The One With the Butt
[Scene: A Theater, the gang is in the audience wating for a play of Joey's to start.]
Rachel: (reading the program) Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!
Chandler: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...
Phoebe: The exclamation point in the title scares me. (Gesturing) Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!
(The lights dim.)
Ross: Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen.
(The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.)
Joey: Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. (He goes into a song and dance number.)
All you want is a dingle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang...
Opening Credits
[Scene: The Theater, the play has ended and everyone is applauding. As soon as the cast leaves, the gang all groan and sit down heavily.]
Rachel: God. I feel violated.
Monica: Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?
Chandler: (staring at a woman across the room) Ross, ten o'clock.
Ross: Is it? Feels like two.
Chandler: No, ten o'clock.
Ross: What?
Chandler: (sighs and gestures to explain) There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!
Ross: Oh. Hel-lo!
Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!
Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'
Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!
Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.
Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.
Chandler: Thank you, buddy.
Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.
Monica: You could do that!
Chandler: Y'think?
All: Yeah!
Chandler: Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue...
Ross: C'mon! C'mon!
Chandler: Here goes. (He walks over to her but just stands there.)
Aurora: ...Yes?
Chandler: Hi.... um... okay, next word... would be... Chandler! Chandler is my name, and, uh...(He clears his throat noisily)...hi.
Aurora: Yes, you said that.
Chandler: Yes, yes I did, but what I didn't say was what I was about to say, what I wanted to say was, uh... would you like to go out with me sometime, thankyou, goodnight. (He walks back to the others but she calls him back.)
Aurora: Chandler?
(Joey enters from behind a curtain. The others all talk at once.)
All: Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey: Whadja think?
(Pause)
All: ...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!
Joey: C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head.
All: (admitting) Saw your head. Saw your head.
Chandler: (running back) She said yes!! She said yes!! (To Joey) Awful play, man. Whoah. (To All) Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you. (He fishes a card out of his pocket.)
Rachel: What is it?
Joey: The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!
Phoebe: Based on this play? ...Based on this play!
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey, kids.
All: Hey.
Phoebe: (reading Monica's palm) No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line.
Chandler: Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went.
Monica: Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'?
Chandler: It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army...
(A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.)
Aurora: ...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories.
Chandler: Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it.
Chandler: We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less.
Aurora: ...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?
Aurora: 'We' would be me and Rick.
Joey: Who's Rick?
Chandler: Who's Rick?
Aurora: My husband.
All: Ooooohhh.
Chandler: Oh, so you're divorced?
Aurora: No.
Chandler: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?
Aurora: No, I'm still married.
Chandler: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?
Aurora: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's okay with Ethan.
Chandler: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?
Aurora: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.
All: What?!
Chandler: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?
Aurora: I suppose mainly sexual.
Chandler: ...Hm.
Monica: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out.
Chandler: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?
Monica: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
Ross: No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
Monica: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else?
Joey: I couldn't do it.
Monica: Good for you, Joey.
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.
Ross: Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking-
(They all pretend to fall asleep.)
Ross: Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know.
Monica: We're kidding. C'mon, tell us!
All: Yeah! C'mon!
Ross: Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-
(They all fall asleep again.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.]
Rachel: Tah-daaah!
Chandler: Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that.
Rachel: Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for.
Ross: Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask.
Rachel: Well, whaddya think?
All: Very clean! It looks great! Terrific!
Monica: ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman.
All: Uh-oh...
Monica: How-how did that happen?
Rachel: I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table.
Monica: Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while.
Phoebe: (to Rachel) I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman.
Chandler: Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out.
Monica: You guys, I am not that bad!
Phoebe: Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, (psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
Monica: That is so unfair!
Ross: Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!
Monica: Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook.
Ross: Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away.
Monica: Why not?
Ross: Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice.
Monica: I could do that.
Rachel: Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout.
Monica: Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder.
Chandler: Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood...
Monica: STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I?
Ross: Monica? You're Mom.
