雙語(yǔ)對(duì)照 ● 寫給在天堂的妻子　A Moving Letter to My Wife

■ 寫給在天堂的妻子　A Moving Letter to My Wife

◎ Frank Fields

When Christian Spragg’s wife Joanne gave birth they were full of excitement ... until she died just hours later. In a moving letter, Christian tells why he’ll make sure their daughter Ilaria knows all about her mum.

克里斯琴·斯普拉格的妻子喬安娜生下女兒的那一刻，夫妻倆都十分激動(dòng)……直到幾個(gè)小時(shí)后他的妻子去世。在這封感人的信中，克里斯琴講述了為什么一定要把關(guān)于她媽媽的一切告訴他們的女兒伊拉里婭。

My darling Joanne,

我親愛的喬安娜：

I still remember the conversation we had just a month before our baby daughter Ilaria was born.

我還記得我們的寶貝女兒伊拉里婭出生前一個(gè)月我們的對(duì)話。

Out of the blue you asked me how I’d look after her if anything happened to you. I remember telling you not to be silly but you were serious. “I’d just want you to tell her often how much her mummy loved her,” you said.

你突然問(wèn)我，如果你出了什么事，我該如何照顧我們的女兒。我記得我叫你別說(shuō)傻話，可你還是一臉嚴(yán)肅地對(duì)我說(shuō)：“我只要你時(shí)常告訴她，她的媽媽有多愛她?！?

“And to tell her what sort of person I was. And make sure she’s clean and tidy and eats her vegetables!” Now I’m so glad we had that conversation. And I hope I’ve done things as you wanted.

“還要告訴她我是一個(gè)怎樣的人。要保證她每天都是干凈整潔的，還要多吃蔬菜！”現(xiàn)在，我很慶幸我們有過(guò)那樣的對(duì)話，我希望我能做到你要我做的事。

I just wish with all my heart that you were here to enjoy all the special moments we’ve shared since you were taken from us.

我衷心地希望你能和我們一起分享這些特殊時(shí)刻，那些你走之后我們一起分享的時(shí)刻。

The memories of our time together are so treasured for me now.

現(xiàn)在，我們的那些共同記憶對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō)是多么珍貴??！

You used to laugh when I said I fell in love with you the moment we met but I did. I saw you in a nightclub and finally gathered the courage to ask if you’d like a drink. I couldn’t believe my luck when you said yes.

當(dāng)我說(shuō)我對(duì)你一見鐘情時(shí)，你總是哈哈大笑，但我確實(shí)是那樣的。我在一家夜店見到你，最后，我終于鼓起勇氣問(wèn)你可否請(qǐng)你喝一杯。當(dāng)你說(shuō)愿意時(shí)，我簡(jiǎn)直不敢相信，自己居然這么幸運(yùn)。

I asked you to be my wife in Venice.

我是在威尼斯向你求婚的。

We splashed out on a gondola ride, giggling[84] to ourselves. I remember you tilted your head up to the sun and told me that this was one of the best days of your life. And when you walked down the aisle I knew I’d married my soulmate, “the one”.

我們駕著尖尖的小船行駛在威尼斯，我們盡情揮霍，開懷大笑。我記得你昂著頭看著太陽(yáng)，說(shuō)這是你一生中最美好的日子。當(dāng)你走下走廊時(shí)，我知道自己娶的是一個(gè)靈魂伴侶，“我的唯一”。

When we found out you were pregnant we were ecstatic[85] and soon we discovered it was a girl and spent the months running up to the birth getting the nursery ready.

當(dāng)我們發(fā)現(xiàn)你懷孕了時(shí)，我們是那樣的狂喜。不久后，我們發(fā)現(xiàn)是個(gè)女兒，于是我們花了好幾月的時(shí)間為分娩做準(zhǔn)備，甚至都把托兒所安排好了呢！

Every time our baby kicked you’d grab my hand, put it on your tummy and say, “Can you feel her, Christian? She’s so lively!”

每一次我們的寶寶踢你的時(shí)候，你都會(huì)把我的手放在你的肚子上，并對(duì)我說(shuō)：“克里斯琴，你能感覺得到她嗎？她是那么的活潑！”

You wanted to call our daughter Ilaria after a family friend you’d met in Venice. You found out that in Latin it meant “always happy.”

自從你在威尼斯見了你家里的一個(gè)朋友之后，你就想為我們的女兒取名為伊拉里婭，因?yàn)槟惆l(fā)現(xiàn)這個(gè)名字在拉丁語(yǔ)里的意思是“永遠(yuǎn)快樂(lè)”。

We saw Ilaria before she was born. We had a 3D scan where you can see your baby’s face—she was beautiful.

在伊拉里婭出生前我們就見過(guò)她。我們做了3D掃描，能看到寶寶的臉盤——她很漂亮。

I am so thankful we did that now. When you went two weeks past your due date the hospital near our home in Bolton wanted to induce you. It’s hard for me to think straight about what happened next.

