On Sunday morning, I turned over a page of my calendar and looked at the next one. Taking a second look I remarked, “Why, it’s the tenth of October—so today is the Double Tenth Festival. But there’s no mention of it here!”
Mr. N, one of my seniors, had just dropped in for a chat. Hearing this,he retorted irately, “They’re right. They’ve forgotten—so what? You remember—so what?”
This Mr. N is rather irascible. He often loses his temper for no reason and makes tactless remarks. At such times, I generally let him talk to himself, without putting in a word. After he has finished his monologue,that’s that.
“The Double Tenth Festival in Beijing strikes me as admirable,” he observed. “In the morning a policeman comes to your gate to order, ‘ Put up a flag.’ ‘A flag, right!’ Most families lackadaisically bring out a national flag, and that cloth of many colours is hung up till the evening, when they take it down and shut the gate. A few may forget and leave it up till the next morning.
“They have forgotten the anniversary, and the anniversary has forgotten them.
“I’m one of those who forget it. If I were to commemorate it, all that happened before and after the first Double Tenth would come back to my mind and upset me.
“Many faces from the past float before my eyes. Some young people kept on the go, hard as it was, for over ten years, till a bullet in the back ended their lives. Others, who weren’t shot, were tortured for a month or more in jail. Yet others with high ideals suddenly vanished without atrace—no one knows where their corpses are.
星期日的早晨,我揭去一張隔夜的日歷,向著新的那一張上看了又看的說:
“阿,十月十日,——今天原來正是雙十節(jié)。這里卻一點(diǎn)沒有記載!”
我的一位前輩先生N,正走到我的寓里來談閑天,一聽這話,便很不高興的對(duì)我說:
“他們對(duì)!他們不記得,你怎樣他;你記得,又怎樣呢?”
這位N先生本來脾氣有點(diǎn)乖張,時(shí)常生些無謂的氣,說些不通世故的話。當(dāng)這時(shí)候,我大抵任他自言自語,不贊一辭;他獨(dú)自發(fā)完議論,也就算了。
他說:
“我最佩服北京雙十節(jié)的情形。早晨,警察到門,吩咐道‘掛旗!’‘是,掛旗!’各家大半懶洋洋的踱出一個(gè)國民來,撅起一塊斑駁陸離的洋布。這樣一直到夜,——收了旗關(guān)門;幾家偶然忘卻的,便掛到第二天的上午。
“他們忘卻了紀(jì)念,紀(jì)念也忘卻了他們!
“我也是忘卻了紀(jì)念的一個(gè)人。倘使紀(jì)念起來,那第一個(gè)雙十節(jié)前后的事,便都上我的心頭,使我坐立不穩(wěn)了。
“多少故人的臉,都浮在我眼前。幾個(gè)少年辛苦奔走了十多年,暗地里一顆彈丸要了他的性命;幾個(gè)少年一擊不中,在監(jiān)牢里身受一個(gè)多月的苦刑;幾個(gè)少年懷著遠(yuǎn)志,忽然蹤影全無,連尸首也不知那里去了。——
“They were scoffed at, cursed, persecuted and betrayed all their lives by society. Now, little by little, their graves have crumbled away in oblivion.
“I can’t bear to commemorate such things.
“Let’s talk about more pleasant memories.”
Suddenly N smiled. Reaching up to stroke his head he went on loudly,“What pleased me most was the fact that, after the first Double Tenth,people stopped laughing at me or cursing me in the street.
“You know, my friend, in China hair is our pride and our bane. How many people since ancient times have suffered because of it, all to no purpose!
“Our earliest ancestors don’t seem to have taken hair too seriously. Judging by the criminal code, what counted most was naturally the head, so beheading was the worst punishment. Next in importance was the sexual organ, so castration and sterilization was another fearful punishment. As for having one’s hair cut off, that hardly counted; but when you come to think of it, goodness knows how many people must have been downtrodden all their lives because they had shaved heads.
