(The Temptation of a Respectable Woman)
Mrs.Baroda was a little annoyed to learn that her husband expected his friend, Gouvernail, up to spend a week or two on the plantation.
Gouvernail's quiet personality puzzled Mrs.Baroda. After a few days with him, she could understand him no better than at first. She left her husband and his guest, for the most part, alone together, only to find that Gouvernail hardly noticed her absence. Then she imposed her company upon him, accompanying him in his idle walks to the mill to press her attempt to penetrate the silence in which he had unconsciously covered himself. But it hardly worked.
"When is he going — your friend?" she one day asked her husband. "For my part, I find him a terrible nuisance."
"Not for a week yet, dear. I can't understand; he gives you no trouble."
"No. I should like him better if he did — if he were more like others, and I had to plan somewhat for his comfort and enjoyment."
Gaston pulled the sleeve of his wife's dress, gathered his arms around her waist and looked merrily into her troubled eyes.
"You are full of surprises," he said to her. "Even I can never count upon how you are going to act under given conditions. Here you are," he went on, "taking poor Gouvernail seriously and making a fuss about him, the last thing he would desire or expect."
"Fuss!" she hotly replied. "Nonsense! How can you say such a thing! Fuss, indeed! But, you know, you said he was clever."
"So he is. But the poor fellow is run down by too much work now. That's why I asked him here to take a rest."
"You used to say he was a man of wit," she said, still annoyed. "I expected him to be interesting, at least. I'm going to the city in the morning to have my spring dresses fitted. Let me know when Mr.Gouvernail is gone; until that time I shall be at my aunt's house."
That night she went and sat alone upon a bench that stood beneath an oak tree at the edge of the walk. She had never known her thoughts to be so confused; like the bats now above her, her thoughts quickly flew this way and that. She could gather nothing from them but the feeling of a distinct necessity to leave her home in the next morning.
Mrs.Baroda heard footsteps coming from the direction of the barn; she knew it was Gouvernail. She hoped to remain unnoticed, but her white gown revealed her to him. He seated himself upon the bench beside her, without a suspicion that she might object to his presence.
"Your husband told me to bring this to you, Mrs.Baroda," he said, handing her a length of sheer white fabric with which she sometimes covered her head and shoulders. She accepted it from him and let it lie in her lap.
He made some routine observations upon the unhealthy effect of the night breeze at that season. Then as his gaze reached out into the darkness, he began to talk.
Gouvernail was in no sense a shy man. His periods of silence were not his basic nature, but the result of moods. When he was sitting there beside Mrs.Baroda, his silence melted for the time.
He talked freely and intimately in a low, hesitating voice that was not unpleasant to hear. He talked of the old college days when he and Gaston had been best friends, of the days of keen ambitions and large intentions. Now, all there was left with him was a desire to be permitted to exist, with now and then a little breath of genuine life, such as he was breathing now.
Her mind only vaguely grasped what he was saying. His words became a meaningless succession of verbs, nouns, adverbs, and adjectives; she only drank in the tones of his voice. She wanted to reach out her hand in the darkness and touch him — which she might have done if she had not been a respectable woman.
The stronger the desire grew to bring herself near him, the further, in fact, did she move away from him. As soon as she could do so without an appearance of being rude, she pretended to yawn, rose, and left him there alone.
Mrs.Baroda was greatly tempted that night to tell her husband — who was also her friend — of this foolishness that had seized her. But she did not yield to the temptation. Besides being an upright and respectable woman she was also a very sensible one.
When Gaston arose the next morning, his wife had already departed, without even saying farewell. A porter had carried her trunk to the station and she had taken an early morning train to the city. She did not return until Gouvernail was gone from under her roof.
There was some talk of having him back during the summer that followed. That is, Gaston greatly desired it; but this desire yielded to his honorable wife's vigorous opposition.
However, before the year ended, she proposed, wholly from herself, to have Gouvernail visit them again. Her husband was surprised and delighted with the suggestion coming from her.
"I am glad, my dear, to know that you have finally overcome your dislike for him; truly he did not deserve it."
"Oh," she told him, laughingly, after pressing a long, tender kiss upon his lips, "I have overcome everything! You will see. This time I shall be very nice to him."