(Monica gasps.)
Phoebe: Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!
(Joey enters and he's on the phone.)
Joey: (on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!
All: Oh my God! Whoah!
Monica: Well, what's the part?
Joey: Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!"
Phoebe: Seriously, what-what's the part?
Joey: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"
Ross: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?
Joey: ...I'm his (mumbles)
Rachel: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what?
Joey: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.
Monica: (trying not to laugh) Oh my God.
Joey: C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!
Chandler: Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into showbusiness.
Joey: Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!
Ross: You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Monica is getting the door.]
Monica: Alright, alright, alright...
(Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.)
Joey: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer.
Monica: For what?
Joey: Whaddya think? Today's the big day!
Monica: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.
Joey: Thank you! (He goes into the bathroom.)
(Chandler enters with the phone.)
Chandler: Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone.
Monica: He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there!
Chandler: C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!
Monica: I warned you...
(Rachel enters from her room.)
Rachel: Who is being loud?
Chandler: Oh, that would be Monica. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast.
Monica: Oh, you got the whole night, huh?
Chandler: Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know.. (He starts to raid the fridge.)
Rachel: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment?
Chandler: No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Monica, can you help me with the door? (He has armloads of stuff.)
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that.
(She opens the door and he leaves.)
[Scene: A Film Set, Joey is entering for his scene.]
Director: (on phone)...Dammit, hire the girl! (He hangs up the phone.) Okay, everybody ready?
Joey: Uh, listen, I just wanna thank you for this great opportunity.
Director: Lose the robe.
Joey: Me?
Director: That would work.
Joey: Right. Okay. Losing the robe. (He takes off the robe.) And the robe is lost.
Director: Okay, everybody, we'd like to get this in one take, please. Let's roll it.. water's working (The shower starts).. and... action.
(Joey starts to the shower with a grim, determined look on his face.)
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
Joey: Well, I'm- I'm showering.
Director: No, that was clenching.
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.
Director: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action....and cut. What was that?
Joey: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask...
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Aurora and Chandler are in bed in Chandler's room.]
Chandler: God, I love these fingers...
Aurora: Thank you.
Chandler: No, actually I meant my fingers. Look at 'em, look at how happy they are.
Aurora: (moves Chandler's arm and look at his watch.) Oh my God, I'm late. (She starts to get up.)
Chandler: Oh no nonononononnononono, don't go.. (He kisses her and pulls her back down.)
Aurora: Okay.
Chandler: Don't go.
Aurora: Okay. Oh no, I have to.
Chandler: (to himself) Too bad, she's leaving.
Aurora: (getting up and dressing) I'm sorry. He'll be waiting for me.
Chandler: Well, I thought- I thought you talked to Rick.
Aurora: It's not Rick.
Chandler: What, Ethan? He got to spend the whole day with you!
Aurora: No, it's-it's Andrew.
Chandler: I know there'll be many moments in the years to come when I'll regret asking the following question, but- And Andrew is?
Aurora: He's... new.
Chandler: Oh, so what you're saying is you're not completely fulfilled by Rick, Ethan and myself?
Aurora: No, that's not exactly what I was..
Chandler: Well, y'know, most women would kill for three guys like us.
Aurora: So what do you want?
Chandler: You.
Aurora: You have me!
Chandler: Nono, just you.
Aurora: Whaddyou mean?
Chandler: Lose the other guys.
Aurora: ...Like, ...all of them?
Chandler: C'mon, we're great together, why not?
Aurora: Why can't we just have what we have now? Why can't we just talk, and laugh, and make love, without feeling obligated to one another... and up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too.
Chandler: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'
Aurora: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to?
Chandler: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...
Aurora: Which one?
Chandler: ...The second guy.
Aurora: (gets up to leave) Well, call me if you change your mind.
(She kisses him, he holds her, and kisses her passionately.)
Chandler: Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.
(She leaves, Chandler sighs, and falls back on his bed.)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler. Joey is absent.]
