夫妻吵架？也許你們只是沒睡好

It started as a simple conversation about a child’s birthday party. But it quickly escalated into a full-blown marital rift. She accused him of neglecting the family. He said she was yelling.

起初，這是關于孩子的生日派對的簡單對話。但它很快就升級為全面爆發(fā)的夫妻紛爭。她指責他忽略家庭。他說她大喊大叫。

“Whatever,” she said. “Go. Go.”

“無所謂了，”她說。“你走。走。”

“Go where?” he replied.

“往哪兒走?”他回應。

“I don’t know,” she told him. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

“我不知道，”她告訴他。“我再也不想和你說話了。”

The bickering parents were among 43 couples taking part in an Ohio State University study exploring how marital interactions influence a person’s health. Every couple in the study — just like couples in the real world — had experienced some form of routine marital conflict. Hot-button topics included managing money, spending time together as a family or an in-law intruding on the relationship.

這對發(fā)生爭吵的家長和另外42對夫妻，在俄亥俄州立大學(Ohio State University)參與了一項探索夫妻間的交流如何影響健康的研究。這項研究中的每一對夫妻——像現(xiàn)實世界里的夫妻一樣——此前都遭遇了婚姻中某種常見的沖突。敏感話題包括：金錢的管理，一家人如何花時間共處，或者雙方父母對夫妻關系的介入。

But while marital spats were universal among the couples, how they handled them was not. Some couples argued constructively and even with kindness, while others — like the couple fighting about the birthday party — were hostile and negative.

不過，盡管所有夫妻都會發(fā)生齟齬，但他們的應對方式并不相同。一些夫妻會進行建設性的爭論，甚至很友善，另一些——比如這對為生日派對吵架的夫妻——則懷有敵意、非常負面。

What made the difference? The hostile couples were most likely to be those who weren’t getting much sleep.

為什么會存在這種差異?相互敵視的夫妻極有可能是睡眠不太充足的那些。

“When people have slept less, it’s a little like looking at the world through dark glasses,” said Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, a longtime relationship scientist and director of the Ohio State Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research. “Their moods are poorer. We’re grumpier. Lack of sleep hurts the relationship.”

“人們睡眠較少的時候，有點兒像透過墨鏡看世界，”致力于研究長期關系的科學家、俄亥俄州立大學行為醫(yī)學研究所(Ohio State Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research)所長詹尼斯·基科特-格拉澤(Janice Kiecolt-Glaser)說。“他們的情緒更糟糕。我們的脾氣變得很大。缺少睡眠會損害夫妻關系。”

The men and women in the study had been married from three to 27 years. They reported varying amounts of sleep — anywhere from three and a half to nine hours a night. Each couple made two visits to the lab, where the partners were prodded to talk about the issues that caused the most conflict in their relationship. Then the researchers analyzed videos of their exchanges using well-established scoring techniques to assess positive and negative interactions and hostile and constructive responses. After all the data were parsed, a clear pattern emerged.

這項研究中的男男女女步入婚姻少則三年，多則二十七年。他們報告的睡眠數(shù)量各不相同——從三個半小時到九個小時不等。每對夫妻都曾兩次造訪實驗室，在那里會有人引導他們談論引發(fā)其婚姻中最嚴重沖突的問題。隨后研究人員會分析他們交流的視頻，利用成熟的評分技術去評估積極和消極的交流，以及具有敵意的和建設性的回應。所有數(shù)據(jù)都被解析以后，一個清晰的圖景浮出水面。

Couples were more likely to be hostile — like the couple fighting about the child’s birthday party — when both partners were functioning on less than seven hours of sleep.

那些男女雙方的睡眠都少于七小時的夫妻——比如因為孩子的生日派對而爭吵的那對夫妻——最有可能相互敵視。

Notably, the couples with more than seven hours of sleep still argued with each other, but the tone of their conflict was different. Consider this couple discussing concerns about spending and budget challenges.

值得注意的是，睡眠多于七小時的夫妻也會有爭執(zhí)，但沖突的氛圍是不同的。且看下面這對憂心于花銷和預算問題的夫妻。

“Do you want to try taking over the budget?”

“你是想要試著接管預算嗎?”

“I can’t. I don’t want to.”

“我做不到。我不想要那樣。”

“I understand.”

“我懂。”

“You’re just being too accepting. You can tell me I’m crazy.”

“你實在是看到什么都覺得好。你可以直接告訴我我瘋了。”

“You’re not crazy.”

“你沒瘋。”

Although the couple had indicated they regularly argued about money issues, getting adequate sleep seemed to give them the patience to approach conflict in a constructive way.

這對夫妻表示，他們常常因為錢的事發(fā)生爭執(zhí)，但充足的睡眠似乎讓他們有耐心以建設性的方式應對沖突。

“It’s not the fact that the couples were disagreeing,” Dr. Kiecolt-Glaser said. “It’s the lack of sleep and the way in which they disagreed.”

“問題不在于夫妻間意見不合，”基科特-格拉澤說，“而在于睡眠不足，以及提出不同意見的方式。”

She continued: “The better functioning couples could do it with humor and kindness but clearly still disagree. The poorer functioning couples could get pretty nasty.”

她還表示：“婚姻運作較好的夫妻可以帶著幽默和善意來提出不同意見，但分歧顯然還是分歧?；橐鲞\作較差的夫妻會表現(xiàn)出十分惡毒的樣子。”

The notion that better sleep makes a better marriage isn’t entirely new. A large body of research suggests that sleep-deprived people are more unpleasant and even hostile in their social interactions than those who get adequate sleep. People tend to use more negative words when they are sleep deprived than on days when they have had a full night’s sleep. A 2010 study found that men were more likely to fight with their wives after a night of disturbed sleep. In a 2014 study, couples who reported poor sleep during a two-week period reported more daily marital conflict than those who got better sleep.