(Words: 927)
The Obligations and Responsibilities to Marriage
I had given a talk on family change one night. At dinner afterwards I was subjected to a hostile quizzing by a group of women in their thirties who claimed that my whole analysis ignored the most basic change of all. They took offense to my statement that a family consists of a husband, a wife and children, they said. They, as a group of single women,
were best friends, supported one another, and defined one another as "family". Marriage and having kids were now irrelevant, and in their opinion, that was the most basic social change. Looking back on it, I find they were right, but this rising tide of change is itself the problem.
Family is, if anything, the link between generations, the center of child rearing and cultural transmission. It's not just a " big stadium " where everyone can enjoy the show. Both marriage and family involve long-term obligations and responsibility for shared care, not just the search of happiness, that hollow goal of the modern age.
It seems that love has got out of hand. The modern nuclear family was rooted in the desire to live happily in a more equal marriage, where the raising of children and the investment of both parents in the children's lives were guaranteed by bonds of friendship between the parents, which were based on rational love.
There is a natural tendency for any relationship based on voluntary affection to come apart, but marriage provides the glue needed to keep a couple together by providing ties of family, in conjunction with the obligations of parents to children. What people call the new Love Family, unfortunately, has replaced a permanent relationship with a new ideal of unlimited choice.
We can now not only choose our marriage partner, we also can divorce that partner at will, subject children to our own adult worship of happiness, and deny the other parent any regular contact with their children. We can even, if we want, interpret the term "family" to include people who are not related to us either by blood or marriage — a set of close friends who support one another, like the women I mentioned above. Throw in the faithful dog if you like. Family is whatever we want it to be.
The trouble is, such an elastic classification ignores the problem of children and the wider problem of caring for others. If marriage exists only as a romantic relationship that can be ended at will, and family exists only by virtue of bonds of affection, both marriage and family come second to the search for love.
Under this scheme, individuals attempt to march towards maximum happiness as they move through a procession of more or less satisfying romantic relationships. Children, relatives, and the ties of mutual obligation and care are left behind, with no place to go. Independent adults may find this okay.
But dependent children can't just be left behind when it's time to move on to a new relationship: they demand sacrifice and unselfishness, a long-term investment of the parents' time and money. The whole point of marriage is that it imposes clear obligations, not just the right to pursue your own happiness.
And the main obligation is to provide both emotional and practical care for children. The glory of burning passion may well have faded, and your love for your wife or husband may not be as exciting or satisfying as it once was, but going off in search of another love will not help your children.
The Love Family is either too casual for children — your friends have no obligation to provide for them — or it's too unstable, with adults moving on if the relationship no longer answers their search for perfect happiness. What divorce does is to damage children, making them into refugees as the people in their lives scatter in all directions.
I am aware of the complex research concerning the effects of divorce on children and I acknowledge that some children are better off without a violent father, a family income wasted on drinking or gambling, or unhappy parents taking out their anger on everyone in the family.
But divorce destroys the stability, security, and continuity that children need: it results in poverty for many women and children; it damages the natural link between father and children and replaces it with one of regulated, arranged visits; it removes the father from the household, the only sensible basis for a working parental relationship; it places a
terrible strain on the mother-child bond by saddling the mother with the double burden of playing the role of both mother and father; and it often interrupts the child's schooling, friendships and neighborhood contacts, those beginnings of trust and social relationships needed to mold a child into a healthy member of society.
It even weakens the child's links with grandparents and other family (usually on the father's side), and few lovers are willing to take on real responsibility for the welfare of another person's child. Love is not enough, compared with the presence and support of both a mother and a father. Nor,
I would venture to suggest, is love enough to sustain a marriage relationship. The Love Family, in the end, doesn't have to make concessions for children and relatives. And complete freedom will finally become our chain, leaving us with no choice but to live in loneliness, with no one who need to care about us.
