How to Have Less Awkward Conversation
What is assuming rapport?
Basically, instead of going into a conversation
or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?”
you take different approach.
You assume that you and the person will establish a good connection.
How do you do that? You simply pretend
that you are meeting one of your best friends.
Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind
instead of the nervous one.
I have found that this advice is surprisingly useful
and easy to implement.
This also helps you and the other people to
set a good frame for the interaction.
A frame is always set in at the start of an interaction.
It might be a nervous and stiff frame,
a formal and let's-get-to-the-point kind of frame
or perhaps a super relaxed one. The thing is that
the frame that is set in the beginning of the conversation
is often one that may stay on for a while.
First impressions last.
If it's a very stiff frame then it may very well continue
to be so until the end. It can be quite difficult to,
for instance, change that frame into a more relaxed one.
Often people—you and the others—adapt to the frame
that is set and interact within it.
Breaking or changing that frame may feel
uncomfortable or a bit weird. And so you and the others
can become reluctant to do so and instead just play along.
When you're with your friend you don't think about
what you should say next or what funny comment
you could pull out of your sleeve.
You just stay in the present moment, moment by moment,
and the conversation flows easily and naturally.
I think this is what some people mean
when they give the often confusing advice
to “just be yourself”. When your friends give you
that advice then they may mean that you should be
“like you are when you are hanging out with us”.
They want to see you bring out your natural
and relaxed self in other interactions.
One final useful thing about assuming rapport is
that you may also start to feel positive feelings
towards this new person, as you do with your friend
when you meet him/her. This is a pretty good starting point
for getting the new person to reciprocate
and for developing a good relationship.