What I Have Lived For 我為何而生

What I Have Lived For　我為何而生

◎ Bertrand Russell

Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the verge of despair.
I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy—ecstasy so great that I would have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness—that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what—at last—I have found.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men, I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds away above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.
Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberated in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.
This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and I would gladly live it again if the chance were offered to me.


三種簡單卻無比強烈的激情左右了我的一生：對愛的渴望，對知識的追求，以及對人類苦難的痛徹肺腑的憐憫之心。這三種激情，猶如一陣陣颶風(fēng)，任意地將我吹得飄來蕩去，越過痛苦的深海，抵達(dá)絕望的邊緣。
我尋找愛，首先，因為它令人心醉神迷，這種沉醉是如此美妙，以至于我愿意犧牲余生來換取那幾個小時的欣喜。我尋求愛，其次是因為它會減輕可怕的孤獨——置身于那種可怕的孤獨中，顫抖的靈魂在世界的邊緣，看到冰冷的無底深淵。我尋找愛，還因為在愛水乳交融時，在一個神秘的縮影中，我見到了先賢和詩人們所想象的、構(gòu)想的那一片天堂。這就是我所追求的，盡管對于凡人來說可能太完美，好像是一種奢望，但這是我最終找到了的。
我曾以同樣的激情來探索知識。我希望能理解人類的心靈，希望能知道群星為何會閃爍發(fā)光。我也曾經(jīng)試圖領(lǐng)悟畢達(dá)哥拉斯學(xué)派的理論，他們認(rèn)為數(shù)字力量主載著萬物的此消彼長。我了解了一點知識，但是不多。
愛和知識，可以最大可能地將人帶入天堂?？墒牵瑧z憫總是將我?guī)Щ貕m世。痛苦呼喊的回聲在我心中久久回蕩。那些饑荒中的孩子，被壓迫者摧殘的受害者，被兒女視為可憎的負(fù)擔(dān)的無助老人，以及那無處不在的孤單、貧窮和無助都在諷刺著人類本應(yīng)有的生活。我渴望能夠消除人世間的邪惡，可是我無能為力，而且我自己也在忍受它們的折磨。
這就是我的一生。我覺得活一場是值得的。如果給我機會的話，我樂意開心地再活一次。