現(xiàn)在，我是如此感激我們?cè)脪呙鑳x看過(guò)我們的女兒。當(dāng)預(yù)產(chǎn)期錯(cuò)過(guò)兩周后，離博爾頓家很近的醫(yī)院決定對(duì)你實(shí)施引產(chǎn)。我簡(jiǎn)直無(wú)法想象接下來(lái)要發(fā)生的事情。

When Ilaria was ready to come the midwife told you to push but Ilaria’s heartbeat dropped—she was in distress.

伊拉里婭準(zhǔn)備出來(lái)時(shí)，助產(chǎn)士讓你使勁用力，可伊拉里婭的心跳在減速——她處在危險(xiǎn)中。

You looked at me in terror as we were surrounded by doctors trying to get Ilaria out. When she was born she was blue and nurses rushed her to the special care baby unit. You screamed, “Is she OK?” and all I could say was, “Yes, she’s beautiful, just like you.”

醫(yī)生們圍在我們身邊想方設(shè)法取出伊拉里婭時(shí)，你用恐慌的眼神看著我。終于，她被取出來(lái)了，可是她渾身青紫。護(hù)士趕緊把她送到嬰兒特別護(hù)理病房。這時(shí)，你尖叫著說(shuō)：“她還好嗎？”可我只能說(shuō)：“是的，她很漂亮，就像你一樣?！?

It breaks my heart you never even saw your daughter, let alone held her. Then your heart rate started going up and your blood pressure started going down. Doctors said they had to get you into theatre straight away.

你從來(lái)沒有親眼見到我們的女兒，更別說(shuō)抱一抱她了，這讓我無(wú)比心碎。接著，你的心率開始升高，血壓開始降低。醫(yī)生說(shuō)要把你直接轉(zhuǎn)移到手術(shù)室。

As they wheeled you out I grabbed your foot and said “I love you”. It was the last time I saw you alive.

當(dāng)你被他們推走的時(shí)候，我抓住你的腿說(shuō)：“我愛你?！蹦鞘俏易詈笠淮我娔恪?

Minutes later a doctor took me aside and told me Ilaria was showing signs of major brain damage and they didn’t expect her to live. I didn’t know which of you to turn to first.

幾分鐘過(guò)后，一位醫(yī)生把我拉到旁邊跟我說(shuō)，伊拉里婭的大腦有受損的跡象，他們不指望她能活下來(lái)。我不知道，在你和女兒之間，我該先照顧誰(shuí)。

I went to see Ilaria in her incubator. Half an hour later doctors told me the news that would change my life forever. There had been massive bleeding and as they tried to operate you’d had a cardiac arrest.

我去看了躺在恒溫箱里的伊拉里婭。半小時(shí)后，醫(yī)生告訴我一個(gè)足以永遠(yuǎn)改變我命運(yùn)的消息：當(dāng)他們給你注射強(qiáng)心劑后，想要為你做手術(shù)的時(shí)候，你大出血。

My world fell apart. I remember shouting, “Why?”

我的世界天崩地裂了，記得那時(shí)我大叫著：“為什么？”

You were just 27, healthy as can be, and now you were gone. An aneurysm had caused the bleeding.

你才27歲啊，曾經(jīng)的你是那么健康，如今卻這樣走了。動(dòng)脈瘤導(dǎo)致了大出血。

No one could have foreseen it; the doctors did all they could. In the chapel of rest you looked like you were sleeping peacefully. I kissed your face and stroked your hair as I sobbed.

沒人能夠預(yù)料到，醫(yī)生也盡力了。在醫(yī)院的小禮堂里，你看上去好像只是靜靜地睡著了。我親吻著你的臉頰，撫摸著你的頭發(fā)，淚水浸濕了你的臉頰和頭發(fā)。

I felt totally lost. Then a nurse came to find me and said something amazing had happened and led me to Ilaria. She’d pulled all the tubes out of her chest and nose and was breathing on her own. The nurses said it was a miracle.

我完全喪失了自我。這時(shí)，來(lái)了一個(gè)護(hù)士，她跟我說(shuō)奇跡出現(xiàn)了，她帶我去看伊拉里婭。他們已經(jīng)把她的胸腔和鼻子里的導(dǎo)管取出來(lái)了，她正自由地呼吸著。護(hù)士們都說(shuō)這是一個(gè)奇跡。

It seemed our Ilaria was determined to stay alive. A nurse laid her in my arms and she began to cry. “Don’t worry, Daddy’s here,” I told her, and she immediately stopped crying.

看樣子我們的伊拉里婭決定要堅(jiān)強(qiáng)地活著。一位護(hù)士把她放在我的手上，她立刻大哭起來(lái)?！皠e哭，爸爸在這兒呢！”我這樣對(duì)她說(shuō)，她馬上停止了哭泣。

Our daughter was going to live.

我們的女兒活了下來(lái)。

It was as if you’d said, “God, you can have me, but you’re not having my daughter.”

就好像是你跟上帝說(shuō)：“上帝啊，你可以帶走我，但請(qǐng)別帶走我的女兒?！?