較好的睡眠可以帶來較好的婚姻，這并不是一個全新的理念。有大量的研究顯示，比起睡眠充足的人，睡眠被剝奪的人在社會交往中更不討人喜歡，甚至心懷敵意。比起整晚安睡的日子，人們在睡眠被剝奪的時候往往會使用更負面的詞語。2010年的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，頭天晚上睡眠受到干擾的男人，更容易與妻子吵架。在2014年的一項研究中，自行報告睡眠較差長達兩周的夫妻，所報告的夫妻間日常沖突數(shù)量多于那些睡眠較好的夫妻。

But the Ohio State study went a step further to measure how marital discord combined with sleep deprivation can become toxic to a person’s health. Each partner in the study also gave blood samples, before and after the fight with their spouse. The samples were to measure markers of inflammation, which has been linked with heart disease, cancer and other health problems.

但俄亥俄州立大學的研究更進一步，旨在衡量與睡眠剝奪有關的夫妻失和會如何損害人的健康。此項研究中的每一個人在與其配偶爭吵前和爭吵后都會提交血液樣本。這些樣本被用于測量與心臟病、癌癥以及其他健康問題有關聯(lián)的炎癥標記物。

The study found that when married partners got less sleep, not only were they more likely to have hostile conflicts, but they also had higher levels of inflammatory proteins in their blood after those conflicts. In short, marital discord is more toxic to your body when you haven’t gotten enough sleep.

該項研究顯示，已婚者睡得較少時，不僅更容易跟配偶發(fā)生不愉快的沖突，沖突過后他們血液中炎性蛋白水平也會更高。簡而言之，睡眠不足的時候，夫妻失和會對你的身體造成更嚴重的損害。

“Lack of sleep not only hurts the relationship,” said Dr. Kiecolt-Glaser, the senior author on the study, which was published in May in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology. “It makes relationship conflict harder on the body.”

相關論文已于5月在《神經(jīng)心理內(nèi)分泌學》(Psychoneuroendocrinology)雜志上發(fā)表，身為高級作者的基科特-格拉澤說，“睡眠不足不僅會損害夫妻關系，還會令夫妻間的沖突更嚴重地影響身體健康。”

There was some good news from the study. When one partner got more rest, it was possible to mitigate the impact of sleep deprivation on the other partner. Couples with one rested partner were less likely to engage in hostile exchanges than when both partners were sleep deprived.

這項研究也帶來了一些好消息。夫妻中的一方得到更多休息，有可能減輕睡眠剝奪對另一方的影響。與雙方睡眠均被剝奪的夫妻相比，有一方休息得很好的夫妻進行交流時不那么容易充滿敵意。

“Sleep and conflict worked together to increase inflammation, but both partners’ sleep mattered,” said Stephanie Wilson, the study’s lead author and a postdoctoral fellow at Ohio State. “When one person was rested, it protected the couple from being more nasty to each other.”

“睡眠差和沖突共同推高了炎癥水平，但夫妻雙方的睡眠都很重要，”論文第一作者、俄亥俄州立大學博士后斯蒂芬妮·威爾遜(Stephanie Wilson)說。“一方休息好了，可以避免夫妻倆以更惡毒的態(tài)度對待彼此。”

Sleep problems in a relationship aren’t uncommon. The National Sleep Foundation found that nearly 25 percent of couples sleep in separate beds. Other research shows that having a bed partner affects how much and how well a person sleeps. And when one relationship partner doesn’t sleep well, his or her partner is more likely to report poor health and well-being.

在夫妻關系中，睡眠問題并不罕見。國家睡眠基金會(National Sleep Foundation)發(fā)現(xiàn)，有將近25%的夫妻分床而睡。其他一些研究顯示，與人同床而睡會影響睡眠數(shù)量和質量。此外，當兩口子中的一方睡得不好時，其配偶更有可能報告較差的健康狀況和較低的幸福感。

While the recent study examined only heterosexual married couples, the findings likely are relevant to all couples, including cohabiting couples and gay and lesbian partners. “These are universal relationship processes,” said Dr. Wilson. “Just knowing these effects can happen can help people keep in mind the importance of getting a good night’s sleep and treading carefully with conflict.”

最近的這項研究雖然只針對異性戀夫妻，但其結論可能適用于所有伴侶，其中包括同居伴侶、男同性戀伴侶和女同性戀伴侶。“這些是具有普遍性的關系模式，”威爾遜說。“知道這些影響的存在，有助于讓人記得晚上睡個好覺的重要性，并謹慎地處理沖突。”

The lesson, say the study authors, is that before concluding a relationship is in trouble, couples who regularly experience conflict should take stock not only of the relationship and how they are managing conflict, but also of their sleep habits.

論文作者稱，這項研究告訴我們，常常發(fā)生爭執(zhí)的伴侶在判定一段關系陷入困境之前，不僅應該反思這段關系以及自己處理沖突的方式，還應該審視自己的睡眠習慣。

“Losing sleep here and there and coming across interpersonal tensions in daily life is really common for people,” Dr. Wilson said. “These are small vulnerabilities that may add up. It teaches you the importance of getting rested every night and handling disagreements in a mindful way.”

“在日常生活中，偶爾失眠以及人際關系變緊張其實很常見，”威爾遜說。“這些小問題或許會不斷累積。它讓我們知道了每晚好好休息以及謹慎處理分歧有多重要。”