Dear James. Very soon I am going to die, and meet my God.Before I die, I want to write the true story of my life for you. Everything that I write here is true—I cannot lie to you, or to God. Please believe that, James. It's impor- tant to me.
My father died when I was one week old, so I was the Queen of Scots when I was a baby. At first I lived with my mother in Scotland, and then, when I was five, I went to France. My mother was French, but she stayed in Scotland, and died there.
I went to France to marry the King of France's son. His name was Francis, and he was one year younger than me. In 1559, his father died, so Francis was King. Then I was Queen of France, and Queen of Scotland too.
I was very happy in France. Francis, my husband, was like a little brother to me. I think he loved me, bur he was very young,and he was often ill.And then,in 1560,he died.He was sixteen years old.
When he died I was very unhappy, and my life was very different. There was a new King and Queen, and I wasn't important in France, any more. But I was still Queen of Scots, so I came back to Scotland. When I arrived in Scotland, I was a young girl of eighteen. My mother was dead, and there was no one there to meet me. I walked off the ship,and I slept in a little house near the sea.
Next day, the Scots lords came from Edinburgh. They were pleased to see me, and for a week everyone was happy. People smiled at me and sang in the streets. I think everyone liked me. Then, that Sunday, I went to church.
James, my son, you are a Protestant and I am a Catholic.You are a good man, and you love God, but your church and my church are enemies. I was born a Catholic, and I am going to die a Catholic. I love God, too—I hope you understand that. I'm not going to change now.
That Sunday, people shouted angrily in the streets.‘Your Majesty,'said the Scots lords.‘Scotland is a Protestant coun-try. You can't go to a Catholic church here. TheScottish people don't like Catholics.'
‘I'm sorry, my lords,'I said.‘But I am your Queen—no one tells me what to do.I don't hate Protestants,and I'm not going to kill them. The people can go to their Protestant churches, and pray to God there. But I'm going to pray with Catholics, in my church.'
People were angry because of that. A man called John Knox came to see me. He was a famous Protestant churchman, but I didn't like him. He was a big, angry man with black clothes.He hated the Catholic church, and wanted all Catholics to leave Scotland. To him, the Protestant church was the only true church of God. He said:‘Your Majesty, you're a young woman, like my daughter. Women can't understand difficult 10things like God or the church. Find a good Protestant husband,girl. Let him rule this country for you.'
I was very angry with this man Knox. I was a Queen, but I was only eighteen. He didn't talk quietly—he shouted at me.I cried because of his angry words. I could not understand him—he talked so much, and he knew so many books. But I did not go to his church.
He was right about one thing. Perhaps I could rule Scotland without a man, but I could not have a child without one. And every Queen needs a son or daughter to come after her.So I began to look for a husband.
2 法國
親愛的詹姆斯,很快我就要死去,去見我的上帝了。在我死之前,我要給你寫下我一生的真實的故事。在這里我寫的一切都是真實的——我不能對你說謊,也不能對上帝說謊。請相信這一切,詹姆斯,這對我很重要。
在我出生只有一個星期的時候我的父親便去世了。因此在我還是個嬰兒的時候我就成了蘇格蘭的女王。起初我和母親一起住在蘇格蘭,后來在我五歲的時候我去了法國。我母親是法國人,可是她卻呆在蘇格蘭直到去世。
我去法國并嫁給了法國王子。他叫弗朗西斯,比我小一歲。1559年,他的父親去世了,因此弗朗西斯成了國王。于是,我既是法國王后,又是蘇格蘭女王。
在法國我很幸福。我的丈夫弗朗西斯就像是我的一個小弟弟。我想他是愛我的,但是他太年輕了,還經(jīng)常生病。之后,1560年,他死了,年僅16歲。
他死后我非常傷心,而且我的生活也發(fā)生了很大的變化。法國有了新的國王和王后,我在法國已顯得不再重要。但是我仍然是蘇格蘭的女王,因此,我回到了蘇格蘭。我回到蘇格蘭的那會兒,我是個才18歲的小姑娘。我的母親已經(jīng)去世了,因此沒有人來接我。我下了船,就在海邊的一間小屋里過夜。
第二天,蘇格蘭的貴族們從愛丁堡來了。他們見到我很高興。有一個星期大家都很開心。人們朝我微笑,在大街上唱歌。我以為每個人都很喜歡我。然后,在那個星期天,我去了教堂。
詹姆斯,我的兒子,你是個新教徒而我是個天主教徒。你是好人,且熱愛上帝,可是你的教會和我的教會是仇敵。我生為天主教徒,死也是天主教徒。我也愛上帝,——我希望你能理解這些。即使現(xiàn)在我也不打算改變。
那個星期天,人們在大街上憤怒地叫喊。“陛下,”那些蘇格蘭貴族們說道。“蘇格蘭是個信奉新教的國家。你不能上這里的天主教教堂。蘇格蘭人民不喜歡天主教徒。”
“很抱歉,我的勛爵們,”我說。“可我是你們的女王——沒有人能告訴我該怎樣做。我不憎恨新教徒,也不會殺害他們。人們可以去他們的新教教堂,并在那里祈禱上帝。而我也將和天主教教徒們一起在我的教堂里向上帝祈禱。”
人們聽到這些發(fā)怒了。一個名叫約翰·諾克斯的人來見我。他是個有名的新教教士,可我不喜歡他。他個頭很大,怒氣沖沖,穿著一身黑衣服。他憎恨天主教會,且想讓所有的天主教教徒都離開蘇格蘭。對他來說,新教教會才是唯一真正屬于上帝的教會。他說道:“陛下,你是位年輕女子,就像我的女兒。女人是不會懂得諸如上帝、教會這類困難的事情的。找一個新教徒的好丈夫吧,女孩,讓他來為你統(tǒng)治這個國家。”
我對這個名叫諾克斯的男人很生氣。我是女王,可我只有18歲。他沒有平靜地和我說話——他對我大聲叫嚷。由于他措詞嚴厲,我哭了。我不能接受他——雖然他說了那么多,并讀過那么多書,但我不會去他的教堂。
可有一點他是對的。沒有男人,或許我可以統(tǒng)治蘇格蘭,但沒有男人,我就不會有小孩。每個女王都需要有個兒子或女兒來繼承王位。因此我開始物色一個丈夫。