GRE作文 ETS官方Issue主題范文(六)

Everyone's life is different, with our own experinces and thoughts to motivate us, and no matter who we are, some of the simplest things can bring great achievements in our lives.

COMMENTARY

This is a limited response; it does not adequately analyze the issue.  The essay is primarily concerned with discussing the writer's own personal enjoyment of commonplace things.  As such it never fully engages the topic's central issue -- the quality of the ideas that come from those commonplace things.  Early in the response, the writer makes the following observation: "I always found that the things I decorated my life with abundantly, were the things I treasured most."  This is typical of the simplistic analysis that characterizes this essay.

At the end of the first paragraph, the writer does make some hesitant steps toward a discussion of the ideas that might come from these everyday experiences, mentioning that "in my field of dietetics many would be amazed to find that the food we eat could kill us or help us from disease."  This insight is not adequately developed, however, and, in the second paragraph, the writer returns to a discussion of the idea that one must enjoy the little things in life.  In short, the essay is limited in its development, revealing only a partial understanding of the topic's assertion.

In general, the essay displays control of standard written English.  There is not much syntactic variety, but neither are there profound errors.  The essay received the score of 3 because its analysis is simplistic and vague, and its development is limited.

SAMPLE-5 (score 2)

The thought of a passion

In reading such a passage as the one given to me as an assignment I can't help but think of an analogy that entered my mind.  It is my enduring interest in the field of multimedia.  I say this because of the ideas in which I cultivate as an artist of many media materials such as paints, film, computer animated software, etc.  Being an expressionist I take in my surroundings and personal experiences from commonplaces and things and tell a story from my perspective using the various tools whether it be computer aided or hand drawn.  My ideas come from people or things because it tells a story.  The story can be abstract, little, big, or even strange.  To record stories like these may spark ideas that may come to me in a domino effect.  It's beautiful] I shared this with you to conclude that sometimes even common things such as a pencil and an empty page can spelllout your fate and unlimited possibilities when you have a passion or an interest that drives your hunger for innovation.

COMMENTARY

This essay is seriously flawed in its analysis of the issue.  The writer attempts to address the topic by focusing on his or her interest in "multimedia" art.  Yet, while isolated words and phrases from the topic appear throughout the essay, the essay never clearly states a position on the issue.  For example, in a discussion of multimedia art, the writer makes the following observation: "Being an expressionist I take in my surroundings and personal experiences from commonplaces and things and tell a story from my perspective using the various tools whether it be computer aided or hand drawn."  The essay circles around the issue, without ever really engaging it.

The essay is also marked by serious flaws in language use: inaccurate word choice ("and tell a story from my perspective using the various tools whether it be computer aided or hand drawn."), unclear pronoun reference ("My ideas come from people or things because it tells a story"), and, in general, a debilitating lack of clarity and precision.  These errors frequently interfere with meaning, a characteristic of many essays scored 2.