為何不該以離婚為恥?

As a child of divorce, I grew up wanting a differentlife. I swore I would never have a family and putthem through that mess. I would do whatever it tookto stay with my spouse for my children.

我父母離婚了，所以我從小就渴望不一樣的生活。我發(fā)誓：我決不會(huì)讓我的家人經(jīng)歷這種困境。我會(huì)為了孩子盡可能的不離婚。

One day, when I was running errands with my kidsduring a particularly horrible rough patch with myhusband, I was deep in thought about how to fix oursituation. Then I saw mutual friends of ours, whowere going through a divorce, were in a gas station parking lot, trading off their kids. Their painwas palpable. After witnessing the way they looked at each other, I thought, that can never beus. I wouldn't be able to bear it.

有段時(shí)間我和丈夫特別不合，有一天我正和孩子跑腿買東西，當(dāng)時(shí)的我還在認(rèn)真思考該如何化解我們的困境。然后，我看到了我倆共同的朋友(他們正在辦離婚手續(xù))站在加油站停車場(chǎng)上，互相交換孩子。顯而易見(jiàn)，他們是痛苦的。見(jiàn)證他們互看彼此的情景之后，我想，我和愛(ài)人永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)發(fā)生這種情況。我肯定無(wú)法忍受這種痛苦。

We dug in our heels for another six years. We tried and tried and ultimately failed to repair ourmarriage. My ex and I found being together more unbearable than trying to stay under one rooffor the kids.

我們又這樣過(guò)了6年。不斷地嘗試之后，我們失敗了，最終還是無(wú)法修補(bǔ)我們的婚姻。我和前夫都發(fā)現(xiàn)：我們?cè)谝黄鸨任覀z為了孩子而呆在同一屋檐下更令人難以忍受。

 

 

When we first talked about separating a year ago, the room felt heavy with guilt, regret andshame. If I am being honest, I still have lots of guilt, even a little regret. But I had to let go ofthe shame. I needed to stop taking other people's advice: "Try this counselor," "Take avacation together" or "We went through tough times, too. You'll get over it." It felt like a formof shaming. Maybe it wasn't ...

一年前，當(dāng)我們第一次談及分居之時(shí)，整個(gè)房間都充斥著內(nèi)疚、后悔和羞恥。說(shuō)實(shí)話，現(xiàn)在我還是很內(nèi)疚，甚至有點(diǎn)后悔，但我已經(jīng)不感到羞恥了。我不能再接受他人的建議："去看看這位顧問(wèn)吧，""一起出去旅游吧"或是"我們也經(jīng)歷過(guò)困難時(shí)刻，你們能夠克服的!"就好像這是一件很羞恥的事情。但或許這件事本不羞恥呢?

Through the process, I realized everyone's relationships were different. I haven't told anyoneevery single detail as to why my marriage was falling apart simply because I didn't want to. Andthat is OK. I don't owe that to anyone.

在這個(gè)過(guò)程中，我意識(shí)到每個(gè)人的感情情況都是不同的。我還未將我們婚姻失敗的細(xì)節(jié)告訴其他人，只是因?yàn)槲也幌脒@么做。這沒(méi)關(guān)系啊，我又不欠任何人離婚的理由。

As a writer, I have been very open about my divorce, although I initially didn't think I wouldbe this way. I figured I would only tell a handful of people and try to keep it quiet as best Icould because I was ashamed. I changed my mind one evening after walking through my ex'snew condo. While I was trying to get used to my new normal, I felt the need to reach out toother women who had been through the same things I was going through.

作為一名作家，我對(duì)于離婚一事十分開(kāi)放，盡管我一開(kāi)始并沒(méi)有想到這一結(jié)局。我覺(jué)得我可能只會(huì)告訴一小部分人并盡可能的不讓其他人知道，因?yàn)殡x婚令我蒙羞。某天晚上，走到前夫新公寓時(shí)，我改變了主意。在我試圖適應(yīng)新常態(tài)的時(shí)候，我覺(jué)得有必要接觸那些和我有著類似經(jīng)歷的女性。