Ross: Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I mean, this woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable... Tell me why you did this again?
(Joey enters.)
All: Hey!
Monica: Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?
Joey: Nope.
Ross: No? What happened, big guy?
Chandler: (to Ross) "Big guy?"
Ross: It felt like a 'big guy' moment.
Joey: I got fired.
All: Oh!
Joey: Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and...
Rachel: Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell.
Joey: My mom will.
Chandler: Something so sweet and...disturbing about that.
Joey: Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!
Monica: Maybe this wasn't your shot.
Ross: Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..?
Joey: Hard to tell, I was naked.
Phoebe: No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'.
Joey: Yeah? That's so nice! (They hug.)
(Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.)
Monica: I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys.
All: Night.
Rachel: Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out here?
Monica: (determined) Uh-huh!
Rachel: Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner?
Monica: Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not. Whenever. (He goes to her room.)
Ross: She is a kook.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica's Bedroom, she's lying in bed wide awake.]
Monica: (hums for a while, then gives up, and in her head) If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the shoes. No. Don't do this. This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything, I'm gonna go get them...But then everyone will know. Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! ...I need help! (She buries her head in her pillow.)
End
你們看,是喬伊的照片
真是令人興奮
你總是能看見從未在自己作品中出現(xiàn)的某人
注意強,無畏無懼
就算死到臨頭也不自覺
標題上的驚嘆號令我窖十自
這不只是弗羅伊德而是弗羅伊德
安靜,奇跡就要出現(xiàn)
伊娃,你今天的表現(xiàn)不錯
我得說你的問題相當清楚
我感覺自己受到冒犯了
還有其它人感覺只想剝自己的皮
如果他們還有其它事可做?
羅斯,十點鐘
是嗎?感覺像是兩點
不,十點鐘
什么?
一位美女在8,9,10點鐘方向
她簡直就是仙女下凡
她讓我的夢中情人變得有如矮胖的禿子
過去啊,她旁邊沒人
對,我該用什么開場白?
拜托,她只是個人,你罩得住
請告訴我,我配得上她嗎?
羅斯,幫我壯壯膽
他這副德行一輩子都別想把到這種美女
謝了,老兄
但這種美女,身邊總是跟著蹩腳貨
你也可以成為其中之
沒錯,你能辦到
沒錯,你能辦到
沒想到我竟有這種念頭
我一向謹言慎行快去
我上了
有事嗎?
下個字是…德錢
我叫德錢
我知道,你說過對,我說過
但我沒說我想說...
愿意與我約會嗎?謝謝,晚安
錢德
他出來了
想不到你會跳舞
你演戲了
你刮掉胡子了
感覺如何?
想不到你會跳舞你演戲了
想不到你會跳舞你演戲了
拜托,沒那么糟吧
我是主角
這總此我在輪唱中出現(xiàn)好
至少你們可以看見我的頭
對沒錯,我們有看見你的頭
她答應(yīng)了…
好爛的戲
她叫亞蘿拉,來自義大利
她叫我”錢德”
我喜歡她這樣稱呼我
領(lǐng)座員要我把它交給你
領(lǐng)座員要我把它交給你
經(jīng)紀公司拿名片給我或許他們想和我簽約
因這場戲?
不,因為這是感情線而這一條只是普通線
我無法相信我坐在這兒七秒鐘
竟沒人問我的約會如何?
你的約會如何,錢德?
真是令人難以置信
我沒見過像她那樣的人
她的生活真是太令人稱羨了
她穿過以色列陣地
幸好子彈沒打中引擎
我們才能越過邊界真是有驚無險
我整晚都在談我自己,抱歉
你呢?說來聽聽嘛
有一回晚上我搭地鐵到布魯克林區(qū)
然后活著回來
我們一直談到兩點
那真是個美好的夜晚
可以這么說
突然我們發(fā)現(xiàn)自己身在葉門
突然我們發(fā)現(xiàn)自己身在葉門
我和瑞克
瑞克是誰?
