《渺小一生》:“裘德，停下這輛該死的車(chē)。

　 He gives a single, terse nod. “But not anymore?” Harold asks, and he shakes his head. “Good,” Harold mutters. And then, very softly, “Did he hit you?”

他只點(diǎn)了一下頭?！澳乾F(xiàn)在呢？”哈羅德問(wèn)，他搖搖頭?！昂芎谩！惫_德咕噥道，然后聲音很輕地說(shuō)，“他打了你嗎？”

　 He has to wait and control himself before he can answer. “Only a few times,” he says.

他不得不先控制好自己，才有辦法開(kāi)口回答。“只有幾次?！彼f(shuō)。

　 “Oh, Jude,” says Harold, in a voice he has never heard Harold use before.

“啊，裘德?！惫_德說(shuō)，他從來(lái)沒(méi)聽(tīng)過(guò)哈羅德這種口氣。

　 “Let me ask you something, though,” Harold says, as they edge down Fifteenth Street, past Sixth Avenue. “Jude—why were you going out with someone who would treat you like that?”

“不過(guò)讓我問(wèn)你一個(gè)問(wèn)題吧?！惫_德說(shuō)。此時(shí)他們沿著第15街往前開(kāi)，經(jīng)過(guò)第六大道，“裘德，你為什么要跟一個(gè)會(huì)對(duì)你這樣的人交往？”

　 He doesn’t answer for another block, trying to think of what he could say, how he could articulate his reasons in a way Harold would understand. “I was lonely,” he says, finally.

他又沉默地開(kāi)過(guò)一個(gè)街區(qū)，想著該怎么說(shuō)，該怎么清楚表達(dá)他的理由，讓哈羅德了解?！拔液芄聠??！弊詈笏K于說(shuō)。

　 “Jude,” Harold says, and stops. “I understand that,” he says. “But why him?”

“裘德，”哈羅德說(shuō)，然后停了一下，“這個(gè)我明白。但是為什么是他？”

　 “Harold,” he says, and he hears how awful, how wretched, he sounds, “when you look like I do, you have to take what you can get.”

“哈羅德，”他說(shuō)，他聽(tīng)到自己的聲音是多么可怕、多么凄慘，“要是你長(zhǎng)得像我這樣，你就沒(méi)得挑了?！?

　 They are quiet again, and then Harold says, “Stop the car.”

他們又沉默下來(lái)，哈羅德說(shuō)：“停車(chē)?！?

　 “What?” he says. “I can’t. There are people behind me.”

“什么？”他說(shuō)，“不能停，后面還有車(chē)啊?！?

　 “Stop the damn car, Jude,” Harold repeats, and when he doesn’t, Harold reaches over and grabs the wheel and pulls it sharply to the right, into an empty space in front of a fire hydrant. The car behind passes them, its horn bleating a long, warning note.

“裘德，停下這輛該死的車(chē)?！惫_德又說(shuō)了一次?？此麤](méi)停，哈羅德就伸手抓住方向盤(pán)猛地往右扭，開(kāi)進(jìn)消防栓前的一個(gè)空位。后面的車(chē)子超車(chē)過(guò)去，一路猛按喇叭警示。

　 “Jesus, Harold!” he yells. “What the hell are you trying to do? You nearly got us into an accident!”

“天啊，哈羅德！”他喊道，“你到底想干嗎？你差點(diǎn)害我們出車(chē)禍！”

　 “Listen to me, Jude,” says Harold slowly, and reaches for him, but he pulls himself back against the window, away from Harold’s hands. “You are the most beautiful person I have ever met—ever.”

“你好好聽(tīng)著，裘德。”哈羅德緩緩說(shuō)，朝他伸手，但他往后縮，緊貼著車(chē)窗，避開(kāi)哈羅德的手，“你是我這輩子見(jiàn)過(guò)最美的人?！?

　 “Harold,” he says, “stop, stop. Please stop.”

“哈羅德，”他說(shuō)，“別說(shuō)了，別說(shuō)了，拜托你別說(shuō)了。”

　 “Look at me, Jude,” says Harold, but he can’t. “You are. It breaks my heart that you can’t see this.”

“看著我，裘德。”哈羅德說(shuō)，但他沒(méi)辦法，“是真的。你自己看不出來(lái)，讓我太傷心了。”

　 “Harold,” he says, and he is almost moaning, “please, please. If you care about me, you’ll stop.”

“哈羅德，”他說(shuō)，幾乎是呻吟了，“拜托，拜托。如果你在乎我，就別再說(shuō)了?！?

　 “Jude,” says Harold, and reaches for him again, but he flinches, and brings his hands up to protect himself. Out of the edge of his eye, he can see Harold lower his hand, slowly.

“裘德?！惫_德說(shuō)，然后再度伸手，但他又瑟縮了起來(lái)，舉起手保護(hù)自己。透過(guò)眼角，他看得到哈羅德緩緩垂下手。

　 He finally puts his hands back on the steering wheel, but they are shaking too badly for him to start the ignition, and he tucks them under his thighs, waiting. “Oh god,” he hears himself repeating, “oh god.”

最后他終于把手放回方向盤(pán)上，但顫抖得太厲害了，沒(méi)辦法重新發(fā)動(dòng)車(chē)子，于是他把雙手塞在大腿底下等待?！鞍±咸?，”他聽(tīng)到自己一遍又一遍地說(shuō)，“啊老天?！?

　 “Jude,” Harold says again.

“裘德。”哈羅德又說(shuō)。

　 “Leave me alone, Harold,” he says, and now his teeth are chattering as well, and it is difficult for him to speak. “Please.”

“別煩我了，哈羅德，”他說(shuō)，現(xiàn)在連他的牙齒也格格打戰(zhàn)，要講話(huà)都很困難，“拜托。”

　 They sit there in silence for minutes. He concentrates on the sound of the rain, the traffic light turning red and green and orange, and the count of his breaths. Finally his shaking stops, and he starts the car and drives west, and north, up to Harold’s building.

他們靜靜坐了幾分鐘。他專(zhuān)注地聆聽(tīng)雨聲，看著紅綠燈從紅色轉(zhuǎn)成綠色再變?yōu)槌赛S色，數(shù)著自己的呼吸。最后他的顫抖終于止住，于是他發(fā)動(dòng)車(chē)子，往西行駛，然后轉(zhuǎn)往北，來(lái)到哈羅德的公寓。