一個(gè)正派女人受到的誘惑
得知丈夫請(qǐng)了他的朋友古韋內(nèi)爾來(lái)種植園小住一兩周,巴羅達(dá)太太有點(diǎn)不快。
古韋內(nèi)爾生性沉默,這令巴羅達(dá)太太頗為不解。 在一起待了幾天,她仍感到對(duì)他很陌生。 她只得大部分時(shí)間讓丈夫陪著客人, 但發(fā)現(xiàn)自己不在場(chǎng)幾乎并未引起古韋內(nèi)爾的注意。 而后她執(zhí)意要陪他散步到磨坊去, 試圖打破他這種并非有意的沉默, 但仍不奏效。
"你的朋友,他什么時(shí)候走?" 有一天她問(wèn)丈夫,"我覺(jué)得他太討厭了。"
"還不到一周呢,親愛(ài)的。 我真不明白,他并沒(méi)給你添麻煩呀。"
"是沒(méi)有。他要是真能添點(diǎn)麻煩,我倒喜歡他一些了。真希望他能像別人一樣,那樣我倒可以做點(diǎn)什么使他過(guò)得舒心。"
加斯頓拉了拉妻子的衣袖,雙手摟著她的腰,快樂(lè)地望著她那充滿(mǎn)困惑的眼睛。
"你可真讓人吃驚," 他說(shuō),"我都說(shuō)不準(zhǔn)你什么時(shí)候會(huì)怎么做。 瞧你對(duì)古韋內(nèi)爾頂真的樣子,對(duì)他那么大驚小怪,這可是他最不希望的。"
"大驚小怪!" 她急急回道,"瞎說(shuō),你怎么這么說(shuō)! 大驚小怪,真是!但你可說(shuō)過(guò)他挺聰明的。"
"他是聰明。但工作太多,這可憐的家伙累垮了, 所以我才請(qǐng)他來(lái)這兒休息一陣。"
"你常說(shuō)他是個(gè)風(fēng)趣的人,"太太仍在生氣,"我以為他至少該風(fēng)趣點(diǎn)。 明早我進(jìn)城去試春裝。 古韋內(nèi)爾走了你告訴我。他走之前我就住姑媽家。"
那晚她獨(dú)自一人坐在路邊橡樹(shù)下的長(zhǎng)凳上, 思緒從未這么亂過(guò),就像頭頂飛著的蝙蝠一樣,忽東忽西。 她理不出絲毫頭緒,只感到有一點(diǎn)很明確:她必須第二天一早就離開(kāi)這里。
巴羅達(dá)太太聽(tīng)到從谷倉(cāng)那邊傳來(lái)了腳步聲,她知道那是古韋內(nèi)爾。 她不想讓他看見(jiàn)自己,但她的白色長(zhǎng)袍泄露了蹤跡。 他在她身旁的長(zhǎng)凳上坐下,絲毫不曾想到她可能會(huì)反對(duì)他坐在那兒。
"您丈夫要我把這個(gè)帶給您,巴羅達(dá)太太,"說(shuō)著,他遞上一塊白色紗巾,這是她有時(shí)用來(lái)做披肩的。 她接了過(guò)來(lái),放在腿上。
他照例說(shuō)了些諸如這個(gè)季節(jié)的夜風(fēng)對(duì)身體不好之類(lèi)的話(huà)。 后來(lái),望著茫茫夜色,他開(kāi)始談了起來(lái)。
古韋內(nèi)爾可不是個(gè)靦腆的人。 他的沉默寡言決非天性,而是情緒使然。 坐在巴羅達(dá)太太身邊,他的沉默暫時(shí)消失了。
他以低沉遲緩的嗓音親切而無(wú)拘束地娓娓而談, 談他在大學(xué)里與加斯頓是好朋友,談那時(shí)曾雄心勃勃,志向高遠(yuǎn)。 而現(xiàn)在他只求能生存,只是偶爾才體驗(yàn)到一絲真正的生活的氣息,就像此刻。
巴羅達(dá)太太只是模模糊糊地感到他在說(shuō)些什么。 他的話(huà)變成了一串毫無(wú)意義的動(dòng)詞、名詞、副詞和形容詞;她陶醉在他的聲音里。 她想在夜色里伸出手去觸摸他--要不是個(gè)正派女子,她真會(huì)這么做。
