雙語(yǔ)散文|巴 金——夢(mèng)
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夢(mèng)
據(jù)說(shuō)“至人無(wú)夢(mèng)”。幸而我只是一個(gè)平庸的人。我有我的夢(mèng)中世界，在那里我常常見(jiàn)到你。
昨夜又見(jiàn)到你那慈祥的笑顏了。
還是在我們那個(gè)老家，在你的房間里，在我的房間里，你親切地對(duì)我講話。你笑，我也笑。
還是成都的那些舊街道，我跟著你一步一步地走過(guò)平坦的石板路，我望著你的背影，心里安慰地想：父親還很康健呢。一種幸福的感覺(jué)使我的全身發(fā)熱了。
我那時(shí)不會(huì)知道我是在夢(mèng)中，也忘記了二十五年來(lái)的艱苦日子。
在戲園里，我坐在你旁邊，看臺(tái)上的武戲，你還詳細(xì)地給我解釋劇中的情節(jié)。
我變成二十幾年前的孩子了。我高興，我沒(méi)有掛慮地微笑，我不加思索地隨口講話。我想不到我在很短的時(shí)間以后就會(huì)失掉你，失掉這一切。
然而睜開(kāi)眼睛，我只是一個(gè)人，四周就只有滴滴的雨聲。房里是一片黑暗。
沒(méi)有笑，沒(méi)有話語(yǔ)。只有雨聲：滴——滴——滴。
我用力把眼睛睜大，我撩開(kāi)蚊帳，我在漆黑的空間中找尋你的影子。
但是從兩扇開(kāi)著的小窗，慢慢地透進(jìn)來(lái)灰白色的亮光，使我的眼睛看見(jiàn)了這個(gè)空闊的房間。
沒(méi)有你，沒(méi)有你的微笑。有的是寂寞、單調(diào)。雨一直滴——滴地下著。
我喚你，沒(méi)有回應(yīng)。我側(cè)耳傾聽(tīng)，沒(méi)有腳聲。我靜下來(lái)，我的心怦怦地跳動(dòng)。我聽(tīng)得見(jiàn)自己的心的聲音。
我的心在走路，它慢慢地走過(guò)了二十五年，一直到這個(gè)夜晚。
我于是閉了嘴，我知道你不會(huì)再站到我的面前。二十五年前我失掉了你。我從無(wú)父的孩子已經(jīng)長(zhǎng)成一個(gè)中年人了。
雨聲繼續(xù)著。長(zhǎng)夜在滴滴聲中進(jìn)行。我的心感到無(wú)比的寂寞。怎么，是屋漏么？我的臉頰濕了。
小時(shí)候我有一個(gè)愿望：我愿在你的庇蔭下做一世的孩子?，F(xiàn)在只有讓夢(mèng)來(lái)滿足這個(gè)愿望了。
至少在夢(mèng)里，我可以見(jiàn)到你，我高興，我沒(méi)有掛慮地微笑，我不加思索地隨口講話。
為了這個(gè)，我應(yīng)該感謝夢(mèng)。
Dreams
It is said that "a virtuous man seldom dreams". Fortunately, I am but an ordinary man.I dream my own dreams, in which I often meet you.
Last night I again saw your kindly smiling face.
It was the same old home of ours. You talked to me cordially now in your room, now in my room. You smiled and I also smiled.
It was the same old streets of Chengdu. I followed you step by step on the smooth flagstones. Looking at you from behind, I inwardly consoled myself with the thought that father was still hale and hearty. A sensation of blissfulness warmed me up all over.
I was unaware that I was in a dream. I also forgot the hardships I had gone through during the past 25 years.
While I sat beside you inside a theater watching the fighting scenes of a Peking opera, you explained its story to me in great detail.
I was again the small kid of 25 years before. I was joyful, I smiled naive smiles, I chattered away freely. I did not have the slightest inkling that you together with everything else would in a moment vanish out of sight.
When I opened my eyes, I found that I was all by myself and nothing was heard except the pit-a-pat of rain drops.
No more smile, no more chitchat. Only the drip drip drip of rain.
Forcing my eyes to open wider and drawing aside the mosquito net, I began to search for you in the pitch darkness.
A greyish light, nevertheless, edged in through two small windows to enable me to see the spacious room.
You and your smile were no more. Only loneliness and monotony remained. The rain kept pitter-pattering.
I called to you, but no response. I listened attentively, but heard no footsteps. I quieted down, my heart beating hard. I could hear its thumping.
My heart had been tramping along all the time. Up to now, it had been on its slow journey for 25 years.
Thereupon I kept my mouth shut. I knew you would never appear standing before me. I had lost you 25 years before. Since then, I had grown from a fatherless child into a middle-aged man.
The rain continued to fall. The long night wore on amidst its dripping sound. I was seized with acute loneliness. Well, was the roof leaking? Or was it my tears that had wetted my cheeks?
When I was young, I wished I could remain a kid forever under your wing. Now I can fulfil this wish only in my dreams.
There in a dream, I can at least come face to face with you. I can be happy, I can smile naive smiles, I can chatter away freely.
For all this, I should be thankful to my dreams.
《夢(mèng)》是巴金寫(xiě)于1941年8月3日的一篇優(yōu)美散文，后編入他的散文集《龍·虎·狗》中。
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