如何擺脫尷尬做一個健談的人？

Are you a good conversationalist? What makes someone a good conversationalist? Being a good conversationalist is important in every context, be it in business, social, or dating。

你是不是一名好的健談者?什么能讓你變得健談呢?無論在何種情況下，作為一名好的健談者都是非常重要的，無論是商業(yè)、還是社交或是約會。

I don’t think there are any “tricks” or shady techniques you have to apply to be a great conversationalist. Below are ten timeless rules I apply to all my conversations:

我認為要想成為好的健談者，不需要任何的“招數(shù)”或不正當?shù)氖址āＯ旅媸俏矣玫秸勗捴杏啦贿^時的10條原則：

1. Be genuinely interested in the person.

對談話的人真正感興趣

Who is this person? What’s on his/her mind? What does he/she enjoy doing? What motivates him/her in life? These are the questions I have for every single person I meet. Since people form the core of my life purpose (to help others grow)， my genuine interest in people, from who they are to what they do, comes naturally。

這個人是誰?他/她在想什么?他/她喜歡做什么?什么激勵著他/她的生活?我每遇見一個人，我都會想這樣的問題。由于人們形成了我生活目標的核心(幫助他人成長)，我對他人的興趣，從他們是誰到他們做什么，就很自然地產生了。

Such genuine interest, not an artificial one, is essential to making a conversation fly. If you are not interested in the other person, then why speak to him/her to begin with? Move on to someone you really want to talk to. Life is too short to be spent doing things you don’t like。

這樣的興趣是發(fā)自內心的，而不是虛假的，這是讓談話出彩的必要條件。如果你對他人不敢興趣，為什么要和他/她說話呢?去和你真正想談話的人說話。生活苦短，不要把它浪費在你不喜歡的事情上。

2. Focus on the positives。

關注正能量

Which means rather than talk about past grievances, opt for a discussion of future goals. Rather than talk about the coffee that spilled on your table this morning, talk about that movie you are looking forward to watch later in the evening. It’s okay to talk about “negative” topics (read: topics that trigger negative emotions) once in a while, but only when you feel it is okay with the other party and when it has a specific purpose (e.g., to get to know the other person better or to bond with the person)。

也就是說與其談論過去的悲傷，不如去討論未來的目標。與其談論今天早晨灑在你桌子上的咖啡，不如談論一下晚上你想看的電影。偶爾談論一下“負面”話題(能產生負面情緒的話題)也是可以的，但最好是當你覺得對方也能接受并且有特定目的時(比如，更好地了解對方或和對方建立聯(lián)系)。

3. Converse, not debate (or argue)。

交談而不是辯論(爭吵)

A conversation should be a platform where opinions are aired, not a battle ground to pit one’s stance against another. Be ready to chat, discuss, and trash out ideas, but do so amiably. There’s no need to have a conclusion or agreement point in every discussion; if a convergence has to be met with everything that is mooted, the conversation would be very draining. Allow for things to be left open-ended if a common point can’t be achieved。

談話應該是交流觀點的平臺，而不是一對一的硝煙戰(zhàn)場。準備交談、談論和清理想法，態(tài)度要和藹。沒有必要每次討論都要下結論或達成一致。如果每次都談有爭議的內容，那么談話會非常吃力。如果無法達到共識，可以讓事物處于開放狀態(tài)。

4. Respect。

尊重

don’t impose, criticize, or judge. Respect other people’s point of view. Respect other people’s space—don’t encroach on the person’s privacy unless a common bond has been established. Respect other people’s personal choices—don’t criticize or judge. Everyone has his/her right to be him/herself, just as you have the right to be yourself。

不要強加、批評或評判。尊重他人的觀點，尊重他人的空間——不要侵犯他人的隱私除非建立了共同的聯(lián)系;尊重他人的個人選擇——不要批評或評判。每個人都有自己的權利成為他/她自己，就像你有權利成為你自己一樣。

5. Put the person in his/her best light。

看別人最好的方面

Always look for ways to make the person look good. Give credit where credit is due. Recognize talent where you see it. Drop compliments where appropriate. Allow the person to shine in his/her own light。

