新編大學英語第一冊unit6 Text D: Bargains
UNIT 6 AFTER-CLASS READING 3; New College English (I)
Bargains
1 Let us take the orthodox definition of the word bargain. It is something offered at a low and advantageous price. It is an opportunity to buy something at a lower price than it is really worth. A more recent definition is: a bargain is a dirty trick to extort money from the pockets of silly and innocent people.
2 I have never attended a large company's board meeting in my life, but I feel certain that the discussion often takes the following lines. The cost of producing a new toothpaste, for example, would make 80p the decent price for it, so we will market it at 1.20 pounds. It is not a bad toothpaste (not especially good either, but not bad), and as people like to try new things it will sell well to start with: but the attraction of novelty soon fades, so sales will fall. When that starts to happen we will reduce the price to 1.15 pounds. And we will turn it into a bargain by printing 5p OFF all over it, whereupon people will rush to buy it even though it still costs about forty-three percent more than its fair price.
3 Sometimes it is not 5p OFF but 1p OFF. What breathtaking impertinence to advertise 1p OFF your soap or washing powder or dog food or whatever. Even the poorest old-age pensioner ought to regard this as an insult, but he doesn't. A bargain must not be missed. To be offered a "gift" of one penny is like being invited to dinner and offered one single pea (tastily cooked), and nothing else. Even if it represented a real reduction it would be an insult. Still people say, one has to have washing powder (or whatever) and one might as well buy it a penny cheaper. When I was a boy in Hungary a man was accused of murdering someone for the sake of one pengo, the equivalent of a shilling, and pleaded guilty. The judge was outraged: "To kill a man for a shilling!... What can you say in your defence?" The murderer replied: "A shilling here... a shilling there..." And that's what today's shopper says, too: "A penny here... a penny there..."
4 The real danger starts when utterly unnecessary things become "bargains". There is a huge number of people who just cannot resist bargains and sales. Provided they think they are getting a bargain they will buy clothes they will never wear, furniture they have no space for. Old ladies will buy roller-skates and non-smokers will buy pipe-cleaners. And I once heard of a man who bought an electric circular saw as a bargain and cut off two of his fingers the next day. But he had no regrets: the saw had been really cheap.
5 Quite a few people actually believe that they make money on such bargains. A lady I know, otherwise a charming and seemingly sane woman sometimes tells me stories such as this: "I've had a lucky day today. I bought a dress for 120 pounds, reduced from 400 pounds; I bought a suitcase for 40 pounds, reduced from 120 pounds and I bought a beautiful Persian carpet for 600 pounds, reduced from 900 pounds." Perhaps she may add vaguely that she has been a trifle extravagant, but it will never occur to her that she has actually wasted 760 pounds. She feels as though she has made 660 pounds. She also feels, I am sure, that if she had more time for shopping, she could make a living out of it.
6 Some people buy in bulk because it is cheaper. At certain moments New Zealand lamb chops may be 3p cheaper if you buy half a ton of them, so people rush to buy a freezer just to find out later that it is too small to hold half a ton of New Zealand lamb. I once knew a couple who could not resist buying sugar in bulk. They thought it a tremendous bargain, not to be missed, so they bought enough sugar for their lifetime and the lifetime of their children and grandchildren. When the sugar arrived they didn't know where to store it until they realized that their loo was a very spacious one. So that was where they piled up their sugar. Not only did their guests feel rather strange whenever they were offered sugar to put into their coffee, but the loo became extremely sticky.
7 To offer bargains is a commercial trick to make the poor poorer. When greedy fools fall for this trick, it serves them right. All the same, if bargains were prohibited by law our standard of living would immediately rise by 7.39 per cent.
