老外在中國(guó)：記一次北京公交車(chē)上的歷險(xiǎn)

Venturing out to tourist sites during a holiday can be risky business. You can be stuck for hours in traffic or, worse, get trampled.

選擇節(jié)假日去景點(diǎn)是件冒險(xiǎn)的事。趕上交通不暢，能堵好幾個(gè)小時(shí)，更為糟糕的是，你還可能被踩到。

I won’t forget one visit I made to the Great Wall. The human horde inching along the parapet would have made a canned sardine grateful for his spacious quarters.

我忘不了之前有一回去長(zhǎng)城，人流沿著城墻一寸一寸向前移動(dòng)。那景象連罐子里的沙丁魚(yú)看了都會(huì)感恩。相比之下，它們的空間畢竟還算寬敞。

And so it was with some trepidation last week that my wife and I hopped onto the subway and headed off to the Beijing Botanical Garden. On the bus from the station to the garden’s gate, I stoically refused to think about what we were about to face.

正因如此，上周我和妻子擠上地鐵去往北京植物園的時(shí)候，心里還有點(diǎn)惴惴不安。從地鐵站開(kāi)往植物園門(mén)口的那段公交上，我刻意不想接下來(lái)可能會(huì)面對(duì)什么。

Surprise! The crowd inside was moderate, the skies were blue and many flowers were still in bloom. It was perfect. When the warm autumn day settled to dusk, it was time to board a bus for the return trip.

出乎意料!園中的游客數(shù)量只是中等不是很多，天空湛藍(lán)，簇簇鮮花仍在綻放。一切堪稱(chēng)完美。等到和暖的秋光開(kāi)始轉(zhuǎn)暗，我們就該坐公交返程了。

This is where things got interesting.

而事情從此刻變得有點(diǎn)意思。

Everybody seemed to be leaving at once, and virtually every bus was crammed with people. Few stopped, and even the ones that did were hopelessly jammed.

這時(shí)候，似乎每個(gè)人都開(kāi)始離開(kāi)園區(qū)，只見(jiàn)每輛公交都差不多塞滿(mǎn)了乘客。沒(méi)有幾輛會(huì)靠站停車(chē)，而且即便停下，車(chē)?yán)镆惨褦D得下不去腳。

Eventually, we managed to edge our way aboard a bus that was packed, bow to stern, but had a few cubic centimeters of breathable air. Somehow I ended up standing behind the driver, shoved there helpfully by the mass of bodies behind me.

后來(lái)，我們終于擠上了一輛從車(chē)頭到車(chē)尾都塞滿(mǎn)了乘客的公交。不過(guò)這輛車(chē)倒還有那么一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)喘氣的空間。不知怎么，最終我被身后的人群推搡著挪到了司機(jī)身后的位置。

I envied the sardine.

我不禁羨慕起沙丁魚(yú)。

Well, at least we’re the last passengers, I thought. Silly me.

不論怎樣，我們這最后一批乘客總歸搭上了公交。誰(shuí)知，我想的太簡(jiǎn)單了。

The driver stopped again, and yet more people shouldered in — I don’t know how. They flowed into the slimmest of spaces. Everyone aboard shifted to the rear and tried to become thinner. At the next stop, this routine was repeated, and two or three more passengers got in. People compressed themselves ever more tightly down the center aisle as the driver shouted instructions.

司機(jī)再次停車(chē)，更多的人摩肩接踵地?cái)D了進(jìn)來(lái)——真不知他們是如何做到的。他們見(jiàn)縫插針填進(jìn)了空檔。所有人都向后方挪動(dòng)，并極力讓自己變得纖細(xì)些。等車(chē)開(kāi)到下一站，同樣的情形再度上演，又有兩三個(gè)人上了車(chē)。按照司機(jī)喊出的指示，位于中間過(guò)道的人們把自己一縮再縮。

There were now 19 (!) people stuffed into the stairwell next to the driver. If you could have seen it from the outside, faces would have been plastered comically against the glass. Now it was clearly impossible to take on another passenger.

此時(shí)，司機(jī)旁邊的車(chē)門(mén)臺(tái)階區(qū)域塞了19個(gè)人!如果你從車(chē)外向里看，定能看見(jiàn)人們的面容滑稽地貼到了窗玻璃上。顯然，車(chē)?yán)镌僖膊豢赡芗拥眠M(jìn)人了。

Silly me.

事情可沒(méi)有那么簡(jiǎn)單。

At the next stop a woman beat on the door, shrieking at the driver. Unbelievably, he opened it! She would not be denied. After several minutes of shouting and jostling, a couple of men winched the woman onto the step but couldn’t close the door. Finally, they forcibly pulled the doors shut around her. As the glass bulged outward, I worried the whole bus might explode like an overinflated balloon.

接下來(lái)一站，一位女士猛敲車(chē)門(mén)，沖著司機(jī)大喊大叫。簡(jiǎn)直叫人難以置信，司機(jī)竟打開(kāi)了車(chē)門(mén)!女士并沒(méi)有遭到拒絕。幾分鐘的吵嚷推搡，兩位男士費(fèi)盡氣力將女士拉上了臺(tái)階，可車(chē)門(mén)卻關(guān)不上了。最后，大家一起強(qiáng)推她身旁的兩扇車(chē)門(mén)，才終于合上。看到車(chē)窗玻璃向外鼓起，我擔(dān)心整輛車(chē)會(huì)像充氣過(guò)多的氣球一樣發(fā)生爆炸。

Proceeding to the subway station, the driver took the corners gingerly. The vehicle swayed, its high center of gravity threatening a rollover. But it stayed up.

公交車(chē)一路開(kāi)往地鐵站，司機(jī)拐彎時(shí)開(kāi)得小心翼翼。車(chē)廂有些搖晃，強(qiáng)大的離心力似乎要將車(chē)身掀翻，但還是穩(wěn)住了。

When, thankfully, we stepped off, I was irritated. I told my Chinese wife that overloading a bus like that created a public safety hazard. She upbraided me gently.

謝天謝地我們下車(chē)了，這時(shí)我有點(diǎn)憤怒。我告訴自己的中國(guó)媳婦，公交車(chē)超載這么多人會(huì)給公共安全帶來(lái)隱患。她溫和地反駁了我。

“This is normal in China,” she said sweetly. “There are a lot of people here. He is a good driver, trying to help as many people as he can.”

“在中國(guó)這是正常的，”她和氣地說(shuō)道。“有這么多人要坐公交。司機(jī)師傅車(chē)技過(guò)硬，自然希望能盡力幫助更多的人。”

When I continued my protest, she resorted to her wife voice: “If you don’t like it, go back to your own country.”

我繼續(xù)向她抗議，但妻子拿出了家里領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的口吻：“如果你受不了，就回你自己的國(guó)家吧。”

Ohh-kayy. End of discussion. I know when I’m beaten.

哦，好吧，談話(huà)到此結(jié)束。我知道自己輸了。