考研英語(yǔ)作文考場(chǎng)范文批改及點(diǎn)評(píng)(3)

As is vividly depicted in the picture, a father has received a letter from his son, on which without anything except(改為but)a word: money. It reveals a serious issue of (改為in)our society: more and more people live off their parents, even if they are old enough. We call the people who is(建議刪掉，直接用簡(jiǎn)單句表達(dá)即可) "boomerang kids”.A careful analysis of cartoon may reveals some reasons under the problem, which involves three causes. For one thing,Chinese parents indulge their children so that it takesfew(改為little，few修飾可數(shù)名詞，little修飾不可數(shù)名詞) time to develop their children(改為children’s，孩子們的) independence. In addition(建議改為For another，與前面For one thing對(duì)應(yīng)起來(lái)), the boomerang kids may never realize the hard working and enterprising spirit is(改為are，賓語(yǔ)從句的主語(yǔ)用and連接，謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞用復(fù)數(shù))a magic weapon to make their life pleasant, efficient ,(加and)successful. Last but not least, the education in our school ,especailly(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為especially)university, attach(改為attaches) more importance to academic marks, which ignores the significance of students’ independence ablilty(拼寫(xiě)錯(cuò)誤，改為ability).In order to solve these issues, both family and school should join hands to create an free atmosphere to spirit the young people take care of themselves, while at the same time, the boomerang kids(改為kids’) efforts are indispensible, (加and，兩個(gè)句子之間用連詞連接)they should change the lazy behaviors. To conclude my essay, I would like to quote an old saying “a young idler, an old beggar”.

編輯點(diǎn)評(píng)

整體來(lái)說(shuō)，文章寫(xiě)得不錯(cuò);但還存在個(gè)別簡(jiǎn)單的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤。作者在寫(xiě)作完之后若可以花費(fèi)幾分鐘時(shí)間來(lái)回讀文章，便會(huì)減少不必要的錯(cuò)誤。考研英語(yǔ)作文的整體思路你已經(jīng)基本掌握，后面要做的就是多積累高分佳句，為自己的文章增彩;再者，寫(xiě)完之后一定要認(rèn)真檢查，減少失分點(diǎn)。加油吧，祝你考研成功!

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：13分(滿(mǎn)分20分)