雙語(yǔ)讀?。篊all me by ...（一）49:我現(xiàn)在沒(méi)有勇氣，還沒(méi)準(zhǔn)備好

Try again later were the last words I’d spoken to myself every night when I’d sworn to do something to bring Oliver closer to me. Try again later meant, I haven’t the courage now. Things weren’t ready just yet. Where I’d find the will and the courage to try again later I didn’t know. But resolving to do something rather than sit passively made me feel that I was already doing something, like reaping a profit on money I hadn’t invested, much less earned yet.
But I also knew that I was circling wagons around my life with try again laters, and that months, seasons, entire years, a lifetime could go by with nothing but Saint Try-again-later stamped on every day. Try again later worked for people like Oliver. If not later, when? was my shibboleth.
If not later, when? What if he had found me out and uncovered each and every one of my secrets with those four cutting words?
I had to let him know I was totally indifferent to him.
 
“回頭再試”，是我每晚暗自發(fā)誓要采取行動(dòng)拉近奧利弗與我的距離時(shí)，對(duì)自己說(shuō)的最后幾個(gè)字。“回頭再試”的意思是：我現(xiàn)在沒(méi)有勇氣，還沒(méi)準(zhǔn)備好；上哪兒去找“回頭再試”的意志與勇氣我不知道，但打定主意要采取行動(dòng)而非坐以待斃，讓我覺(jué)得自己已經(jīng)做了什么，好像正從我尚未投資、更沒(méi)賺到的錢中來(lái)獲取利潤(rùn)。
但我也清楚道我用“回頭再試”為自己的人生筑起一道防線，就這樣度過(guò)幾個(gè)月、幾個(gè)季節(jié)、整整幾年、或者一輩子，除了銘刻在每一天的“回頭再試”之外，什么都沒(méi)有。對(duì)于奧利弗這樣的人來(lái)說(shuō)，“回頭再試”是管用的。而“回頭不試，更待何時(shí)”是我的口令。
回頭不試，更待何時(shí)？如果他看穿了我，用那八個(gè)尖刻的字揭發(fā)我一個(gè)又一個(gè)秘密怎么辦？
我必須讓他知道，我對(duì)他毫無(wú)興趣。

 
What sent me into a total tailspin was talking to him a few mornings later in the garden and finding, not only that he was turning a deaf ear to all of my blandishments on behalf of Chiara, but that I was on the totally wrong track.
“What do you mean, wrong track?”
“I’m not interested.”
I didn’t know if he meant not interested in discussing it, or not interested in Chiara.
“Everyone is interested.”
“Well, maybe. But not me.”
Still unclear.
There was something at once dry, irked, and fussy in his voice.
“But I saw you two.”
“What you saw was not your business to see. Anyway, I’m not playing this game with either her or you.”
 
令我徹底陷入迷茫的是，幾天后的早上，我在花園跟他說(shuō)話，發(fā)現(xiàn)他不僅對(duì)我對(duì)奇亞拉的美言充耳不聞，而且我根本搞錯(cuò)了方向。
“你說(shuō)搞錯(cuò)方向是什么意思？”
“我沒(méi)興趣。”
我不知道他的意思是沒(méi)興趣討論，還是對(duì)奇亞拉沒(méi)興趣。
“大家都有興趣。”
“嗯，或許吧。可是我沒(méi)有。”
仍然不明朗。
他的聲音有一種既冷淡、惱怒又吹毛求疵的成分。
“可是我看見(jiàn)你們?cè)谝黄稹?rdquo;
“你看到的不關(guān)你的事。總之，我不跟你也不跟她玩這種游戲。”