戀愛(ài)OR結(jié)婚，錢(qián)是矛盾之源

Perhaps you’ve heard money is a major stressor in romantic relationships.

你可能聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)戀愛(ài)中錢(qián)是矛盾之源。

That’s why it can be uncomfortable—or even strain relationships—when the woman in a heterosexual relationship makes more money.

這就是為什么，女方賺錢(qián)更多會(huì)讓人感覺(jué)不舒服，有時(shí)甚至?xí)绊憫偾椤?/p>

And when two people in a relationship come from diametrically opposite socioeconomic backgrounds, it raises all sorts of difficult conversations about how you should spend and earn money.

戀愛(ài)中兩個(gè)人經(jīng)濟(jì)背景截然相反時(shí)，關(guān)于應(yīng)該怎樣花錢(qián)和賺錢(qián)會(huì)產(chǎn)生各種分歧。

But as more women earn more and with most women working full time, even after they have children, some couples have opted out of a traditional marker of marriage: combined finances.

但隨著越來(lái)越多的女性收入增加，而且大多數(shù)女性甚至生育之后也會(huì)全職工作，有些夫妻就脫離了傳統(tǒng)的婚姻模式：財(cái)產(chǎn)合并。

These days, young couples—whether they are married or simply living together—are more likely to keep their finances separate, or at least partially so.

現(xiàn)如今年輕夫妻無(wú)論是已婚的還是只同居的，都更有可能會(huì)把錢(qián)分開(kāi)放，或者至少部分分開(kāi)。

Twenty years ago, when Wendy Underwood, 43, married her husband Kurtis Kolt, 44, the couple opened a credit card together.

現(xiàn)在 43歲的Wendy Underwood20年前嫁給了現(xiàn)在44歲的丈夫Kurtis Kolt，這對(duì)夫妻一起辦了一張信用卡。

“We thought that was the sort of thing married people should do,” she says. “We learned pretty quickly that we both had very different approaches to money. I was brought up to believe you do without everything to be able to pay off debt. My approach to that credit card was, I’ll have beans on toast for a week to make sure I pay off that balance at the end of the month.”

她說(shuō)：“我們以為結(jié)了婚的人都該這樣，但我們很快發(fā)現(xiàn)我們的金錢(qián)觀很不一樣。我從小就被教育要盡一切努力還清債務(wù)。我使用信用卡的方法是吃一周加豆的吐司也要確保月底時(shí)還清賬單。”

Her husband’s outlook was more “casual”—he would make a payment but didn’t feel compelled to pay the full amount.

而她丈夫的態(tài)度就更“隨意”一點(diǎn)，他會(huì)還款，但覺(jué)得不需要勉強(qiáng)自己還清全部欠款。

That card wasn’t in use for long. “If we had kept that credit card and added all our finances together, I honestly don’t think we would still be married,” Underwood says. “We just saw very quickly that it was a big source of tension for us.”

這張卡很久都沒(méi)用了，Underwood說(shuō)：“如果我們還用那張卡，把所有錢(qián)都放一起，說(shuō)實(shí)話我覺(jué)得我們?cè)缇碗x婚了，我們只是很快發(fā)現(xiàn)了這是我們矛盾的主要根源。”

It didn’t help that at the time, they were both young—in their early twenties—and still learning how to manage their personal finances.

當(dāng)時(shí)他們都20歲剛出頭，盡管還很年輕也沒(méi)用，仍然在學(xué)著如何管理自己的個(gè)人財(cái)產(chǎn)。

So they created a new account solely to hold money for joint expenses like mortgage payments and utilities.

所以他們開(kāi)了一個(gè)新賬戶，只用于為按揭貸款和生活繳費(fèi)這樣的共同支出存錢(qián)。

The couple tracks those expenses alone in a spreadsheet. (“The secret to a healthy marriage is spreadsheets,” Underwood quips.) But with the exception of those big-ticket items, they keep their money separate.

這對(duì)夫妻在電子表格中單獨(dú)跟蹤這些費(fèi)用，(Underwood開(kāi)玩笑說(shuō)：“健康婚姻的秘訣就是電子表格。”)但除了這些大額花銷(xiāo)外，他們的錢(qián)是分開(kāi)的。

Underwood is quick to note that for her, maintaining separate finances is “not a substitute for being transparent” when it comes to finances. “I can honestly say I’ve never hidden a purchase from my husband, unless it was a gift for him,” she says. “I’m not someone who has gone out and blown $600 on a pair of shoes and then hid them in the back of the wardrobe.”

Underwood很快注意到對(duì)她來(lái)說(shuō)，涉及錢(qián)的問(wèn)題時(shí)保持財(cái)務(wù)獨(dú)立“并不影響財(cái)務(wù)透明”，她說(shuō)：“我可以誠(chéng)實(shí)地說(shuō)我從未背著丈夫偷偷花錢(qián)，除非是給他買(mǎi)禮物。我不會(huì)出去花$600買(mǎi)一雙鞋然后藏在衣柜最里面。”

One reason the arrangement has worked for Underwood and her husband is because they value the same things, from travel to gourmet food.

對(duì)Underwood和她丈夫來(lái)說(shuō)這個(gè)方法很有效的一個(gè)原因就是他們有共同的愛(ài)好，都喜歡旅行和美食。

It’s a function of personalities and circumstances, too: Underwood and her husband are both fiercely independent and don’t have children.

這也受個(gè)性和家庭環(huán)境的影響：Underwood和她丈夫都非常獨(dú)立，而且沒(méi)有孩子。

“I think I work really hard for my money, and I don’t want someone else telling me, ‘You should reconsider spending on this thing,’” she says. “I don’t want someone having that much control over my money.”

她說(shuō)：“我覺(jué)得自己為了賺錢(qián)真的很努力，我不想別人告訴我’買(mǎi)這個(gè)東西你還是再考慮考慮吧’，我不想別人太過(guò)干涉我的錢(qián)。”

It also helps that they are both self-employed and have similar incomes. “I actually do think it would be harder if Kurtis was earning a lot more money than me,” she says. “Then we would have to adjust our approach . . . but I do think we would still keep our money separate and just come up with a workaround that works for both of us.”

還有一點(diǎn)也很重要，就是他們都是自由職業(yè)者，收入也差不多，她說(shuō)：“我真的認(rèn)為如果Kurtis比我賺得多很多的話，我們兩個(gè)相處會(huì)更難，那樣我們就得調(diào)整錢(qián)的分配方法了，但我的確覺(jué)得我們?nèi)匀粫?huì)財(cái)務(wù)分開(kāi)，只是會(huì)想出一個(gè)適合我們兩個(gè)人的方法。”