“When we talked about revolution, a lot was said about the ten days in Yangzhou and the Jiading massacre, but actually that was just a subterfuge. In fact, the Chinese people in those days revolted not because the country was on the verge of ruin, but because they had to wear queues.
“By the time all refractory subjects had been killed off and the survivors had died of old age, the queue was here to stay. But then Hong and Yang made trouble. My grandmother told me how hard it was in those days for common citizens: those who didn’t shave off the hair over their temples were killed by government troops, those with queues were killed by the Long Hairs.
“Hair is insignificant, yet I’ve no idea how many Chinese suffered or died just on account of it. ”
N fixed his eyes, reflectively, on the rafter.
“Then, just fancy, it was my turn. Hair landed me in trouble.
“I went abroad to study, so cut off my queue. Not for any mysterious reason, just because it was too inconvenient. To my surprise, that made me an object of loathing to a few classmates who had coiled up their queues. Our supervisor was furious too. He threatened to stop my government grant and send me back to China.
“他們都在社會(huì)的冷笑惡罵迫害傾陷里過了一生;現(xiàn)在他們的墳?zāi)挂苍缭谕鼌s里漸漸平塌下去了。
“我不堪紀(jì)念這些事。
“我們還是記起一點(diǎn)得意的事來談?wù)劻T。”
N忽然現(xiàn)出笑容,伸手在自己頭上一摸,高聲說:
“我最得意的是自從第一個(gè)雙十節(jié)以后,我在路上走,不再被人笑罵了。
“老兄,你可知道頭發(fā)是我們中國人的寶貝和冤家,古今來多少人在這上頭吃些毫無價(jià)值的苦呵!
“我們的很古的古人,對(duì)于頭發(fā)似乎也還看輕。據(jù)刑法看來,最要緊的自然是腦袋,所以大辟是上刑;次要便是生殖器了,所以宮刑和幽閉也是一件嚇人的罰;至于髡,那是微乎其微了,然而推想起來,正不知道曾有多少人們因?yàn)楣庵^皮便被社會(huì)踐踏了一生世。
“我們講革命的時(shí)候,大談什么揚(yáng)州十日,嘉定屠城,其實(shí)也不過一種手段;老實(shí)說:那時(shí)中國人的反抗,何嘗因?yàn)橥鰢?,只是因?yàn)橥限p子。
“頑民殺盡了,遺老都?jí)劢K了,辮子早留定了,洪楊又鬧起來了。我的祖母曾對(duì)我說,那時(shí)做百姓才難哩,全留著頭發(fā)的被官兵殺,還是辮子的便被長毛殺!
“我不知道有多少中國人只因?yàn)檫@不痛不癢的頭發(fā)而吃苦,受難,滅亡。”
N兩眼望著屋梁,似乎想些事,仍然說:
“誰知道頭發(fā)的苦輪到我了。
“我出去留學(xué),便剪掉了辮子,這并沒有別的奧妙,只為他太不便當(dāng)罷了。不料有幾位辮子盤在頭頂上的同學(xué)們便很厭惡我;監(jiān)督也大怒,說要停了我的官費(fèi),送回中國去。
“A few days later, though, that supervisor fled, as his queue had been cut off by other people. Among them was Zou Rong, who wrote The Revolutionary Army. For this reason he was not allowed to go on studying abroad and went back to Shanghai, where he subsequently died in a western jail.
“A few years later, my family had become so badly off that unless I found a job I would have starved, so I had to go back to China too. As soon as I reached Shanghai I bought an artificial queue, which then cost two yuan, and took it home with me. My mother said nothing about it, but it was the first thing scrutinized by all the other people I met; and once they found out it was false, with a scornful laugh they adjudged me guilty of a capital offence. One of my own family planned to indict me, but he later refrained from doing this for fear the rebels of the revolutionary party might succeed.
“I thought, a sham is less straightforward than the truth so I discarded that artificial queue, and went out dressed in a Western suit.