總是去看別人好的一面。該贊美時就贊美。看到才能要識別出來。在適當?shù)臅r候對別人加以贊美。讓別人展出自己最好的一面。

6. Embrace differences while building on commonalities。

求同存異

Everyone is different. At the same time, there are always commonalities across people. For the differences, embrace them. They make all of us unique. Agree to disagree if there are clashes in ideas.As you talk to the other person, look for commonalities between you and him/her。

每個人都是不同的。在同一時刻，人們都有著共性。對不同之處，要加以擁抱。正是這些不同之處才讓我們每個人都獨一無二。如果想法有沖突，則求同存異。當你和他人交談時，尋找你和他/她的共同之處。

Once you find a common link, build on it. Use that as a platform to spin off more discussions which will then reveal more about both of you. For the new commonalities that get unveiled, build on them further。

一旦你找到了共同的地方，在它上面建造你們的關系。把它作為一個平臺，進行更多的討論，這樣你們都會更好地了解彼此。對于發(fā)現(xiàn)的新的共同之處，可以在這個基礎上進一步交流。

7. Be true to yourself

做真實的自己

Your best asset is your true personality. Don’t cover it up. It’ll be pretty boring if all you do is mime the other person’s words during a conversation; there wouldn’t be anything to discuss at all. Be ready to share your real thoughts and opinions (not in a combative manner of course—see #3). Be proud of what you stand for and be ready to let others know the real you。

你最好的資本是你真實的個性，不要把它掩蓋起來。如果你所做的就是在談話中模仿另一個人說話那會非常單調;根本就沒有什么可以談論的。準備好分享自己真實的想法和觀點(不要用好斗的方式——參見#3)。對自己的立場感到自豪，并讓別人認識真正的你。

8. 50-50 sharing。

50-50分享

I always think that a great conversation should be made up of equal sharing by both parties. Sometimes it may be 40-60 or 60-40 depending on the circumstances, but by and large, both parties should have equal opportunities to share and contribute to the conversation.What this means is that you should be sensitive enough to pose questions to the other party if you have been talking for a while。

我總是在想，好的談話應當是由雙方共同分享組成的。根據(jù)環(huán)境，有時可能是40-60，有時可能是60-40，但是總的來說，雙方應該有平等的機遇來分享和參與談話。也就是說你應該足夠敏感，如果你已經說了一會兒了，應該能夠對對方提出問題。

It also means that you should take the initiative to share more about yourself if the other party has been sharing for the most part. Just because the person doesn’t ask doesn’t mean you can’t share; sometimes people don’t pose questions because it is not in their natural self to do so。

這也意味著如果大部分的內容是由對方分享的，那你應該主動分享自己的想法。別人不問不代表這你不能分享;有時人們不問問題是因為他們天生不愿這樣做。

9. Ask purposeful questions

詢問有意義的問題

Questions elicit answers. The kind of questions you ask will steer the direction of the conversation. To have a meaningful conversation with the other person, ask meaningful questions. Choose questions like, “What drives you in life?”， “What are your goals for the next year?” and “What inspired you to make this change?” over “What did you do yesterday?” and “What are you going to do later?”.問題會引出答案。你問的問題代表著談話的方向。要想和他人有有意義的談話，就得問有意義的問題?？梢赃x擇這樣的問題，如“在生活中什么事情激勵著你前行?”，”你明年的目標是什么?”以及“什么讓你做出這樣的改變?”，而不是問“昨天你做了什么?”、“一會兒你要做什么?”

Some people may not be ready to take on conscious questions, and that’s fine. Start off with the simple, trivial, everyday questions as you build a rapport. Then, get to know the person better through deeper, more revealing questions—when you think the person is ready to share。

有些人可能不想回答意識層面的問題，沒關系。從簡單、瑣碎的、日常的問題開始，逐步建立關系。然后，通過進一步、更加揭露性的問題來更好地了解對方——當你認為對方已經愿意分享時。

10. Give and take。

給予和接受

Sometimes people say pretty weird stuff during conversations. For example, a critical comment here and there, a distasteful remark, and a bad joke. Don’t judge them for those comments; treat these blurts as Freudian slips. Usually I just laugh or shrug it off; it makes for funny conversation banter.有時人們在談話時會說一些很奇怪的內容。例如，到處都有批評的評論、令人反感的話、糟糕的笑話。不要因為他們的那些評論而對他們加以評判;把這些脫口而出的話看成是弗洛伊德口誤。通常情況下我只是笑笑或聳聳肩;它也使得談話輕松有趣。