Suddenly, from feeling I had nothing left to live for, I had Ilaria. I changed her first nappy, gave her first bottle—I thought about how you’d have done it and tried to do it the same way.

突然間，我從不知道為什么而活著的情緒里走了出來(lái)，因?yàn)槲矣辛艘晾飲I。我為她換下第一塊尿布，我給她第一個(gè)奶瓶——我總會(huì)想著你是怎么做的，然后用同樣的方式做這些事。

But then it was back to the terrible reality—your funeral.

但是，我仍舊逃脫不了殘酷的現(xiàn)實(shí)——你的葬禮。

Four hundred people attended as the vicar who’d married us buried you just three years later.

400人參加了你的葬禮。時(shí)隔3年，曾經(jīng)為我們主持婚禮的牧師現(xiàn)在正主持著你的葬禮。

And then, two days later I brought Ilaria home from the hospital.

兩天后，我把伊拉里婭從醫(yī)院抱回了家。

That first night I lay in our bed, Ilaria beside me in her cot and I talked to you. “Jo, you should be here, I need you,” I said. I so desperately wished you were lying beside me.

第一天晚上，我躺在我們的床上，伊拉里婭就在我的身旁，她睡在自己的嬰兒床上，而我在和你聊天?！皢?，你應(yīng)該在這里的，我需要你。”我說(shuō)著，我是如此希望你能躺在我的身旁。

I spent my days in tears. At night I’d lay Ilaria next to me and tell her about you—how, beautiful, good and kind you were.

我終日以淚洗面。晚上的時(shí)候，我把伊拉里婭放在我的身旁，告訴她關(guān)于你的事——告訴她你是一個(gè)美麗、善良、賢惠的人。

Photos of you were all over the house and I’d hold Ilaria close to them so she could see you.

房間里到處都是你的照片。我抱著她湊近這些照片，好讓她能看見你。

And as she gets older, I do other things to bring you into her life. I try to cook things I know you’d have made to make our beautiful Ilaria know her mum, even if she doesn’t remember you.

隨著她慢慢地長(zhǎng)大，我又做了其他的事情，為的是把你帶進(jìn)她的生活。我試著做一些我知道你會(huì)為她做的食物給伊拉里婭，讓我們的漂亮女兒知道她的媽媽，就算她不記得你。

I hope you can hear me when I say: “I miss you Joanne but thank you for our wonderful daughter.” I just wish you were here to enjoy her.

我希望你能聽到我說(shuō)：“我想你，喬安娜，謝謝你給我一個(gè)這么漂亮的女兒。”我只希望你能在我身旁與我分享她的一切。

When Ilaria was a year old she was diagnosed with cerebral palsy which means she is unlikely to walk. She’ll never speak properly and will require constant care. That’s when I pulled myself together. I needed to, to give Ilaria the best life I can.

伊拉里婭1歲的時(shí)候被診斷患有大腦麻痹癥，這意味著她不能走路，也無(wú)法正常地說(shuō)話，而且一直需要?jiǎng)e人的照顧。就是從那時(shí)起，我振作起來(lái)，因?yàn)槲乙o伊拉里婭最好的生活。

Although it’s hard it’s wonderful too, we’re like two little mates. She’s nearly four now and looks just like you.

生活雖然很艱苦，可也很美好。我們倆就像是兩個(gè)小伙伴一樣?，F(xiàn)在，她快4歲了，長(zhǎng)得幾乎跟你一模一樣。

And what a personality. Although she can only say a few words—“Hiya!” is her favorite—she gives me so much love and affection. She’s a real cheeky little thing, and can wrap me right round her little finger.

多可愛的小人兒啊！雖然她只能說(shuō)一些單詞——“你好！”是她最愛說(shuō)的——可她給了我許多的愛和歡喜。她真的是個(gè)十足厚臉皮的小家伙，她能用她的小手指把我抓個(gè)正著。

I gave up my job as an area sales manager so that I could devote my time to Ilaria. Every morning she attends Rainbow House, where they specialize in helping children like her.

我辭去了地區(qū)銷售經(jīng)理的工作，這樣才能把全部的時(shí)間放在伊拉里婭身上。她每天早上都會(huì)去彩虹之家，那里專門幫助像她一樣的小孩。

Every time I look at her I get comfort because she’s a living part of you Joanne, your legacy.

每一次看到她的時(shí)候，我都深感安慰，因?yàn)樗悄恪獑贪材鹊纳难永m(xù)，是你留給我的寶貴遺產(chǎn)。

I just want you to know that whatever happens I will bring up Ilaria in a way you would have been proud of—and she will always know how special her mummy was.

我只是想讓你知道，無(wú)論發(fā)生什么事情，我都會(huì)用一種讓你驕傲的方式把伊拉里婭撫養(yǎng)成人——她永遠(yuǎn)都會(huì)記住她的媽媽是多么的特別。

I love you my darling,

我愛你，親愛的。

Christian

克里斯琴

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