“Wherever I went I heard jeers and abuse. Some people even tagged after me cursing, ‘ Lunatic!’‘Fake foreign devil!’
“Then I stopped wearing a suit and wore a long gown, but they cursed me harder than ever.
“It was then, at a dead-end, that I took to carrying a cane, and after I had given several people a good trouncing, they gradually stopped cursing me. But if I went to some new place where I hadn’t beaten anyone, I was still cursed.
“To this day, I keep remembering how wretched this made me. While studying in Japan, I read in some Japanese paper an account of Dr. Honda’s travels in the South Seas and China. Being unable to speak Chinese or Malaysian, or to understand the questions asked him, how could he travel?He expressed himself by brandishing a cane, for this was a language everyone understood! This had incensed me for days, yet here was I now unconsciously doing the same, and all those people understood....
“不幾天,這位監(jiān)督卻自己被人剪去辮子逃走了。去剪的人們里面,一個(gè)便是做《革命軍》的鄒容,這人也因此不能再留學(xué),回到上海來,后來死在西牢里。你也早已忘卻了罷?
“過了幾年,我的家景大不如前了,非謀點(diǎn)事做便要受餓,只得也回到中國來。我一到上海,便買定一條假辮子,那時(shí)是二元的市價(jià),帶著回家。我的母親倒也不說什么,然而旁人一見面,便都首先研究這辮子,待到知道是假,就一聲冷笑,將我擬為殺頭的罪名;有一位本家,還預(yù)備去告官,但后來因?yàn)榭峙赂锩h的造反或者要成功,這才中止了。
“我想,假的不如真的直截爽快,我便索性廢了假辮子,穿著西裝在街上走。
“一路走去,一路便是笑罵的聲音,有的還跟在后面罵:‘這冒失鬼!’‘假洋鬼子!’
“我于是不穿洋服了,改了大衫,他們罵得更利害。
“在這日暮途窮的時(shí)候,我的手里才添出一支手杖來,拚命的打了幾回,他們漸漸的不罵了。只是走到?jīng)]有打過的生地方還是罵。
“這件事很使我悲哀,至今還時(shí)時(shí)記得哩。我在留學(xué)的時(shí)候,曾經(jīng)看見日?qǐng)?bào)上登載一個(gè)游歷南洋和中國的本多博士的事;這位博士是不懂中國和馬來語的人,人問他,你不懂話,怎么走路呢?他拿起手杖來說,這便是他們的話,他們都懂!我因此氣憤了好幾天,誰知道我竟不知不覺的自己也做了。而且那些人都懂了。……
“At the start of the Xuantong era, when I was dean of our local middle school, my colleagues kept at a distance from me, officialdom mounted a strict watch over me. I felt as if sitting all day in an ice-house, or standing by an execution ground. And the sole reason for this was my lack of a queue!
“One day, without warning, some students came into my room. They said, ‘ Sir, we want to cut off our queues.’
“I told them, ‘ Don’t!’
“ ‘ Is it better to have queues or not?'
“‘Better not.’
“‘Then why tell us not to cut them?’
“‘It’s not worth it. Better not cut them off—wait a while.’
“They said nothing but marched out, pursing their lips. In the end,however, they cut them.
“Ha, what a to-do! What an uproar! But I simply turned a blind eye and let those shorn heads into the assembly hall together with all the queues.
“But this queue-cutting proved contagious. Three days later, six students in the normal school suddenly cut off their queues too, and that evening they were expelled. They could neither remain in the school nor go home. Not till a month or more after the first Double Tenth did they stop being branded as criminals.
“And I? It was the same. In the winter of 1912 I came to Beijing, and was still cursed several times. Only after those who had cursed me had their queues cut off by the police did I stop getting cursed; but I didn’t go to the country. ”
N had been looking very smug. Now suddenly his face fell.
“Nowadays, idealists like you are calling on girls to cut their hair. you’re going to make many more people suffer for nothing! Aren’t there already girls who can’t take the school entrance examinations, or who are expelled because they’ve bobbed their hair?
