道這些情況是否可以歸類于因緊張、或許還有失去自身價(jià)值所引起的癥狀:一連吃下十幾塊巧克力曲奇、下午4點(diǎn)鐘還穿著居家便服、5點(diǎn)鐘才梳頭發(fā)、在爐子后面東掃西抹 (兩遍),以及在職業(yè)介紹所的停車場(chǎng)上哭泣。 還與你的配偶 / 男朋友干上一架!啊哈--結(jié)果是人際關(guān)系緊張!
失去工作就是被人拒絕,它引發(fā)了像有一個(gè)朋友在叫你"快滾"時(shí)那樣的傷心感覺(jué)。 原因只是因?yàn)檫@個(gè)"朋友"填補(bǔ)了你一周中的40至60(或者更多)個(gè)小時(shí)。 反復(fù)稱全體雇員為"一家子人"只會(huì)使你更感到自己被遺棄后孤零零的感覺(jué),以及被人騙了的感覺(jué)。 你想像著你正回家去與父母或配偶團(tuán)聚,卻聽(tīng)到他們說(shuō):"再也沒(méi)有人需要你來(lái)盡一個(gè)女兒或妻子的義務(wù)了。走時(shí)把你兒時(shí)的照片也帶走吧。"
每一個(gè)進(jìn)一步讓你確認(rèn)自己已失去了工作的新情況都會(huì)重新激起你的痛楚: 第一次到職業(yè)介紹所去,第一個(gè)聽(tīng)你說(shuō)你已失了業(yè)的朋友,第一次求職面試,最可怕的是第一次到失業(yè)辦公室去。
最后你終于習(xí)慣了失業(yè),就像你接受自己的腳跛了一樣。 終于你不再因?yàn)樽约簺](méi)有能成為一個(gè)不可或缺的人物--或者沒(méi)有成為一個(gè)會(huì)計(jì)--而痛不欲生。 你不再去冥思苦想自己是否做錯(cuò)了什么。 你恢復(fù)了一些自信, 這種自信一直使你相信自己過(guò)去的工作做得十分出色,并接受老板的說(shuō)法: "雖然這個(gè)月的銷售額下降了30%,但這不影響你的工作業(yè)績(jī)。"
但是每當(dāng)你重新找回那珍貴的自尊時(shí),你又得開(kāi)始一場(chǎng)新的戰(zhàn)斗來(lái)維護(hù)它。 每次去求職面試,你都把你主要的優(yōu)點(diǎn)陳述給他們聽(tīng),可他們雇傭的卻總是別人。你只好帶著你自己和你的自尊開(kāi)始另一輪的求職。 你的失業(yè)好像在毫無(wú)理由地纏住你不放。 你開(kāi)始在汽車的后視鏡里看到了一個(gè)陌生人。 這個(gè)陌生人突然看上去像個(gè)游手好閑的無(wú)業(yè)游民。 你帶著超然的好奇心審視著她。 嗯哼。明擺著的是十分糟糕。處于這種狀態(tài)是絕對(duì)不可能被雇傭的。
我們失業(yè)者都經(jīng)受過(guò)類似于強(qiáng)奸受害者所經(jīng)受的社會(huì)歧視。 不管是有意識(shí)還是無(wú)意識(shí)地,許多職業(yè)倫理觀念強(qiáng)的公眾會(huì)覺(jué)得, 你的失業(yè)是 "自找的",是暗自故意想丟掉自己的工作,以自己的態(tài)度來(lái)與失業(yè) "玩一把"-- 很可能是你故意穿得怪模怪樣以達(dá)到這一目的。
差不多每個(gè)人都聽(tīng)人說(shuō)過(guò)成為社會(huì)有用成員的必要性, 但孤獨(dú)卻是你所還不了解的。 你一生幾乎總是生活在人群中、在班級(jí)里、在家里、在你工作的地方。 突然間你卻發(fā)現(xiàn)你整天只能與你的貓聊天,這種情況會(huì)改變你對(duì)現(xiàn)實(shí)的認(rèn)識(shí)。
但你一直表現(xiàn)得比這堅(jiān)強(qiáng),過(guò)去是,現(xiàn)在還是。 你基本上是經(jīng)常通過(guò)依賴?yán)涑盁嶂S和無(wú)禮傲慢來(lái)保持心境的平和和洞察力的。 雖然你生活的任何方面的問(wèn)題好像遠(yuǎn)比過(guò)去更容易地把你推進(jìn)暫時(shí)的絕望的境地,但你還是有一些很重要的東西可以依賴--那些富有愛(ài)心的人們,你自己的幽默感,你的才干,你的貓和你那許許多多的希望。
除此以外,你也得到了某些東西--增長(zhǎng)了一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)的知識(shí)和大大加深了的對(duì)生活的領(lǐng)悟。 你已經(jīng)理解到了你原本討厭的按部就班的生活的價(jià)值, 理解到了你原本視為理所當(dāng)然的職業(yè)的重要性, 但最重要的是, 你懂得了 "7.6%的失業(yè)率" 的真正含義。