雙語(yǔ)讀?。篊all me by ...（一）48:回頭不試，更待何時(shí)

“We almost did it,” I told both my father and Oliver the next morning as we were having breakfast.
“And why didn’t you?” asked my father.
“Dunno.”
“Better to have tried and failed…” Oliver was half mocking and half comforting me with that oft-rehashed saw. “All I had to do was find the courage to reach out and touch, she would have said yes,” I said, partly to parry further criticism from either of them but also to show that when it came to self-mockery, I could administer my own dose, thank you very much. I was showing off.
 
“我們差一點(diǎn)就做了。”第二天吃早餐的時(shí)候，我告訴父親和奧利弗。
“那為什么沒(méi)做？”
“不知道。”
“寧可試過(guò)失敗……”第二天吃早餐的時(shí)候，我告訴父親和奧利弗引用那個(gè)經(jīng)常改編的諺語(yǔ)，半開(kāi)玩笑、半安慰我說(shuō)。
“我只需要鼓起勇氣，伸手碰她，她會(huì)答應(yīng)的。”我說(shuō)，一方面避免他們倆進(jìn)一步批評(píng)，一方面也表示自我解嘲的話(huà)我自個(gè)兒來(lái)就好，多謝了。我在炫耀。
 
“Try again later,” said Oliver. This was what people who were okay with themselves did. But I could also sense he was onto something and wasn’t coming out with it, perhaps because there was something mildly disquieting behind his fatuous though well-intentioned try again later. He was criticizing me. Or making fun of me. Or seeing through me.
It stung me when he finally came out with it. Only someone who had completely figured me out would have said it. “If not later, when?”
My father liked it. “If not later, when?” It echoed Rabbi Hillel’s 24famous injunction, “If not now, when?”
Oliver instantly tried to take back his stinging remark. “I’d definitely try again. And again after that,” came the watered-down version. But try again later was the veil he’d drawn over If not later, when?
 
“回頭再試試。”奧利弗說(shuō)。這就是自我感覺(jué)良好的人做的事。不過(guò)我也感覺(jué)到他有某種企圖，而且不肯坦白說(shuō)出來(lái)?；蛟S在他愚蠢但好意的“回頭再試試”背后，有些微微的心煩意亂也說(shuō)不定。他在批評(píng)我。或?qū)の议_(kāi)心。或看透了我。
“回頭不試，更待何時(shí)？”他終于說(shuō)了出來(lái)，卻令我感到刺痛。只有真正看透我的人才這么說(shuō)。
父親喜歡這個(gè)說(shuō)法。“回頭不試，更待何時(shí)？”呼應(yīng)了希列拉比著名的訓(xùn)諭：“此時(shí)不做，更待何時(shí)？”
奧利弗立刻收回他犀利的評(píng)論，說(shuō)出更柔和的版本。“換了我絕對(duì)再試一次，而且再接再厲。”不過(guò)“回頭再試”只是他用來(lái)遮掩“回頭不試，更待何時(shí)”的托詞而已。
 
I repeated his phrase as if it were a prophetic mantra meant to reflect how he lived his life and how I was attempting to live mine. By repeating this mantra that had come straight from his mouth, I might trip on a secret passageway to some nether truth that had hitherto eluded me, about me, about life, about others, about me with others.
 
我重復(fù)他這句話(huà)，仿佛那是先知的咒語(yǔ)，能夠反映他如何度日，以及我打算如何過(guò)活。借著重復(fù)這句從他口中直接吐出來(lái)的咒語(yǔ)，我可能被一條通往下界真理的秘徑絆倒，那是一條至今與我無(wú)緣、關(guān)于我、關(guān)于人生、關(guān)于其他人、關(guān)于我與他人的真理。