“Reform? Where are your weapons? Education for workers? Where are your factories?
“宣統(tǒng)初年,我在本地的中學(xué)校做監(jiān)學(xué),同事是避之惟恐不遠(yuǎn),官僚是防之惟恐不嚴(yán),我終日如坐在冰窖子里,如站在刑場旁邊,其實(shí)并非別的,只因?yàn)槿鄙倭艘粭l辮子!
“有一日,幾個(gè)學(xué)生忽然走到我的房里來,說,‘先生,我們要剪辮子了。’我說,‘不行!’‘有辮子好呢,沒有辮子好呢?’‘沒有辮子好……’‘你怎么說不行呢?’‘犯不上,你們還是不剪上算,——等一等罷。’他們不說什么,撅著嘴唇走出房去;然而終于剪掉了。
“呵!不得了了,人言嘖嘖了;我卻只裝作不知道,一任他們光著頭皮,和許多辮子一齊上講堂。
“然而這剪辮病傳染了;第三天,師范學(xué)堂的學(xué)生忽然也剪下了六條辮子,晚上便開除了六個(gè)學(xué)生。這六個(gè)人,留校不能,回家不得,一直挨到第一個(gè)雙十節(jié)之后又一個(gè)多月,才消去了犯罪的火烙印。
“我呢?也一樣,只是元年冬天到北京,還被人罵過幾次,后來罵我的人也被警察剪去了辮子,我就不再被人辱罵了;但我沒有到鄉(xiāng)間去。”
N顯出非常得意模樣,忽而又沉下臉來:
“現(xiàn)在你們這些理想家,又在那里嚷什么女子剪發(fā)了,又要造出許多毫無所得而痛苦的人!
“現(xiàn)在不是已經(jīng)有剪掉頭發(fā)的女人,因此考不進(jìn)學(xué)校去,或者被學(xué)校除了名么?
“改革么,武器在那里?工讀么,工廠在那里?
“Let girls keep their long hair and marry, becoming daughters-in-law. Forgetting everything they can be happy. If you remind them of that talk of equality and freedom, they’ll be wretched all their lives.
“Borrowing the words of Artzybashev, let me ask you: you subscribe to a golden age for posterity, but what have you to give these people themselves?
“Ah, until lashed on the back by the Creator’s whip, China will always remain the way she is, absolutely refusing to change a single hair on her body!
“Since you have no poisonous fangs, why paste that big sign ‘Viper’ on your forehead, inciting beggars to kill you?...”
N was talking more and more wildly. However, as soon as he noticed my lack of interest, he shut his mouth, stood up and picked up his hat.
“Going home?” I asked.
“Yes, it’s going to rain,” he answered.
I saw him out in silence.
As he put on his hat he said, “So long! Excuse me for disturbing you. Fortunately, tomorrow isn’t the Double Tenth, so we can forget all about it.”
Oct-20
“仍然留起,嫁給人家做媳婦去:忘卻了一切還是幸福,倘使伊記著些平等自由的話,便要苦痛一生世!
“我要借了阿爾志跋綏失的話問你們:你們將黃金時(shí)代的出現(xiàn)豫約給這些人們的子孫了,但有什么給這些人們自己呢?
“阿,造物的皮鞭沒有到中國的脊梁上時(shí),中國便永遠(yuǎn)是這一樣的中國,決不肯自己改變一支毫毛!
“你們的嘴里既然并無毒牙,何以偏要在額上帖起‘蝮蛇’兩個(gè)大字,引乞丐來打殺?……”
N愈說愈離奇了,但一見到我不很愿聽的神情,便立刻閉了口,站起來取帽子。
我說,“回去么?”
他答道,“是的,天要下雨了。”
我默默的送他到門口。
他戴上帽子說:
“再見!請(qǐng)你恕我打攪,好在明天便不是雙十節(jié),我們統(tǒng)可以忘卻了。”
一九二〇年十月。