我丈夫
這么說你們已經(jīng)離婚
沒有
對不起,這么說你是寡婦?希望如此
不,我們還是夫妻
告訴我你丈夫做何感想?
你坐在我身旁腳伸到我大腿足以數(shù)我口袋里的零錢?
別擔心,我想他會接受的
因為他也接受伊森這么做
伊森?有伊森這號人物?
伊森是我的男友
什么?
告訴我你期待我們之間會有什么關(guān)系
既然你已有丈夫和男友
大概是性關(guān)系吧
真是遺憾,你們吹了
什么吹了?周四我還要和她約會
難道你沒聽懂?
難道你沒聽懂?這太離譜了
你怎能和這種女人交往?
開始我也無法接受
但后來我想此事百益而無一害
只有談天說笑和做愛
不用負任何責(zé)任
這是每個男人的夢想
是嗎?未必吧羅斯,這是你的夢想嗎?
當然不是
沒錯,是
你們男生不介意和已有對象的女人交往?
我辦不到
干得好,喬伊
和女人交往時我必須確定
我交往的對象此她多
夫一妻值得商榷
就人類學(xué)的觀點而言…
行…這是你們的損失
逗你的,告訴我們吧快說,我們想知道
好吧理查德李奇提出這樣的理論…
現(xiàn)在都這樣打招呼嗎?我喜歡
瞧,我大掃除了
我擦窗戶,拖地板
我甚至還用了吸塵器上的所有裝置
除了圓形有鬃毛那個之外
因為我不知道用途為何
沒人知道,我們也不該問
沒人知道,我們也不該問
你移動了墊椅
怎么會呢?
我不知道我以為擺那兒會更好看
咖啡桌旁就多了一個座位
這倒有意思
這樣好了,只是好玩
我們看它在原來位置的感覺如何
只是做個比較
放那兒也不錯
就擺那兒一陣子吧
我無法相信你竟敢搬動墊椅
幸好你沒攤開雜志否則她鐵定會挖出你的眼睛
各位,我沒那么兇吧你就那么兇
記得我們住在一起時嗎?
你就像個…
這太不公平了
拜托,我們小時候你的”破娃娃”是唯一不破的
我有責(zé)任感有組織性
可是我也能很懶散
好吧,懶女人,想象這個情況
電話單來但你不立刻去交錢
為什么?因為你是個大懶人
直拖到他們寄催繳通知單來
我可以辦到
你讓我去買日常用品
我買了洗衣粉伱揮屑蛞椎牡箍
有人會那樣做嗎?
有人會想…
有人在咖啡桌上留下杯子
桌上沒有墊子,那是一杯冷飲
小水珠逐漸逼近桌面…夠了
天啊,沒錯,我到是誰?
摩妮卡,天生的媽媽
天啊,好,我會去的
我的經(jīng)紀人打來的
他安排我在艾爾帕西諾的新片中演比
太棒了…
太棒了…
演什么角色?你們能相信嗎?是艾爾帕西諾
我就是喜歡他才立志要當演員
我失控,你也失控
這整個法庭都失控了
言歸正傳,什么角色?
當我認為已出局時他們卻又將我拉回
快老實說,什么角色?
你是…什么?
我是他臀部的替身
我演艾爾帕西諾的臀部
他走進浴室
然后我就是他的屁股
然后我就是他的屁股
這是一部艾爾帕西諾主演大制作的電影
別誤會,這真是太棒了
這是你應(yīng)得的這是你多年努力的成果
你終于能登上大銀幕
行,笑吧,我不在乎
這是我千載難逢的機會
沒錯,你準備邀請我們參加你的首映會嗎?
雷
我得向你借些保濕乳液
你認為呢?
