父親節(jié)談?wù)劗?dāng)父親的喜怒哀樂(lè)

所屬教程:雙語(yǔ)閱讀

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2015年06月23日

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To my husband, my editor, my colleagues, my brother, and my friends who have the good fortune to celebrate Father's Day, congrats. Where would we be without you?

致我的丈夫，我的主編，我的同事們，我的兄弟們，還有我的朋友們，祝你們父親節(jié)快樂(lè)。如果沒(méi)有你們，我們將會(huì)身處何方?

The Toughest Things About Being a Father

為父之怒

1. Receiving cards on your birthday and on Father's Day which, while ostensibly an indication of affection, playfully suggest that you are lazy, cheap, overweight, getting older or going bald. Despite the fact that these are the only items available in major greeting card outlets, your feelings are sometimes hurt, although it is fully expected that you will laugh and say "thanks," anyway. Yet, you can't seem to shake the nagging awareness that their mother has yet to receive a Mother's Day card suggesting that she is fat, cheap, aging or grumpy.

1. 在你們的生日當(dāng)天或父親節(jié)時(shí)收到賀卡，這雖然表面上看起來(lái)是愛(ài)的體現(xiàn)，實(shí)際上卻是以開(kāi)玩笑的口吻暗示著你們很懶惰，很小氣，你們體重超標(biāo)了，你們老了或者是你們的頭發(fā)越來(lái)越稀疏了。盡管商店里只賣這類型的賀卡，你們還是感覺(jué)到有點(diǎn)兒受傷。但無(wú)論如何，孩子們很可能希望你們看到賀卡能開(kāi)懷大笑，或者說(shuō)句“謝謝”。不過(guò)，孩子們的母親在母親節(jié)那天可沒(méi)收到這種卡片，暗示著她們變胖了，變老了，或者是脾氣變暴躁了。對(duì)于這件事，你似乎總是難以釋懷。

2. Having to refrain from making sarcastic remarks when your offspring wish to dye their hair, pierce their eyebrows or tattoo various parts of their person. It is tough not to say "I would have produced a piece of fabric instead of a kid if I knew all the future held in store was a series of tailoring exercises," but you must not say this.

2.當(dāng)孩子們想要染頭發(fā)，穿眉環(huán)或者在身上各個(gè)部位紋身時(shí)，你們得忍住不去挖苦他們。“早知道要孩子以后會(huì)面臨這些立規(guī)修養(yǎng)的活兒還不如花功夫織塊布呢，”這樣的話可能就在嘴邊，但你們必須忍住不說(shuō)出口。

3. Having not to swear in front of children. Even when you find a melted chocolate bar on the front seat of the car. Even when their bedroom windows are open in the middle of February while this year's heating bills are higher than the salary at your first job. Even when they put caffeinated coffee in the coffeemaker without warning you and you spend the day wondering why your hands are tingling and why you have a sudden wish to sprint down the hallway at work. You don't want them to be confused by learning profanity at home rather than from their peers or from television, like the rest of the kids.

3. 不要在孩子面前說(shuō)臟話。即使你發(fā)現(xiàn)車前座上有一塊融化了的巧克力;即使今年暖氣費(fèi)比你第一份工作的薪水還要高而你的孩子卻在寒冬2月開(kāi)著臥室的窗戶;即使孩子們將含咖啡因的咖啡放入了咖啡機(jī)卻沒(méi)有告訴你一聲，導(dǎo)致你的手一整天都顫個(gè)不停，還會(huì)在工作時(shí)產(chǎn)生要在過(guò)道里猛跑一陣的沖動(dòng)。孩子們?cè)诩依飳W(xué)到臟話，而不是像其他孩子一樣從同伴或是電視里學(xué)到，會(huì)對(duì)他們?cè)斐衫_，而你并不想這樣。

4. Always dropping everyone else off at the door of the (choose most frequent option): restaurant, school event, place of worship, mall or party, and then heading off to search for a parking place. The weather can be a factor in all of this, but you will be exposed to the elements because it will be assumed that you will miraculously be less bothered than others by rain, snow, hail or, for that matter, meteor showers. The knowledge that you will later have to head out to locate the car to pick everyone else up when it is done, only to have to wait while they say their extended farewells or find a really cool bargain right near the door and "it will just take a second to buy it, OK?" is not terribly reassuring.

