TPO21托福獨立寫作技巧

　　“For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school”

　　嚴師分析：這是一個在托福獨立寫作的教育題材中的經(jīng)典話題。要做到有說服力并表達豐富，就得先把思路打開。具體地說眼前的題目，一個人才，首先要有一定智商，往往表現(xiàn)為學習成績;更重要的是情商，人際技巧與堅持樂觀都是情商的體現(xiàn);最后還可上升到品德，價值觀，人格魅力。要提醒的是，托福獨立寫作的藝術就在于自圓其說，所以一定要挑自己熟悉的寫!可以先用嚴師的specific這一利器，想想看什么樣的職業(yè)明顯是更需要整合資源與人互動的?企業(yè)家吧，銷售人員吧，管理人員吧;什么樣的職業(yè)明顯更依賴個人的專業(yè)知識與創(chuàng)造力呢?作家，畫家，音樂人?嚴師可能更熟悉前者，你也可以挑自己熟悉的行業(yè)，站個隊先。而自圓其說地過程你可以從嚴師對下面這篇福神范例的修改意見里體會各種要害與機關：)請看下面五段文字：

　　Different jobs have different requirements. Some professions like medical research and art performance demand more technical know-how than social skills, so I disagree with the opinion that the capability to socialize outweighs studying diligently in school.

　　嚴師對開頭的點評：很沉穩(wěn)的開頭，ability to relate well to people被換成capability to socialize;studying hard 被換成studying diligently; more important than 被換成 outweigh; 另外technical know-how也是很好的特色用詞。如果還要改進，可以再豐富一下，加一句，說明即便是在傳統(tǒng)上認為與人打交道很重要的那些專業(yè)，如企業(yè)家，銷售人員，管理人員等專業(yè)的學習，也由于信息科技的繁榮，知識更新速度的加快，對人的專業(yè)知識的積累提出了更高要求。

　　First of all, medical researchers are expected to conduct experiments skillfully rather than relate well to people . From a beginner to a medical expert, one has a long way to go. On average it would take 5 years to finish medical bachelor degree for a Chinese student and subsequently another 3 years of master degree in research. The success in later years of research in medicine require the overall time and energy consumed during the accumulation of know-how such as molecular biology, organic chemistry and clinical pharmacology.

　　嚴師點評2段：細節(jié)展開很出色，顯示了豐富的詞匯;例子很恰當。如果要改進變得更有說服力，還可以做一點對比推斷，指出如果分出一部分精力社交，就會耽誤最寶貴的用于學核心技能的時間精力，短期追求完美，長遠卻有害于自己的潛力充分發(fā)揮。另外know-how這個詞不愿意重復可換成expertise, skills, techniques..

　　Moreover, if one wishes to be an eminent artist, the success rests with the prowess in art not in dealing with people. Lang lang, an outstanding pianist of the world, had kept on practicing each note as well as the movement of the great pianist, like Schuman, Beethoven, since he was determined to be a professional artist in school. Picasso does not have to be an expert in communicating with different people because he is not supposed to be talk show host nor salesperson. All he needs to do is studying hard in painting school in Paris and equip with knowledge to master brush, color and canvass.

　　嚴師點評3段：eminent,prowess都是很贊的地道表達。deal with, communicate with用詞變換也不錯。例子很切題。如果要改進，對例子加工的深度還可以加大：是專注而不是分心;是投入而不是松懈;打造了世界級大師們的核心競爭力。studying hard如果想換，可以是devote to; dedicated to, commit oneself into..

　　Finally, studying hard not only provides the students with book knowledge but also the habit of diligence so it is more significant than social skills. Just as a famous saying goes ：the diligence and excellence are great habits. In school time, the priority should be given to learning because human beings were then at heyday of intelligence and memory. As for social skills, it is never too late to obtain even when one retired from work. In future career, no matter what you did, it is inevitable that basical and advanced knowledge are also required if one employee wants to be promoted .Most importantly, since one has a sense of diligence cultivated since shooltime, one would outperform the workmates who is lazier and superficial.

　　嚴師點評4段：本段改進的點在于可以做個讓步，指出那些認為專業(yè)知識的積累不如社交重要的人，往往是基于過去人們的現(xiàn)實做出的判斷，而現(xiàn)如今隨著互聯(lián)網(wǎng)技術的繁榮，社交網(wǎng)站的盛行，人們積累朋友與社交資源的速度也大大加速;全球化更是讓世界變小變平，只要有豐富的專業(yè)積累，總是有多種途徑實現(xiàn)職業(yè)的突破，因而學生時代的重點更應該是academic achievement 而不是在無謂的聚會上浪費時間。

　　To sum up, I hold that studying hard is more important than relating with people because success in medical research and art performance lies in knowledge. In addition, studying hard helps students to become a qualified and diligent person who is favored for promotion by the superordinates.

　　嚴師點評結尾：優(yōu)點是有重申，語言準確也沒有問題。改進之處是studying hard 重復嚴重，可以換 concentration on educational pursuits; stick to academic goals; input into professional skills; important 不必重復，可換 essential, vital, paramount, pivotal, crucial, critical等。要想提升說服力，還可加一句讓步，指出社交的確可以讓我們結識重要的人脈，但學生階段的重點一定是核心競爭力，也就是學術成就- academic achievements.