消極與積極的抱怨
Psychologists say that people generally complain for one of two reasons—as a way of enlisting people to agree with their point of view, or as a means of making conversation since negative observations often yield a bigger response than positive comments. (Sadly, that is true.)
心里學(xué)家說人們通常抱怨有兩方面的原因:一個是來爭取別人的觀點和自己的一致,或作為一種交談因為負面觀察往往比積極評價產(chǎn)生更大的反應(yīng)。(可悲的是,這是真的。)
Today, I’m going on record as saying that neither of these reasons are valid enough to outweigh the fact that no one likes being around people who are chronic complainers.
今天,我要公開說,這些原因都是正當(dāng)?shù)模冶葲]有人喜歡被周圍人一直抱怨著這一事實更有價值。
Whining Damages Reputations
抱怨損害名譽
Whining is a childish trait and can be a very difficult habit to break once it has become a part of a person’s communication style. Nevertheless, breaking the habit of complaining is essential if we wish to be viewed as people whose words carry weight and whose opinions matter.
抱怨是一種非常幼稚的行為習(xí)慣,一旦養(yǎng)成就很難打破這種壞習(xí)慣,它將成為人們交際風(fēng)格的一部分。然而,改正抱怨的習(xí)慣是非常必要的,如果我們希望被別人視為那種說話和觀點有分量的人。
Some forms of complaints are obvious, but other forms are often disguised as commentary or critique. They may appear more subtle but are just as damaging to your reputation.
有些抱怨的形式是非常明顯的,但也有其他形式常常被偽裝成評論或批判。它們的出現(xiàn)可能是微妙的,但是卻可以損害你的名譽。
Complaint Etiquette
抱怨禮儀
When you do have a legitimate complaint to communicate, you can do so in a productive manner by following these guidelines.
當(dāng)你確實有一個合理的抱怨需要進行溝通,你可以以富有成效的方式遵循這些準(zhǔn)則。
1. Have a purpose. Having an objective for complaining means that you wish to accomplish something that is both reasonable and specific.
1.有目的性的。有一個客觀的抱怨意味著你想有所成就,這是合理而又明確的。
Complaints without purpose include things like:
沒有目的的抱怨的事情有:
The way your favorite NFL team played on Sunday
The weather
The traffic on the Interstate
These things may bother you to a degree, but you can’t do anything about any of them, so why spend your time (and someone else’s) complaining about them?
您最喜歡的美國國家足球聯(lián)盟的球隊在周日比賽;天氣;州級公路上的交通;有些事可能影響你的學(xué)位,但是你又不能對他們做任何事,因此為什么你要花費你的(和別人的)時間來抱怨他們呢?
2. Offer a proposed solution. Whenever you complain, be prepared to offer a reasonable solution.
2.提供一種解決方案。無論你什么時候抱怨,去準(zhǔn)備提供一種合理的解決方法。
3. Be understanding. People are not perfect and most employees are doing the best they can. It’s also important to recognize that what may be logical to you, may not be logical to someone else.
3.理解性的。人都是不完美的,但是員工們盡他們最大的努力去做事。同樣重要的是,認識到什么對你來說是合理的,或許這些對別人來說不是合理的。
Make a point to accept and value the differences in people. Recognize that we all come from different backgrounds and have different life experiences. Specifically, have a little more patience; be a little more forgiving of others.
強調(diào)接受和價值的差異。要承認我們都是來自不同的背景,有著不同的生活經(jīng)歷。具體來說,要多一點耐心,學(xué)會更加寬容別人。
If you find yourself being overly critical of others or the world at large (which leads to the habit of complaining), let me encourage you to start being more aware of this and work on improving your attitude in this area.
如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)自己過于批判別人或者整個世界(這就是導(dǎo)致你形成抱怨的習(xí)慣),讓我來鼓勵你開始有意識的對待這些,這樣會改變你在這些方面的態(tài)度。
4. Treat others with respect and kindness. If you must complain in such circumstances such as being served cold food in a restaurant, discovering a billing error, or challenging a warranty discrepancy, describe your situation in a way that shows respect to the individual listening to your complaint.
4.要尊重和善待他人。如果你一定要在這種環(huán)境中抱怨,例如飯館的食物太涼,發(fā)現(xiàn)記錯賬,或者是遇到一個具有挑戰(zhàn)性的矛盾,描述你的情況,來顯示對聽你抱怨的聆聽者們的尊重。
Often times, it’s not their fault. And even if it is, there is no reason to speak to them like they are stupid or incompetent. Doing that will only make matters worse and reflect poorly on you.
通常,這不是他們的錯。即使是這樣,也沒有理由去說他們是愚蠢的或者是無能的。這樣做只會讓事情變得更糟糕,會反映出你惡劣的心情。
How to Break the Destructive Habit
如何去改正這些不好的習(xí)慣?
The good news is that breaking the habit of complaining is something we can all do on our own. Here are a few tips to get you started.
最好的方法是我們自己去改正這些對事情抱怨的習(xí)慣。這有一些小貼士來幫助你開始改正。
For the next 24 hours, make an effort to catch yourself each time you complain—at home, at work, and out in the community. Being aware of your tone and how much you verbalize your dissatisfaction with other people or things is the first step toward ridding yourself of this bad habit.
Listen to the people around you, especially out in public. Notice how they speak to servers, customer service representatives, and other workers. What does this tell you about them? What does the way you speak to people in public say about you?
The next time you find it necessary to lodge a legitimate complaint, make sure it meets the criteria discussed above—purposeful, solution-oriented, understanding, kind, and whine-free.
Complaining is harmful to your reputation. If you must complain, make sure your words are constructive and that you handle yourself in a way that reflects positively on your character.
在接下來的24個小時里,努力你發(fā)現(xiàn)你每次抱怨的時間,在家里,在工作時,還是在外面的社區(qū)。改正壞習(xí)慣的第一步是注意你的語氣和你對別人或者事情不滿意的嘮叨。聽你周圍的人說,尤其是在公共場合。注意他們對服務(wù)員、客戶服務(wù)代表和其他工人說話的語氣。別人對你說話的方式取決于你在公共場合對別人說話的方式。接下來你要找到一個讓你抱怨正當(dāng)理由,確保它符合上述標(biāo)準(zhǔn),目的明確面向方案,善良和自由的。抱怨對你的名譽是有損害的。如果你一定要抱怨,確定你說的話是有教育意義的,你的處理方式反映了你積極的性格。