在互定終身前 一定要搞清楚這7件事

茫茫人海中遇到一個(gè)自己真心喜歡的人很難得，沉醉在愛情中的你開始幻想和對(duì)方步入婚姻殿堂，但是——且慢!那個(gè)人真的適合做你的終身伴侶嗎?七夕節(jié)打算求愛或被求愛的你，在做出承諾之前，有幾件事是你必須弄清楚的。

1. Firstly, ask them what they're looking for.

弄清對(duì)方為什么選擇你

"You don't need to ask if they want to go out with you straight away," said Claire Stott, a data analyst at dating app Badoo. "But you can say 'Are you in the market for looking for something?' or 'What are you looking for?' And this gives you an indicator of whether they're looking for something a bit more than something lighthearted."

約會(huì)應(yīng)用Badoo的數(shù)據(jù)分析師克萊爾·斯托特說：“你不用直接問對(duì)方為什么想和你在一起，但你可以用這種方式提問：你為什么來相親?你想找個(gè)什么樣的伴侶?通過這種問題，你就能知道對(duì)方是否只是隨便玩玩。

They might be honest and tell you they're not looking for anything serious — and that's fine. But they might also say they are willing to settle for the right person, which gives you the indication you're not wasting your time. It's rather that than finding out later on that you were one of seven other people they were hanging out with.

他們也許坦誠(chéng)相告，說自己不是在找結(jié)婚對(duì)象，這也沒事。不過他們也許會(huì)說，如果遇到對(duì)的人他們也愿意安定下來，暗示你沒有在浪費(fèi)時(shí)間。現(xiàn)在就問清楚，總比后來才發(fā)現(xiàn)對(duì)方同時(shí)在跟好幾個(gè)人約會(huì)要好。

2. Are they content with life?

他們對(duì)現(xiàn)在的生活感到滿足嗎?

It sounds quite deep for the start of a relationship, when everything is supposed to be fun and carefree. But Stott said it's a good idea to find out if someone is happy with where they are in their life.

剛開始一段戀情就問這種問題似乎太深沉了，愛情最初的階段本該是開心有趣、無憂無慮的。但是斯托特認(rèn)為，最好能知道對(duì)方是否滿足于現(xiàn)在的生活。

"Because being fairly content is a sign you are at least mentally ready to meet someone and have a relationship with another person," she said. "And a lot of that comes from, it sounds really cheesy, but loving yourself before you can love someone else. And if you're meeting someone who's really upset with their life... it can be a bit of a warning sign they aren't quite ready to open up their life to a relationship."

斯托特說：“對(duì)自己的生活滿足說明你的精神狀態(tài)適合結(jié)識(shí)他人、與他人開啟一段戀情。雖然這話很俗，但是你要先愛自己，才能愛別人。如果你遇見的人對(duì)自己的生活感到很不滿，這說明他們還沒準(zhǔn)備好迎接另一個(gè)人進(jìn)入自己的生活。”

You don't have to be quite so direct about it. You can ask questions like "Are you happy in your job?" or "Do you feel at home in the city you live in?"

你不必太直接。你可以問對(duì)方“你對(duì)自己的工作滿意嗎?”或者“你在現(xiàn)在居住的這個(gè)城市有歸屬感嗎?”

"You can ask these questions which signal whether that person is in a good place and whether you think they might be ready for a relationship," Stott said.

斯托特說：“通過這些問題，你可以了解這個(gè)人是否狀態(tài)穩(wěn)定，也可以知道他們是否準(zhǔn)備好談一場(chǎng)戀愛。”

3. Do they have any major future plans?

他們未來有什么打算?

Nobody wants to be in the position of falling for someone, then learning the plan to move half way across the world... indefinitely.

誰也不想愛上一個(gè)人之后才知道那個(gè)人計(jì)劃搬到世界的另一頭去，而且不知道什么時(shí)候會(huì)回來。

Any major life-changing events, like moving to work abroad, or travelling, will likely impact your relationship. So it's handy to know about someone's plans early on.

任何人生大事，比如出國(guó)工作、旅游等都可能影響你們的感情關(guān)系。所以早早知道對(duì)方的打算比較有利。

4. What is their average Sunday like?

對(duì)方一般是怎么過周末的?

The way you spend your Sundays can be quite telling. Some people waste away the hours nursing a hangover, whereas others are more "get up and go" types.

