And yet, about two weeks after his arrival, all I wanted every night was for him to leave his room, not via its front door, but through the French windows on our balcony. I wanted to hear his window open, hear his espadrilles on the balcony, and then the sound of my own window, which was never locked, being pushed open as he’d step into my room after everyone had gone to bed, slip under my covers, undress me without asking, and after making me want him more than I thought I could ever want another living soul, gently, softly, and, with the kindness one Jew extends to another, work his way into my body, gently and softly, after heeding the words I’d been rehearsing for days now, Please, don’t hurt me, which meant, Hurt me all you want.
 
然而，在他抵達(dá)大約兩周后，每到夜晚，我滿腦子只希望他走出房間。不是從前門，而是經(jīng)過我們共用陽臺的落地窗。我想聽他落地窗打開的聲音，聽他布面平底涼鞋踏上陽臺的聲音，然后是我這邊從不上鎖的落地窗被推開的聲音。眾人入眠的夜里，他走進(jìn)我的房間，鉆進(jìn)我的被窩，不由分說褪下我的衣物，當(dāng)我渴望他超乎我對任何一個人的渴望時，輕輕地、溫柔地，以一個猶太人對另一個猶太人的友愛，向我靠近；在他聽到我那句已在舌尖練習(xí)了無數(shù)遍的“請不要傷害我”——真正的意思其實(shí)是：“隨意對我做你想要的”之后，輕輕地，溫柔地……
 
I seldom stayed in my room during the day. Instead, for the past few summers I had appropriated a round table with an umbrella in the back garden by the pool. Pavel, our previous summer resident, had liked working in his room, occasionally stepping out onto the balcony to get a glimpse of the sea or smoke a cigarette. Maynard, before him, had also worked in his room. Oliver needed company. He began by sharing my table but eventually grew to like throwing a large sheet on the grass and lying on it, flanked by loose pages of his manuscript and what he liked to call his “things”: lemonade, suntan lotion, books, espadrilles, sunglasses, colored pens, and music, which he listened to with headphones, so that it was impossible to speak to him unless he was speaking to you first. Sometimes, when I came downstairs with my scorebook or other books in the morning, he was already sprawled in the sun wearing his red or yellow bathing suit and sweating. We’d go jogging or swimming, and return to find breakfast waiting for us. Then he got in the habit of leaving his “things” on the grass and lying right on the tiled edge of the pool—called “heaven,” short for “This is heaven,” as he often said after lunch, “I’m going to heaven now,” adding, as an inside joke among Latinists, “to apricate9.” We would tease him about the countless hours he would spend soaking in suntan lotion as he lay on the same exact spot along the pool. “How long were you in heaven this morning?” my mother would ask. “Two straight hours. But I plan to return early this afternoon for a much longer aprication.” Going to the orle of paradise also meant lying on his back along the edge of the pool with one leg dangling in the water, wearing his headphones and his straw hat flat on his face.
 
白天我不常待在自己的房間里。過去幾年夏天的白天，我習(xí)慣占用后花園泳池畔一張撐有陽傘的圓桌。之前那位夏天住客帕維爾喜歡在房里工作，偶爾才走到陽臺上看看海或抽根煙；在他之前的梅納德也愛待在自己房間工作。奧利弗喜歡有個伴，起初他和我共用桌子，最后卻漸漸喜歡在草地上鋪一條大床單躺在上面，兩邊放著他零散的手稿，還有他喜歡稱為“東西”的用品：檸檬茶、防曬霜、書、布面平底涼鞋、太陽鏡、彩色筆和音樂；他戴著耳機(jī)聽音樂，所以除非他先開口，否則聽不到別人跟他說話。有時候，當(dāng)我早上帶著樂譜或其他書到樓下，他已經(jīng)穿著紅色或黃色的泳褲，汗涔涔地在太陽下躺成大字形。我們慢跑或游泳回來后，早餐已經(jīng)在等著我們了。后來他習(xí)慣把“東西”留在草地上，人躺在鋪了瓷磚的游泳池畔。他稱游泳池畔為“天堂”——“這兒是天堂”的簡稱，因?yàn)槲绮秃笏Ｕf“現(xiàn)在我要去天堂”，然后補(bǔ)上一句“去曬太陽了”，當(dāng)做拉丁學(xué)者的圈內(nèi)笑話。每次他躺在游泳池畔同一個地方，我們便取笑他花上大半天泡在防曬乳液里。“你今天早上‘在天堂’待了多久？”母親問道。“整整兩個鐘頭。不過下午我打算早點(diǎn)回去，曬久一點(diǎn)。”去天堂的門階也就是指躺在游泳池畔，一只腳垂在水里，戴上耳機(jī)，臉上覆著草帽。

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