今天可是我的大日子
好吧,進浴室要用什么自己拿
只是別告訴我你在里面干什么
謝謝
喬伊在哪兒?他媽打電話來
他在浴室里,你最好別進去
拜托,我們是室友
拜托,我們是室友
我警告過你
誰在大吼大叫
定是摩妮卡
我能借點東西嗎?亞蘿拉昨晚在這兒過夜
我想為她做早點她陪你一夜?
沒錯,我們只剩20分鐘
因為伊森…難道你后悔了?
當然不后悔
相信我,絕對值得
在你交往的過程中
有多少重要的時刻會讓你懷念一輩子?
與亞蘿拉相處的每一秒都是
而我已浪費35秒和你們說話
摩妮卡請幫我開門當然
錢德,老摩妮卡會提醒你用塑膠刷刷鐵弗龍鍋
但我不會那么做的
門把,可惡
請個女人算了
大家準備好沒?
我只是想感謝你給我這個機會
我只是想感謝你給我這個機會
這樣才能演
好,我正解開浴袍
浴袍已解開
各位,我想一次解決
來吧,放水
開始
開始
屁股男,你在干什么?
我在洗澡
不,你在擠屁股
我認為他很沮喪
他的太太死了,弟弟失蹤了
我想他的屁股一定很憤怒
我想他的屁股會想在午餐前殺青
再來一次
開機
放水
開始
開始
你又在干什么?
我要表現(xiàn)出絕望
但如果你想問
天啊,我愛這些手指謝謝
不,我是指我的手指
你瞧它們多開心
天啊,我來不及了
抱歉,他在等我了
我以為你瑞克談過
不是瑞克什么?是伊森?
他要陪你一整天
不是他,是安德魯
我知道我會后悔問你這個問題
安德魯是誰?
新歡
你是說瑞克,伊森和我三人還不能滿足你?
我以前不是這種人
我們?nèi)瞬恢运蓝嗌倥?br />
你想要什么?
你想要什么?
你已擁有我
不,只是你
什么意思?
甩掉其它人
他們?nèi)?
我們這樣不是很快樂嗎?為什么不行?
我們?yōu)楹尾荒芗皶r行樂?
為何不能只是
彼此沒有任何負擔?
今晚之前我以為這也是你想要的
部分的我想要
但我就像是雙面人
個說”閉嘴,及時行樂”
還有另一個
他每回都挺身而出仗義直言
他說”這太丑陋了,快脫身”
你聽哪一個的話?
我不知道,兩人的話我得都聽
他們爭執(zhí)不休
哪一個?
第二個
好吧,改變主意后再打電話給我吧
抱歉,第一個動口
這樣想吧,你把她甩了
這女人性感,美麗聰明而且遙不可及
再告訴我一次你為何這么做
電影明星他回來了
等等,你不是在艾爾帕西諾新片中演屁股的那個?
不是
不是?怎么了,大個兒?
大個兒?
感覺就像”大個兒”時刻
我被開除了
沒錯,他們說我太投入了
我到處宣揚現(xiàn)在大家都想到戲院看我演…
喬伊,沒人會認出來的
我媽就認得出來
真是令人感動又嘔心
六年來我除了演些爛角色夕一事無成
如今機會來了我竟將它搞砸
等等,或許這不是你的機會
機會是否來臨自己最清楚
你感覺這是你的機會嗎?
很難分辨,我當時全身赤裸
我不認為這是你唯一的機會
你的機會不會只有一個
我相信大好機會就降臨到你身上
你必須想著將來有個小伙子跑到朋友面前說
我被錄取了…
我要演喬伊的屁股
你真好
真遺憾,喬伊
各位,我要去睡了
晚安,
摩,你要把鞋子留在這兒?
真的?就這樣亂丟?
無所謂
我明天再拿或者算了
隨便
她真懶散
既然這么困擾,就快去拿吧
不,千萬別去,太愚蠢了
我無須證明什么,我要去拿
但如此一來他們都會知道
除非我去拿然后早起放回去