GRE寫作范文學(xué)習(xí)：顧客購(gòu)物
"Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
【滿分范文賞析】
The author argues that Happy Pancake House (HPH) customers are unable to distinguish between butter and margarine or they do not care that they are being served margarine instead of butter. To support the argument, the speaker points out that the HPH's southwestern restaurants, which now serve margarine instead of butter, only received a total of 2% consumer complaints. The author indicates that reports from servers show customers asking for butter have not complained when given margarine instead. This argument is unconvincing for several reasons.
【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本文采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument開頭段結(jié)構(gòu)，即C—A—F的開頭結(jié)構(gòu)。本段首先概括原文的Conclusion，之后簡(jiǎn)要提及原文為支持其結(jié)論所引用的一系列Assumption及細(xì)節(jié)，最后給出開頭段到正文段的過(guò)渡句，指出原文的Flaw，即這些Assumption無(wú)法讓原文的結(jié)論具有說(shuō)服力。
【本段功能】
作為Argument開頭段，本段具體功能就在于發(fā)起攻擊并概括原文的結(jié)論，即HPH的顧客無(wú)法區(qū)分Butter和Margarine，或者他們根本就不關(guān)心他們得到的是Margarine而非Butter。本段接下來(lái)提到了原文中為支持之前的Conclusion所提供的證據(jù)，即僅僅2%的顧客對(duì)這一改變提出了抱怨，并且根據(jù)服務(wù)員的報(bào)告，當(dāng)?shù)玫降氖荕argarine而非Butter的時(shí)候，顧客們并沒有抱怨。文章提及這些信息，為是在正文段中對(duì)這些Assumption即將進(jìn)行的具體攻擊做鋪墊。
Firstly, the speaker does not indicate the length of time that these restaurants have been refusing margarine to customers. If the change is a very recent one, it is possible that insufficient data have been collected to draw any reliable conclusions. So, without the certainty of trustworthy data, conclusions should not be drawn.
【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即先是提及原文的第一個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤，之后分析該邏輯錯(cuò)誤的原因，接下來(lái)，進(jìn)一步分析這樣的錯(cuò)誤為什么讓原文的Conclusion不成立。
【本段功能】
作為正文第一段，本段攻擊原文所犯的第一個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——樣本類錯(cuò)誤。如果這個(gè)餐廳采取的這個(gè)改變是最近才發(fā)生的，那么可能顧客們還能短時(shí)間內(nèi)忍受，因此很少抱怨。但如果時(shí)間久了，抱怨的人可能逐漸增多。換句話說(shuō)，在僅僅很短時(shí)間里采取的樣本并不充分的情況下，原文的關(guān)于顧客并沒有抱怨的結(jié)論是不合理的。
Thirdly, the speaker assumes that HPH customers unhappy with the change generally complain about it. Maybe instead of expressing displeasure, customers simply don’t return. Since we don’t know how many, if any people simply walked away from the pancake fiasco without so much as offering a word, one simply cannot rely on a low amount of complaints as a total indicator that there is no problem with the policy. Two additional problems involve the reports from "many" servers that "a number" of customers asking for butter do not complain when served margarine instead. These vague generalities are not helpful in the formulation of an argument.
【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu)，即先是提及原文的第三個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤，之后分析該邏輯錯(cuò)誤的原因，接下來(lái)，進(jìn)一步分析這樣的錯(cuò)誤為什么讓原文的Conclusion不成立。
【本段功能】
作為正文第三段，本段攻擊原文所犯的第三個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——樣本類錯(cuò)誤。原文提到只有2%的人會(huì)抱怨HPH的這個(gè)改變，這意味著剩下的98%的人不會(huì)抱怨。但事實(shí)上，很有可能是因?yàn)檫@些顧客只是不愿意說(shuō)出來(lái)罷了。此外，服務(wù)員的關(guān)于顧客抱怨的Report也不是很有說(shuō)服力。因此，原文并不能證明的確是很少顧客抱怨HPH的這個(gè)改變。
In sum, the speaker's argument requires further development. To better assess the situation before making a recommendation, an audience would need to know: (1) how long the change has been in effect in the Southwest, (2) what percentage of HPH servers and managers have received customer complaints about the change, and (3) the number of such complaints as a percentage of the total number of HPH customers who order meals calling for either butter or margarine. To strengthen the argument, the speaker must provide clear evidence that HPH customers in all other regions are likely to be happy with the change and continue to patronize HPH thereafter.
【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument結(jié)尾段結(jié)構(gòu)，即C—S的結(jié)尾結(jié)構(gòu)。首先再次重申原文Conclusion是站不住腳的，接下來(lái)給出可以增強(qiáng)原文說(shuō)服力的合理的Suggestion，包括原文作者需要進(jìn)一步提供的證據(jù)和細(xì)節(jié)信息等。
【本段功能】
本段作為結(jié)尾段，具體功能即為總結(jié)歸納+提出建議。段落首先再次重申強(qiáng)調(diào)原文作者的論證不合理，接下來(lái)給出合理的建議：這個(gè)改變發(fā)生了多久，顧客抱怨的實(shí)際百分比是多少，以及在其它地區(qū)的顧客對(duì)于這種改變的態(tài)度是什么。只有在全面考慮這些問(wèn)題后，原文才能更有說(shuō)服力。此外不難發(fā)現(xiàn)，結(jié)尾段總結(jié)提出的建議與正文各段中依次攻擊的錯(cuò)誤遙相呼應(yīng)，即分別對(duì)應(yīng)了樣本類錯(cuò)誤和類比類錯(cuò)誤，這使全篇文章顯得渾然一體。