她越想靠近他,結(jié)果卻越往后退。 為使自己不顯得失禮,她借機(jī)假裝打了個(gè)哈欠,起身離開(kāi)了他。
那晚,巴羅達(dá)太太很想把自己的一時(shí)荒唐告訴丈夫--也是她的朋友,但還是忍住了。 她是個(gè)正派體面的女人,也是個(gè)非常明智的女人。
第二天早晨加斯頓起床時(shí),妻子已經(jīng)走了,也沒(méi)有跟他道別。 腳夫把她的箱子送到火車(chē)站,她搭早班車(chē)進(jìn)的城。 直到古韋內(nèi)爾離開(kāi)后她才回去。
那年夏天,他們有時(shí)會(huì)談到再請(qǐng)古韋內(nèi)爾來(lái)種植園一事。 也就是說(shuō),加斯頓很希望這樣,但經(jīng)不住他那品行高潔的妻子的強(qiáng)烈反對(duì)。
然而,快到年底時(shí),妻子主動(dòng)提出邀請(qǐng)古韋內(nèi)爾再來(lái)。 聽(tīng)到妻子的建議,丈夫真是又驚又喜。
"我真高興,親愛(ài)的,你終于不再討厭他了。說(shuō)真的,他不應(yīng)該使你覺(jué)得討厭。"
"噢,"她笑著,在他唇上印了長(zhǎng)長(zhǎng)的溫柔的一吻,"我一切都已經(jīng)克服了! 你會(huì)看到的,這次我會(huì)對(duì)他很好。
婚姻的義務(wù)與責(zé)任
有天晚上,我就家庭的變革發(fā)表了一番談話(huà)。 在隨后的晚宴上,一群三十多歲的女士對(duì)我頗不友好地質(zhì)問(wèn)攻擊了一番。她們聲稱(chēng)我的整個(gè)分析忽視了家庭變革中最基本的變化。
她們稱(chēng)對(duì)我所說(shuō)的家庭由夫妻和子女組成的觀點(diǎn)感到不快。 她們這個(gè)群體,個(gè)個(gè)單身,都是好朋友,互相扶持,彼此視作"家人"。 如今婚姻與生兒育女都已變得不再重要,她們認(rèn)為這才是最基本的社會(huì)變革。
回想一下,她們也沒(méi)錯(cuò),可是問(wèn)題就出在這日益高漲的變化浪潮本身。 可以說(shuō),家庭是聯(lián)系兩代人的紐帶,是養(yǎng)育孩子和傳遞文化的中心。 它可不是個(gè) "大場(chǎng)館",人人都可以進(jìn)來(lái)娛樂(lè)一場(chǎng)。 婚姻和家庭意味著互相關(guān)愛(ài)的長(zhǎng)期義務(wù)與責(zé)任,而不僅僅是尋求幸福,這一摩登時(shí)代的空洞目標(biāo)。
愛(ài)情現(xiàn)在似乎已經(jīng)失控。 現(xiàn)代核心家庭原本基于對(duì)更為平等的婚姻關(guān)系中幸福生活的渴望。 在這樣的家庭里,父母間由于理性的愛(ài)所帶來(lái)的友好關(guān)系保證了他們能共同撫養(yǎng)孩子和共同在孩子身上投入。
任何建立在自發(fā)愛(ài)戀基礎(chǔ)上的關(guān)系都會(huì)趨于自然終止,但婚姻建立起家庭紐帶,以及父母與子女間的責(zé)任義務(wù),這就提供了將夫婦聯(lián)結(jié)在一起的粘合劑。 不幸的是,人們稱(chēng)之為 "情愛(ài)家庭"的新模式以無(wú)約束的選擇這一理想化的做法取代了夫妻間長(zhǎng)相廝守的關(guān)系。
現(xiàn)在我們不僅可以選擇配偶,也可以任意與其離婚,將我們成人對(duì)幸福的崇拜置于孩子的利益之上,也可以阻止另一方與孩子有任何經(jīng)常性的來(lái)往。 愿意的話(huà)我們甚至可以把 "家庭"看作包括一些與我們既無(wú)血緣關(guān)系、又無(wú)婚姻關(guān)系的人 --一些互相扶持的親密朋友,就像前面所提到的那些女士。 如果你愿意的話(huà),可以把那條忠實(shí)的狗也算在內(nèi)。 我們想要家庭什么樣,它就是什么樣。
