伍迪單口相聲精選 第6期:駝鹿The Moose

I shot a moose, once. I was hunting up -stateNew York, and I shot a moose, and I strap himon to the fender of my car.

曾打到過一頭駝鹿。我到紐約的西北邊狩獵，我打到了一頭駝鹿。我把他捆在我車子的前杠上。

And I'm driving home along the west side highway,but what I didn't realize was, that the bullet did notpenetrate the moose.

我沿著西邊公路驅(qū)車回家。但是我當時沒意識到子彈并沒有穿透這頭駝鹿。

It just creased the scalp, knocking him unconscious.

它只是擦了一下頭皮，把它弄昏過去了。

And I'm driving through the Holland tunnel - the moose woke up.

在我開車通過“荷蘭隧道”時，駝鹿醒了過來。

So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender. The moose is signaling for a turn, you know.

所以我正開著車，前杠上馱著一頭活著的駝鹿。這駝鹿還會打出轉(zhuǎn)彎的手勢。

There's a law in New York State against driving with a conscious moose on your fender,Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

紐約州有一條法律：在星期二、星期四和星期六，你開車時前杠上馱著一頭有知覺的駝鹿是違法的。

And I'm very panicky, and then it hits me: some friends of mine is having a costume party.

因此我感到特別緊張，可我突然想起來：我有幾個朋友正在舉辦化裝舞會。

I'll go, I'll take the moose, I'll ditch him at the party. It wouldn't be my responsibility.

我這就過去。我要帶上駝鹿一塊去，然后在舞會上把他甩掉，那樣就不是我的責任了。

So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door.

于是我開車來到舞會地點，敲響了房門。

The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say "Hello. You know the Solomons".

駝鹿就站在我旁邊。舞會的主人過來開門，我說：“你好啊。你應(yīng)該認識所羅門吧。”

We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored.

我們進了屋，駝鹿馬上混入了來賓當中。干得不錯，有本事。

Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half.

有兩個家伙甚至向它推銷了一個半小時的保險。

Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prices for the best costume of the night.

午夜十二點，到了頒發(fā)當晚最佳服裝獎的時候了。

First price goes to the Burcowiche's, a married couple dressed as a moose.

第一名頒給了伯科維奇夫婦，他們夫妻兩個化裝成一頭駝鹿。

The moose comes in second. The moose is furious.

駝鹿只拿到第二名。駝鹿怒不可遏。

He and the Burcowiches lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious.

它在客廳里拿鹿角和伯科維奇展開了角斗。他們把對方都打昏在地。

Now, I figured, is my chance. I grab the moose, strap him onto my fender, and shoot back tothe roads, but I got the Burcowiches.

現(xiàn)在，我想正好給了我一個機會。我抓過駝鹿，又把它捆到我車子的前杠上，然后我飛速上路。但是我捆的是伯科維奇。

So I'm driving along with two jewish people on my fender, and there's a law in New YorkState...Tuesdays, Thursdays and especially Saturday.

因此我正開著車，前杠上馱著兩個猶太人。紐約州有一條法律：在星期二、星期四、特別是星期六。

The following morning the Burcowiches wake up in the woods, in a moose suit.

第二天早上，伯科維奇夫婦在林子里蘇醒了過來，仍穿著駝鹿裝。

Mr. Burcowich is shot, stuffed and mounted-at the New York Athletic Club, and the joke is onthem, because it's restricted.

伯科維奇先生被射殺、被填料、被做成標本放到了“紐約運動俱樂部”【1】。好笑的地方在于，這是個嚴格限制會員的俱樂部。【2】

【1】成立于1868年，屬于私人性質(zhì)的社交俱樂部，其宗旨為“提高發(fā)展美國的業(yè)余體育運動”。

【2】暗指俱樂部限制猶太人加入。