美麗新世界Brave New World 第8章(10)

The moon was behind him; he looked down into theblack shadow of the mesa, into the black shadowof death.

他向下看看石塬漆黑的影子，看看死亡漆黑的影子。

He had only to take one step, one little jump. …

他只要向前一步，輕輕一跳……

He held out his right hand in the moonlight.

他把右手伸進(jìn)月光里。

From the cut on his wrist the blood was still oozing.

手腕上的傷口還在滲血，

Every few seconds a drop fell, dark, almost colourless in the dead light.

幾秒鐘滴一滴。

Drop, drop, drop. To-morrow and to-morrow and to-morrow …

一滴，一滴，又一滴。明天，明天，還有明天……。

He had discovered Tirne and Death and God.

他已經(jīng)找到了時間、死亡和上帝。

"Alone, always alone," the young man was saying.

“孤獨(dú)，永遠(yuǎn)孤獨(dú)。”小伙子說。

The words awoke a plaintive echo in Bernard's mind. Alone, alone …

那話在伯納心里引起了一種凄涼的反響。孤獨(dú)，孤獨(dú)……

"So am I," he said, on a gush of confidingness. "Terribly alone."

“我也孤獨(dú)，”他說，情不自禁說了句體已話，“孤獨(dú)得可怕。”

"Are you?" John looked surprised. "I thought that in the Other Place …"

你也孤獨(dú)嗎?”約翰露出一臉驚訝，“我還以為在那邊……”

I mean, Linda always said that nobody was ever alone there.

我是說琳妲總說那邊的人從來不會孤獨(dú)。

Bernard blushed uncomfortably.

伯納扭泥地漲紅了臉。

"You see," he said, mumbling and with averted eyes, I'm rather different from most people, Isuppose. If one happens to be decanted different …

“你看，”他嘟噥說，眼睛望著別處，我估計，我跟我那兒的人很不相同。如果一個人換瓶時就有了不同……

"Yes, that's just it." The young man nodded.

“對，說得正好，”小伙子點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭，

If one's different, one's bound to be lonely. They're beastly to one.

如果有了不同，就必定會孤獨(dú)。他們對人太兇惡。

Do you know, they shut me out of absolutely everything?

他們把我完全排斥在一切之外，你知道嗎?

When the other boys were sent out to spend the night on the mountains–you know, when youhave to dream which your sacred animal is–they wouldn't let me go with the others; theywouldn't tell me any of the secrets.

別的小伙子被打發(fā)上山去過夜——那是你必須去夢想出你的神圣動物的時候，你知道他們卻不讓我跟他們?nèi)?，什么秘密都不告訴我。

"I did it by myself, though," he added.

“可我自己告訴了我自己，”他說下去，

"Didn't eat anything for five days and then went out one night alone into those mountainsthere." He pointed.

“我五天沒有吃東西，然后那天晚上我一個人出去了，進(jìn)入了那邊的山。”他指點(diǎn)著說。

Patronizingly, Bernard smiled. "And did you dream of anything?" he asked.

伯納居高臨下地笑了，“你夢想出了什么嗎?”他問。

The other nodded. "But I mustn't tell you what."

對方點(diǎn)點(diǎn)頭。“但是我不能告訴你是什么，”

He was silent for a little; then, in a low voice, "Once," he went on, I did something that none ofthe others did:I stood against a rock in the middle of the day, in summer, with my arms out,like Jesus on the Cross.

他停了一會兒低聲說，“有一回，”他說下去，我做了一件別人從沒有做過的事。夏天的正午，我雙手分開靠在一塊巖石上，好像十字架上的耶穌。

What on earth for?

為什么?

I wanted to know what it was like being crucified. Hanging there in the sun …

我想知道釘在十字架上是什么滋味。吊在那兒，太陽光里……

But why?

可你是為了什么?

"Why? Well …" He hesitated.

“為了什么?哦……”他猶豫了一下，

Because I felt I ought to. If Jesus could stand it.

因為我覺得，既然耶穌受得了，我也就應(yīng)該受得了。

And then, if one has done something wrong …

而且，一個人如果做了什么錯事……

Besides, I was unhappy; that was another reason.

何況我很不幸;那也是一個理由。

"It seems a funny way of curing your unhappiness," said Bernard.

“用這種辦法治療你的不幸似乎有些好笑。”帕納說。

But on second thoughts he decided that there was, after all, some sense in it.

可是再想了一下他覺得這樣做也有一定的道理，

Better than taking soma …

總比吃唆麻好……。

"I fainted after a time," said the young man.

“過了一會兒我暈了過去，”小伙子說，

Fell down on my face. Do you see the mark where I cut myself?

撲倒在地上。你看見我受傷的地方了嗎?

He lifted the thick yellow hair from his forehead.

他從他的額頭上撈起了那厚密的黃頭發(fā)，

The scar showed, pale and puckered, on his right temple.

露出了右太陽穴上的傷疤。一道灰痕。

Bernard looked, and then quickly, with a little shudder, averted his eyes.

伯納看了一眼，但。心里立即一怔，望到了一邊。

His conditioning had made him not so much pitiful as profoundly squeamish.

他的條件設(shè)置使他不那么容易產(chǎn)生憐憫，卻十分敏感嬌氣。