4.你們常常要負(fù)責(zé)將家人送到目的地(請(qǐng)選擇你們最常去的地方)：飯館，學(xué)?；顒?dòng)，做禮拜的地方，購(gòu)物商場(chǎng)或派對(duì)，然后獨(dú)自去找地方停車。這種時(shí)候天氣往往會(huì)是一個(gè)困擾你的因素，但接受這一挑戰(zhàn)的總是你，因?yàn)榧?人總認(rèn)為你們具有非凡的能力，相較其他家庭成員更有能力應(yīng)付大雨，大雪，冰雹甚至是流星雨帶來(lái)的困擾。活動(dòng)結(jié)束后，你們還得先出去取車，把大家接上車，卻發(fā)現(xiàn)你們不得不再等等他們，因?yàn)樗麄兛赡苓€在跟朋友告別，或者是在商場(chǎng)門口發(fā)現(xiàn)很值得買的便宜貨。而他們口中的“我要去買個(gè)東西，再等我一秒鐘好嗎?”通常并不可靠。

The Easiest Things About Being a Father

為父之喜

1. In very few households will you be asked at 7 p.m. the night before it is needed to make a costume depicting authentic dress from the Huron tribe for Native American Awareness Day at school.

1.學(xué)校第二天要舉辦的土著印第安人日活動(dòng)，而前一天晚上7點(diǎn)才要給孩子們準(zhǔn)備一套能夠體現(xiàn)休倫部落傳統(tǒng)服飾的演出服。這種事情多數(shù)家庭都不會(huì)讓爸爸來(lái)做。

2. You can make up wholly fictional explanations and rationales for life, explain them in your best authoritative "Dad" voice, and have them be believed, at least briefly. For example, "Those speed bumps are put in front of tollbooth plazas so that hard-of-seeing drivers will have more time to find exact change," is one I was exposed to at a tender time of life. I believed it. It took me years to figure out why everyone else was laughing.

2. 你們可以用最擅長(zhǎng)的“父親”的權(quán)威口吻編造關(guān)于人生的理論，然后讓孩子相信你們，至少是暫時(shí)信服。拿我來(lái)說(shuō)吧，當(dāng)我還年少無(wú)知時(shí)，我常常聽(tīng)說(shuō)“收費(fèi)站前設(shè) 有減速帶是為了讓那些眼神不好的司機(jī)有多點(diǎn)時(shí)間找零錢”。我相信了。很多年之后，我才明白為什么大家聽(tīng)到這個(gè)說(shuō)法會(huì)哈哈大笑。

3. You will be told in a casual manner about some of the most momentous events in your children's lives only AFTER they have been resolved. "I told Joshua that I would save up money and go hitchhiking with him in Turkey for the summer even though I have to retake geometry because I didn't quite pass it, but Josh was grounded for having his hair dyed, getting his eyebrow pierced and getting a tattoo. I'm REALLY glad I don't have a restrictive dad like his."

3.對(duì)于孩子們生活中的大事，他們通常會(huì)在自己解決完之后再以隨意的口吻知會(huì)你。“我曾告訴約書亞雖然我沒(méi)通過(guò)幾何考試，得重修，但我還是會(huì)攢錢，在今年暑假和他一起搭車去土耳其。不過(guò)喬希因染發(fā)，穿眉環(huán)和刺青而被禁足了。我真的很慶幸我的父親沒(méi)那么嚴(yán)格。”

The Worst Parts About Being a Father

為父之哀

1. Phone calls from your kids in the middle of the night.

1.孩子們可能會(huì)半夜給你打電話。

2. Not feeling like you can say the heartbreakingly tender things to your kids you would like to say because you feel shy, or you're afraid they'd be embarrassed, or because you feel embarrassed or because your father never said stuff like that and you don't know how. The last reason is wholly unacceptable and indicates a need for serious emotional review, but all the other excuses are in fact the very BEST reasons to say the generous things you need to say and they need to hear.

2. 你感覺(jué)沒(méi)法對(duì)孩子們說(shuō)溫柔感人的話。這也許是因?yàn)槟阌X(jué)得害羞，或者你擔(dān)心孩子們會(huì)尷尬，或者你擔(dān)心自己會(huì)尷尬，或者是因?yàn)槟愕母赣H從未對(duì)你說(shuō)過(guò)這樣的話所以你不知道該怎么對(duì)你的孩子表達(dá)。最后一個(gè)理由是完全無(wú)法讓人接受的，也暗示著你需要進(jìn)行深刻的情感反省。而事實(shí)上，其余的理由恰好是你該對(duì)你的孩子們說(shuō) 這些溫柔的話語(yǔ)的理由，同時(shí)也是他們需要聽(tīng)這些話的理由。

The Best Part About Being a Father

為父之樂(lè)