度過周末的方式很能說明問題。有些人在周末長(zhǎng)睡不醒，而有些人則喜歡出去玩。

"It sounds quite random but you can really get an idea of the person they are," said Stott, who recommends asking this question early on. "Quite often it's that proactive versus hungover personality."

斯托特說：“這個(gè)問題看似很隨意，但你卻能知道對(duì)方是個(gè)什么樣的人。”她建議早點(diǎn)問這個(gè)問題。“通常要么是積極主動(dòng)型，要么是懶散型。”

5. How do they handle stressful situations?

對(duì)方如何應(yīng)對(duì)危機(jī)情況?

"The way someone deals with things that go wrong in their life can be a real indicator of how compatible you might be with them," Stott said. "And there isn't a right or wrong way they might be."

斯托特說：“從一個(gè)人處理危機(jī)事件的方式可以看出你和這個(gè)人能否和諧相處。而應(yīng)對(duì)危機(jī)的方式?jīng)]有對(duì)錯(cuò)之分。”

For instance, some people retreat into themselves and need coaxing out by someone who is more in touch with their feelings. If two emotional hermits start dating, it might not be a totally healthy relationship that blossoms.

比如，有些人會(huì)將自己封閉起來，只有親密的人才能讓他們打開心扉。如果剛開始談戀愛的兩個(gè)人都是這種“情感隱士”，那么這段戀情可能不會(huì)順利發(fā)展下去。

If you go through something stressful, see how the other person reacts. It doesn't have to be anything big, but it can be a good gauge for how much help they will be during the tougher things life throws at you. If they are dismissive or don't seem to care about your troubles, it could be a sign they're afraid of intimacy, or can't communicate very well.

如果你遭遇了一些難事，你可以觀察對(duì)方的反應(yīng)。即使不是什么大事，你也可以看出在遭遇更艱難的事情時(shí)對(duì)方能幫上多少忙。如果他們不理會(huì)或不關(guān)心你的麻煩，這可能意味著他們害怕親密，或者無法很好地溝通。

6. Do they have the same values as you?

對(duì)方的價(jià)值觀是否和你相似?

People all have their certain deal breakers. For example, some will not tolerate drug use. Others are intent on not having children. Although it's hard to get into the big topics at the start of the relationship, you should find out if they have any values that are the total opposite of your own.

每個(gè)人都有自己的一些原則。比如有的人不能容忍吸毒，而有的人決意不要孩子。盡管在戀愛之初一般不會(huì)討論這種重大話題，但你還是應(yīng)該弄清楚對(duì)方是否有和你完全相悖的價(jià)值觀。

"There's no use screwing yourself over in the long run basically," said Stott. "People don't broach it in the right way, [or] they think maybe I'll change, and they don't. Then it just becomes an issue later. There are some certain deal breakers that should be brought up early."

斯托特說：“從長(zhǎng)遠(yuǎn)來看，欺騙自己是沒用的。對(duì)方不會(huì)在一開始就坦白交代，他們想著有一天自己可能會(huì)改變，但他們不會(huì)改，拖到后來就成了問題。有一些原則性問題應(yīng)該早早提出來。”

7. What are their friends and family like?

對(duì)方的朋友和家人是什么樣子的?

People aren't always a mirror image of their friends and family, but in general, you can tell a lot about a person from who they choose to hang out with, and where they came from.

人們不會(huì)都和自己的家人朋友一個(gè)樣，但總體而言，你可以通過對(duì)方交往的人和家庭出身了解到很多。

"If you meet someone's friends and you think they're the worst people you've ever met, it might be a bit of a red flag of what you're missing of the person," Stott said. "Is there a side to them I haven't quite seen yet?"

斯托特說：“如果你見了對(duì)方的朋友后，認(rèn)為他們是你所見過的最糟糕的人，這是個(gè)危險(xiǎn)信號(hào)，說明你可能看走了眼。也許對(duì)方有不為你所知的另一面?”

The same goes for them meeting your friends. While you're wearing the rose-tinted glasses during the honeymoon period, it can be tempting to dismiss things that would bother you further down the line. Your friends won't be so easily fooled.

讓對(duì)方見你的朋友也能有所發(fā)現(xiàn)。正處于戀愛甜蜜期的你戴著玫瑰色眼鏡，很容易忽視對(duì)方身上那些以后會(huì)讓你煩惱的缺點(diǎn)。但你的朋友可沒那么好糊弄。