他其實(shí)沒(méi)那么喜歡你 第74期:不愿面對(duì)不愛(ài)的事實(shí)

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顯而易見(jiàn)

The reason it's so painful when someone disappearsis you have to face the fact that the person you lovedhad probably left you a long time before he grabbedhis coat and scrammed.

一個(gè)人的消失之所以會(huì)帶給你痛苦，是因?yàn)槟悴坏貌蝗ッ鎸?duì)這個(gè)事實(shí)：你愛(ài)的人，早在他抓起外套一走了之以前，可能就已經(jīng)拋棄你了。

The hard part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment ofvanishing.

難就難在于承認(rèn)在某種程度上他在消失之前就開(kāi)始對(duì)你撒謊了。

Don't ask yourself what you did wrong or how you could have done it differently.

別質(zhì)問(wèn)自己哪里做錯(cuò)了，或你本可以怎樣改變。

Don't waste your valuable heart and mind trying to figure out why he did what he did, orthinking back on all the things he said, and wondering what was the truth and what was a lie.

別浪費(fèi)你珍貴的心力腦力去嘗試?yán)斫馑@么做的原因，或回憶他說(shuō)過(guò)的每一個(gè)字，糾結(jié)孰真孰假。

The only thing you need to know is that it's really good news: He's gone. Hallelujah. See ya inthe funny papers, yellow-belly!

你只需要知道這是一個(gè)好消息：他走了。哈利路亞!永別了，膽小鬼!

Here's Why This One is Hard, by Liz

這就是為什么這很難-莉茲

Oh, for Pete's sake. This one is impossible. He disappeared.

噢，我的上帝，這個(gè)人簡(jiǎn)直不可理喻。他消失了。

He just stopped calling you or writing you or seeing you out of the blue.

他突然不再給你打電話、不再寫信，也不再見(jiàn)你，毫無(wú)預(yù)兆。

You were in what you considered some sort of "relationship."

你以為你曾處于一段“戀愛(ài)關(guān)系”中。

You felt that whatever you had together warranted even the tiniest explanation if one of youdecided to call it quits.

你以為，你倆的曾經(jīng)值得那個(gè)決定結(jié)束關(guān)系的人對(duì)此作出哪怕只有一丁點(diǎn)兒的解釋。

But instead, there's silence. No explanation, no good-bye. Just a vanishing.

恰恰相反，只有一片沉默。沒(méi)有解釋，沒(méi)有再見(jiàn)。就這樣憑空消失了。

There's nothing worse, in dating terms, nothing worse, than that sick feeling you get in the pitof your stomach when it looks like the guy you were seeing or getting to know has decided tobail on you instead of talking to you about it. Nothing worse.

拿約會(huì)來(lái)說(shuō)，沒(méi)有什么能比這更慘了：當(dāng)你意識(shí)到那個(gè)正和你約會(huì)的人，或是那個(gè)剛和你熟絡(luò)的人決定棄你而去，甚至都沒(méi)跟你說(shuō)起過(guò)，你會(huì)感到一陣惡心從胃底涌上來(lái)。這是最糟糕的。

So first you feel hurt. But then you feel helpless, completely and totally helpless.

首先你會(huì)感到傷心。接著，你會(huì)覺(jué)得無(wú)助，徹徹底底地?zé)o助。

He just disappeared, making you feel like you had absolutely no value or meaning to himwhatsoever.

他就這樣消失了，讓你覺(jué)得自己在他心里微不足道，毫無(wú)意義。

And you might be shocked, too. He might not have ever behaved this way before.

同時(shí)你也許會(huì)感到震驚。他可能從未做出過(guò)這樣的舉動(dòng)。

So now you're also unbelievably disappointed. "Really? Now I have to not like him? Now I haveto think he's a jerk?

然后你感到難以置信地失望。“真的嗎?現(xiàn)在我必須不喜歡他了?現(xiàn)在我得相信他是個(gè)混蛋?

That's what this relationship added up to? There's got to be some kind of reasonableexplanation."

這段關(guān)系就落得如此收?qǐng)?總得有一種合理解釋。

So then you start giving this great guy a big heap of your time and energy, making up excusesfor why he's disappeared (he's busy, he's busy...and maybe he's busy) , still hoping that he willcome to his senses and at least drop you an e-mail.

然后你開(kāi)始花費(fèi)大量時(shí)間和精力在這個(gè)家伙身上，為他的消失找借口(他很忙，他很忙……也許他很忙)，還抱著希望，希望他會(huì)恢復(fù)理智，至少會(huì)給你寫封郵件。

You then start going through everything you said, did, or wrote that might have driven himaway.

接著，你開(kāi)始回憶，在你說(shuō)過(guò)的每一句話、做過(guò)的每一件事、寫過(guò)的每一個(gè)字里，有什么可能會(huì)把他趕走。

What was the thing you said that was so inappropriate or needy, that he had no otherrecourse than to head for the hills?

究竟你說(shuō)了什么如此無(wú)禮，或是太粘人了，逼得他遠(yuǎn)走高飛?

You blame yourself for some perceived strategic misstep.

你的戰(zhàn)略失誤而深深自責(zé)。