Being a woman in your 20s is a glorious thing. You’re at a stage where you can take risks in life and in your career, and the possibilities for both are seemingly endless. But that uncertainty can also cause stress, doubt (cough, quarter-life crisis, cough), and anxiety over whether you’ll ever reach your goals or truly have it all. So for all those times you just want to throw up your hands in frustration, this advice is for you. Read on, and know that it’s all going to be OK.
20多歲對(duì)于女性來(lái)說(shuō)是非常美好的年紀(jì)。這個(gè)階段你在生活和事業(yè)上都可以冒險(xiǎn),而且兩者似乎都有著無(wú)限可能。但不確定性也可能帶來(lái)壓力、懷疑(奔三的危機(jī))以及對(duì)你是否能實(shí)現(xiàn)目標(biāo)或者真正擁有一切的焦慮。在那些你感到沮喪,想要舉手投降的時(shí)候,看看這些建議。讀下去,你會(huì)明白一切都會(huì)好的。
On Constant Worrying
關(guān)于持續(xù)的擔(dān)憂
Dufu says one of the greatest pieces of advice she ever received was about her constant worrying. “My mentor said, ‘If you would spend less time worrying about choices you don’t have and actually creating those choices, you would be better off.’ You know that dynamic of worrying about moving to a new city when you haven’t even applied to the job? Take that energy and instead apply it to the job application or interview.”
杜芙說(shuō)她得到的最寶貴的建議之一是關(guān)于她持續(xù)的擔(dān)憂。“我的導(dǎo)師說(shuō),‘如果你少花點(diǎn)時(shí)間擔(dān)憂那些沒(méi)有的選擇,而去創(chuàng)造出一些選擇,你就會(huì)感覺(jué)好很多。’你甚至還沒(méi)有開(kāi)始申請(qǐng)新工作就在為搬去一個(gè)新城市擔(dān)憂嗎?把這個(gè)精力花在申請(qǐng)工作或者準(zhǔn)備面試上吧。”
On the Quarter-Life Crisis
關(guān)于奔三危機(jī)
There might be no getting around the dreaded quarter-life crisis, but Dufu says connecting with people who are going through, or have already gone through, the same thing is crucial. “You need someone to tell you you’re not going crazy, people who have already been there, done that — who know it’s going to be OK and can help you achieve clarity through guidance and encouragement.”she says.
也許你沒(méi)有辦法逃避可怕的奔三危機(jī),但杜芙說(shuō)和那些正在經(jīng)歷或者已經(jīng)經(jīng)歷過(guò)奔三危機(jī)的人交流一下,這也很重要。“你需要有人告訴你,你不會(huì)瘋掉。那些已經(jīng)經(jīng)歷過(guò)的人知道,一切都會(huì)好的,而且可以幫助你在指引和鼓勵(lì)中明確自我。”
On Wanting to Have It All
關(guān)于想要擁有一切的欲望
A woman can have it all in the traditional sense, says Dufu, who herself has a marriage, job, two kids, and a healthy lifestyle. But, she says, she sacrifices other things — like attending events — to do so. The question shouldn’t be, “Can you have it all?” but rather, “Can you have what’s important to you?” she says. “The answer is yes if you can prioritize and not try to live by someone else’s expectations. Because every woman has a list of things she feels like she’s supposed to be doing, and some people manage it by creating more time in the day for themselves or by shortening that list to certain core things.”
杜芙說(shuō),在傳統(tǒng)意義上說(shuō),女人可以擁有一切。她自己就擁有婚姻、工作、兩個(gè)孩子,還有健康的生活方式。但是她說(shuō)自己為了擁有這些而犧牲了其他事情,比如出席活動(dòng)。她說(shuō),問(wèn)題不應(yīng)該是“你能擁有一切嗎?”,而應(yīng)該是“你能擁有對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)重要的東西嗎?”“答案是肯定的,如果你能把事情按優(yōu)先順序排列,并且不要按他人的期待來(lái)生活。因?yàn)槊總€(gè)女人都有一個(gè)列表,上面是她認(rèn)為應(yīng)該做的事,有的人爭(zhēng)取更多時(shí)間來(lái)做這些事,而有的人則把這個(gè)列表縮短,只保留那些核心的事情。”
On Surrounding Yourself With Other Women
關(guān)于處理和其他女孩的關(guān)系
You may not have said, “You go, girl,” since the eighth grade, but Dufu makes a strong case for bringing back the phrase. “We are susceptible to what our peers say, and what they tell us can be the difference between applying for a job or not,” she says. “Sometimes you need a woman saying,Girl, you need to go for that,because encouragement and a community of trust is really important. We think we have to do things by ourselves, but the truth is your advancement is a team sport, and you have to have people supporting you.”
從八年級(jí)開(kāi)始你應(yīng)該就不會(huì)說(shuō)“加油吧,姑娘”,但杜芙強(qiáng)烈建議大家重新用上這句話。“我們很容易受同伴話語(yǔ)的影響,她們對(duì)我們所說(shuō)的話可能會(huì)影響到你是否去申請(qǐng)一份職位,”杜芙說(shuō)。“有時(shí)候你需要有個(gè)女孩告訴你,‘姑娘,你應(yīng)該去爭(zhēng)取,’因?yàn)楣膭?lì)和群體的信任確實(shí)非常重要。我們覺(jué)得自己必須親自做一些事情,但事實(shí)是你的進(jìn)步是團(tuán)隊(duì)合作的結(jié)果,你必須要有一些人支持你。”