問(wèn)題是,對(duì)家庭的這種靈活的歸類(lèi)忽視了孩子,也忽視了關(guān)懷他人這一更廣泛的問(wèn)題。 如果婚姻僅是一種可隨意終止的浪漫關(guān)系,如果家庭僅由感情來(lái)維系,那么婚姻和家庭與追求愛(ài)情相比就只能退居其次了。 在這樣的模式下,個(gè)人會(huì)去經(jīng)歷一次又一次帶來(lái)或多或少滿(mǎn)足感的浪漫關(guān)系,以便追求最大程度的幸福, 而將孩子、親屬、相互間的責(zé)任和關(guān)愛(ài)統(tǒng)統(tǒng)置于腦后,全然不顧。
這對(duì)能獨(dú)立生活的成年人沒(méi)有問(wèn)題。 但在建立新關(guān)系的同時(shí)不能不考慮尚未獨(dú)立的孩子。 他們需要我們做出自我犧牲和無(wú)私奉獻(xiàn),也就是父母對(duì)子女在金錢(qián)和時(shí)間上的長(zhǎng)期投入。
婚姻的全部意義就在于它予以夫妻雙方清晰的責(zé)任義務(wù),而不僅僅是追求個(gè)人幸福的權(quán)利。 而主要的責(zé)任就是給孩子感情上和實(shí)際上的關(guān)愛(ài)。 激情的光焰可能早已減退,對(duì)妻子或丈夫的愛(ài)也許不及當(dāng)初那般令人興奮、那般美滿(mǎn),但轉(zhuǎn)而尋求新的愛(ài)情不會(huì)對(duì)孩子有好處。 "情愛(ài)家庭"對(duì)孩子來(lái)說(shuō),要么太隨意 —— 新的伴侶對(duì)你的孩子沒(méi)有撫養(yǎng)責(zé)任,要么太不穩(wěn)定,成年人一旦感到他們的關(guān)系無(wú)法滿(mǎn)足自己對(duì)完美幸福的追求,就會(huì)轉(zhuǎn)而他求。
離婚造成的是對(duì)孩子的傷害,使他們隨著身邊人的離散而成了流亡者。 我注意到一些關(guān)于離婚對(duì)孩子的影響的綜合性研究。 我承認(rèn),如果沒(méi)有狂暴的父親,家里的錢(qián)沒(méi)有被浪費(fèi)在酗酒或賭博上,父母感到不快時(shí)不會(huì)對(duì)家里每個(gè)人撒氣,一些孩子會(huì)生活得更好。
但是離婚摧毀了孩子所需要的穩(wěn)定感、安全感、整體感,造成了很多婦女兒童的貧困,破壞了父親與子女間的自然聯(lián)系,代之以人為安排的定期探視。 離婚使父親離開(kāi)了家庭,這惟一的父親與子女間關(guān)系賴(lài)以存在的合理基礎(chǔ)不復(fù)存在。 離婚使得母親既當(dāng)母親又當(dāng)父親而不堪重負(fù),從而造成母子關(guān)系的緊張。 離婚也常使孩子中斷學(xué)業(yè)、友情、鄰里關(guān)系,而這正是使孩子能健康地融入社會(huì)所必需的信任感和人際關(guān)系的開(kāi)端。 離婚甚至削弱了孩子與祖父母、與對(duì)方家庭(通常為父親一方)的聯(lián)系,而情人間幾乎沒(méi)有人愿為另一人的孩子的幸福真正承擔(dān)責(zé)任。
與雙親家庭和睦相處、相互支持相比,僅有愛(ài)是不夠的。 我想冒昧地說(shuō),要維系婚姻關(guān)系,僅有愛(ài)也是不夠的。 說(shuō)到底,"情愛(ài)家庭"不用為孩子和親屬做出讓步。 徹底的自由最終會(huì)成為我們的鎖鏈,使我們別無(wú)選擇,只能生活在孤獨(dú)中,沒(méi)有人來(lái)關(guān)懷我們。